God at the Grocery

As you know, I've been asking God to work out my perspective. Today He made a little progress with me (I get the idea that sometimes I'm hard to get through to - LOL!). Just kind of put me in check before I got to far gone, I think. But He showed me that I'm putting to much weight on my 'quiet time' (you know - church time, church worship, prayer time, etc) and not enough on the practical. Not that those times are not valuable. They're incredible. But I was getting out of balance. He just gave me a simple revelation - a reminder really I guess you could call it. I don't have to be sitting in my bedroom, quiet and prayerful, or kneeling at the altar, or singing during worship at church to find Him. I can find Him doing the laundry, or getting groceries, or wiping grubby hands and faces. He's just as real, just as present, and just as awesome there as He is when I'm still. And I guess I was just forgetting to take time to look for Him there - to acknowledge Him. I've been so looking forward to the next quiet time, that I've devalued what He has for me during the practical parts of the day - the majority of the day! And really, how would Lucas like it if I only talked to him when the kids were in bed, and the house was clean, and all the work was done, and everything was just right and perfect? No, he listens to me while I'm in the midst of chaos - he'll even follow me upstairs if we're talking and I need to move up their to keep doing what I'm doing. So why would God be any different? And this is something I've always known. It's just something I had begun to lose site of.

Simplicity

The simplicity of God is sometimes what keeps me from understanding Him. I get in the way of myself. I clutter my perspective with details and specifics, when all I need to see is God. I truly do want whatever God wants for my life, but I think sometimes I try to get ahead of the game - plan ahead, get prepared. And just like Him, today He set me straight. He only said it once, because He knew I heard it. Although I was hoping for reinforcement or explanation, I got nothing. Instead, I got a lot of quiet time to sit and reflect, to study, and follow along until my perspective was cleared, and my heart was simplified. 'Walk each day with Me, and My will for you will unfold.'

Yes, I want God's will, but I don't need to chase it. His will should not be my focus, He should be my focus. Just Him. He is sufficient. He is satisfying. He is glorious and beautiful and merciful and majestic and holy. Just Him. And when I set aside all the rest, and I just sit in His presence, He radiates. He just washes over me and fills me and refreshes me. He simplifies life. It's not that hard - focus on Him and let Him be God. Whatever His plan for me in the future, right now it is His will that I trust in Him and worship Him, and if I never do anything else, I will be fully satisfied doing exactly this.

Lord, I love the habitation of Your house (Your presence), and the place where Your glory dwells (Psalm 26:8)

The secret of the sweet, satisfying companionship of the Lord have they who fear (revere and worship) Him, and He will show them His covenant and reveal to them its deep, inner meaning. My eyes are ever toward the Lord... (Psalm 25:14-15)

Lord today, in this moment, you have satisfied me, brought me to a moment of clarity and simplicity. My perspective is right when my focus is right. My focus is and always should be You, and nothing more. You are enough to satisfy me fully. You bring my spirit to rest. You restore and refresh me. Although the words seem insufficient, You are all I need.

How am I believing?

As many of you know, I have been on a journey to more intimately and completely know and understand my Lord Jesus Christ. The Bible says that those who seek Him will find Him, and so far He has been faithful to this. Each time I sit down and spend time with Him, He shows me something else that I didn't know or realize before. Today was no different.

Again, I was continuing in the book of John. Today I got through the end of Chapter 2. Well, Chapter 2 starts out with Jesus turning water into wine, and then goes into the story of Jesus overturning merchants' tables at the temple, then declaring that He will raise up again after His temple is destroyed. So that Chapter is kind of packed with stuff. And the stories were stories I was familiar with, and could easily envision, etc, so they grabbed my attention. Well, because I was paying attention to what I already knew, I almost missed what He was trying to really show me. At the end of Chapter 2, I had kind of come to the end of the meatier stories, and so I skimmed through the last few verses & started to close my Bible. Uh-uh...back up. Read verse 23 again.

• v 23: But when He was in Jerusalem during the Passover Feast, many believed in His name [identified themselves with His party] after seeing His signs (wonders, miracles) which He was doing.
• v 24: But Jesus [for His part] did not trust Himself to them, because He knew all [men];
• v 25: ...He could read men's hearts.

Sorry, not the most exciting verses I've ever read. 'Look again.'

Many believed (identified themselves with His party). Oh, that's way different than what usually is in brackets after the word 'believe.' In the Amplified, after believe, you often see 'adhered to, trusted in, and relied on Him'...not 'identified themselves with His party.' These people believed in Him to some degree, but they mostly were just jumping on the band-wagon - following the crowd.' This belief is not difficult - it's easy to go with the flow and follow popular opinion. This belief was incomplete, imperfect. And because of it, Jesus did not trust Himself to them. He did not open up to them. They did not get to know Him the way His disciples did. The disciples belief adhered to, trusted in, and relied on Him (John 2: 11 - ...and His disciples believed in Him [adhered to, trusted in, and relied on Him]). Even in a crowd, Jesus could discern their hearts - verse 25 tells us He could read men's hearts. And while these bystanders were welcome in His presence, He did not show Himself truly to them because He knew their hearts.

When He looks at my heart, I hope He will find a heart that is adhering to Him, relying on Him, and trusting in Him completely. Because, He showed me today, this is the condition my heart must be in before He will trust Himself to me...before He opens up and let's me get to really know Him.

The Case for Faith

I found myself this afternoon engrossed in a book that I had not intended to read - at least not today. I sat down to spend a little time with God, planning to read a little more in John, and then move on to some chores and cleaning that need to be done. Instead, I ended up picking up a book that I bought about a month ago with intentions of reading it when I got the time. The book is called 'The Case for Faith' and it's written by a man named Lee Strobel. Mr. Strobel was an atheist, a former journalist for the Chicago Tribune, who went on a quest to prove / disprove the existence of God (and in another book - The Case for Christ - the deity of Jesus). Although I have not read the book all the way through, I know that he has since abandoned atheism for a belief in God, so I am expecting to find the foundation for his transformation in his book.

In 'The Case for Faith' he addresses what he considers to be the 8 biggest questions that people have that hinder a belief in or a relationship with God. The first - and what he says is the biggest obstacle to faith - is this: 'Since evil and suffering exist, how can a loving God exist?' How can God allow all these horrible things to happen to people? We are often caught up on this issue - even those of us who would claim to be solid in our faith, from time to time, question why certain things happen - especially when they happen to God-fearing people. So Mr. Stroble seeks out a man named Peter Kreeft - a Catholic, and a philosopher - who authored the book 'Making Sense out of Suffering.' He records their conversation in this book...the questions - the answers - the counters. It's quite interesting, and definitely worth taking the time to read.

While I will not recount all of his arguments for the existence of God in the presence of evil and suffering, there are a few things that stood out to me that I wanted to share with you for thought.

1) One of the coolest things about God - one of the things that is a defining characteristic of God - and one of the reasons it is easy to respect Him, if not love Him, is that He gives us free will. He made humankind with the freedom to choose - to choose to serve God or choose to deny Him. And with that freedom of choice, the possibility for evil is introduced. If we can choose our actions, then we can choose to do something less than the perfect will of God. We can choose to say a mean thing, or think an evil thought that may lead to an evil action. We may choose to do something that will result in someone else's suffering. This is not GOD's choice - He would prefer that we choose Him - that we choose all that is good and all that is right. But He will never force that on us - we must choose it for ourselves. And because He will not force us to choose Him, he must allow us to choose evil. Thus, He must allow evil to exist. Otherwise, we must give up our freedom of choice. In the face of logic & reason, there can be no other way for the 2 to simultaneously exist (the 2 being freedom of choice and a world without choice, and thus a world without evil).

2) In a world where evil is a possibility, Love is the answer to evil. It is the response. It is the prevention. Humans have the capability to eliminate evil. And God does not do for us what we are capable of doing ourselves. He may provide divine connection, or divine intervention for circumstances that we otherwise could not arrange or handle without him. But we are all capable of reaching out to those in need. We are capable of listening to those who need to talk, of accepting the unacceptable, of loving the difficult to love. We are capable to aiding those in crisis, of feeding those who are hungry. We cannot each do all of this, but we all can do something. And if each one of us touches the life of someone else with the Love of Jesus, we may just change the path of their choices - we may just prevent one act of evil. Or our love expressed to them in their time of suffering could be the catalyst for healing and change in their lives, which may in turn allow them to reach into the lives of others. This is well within our capabilities, and we each should act on it to the degree that we are capable and are given the opportunity.

3) And maybe my favorite point that Kreeft made in his conversation with Strobel, although possibly the one that is most abstract, and therefore the least relevant, for who those who have not experienced it, is the presence of God. Compared to the awesomeness of the presence of God, the degree of our suffering, no matter how significant it may seem at the time of the suffering, will pale in significance. Job lost seemingly everything by the world's standards, yet in the end, he sees God - he is in the presence of God, and that is enough to satsify him.

And here's another angle to look at the presence of God:
The fact that in all suffering Jesus is there with us, and He feels our pain even more deeply than we do, gives us strength to endure. Jesus is not isolated from the suffering of the world. In fact, He endured the ultimate suffering on the cross. And even though that was 2,000 years ago, He continues to go through it with us - to feel beyond what we feel. And for this alone He, if for no other reason (although there are many), I love Him.

Coming into focus

(Okay, this is long, but please bear with me.)

I'll be very honest with you. Not so long ago I began to struggle with a foundational concept of my Christianity - a concept that is at the heart of who God is. I began to question what I knew and believed about the Trinity. Are God and Jesus the same? Are they separate? Then how is there only one God and no other? Who do I pray to - God or Jesus? And on and on. This was huge for me. It shook me to the core. I struggled to know who to pray to, how to pray, what to pray. I struggled to worship, because I was clouded with doubt and confusion. At the time, I shared with you that I was going through a hard time, but didn't give specifics, because I didn't feel it was right at the time.

Although I knew I couldn't change what I was going through, I knew that confusion is not from God, and I had to get through it. So I found a few scriptures to stand on, and I stuck with them until I found peace again.

• One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord (in the presence of God) all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire (meditate) in his temple. (Psalm 27:4)
• For my determined purpose is that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection... (Philippians 3:10)

Within a short time, I saw God's faithfulness in honoring my decision to cling to Him at a time when I failed to understand, and even sometimes questioned, Him. It was not long before I felt settled. Even though I still didn't have a clear head knowledge, I began to understand it in my heart (which is often the way it has to be with God, because so much of Him is beyond our limited understanding anyhow). And what the enemy intended for evil, God has used for good, just like He says He will (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28) As I've continued to spend my time and attention determined to have a clearer, deeper, more intimate understanding of Him, He has begun to reveal Himself to me. I know am not the only person who has ever questioned this, or failed to understand this...it's difficult to comprehend, really, without proper perspective. So I wanted to share some of what I have begun to see, and hope that maybe it will help some of you who have ever had similar questions.

I knew a few things from the start, just because of what I knew of the Bible:

1. Jesus is the son of God.
2. I am able to come to God through Jesus - pray to God through Jesus - be in the presence of God through Jesus
3. I did not in any way ever question the deity of Jesus. I simply did not understand. (I think my biggest question at that time was, 'Do Jesus and God exist separately - like as 2 separate beings - in heaven?')

So if I knew these things already, it seems like I should not have had this issue. So what caused me to question? I was in a transition in my walk with God - that doesn't make Satan very happy, and he comes at you hard in times like that.)

As I read, and studied, and listened, and prayed, I believe God gave me a pretty simple illustration. When I first saw it, I was so excited, but I wanted to make sure that it would hold up to several tests against verses in the Bible, etc. But this was it - a simple revelation:

I was reading John 14, and I came across this verse that I've known since childhood: Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6) And I had this quick thought run through my head - "That's kind of funny, you have to walk through Jesus to get to God - like a door." EXACTLY resonated through my entire spirit. And I saw it like this - The essence of God is in a room contained by the 4 walls, and Jesus is the doorway - the opening in the wall that gives entrance to that room. The room has no access without a door, and a door serves no purpose without a room. The 2 are separate but inseparable. If I stand in a doorway to a room, I am exposed to (in contact with) the air inside that very room. In the same way, if I remain in Jesus, I also remain in God. I also saw that what God wants to give to the world, He gives through His son Jesus Christ (in other words, He passes it through the doorway). This is true of salvation. This is true of love, righteousness, and peace.

But would it hold up - this concept of the doorway? Well, one verse came to mind right away: 'For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.' (Matthew 7:8)

Then I was reading today, again in the book of John (which I've found to be full of explanation of Jesus). John 1:1-3 - IN THE beginning [before all time] was the Word (Christ), and the Word was with God, and the Word was God Himself. He was present originally with God. All things were made and came into existence through Him; and without Him was not even one thing made that has come into being.

So what did this passage tell me?

1. Jesus has always been - since before time
2. Jesus has always been with God (which draws a distinction between Jesus & God the Father)
3. Jesus Himself is God (which includes Him as part of the Trinity)
4. Jesus is the living Word of God
5. The language 'through, with' is used to describe Jesus' roll in creation. God worked through Jesus - with Jesus - to create all that ever has and ever will come into being. Well, in the book of Genesis, we are told that God spoke all things into creation. Jesus is the word of God. God worked through Jesus to create the heavens and the earth. And again, what God wanted to give to the world, He gave through Jesus (like I said, passing it through the doorway).

So my head-understanding is beginning to catch up now with my spirit understanding. And the picture is beginning to come into focus in a way that I can share it with you. I understand now that I don't need to struggle so much with understanding how to separate Jesus and God in my head - they don't need to be separated. While they are 2 distinct entities, they are inseparable. If I knock on the door that is Jesus, it will open up to the air of God. If I stand in the doorway that is Jesus, I am also standing in the presence of God. What I give to Jesus, passes through Him and to the Father. What I ask of God passes through Jesus and on to me. The 2 complete each other, and make each other perfect. If one is glorified, the other is glorified. And it's not nearly as complicated as I was trying to make it.

Adoni

I just did this layout today after church. I have been thinking for the last few days of starting an 8x8 album just to document and express my faith through scrapbooking. This is my first layout.

Personal Perspective

Lord the one thing I ask of You is to stay daily in Your presence. I want to know You more each day. I want to understand You in my spirit in a way that is beyond what I can understand with my mind. God I would ask You to stay near me, but I know I do not have to ask this of You, because You are always with me. It is my own perspective, and not Your proximity, that needs transformed. So I ask You to change my perspective. Make me aware of Your presence through every moment of every day. Give me understanding of Your constant love, Your constant presence. Let me understand the depth of Your love for me. Change my perspective so that I can see the true power of Your presence in me. Don't let me limit You by my own perceptions and views of what You are capable of, but change my perspective - remove all boundaries that I've set on You with regards to my life - boundaries I've created through my own limited understanding, so that You can use me to Your fullest ability, in whatever way you choose. God, I release my life to You in faith, believing that You are big enough to do whatever You will in me and through me. If there are hindrances that prevent me from being available to You, God, show me what they are, reveal them to me, and show me what is necessary to break them down and remove them so that You can flow through me for Your design. God teach me to see things the way You see them. Reveal Your heart to me. Let me love others the way You love them. Let me see a situation for what it's really worth, and not make more of something that I should, and not pass over something that is important to You. Teach me to live as You lived here on earth Jesus. Teach me to walk - to stay - in the presence of the Spirit, to follow hard after the will of the Father, to be unshaken, to not be led astray, to not be distracted or pulled off course. God my perspective is my greatest weakness. I need you. I need your transformation in my life. God change me - Lord through your Spirit, give me proper perspective. I need you Lord. I love you.

(So this is my heart, just laid out there for anyone to read. I normally would not share this with the whole world, as my prayer time is very personal to me. But, here I am, sharing anyway. I hope that God will use it in some way for someone who comes across this. This was the bulk of my prayer time this afternoon - the moment it left my mouth, I knew it was a prayer that had just changed the course of my life. I have only now to wait and see the outcome. But in my spirit, I knew immediately that this was what God has been trying to bring me to realize, and it was what needed to be said.)

A Vine to Cling to

I hope everyone had a beautiful Easter weekend (regardless of the weather). With Lucas off of work, we had a much needed week together as a family. We took the week to go back to Ohio to visit some of our family, and it was an awesome visit.

But with the week full of visiting and traveling and Easter activities (and a little shopping), I had very little time to spend one-on-one with God. I was able to spend a few minutes at a time in prayer throughout each day, but it was not enough to feel satisfied. I was missing the quiet time that I usually spend just talking and listening and waiting. And by Friday morning it was wearing on me. I just felt so drained, and I could feel myself starting to get a little edgy. I was distracted at times because I just wanted to find a way to slip away for an hour. It has just become such a part of my day - a part I look forward to so much, and depend on for my stability - that I felt incomplete without it. So while I loved visiting, I was relieved to get home Saturday evening and have time to unwind, relax, and finally have that quiet time I had been longing for.

Each day that I walk with God I see more clearly that He truly is vital to me. I cannot live without Him. In the book of John Jesus says "I am the vine and you are the branches" (John 15:5). He goes on to say "If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up." Think of that for a minute. Think of what happens to a branch when it has been removed from its tree. It lays on the ground, alone and detached, and it begins to wither and die. Every day spent apart from Jesus, we wither just a bit more. Too many days without Him, and we dry up completely. This is why we feel lost, frustrated, exhausted, edgy, desperate. These feelings do not come from Him, and they are a sure sign that we need to get up and cling to the vine we've fallen away from.

This weekend was an effective reminder for me of just how true this really is. It's really not enough to visit God in church on Sunday (or maybe just on major holidays like the one we just celebrated). To truly sustain the abundance of life that He offers, we must abide in Him, the way a branch abides on the vine. A branch just stays and draws its life and energy from its vine. This is God's design for our lives. This is why Jesus died - to give us life (John 10:10 - 'I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows').

From the bottom of my heart, this is my wish for you. I wish for you to take FULL advantage of all that Jesus is offering. He has already done the work. He has already made this fulness of life available to you. All you have to do is grab ahold of the Vine and stay. All He wants is for you to willingly offer your heart, and in return you will recieve so much more than you ever could have imagined.

If I can help you in any way, please don't hesitate to contact me (r_walker78 (at) hotmail.com - replace (at) with @ and remove spaces)

Signs of Love

Can I just tell you the coolest thing! I just love it when I can see little signs in my every day life that God loves me. Lately, I've just been asking Him to show me evidence of His love - just little things that show He loves me personally. It may not seem like any big thing to anyone other than me, but it's big to me. Well, He has been doing just that - showing evidence in every-day ways - that He takes notice of me, that He knows what is on my heart, and that He cares enough to do something just to make me happy. And He's so easy about it, it just amazes me!

Yesterday, (if you read my other blog, you already know this) I exploded a cookie in my oven, and was unable to make dinner. Well, I had already decided prior to this event that I didn't want to spend any more money this month on eating out. But, when that happened, I was left with little choice but to go get something for dinner since there wasn't time to let the oven cool, clean it & then cook...it would have been way too late. Anyhow...I went to KFC to grab a bucket of chicken. I had made up my mind that I would get the cheapest bucket I could - whatever was sufficient to feed us. When I got there and looked at the menu, there was a huge meal for $12.99 - 9 pieces with 3 large sides & 6 biscuits. That was more than enough, and it was cheaper than the typical trip to McDonalds or Wendys. But I really really didn't want 9 pieces of thighs and drumsticks. I was hungry for - I mean almost craving - a huge juicy piece of white meat chicken. And I almost ordered the more expensive meal just to satisfy my craving. But, I stuck to it, and I ordered the cheap bucket of chicken. Well, when I got to the window, the man says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to ask, but would it be okay if I gave you some breasts and a few wings?" I just smiled in my heart. Even though it's only a small thing, I knew that it was God just giving me a little extra something, just to make me happy, just because He loves me. How cool is He?! How could I ever not love Him? He's awesome!

Imperfection

So here's the thing...

I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I say wrong things. I lose my temper. I sometimes gossip. I'm not always patient. I'm not perfect.

Until recently, I didn't fully comprehend the scrutiny I am under because I choose to follow Jesus. By those who are close to me, who know me well, I am probably most harshly judged. And the thing is, it's these people who I live my life in front of day after day - who have the opportunity to see me at my highest moments of imperfection. Does one mistake, one bad choice, make me a hypocrite? No. It makes me human. It makes me a person who is imperfect. It makes me a person who desperately needs my savior.

These are areas of my life - my temper, my patience, my MOUTH - that God is working on. Each day He teaches me, and each day I grow a little more. But the thing is, just like in every other aspect of life, learning the ways of God sometimes means learning from my mistakes.

Please don't believe that because I mess up and do things I shouldn't, that I love God any less, or that I am any less sincere in my dedication to following Him. Please understand that to be a Christian does not mean to be perfect. I would never claim to be perfect, and I would never expect perfection from anyone else. In fact, the Bible asks us to do just the opposite. It tells us that love makes allowances for others - not just for the things they do that irritate you, but also for the mistakes they make. Love covers things that we otherwise would not be able to so easily overlook. And the Bible makes it clear that not a single one of us is perfect. So please don't put unreasonable expectations on me just because I call myself a Christian.

I cannot pretend to be all I am 'expected' to be by those who are watching my every move. To do so would be a charade. Of all the things I CAN be, I will NOT be PHONY. I can only live my life, as I am now, and hope that over time, you will see the changes in me that have taken place by the grace of God and by His presence in my life. In the meantime, I can only hope that you will begin to see Christianity for what it really is - a recognition that I need a savior, and a dedication to live for Him - because I love Him.

Know that I am on a journey - that I have not arrived, but I am also not where I used to be. And know that when I do slip and make a mistake, I am thankful that I can ask for forgiveness, be forgiven, and put it behind me. God may help me learn from that mistake, but He will never hold it against me. God knows that I am not perfect, and He loves me just the same.

He is calling

Ah, the story of the blind beggar Bartimaeus (found in Mark 10:46-52). I remember hearing it when I was little. Today, I was getting caught up on Joyce Meyer shows that I've tivo'd, and she revisited this story. Bartimaeus was a blind beggar, who caught wind of the fact that Jesus was walking past. He began to call out - shout, the Bible says - 'Jesus, Son of David, have pity and mercy on me now!' The crowd around him severely disapproved of his behavior, and told him to be quiet & be still. But Bartimaeus continued shouting out to Jesus for mercy. Jesus hears the man calling out to Him, stops, and sends for the man. Because of his faith, Bartimaeus receives healing that day, and spends the rest of the day accompanying Jesus on the road.

Told just like this, we can learn quite a bit from this story that can be applied to our every-day lives. But today as I was reading this, a small piece of this scripture almost jumped off of the page at me. It was like God just added some special effects to my Bible or something to make those few sentences stand out to me. In verses 49-50, look what happens in this story.

• And Jesus stopped and said, 'Call him.' And they called the blind man, telling him, Take courage! Get up! He is calling you!' And throwing off his outer garment, he leaped up and came to Jesus. (Mark 11:49-50)

Take courage! Get up! He is calling you! And the man jumped up and ran to Jesus.

You know, the life the Bible describes for the Christian is not a passive, wimpy life. It is a bold, aggressive life. The Bible says that when we become Christians, the Spirit of God comes and lives in us. Well, what does that mean? Who is Jesus? We see Him in the Bible as being gentle, patient, sweet, forgiving, caring, humble, and on and on. But we also see Him as a mighty warrior, the King of All Kings! That is not the picture of a passive and wimpy God. He lives boldly. He aggressively seeks to do His father's will.

When we decide to commit our lives to Jesus - to really live for Him - we must be courageous. We must get up and move. We must be willing to live by faith, to step out of the boat. We must jump up and run to Jesus, just as this blind beggar did. This is the spirit of faith that healed Bartimaeus. Not a wimpy, passive spirit that kept him waiting quietly on the road side, hoping to be noticed by the passing savior. If God is calling you - whether it is into a new relationship with Him, or into a new level of relationship with Him - don't be wimpy. Have courage! Get up and go to Him! He is calling you.

The Difference

Well, after a bit of a break, I'm back with something new to share with you. I have started doing a foundations class at church. Yesterday was the 3rd class, and I have been getting quite a bit out of it. Even though it's the basics that I've been taught for years, it's been great to get into my Bible & look up each verse reference myself. Some of it has been just a refresher, or reinforcement, but God has also used this time to show me things I hadn't seen before, which I am very grateful for. I believe no matter how many times I read my Bible, God will always have something new to show me.

Some of you may already know this poem by Alan Grant, but I had never seen it before. As we read it in class, though, I realized how much truth was behind this very basic rhyme. The instructor, who is in his 80's, and who has been serving God for somewhere around 45 years now, nearly began crying as he read this to us. This is a man for whom I have the utmost respect as a truly Godly man. He has walked through many things, and it is clear from being with him only a few minutes, that he has a very strong relationship & friendship with God. The fact that this poem moved him so much made me give it a heavier consideration as we were reading it. And again, when I got up this morning, I read it and thought it over for a while.

The Difference

I got up early one morning

and rushed right into the day;

I had so much to accomplish

That I didn't have time to pray.

Problems just tumbled about me,

and heavier came each task,

"Why doesn't God help me?" I wondered.

He answered, "You didn't ask."

I wanted to see joy and beauty,

But the day toiled on, gray and bleak;

I wondered why God didn't show me.

He said, "But you did not seek."

I tried to come into God's presence;

I used all my keys at the lock.

God gently and lovingly chided,

"My child, you didn't knock."

I woke up early this morning,

And paused before entering the day;

I had so much to accomplish

that I had to take time to pray.

The Bible tells us over and over again to pray constantly, pray about everything, be unceasing in prayer, come boldly to the throne, ask and you shall receive. (a few verses to look up if you'd like: Luke 18:1, Ephesians 6:18, 1 Thes. 5:17 1 John 5: 14-15. If you don't have a Bible, you can do a scripture look-up at Bible.com)

• This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. (1 John 5:14,15 NIV)

Just look at the awesome promises made in this verse. 1) We can be confident in approaching God (we can be bold and assured). 2) If we ask of Him, he hears us. 3) Since we know he hears us (because He just got done telling us this is so in the previous sentence), then we can also know that He will answer our prayer. Those are some pretty incredible promises - things we can KNOW to be true. We do not have to doubt them whatsoever.

But, if we do not ask, He will not answer. If we do not show Him the love and respect of taking the time to talk to Him, to include Him in our lives, the we cannot expect Him to act on our behalf just because we've gotten ourselves into trouble. Look at the wording in this verse above - IF we ask. IF. James 4:2 makes this clear: "...You do not have, because you do not ask God."

Look at what God has to say in Proverbs about ignoring Him in prayer.

• But since you rejected me when I called and no one gave heed when I stretched out my hand, since you ignored all my advice and would not accept my rebuke, I in turn will laugh at your disaster; I will mock when calamity overtakes you - when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and trouble overwhelm you. "Then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me. (Proverbs 1:24-28 NIV)

I think that says it pretty plainly. To paraphrase: 'If you can't take time to seek me, and to listen to me, to heed my advice, and to accept my correction, and if you ignore Me when I reach out to you, be assured that I will not help you, I will not hear you, when you reach out to Me for help in times of need.' God is not a celestial Santa Clause (to borrow a term from Joyce Meyer). He doesn't want us to come to Him always with our hand out, only when we need something from Him. He wants us to talk to Him, to share our lives with Him - pray about everything - pray unceasingly.

I'm not an expert on prayer, but I don't have to be to know that it is important to God. If we want to have a strong friendship with Him, we MUST include prayer as part of our every-day lives. We must pray throughout the day - not only at meals and before bed. And we should talk to God about anything and everything. Just like the poem says, prayer can be the difference in each day.

I am determined.

For my determined purpose is that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection... (Philippians 3:10)

'For my determined purpose is that I may know Him.' This is what Paul said. What a significant verse in God's word. When I read this, I feel like God is telling me that if I want to know Him, I have to do it on purpose. I cannot go through life as usual, giving God a nod on Sunday morning and before I eat or go to bed. I must be determined. I must seek Him - in prayer and in His word. And as I seek Him, as I spend time with Him, as I learn of His character through the words in the Bible, and as I hear what He has to say to me (both through reading and praying), what happens? Philippians 3:10 tells us that as we do these things, we progressively enter into a deeper, more intimate relationship with God. We learn to recognize Him, to perceive Him, and to understand Him more. We start to get a clearer picture of who God really is and what He wants for our lives. And we begin to experience and know the power that pours out of His crucifiction and resurrection.

That verse goes on to tell us that when we begin to really know Jesus, and stay in a relationship with Him, we begin to be transformed (continually, it says in the Amplified Bible, which tells me it's not all at once, but it is a continual process) into Jesus' likeness. Other verses of the New Testament tell us that when we truly love Jesus, we get so that we can't help but obey Him. To do anything other than obey Him and follow Him goes against who we are (who we've been transformed into) at that point.

This is not a verse that I just stumbled across by accident. It's what I've been living for the past few weeks. God started dealing with me in some areas of my knowledge of Him that were pretty gray shall we say. And it was at the point where I was severely struggling at times even just to pray because I felt so shaken and uncertain about what He was trying to show me. But at the same time, I knew I had to walk through it - I just didn't know how. Well, usually when I find myself thinking, 'I just don't know what to do' that's when I know the ONLY thing to do - turn to God in prayer & through His word. I was so confused and at a total loss to understand & wrap my mind around any part of what He was teaching me. So, I again went back to David's prayer in Psalm 27 - 'The one thing I ask of You is that I would stay in your presence, that I would see Your face, and meditate on You.' And I came back to this verse in Philippians that I mentioned first.

Well, walking into church today I was still uncertain. I drew guidance from Paul's letter to the Philippians, and set my mind and my heart to be determined to purposely worship God and give Him my time, even though I still felt shaken. And the coolest thing happened after service. I was given the opportunity to speak one-on-one with one of the elders in our church (whom I had not met before today). In the few minutes we talked together, God really used him to bring a lot of understanding and clarity to me. He settled my spirit and brought me back to focus. And as I began reading some of the verses this man had given to me, I began to SEE - in my spirit see - Jesus more clearly. And suddenly (thank God for suddenly's) the cloudiness and confusion was lifted, and I feel like I'm back on solid ground. I know that this outcome may have been different (or at least taken much longer) had I not followed God's word and been determined.

It is my purpose to live for Jesus, and I am determined to know Him the way Paul described - intimately, strongly, clearly. I am determined.

God is Faithful

Okay, so remember a few weeks ago, I shared that God was asking something of me that was proving to be pretty difficult for me to do. Well, I just wanted to share that in the first few weeks of being obedient to Him, God has already returned to me all that I gave up, and more. To me, this is an example of how faithful He is. What He says to us in the Bible is true - and it's true not just for a certain few people, but for anyone who will listen to what He says and obey Him.

Someone had asked me if I would be willing to share specifics related to this situation. While I don't want to go into every detail, I will share part of it with you.

We have always had a certain amount built into our budget for me to spend on scrapbooking supplies. Well, at the beginning of this year, God asked me to give that money to Him instead of spending it on me. Ouch! My only means of doing something for myself - indulging in something I enjoy - Ouch! But, with a lot of struggle, I decided to be obedient. And let me tell you that putting that first portion of it in the offering plate was PAINFUL. But, God is faithful, and He has honored His word. He not only has already returned that money to me, but has DOUBLED it in this short amount of time. AND He provided a way, through new design team positions, for me to have access to some awesome digital supplies FREE of charge! So, not only am I financially better off than I was before, but He has given me an unlimited supply of the one thing I would have been spending that money on anyhow! He just continually amazes me. I just wanted to give Him the glory for this thing He's done in my life - while it might seem little to an outsider looking in on me, it is HUGE to me.

2 verses I want to share with you (both from the King James Version):

But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. (Hebrews 11:6)

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33)

Be Bold

Lately I've been kind of random in my studying. There are a few things I've been asking God to make clearer to me, and He's been doing that like only He can. So I've been kind of all over the place in my Bible, including rereading Revelations, which is always an interesting undertaking. I will say that I am getting much more out of it this time around than I ever have before, but I guess that's because I've been lead to read it, so there's obviously something in it that I need to see right now.

So, since I've been pretty sporadic, and have only been getting things in little bits & pieces, I have been unsure what I should post about here, if anything. Yesterday I didn't feel a need to post, but I did get brought back to a verse that I love and had not thought about for a while. Well, today when I was thinking about posting, God put this verse on my heart once more, and this time I feel like it needs to be shared. So, here it is...

• For we have not a high priest (meaning Jesus) which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16, King James Version)

I love this verse because it reminds me of a few very important things in my walk with God. First, Jesus has faced every form of trial and temptation, and knows & fully understands what I go through when I face struggles, temptations, trials, etc. There's just something very comforting in that. It's so much more meaningful to draw hope & strength from someone who has been through it and has conquered and overcome it.

The second thing I love about this verse is this: COME BOLDLY TO THE THRONE OF GRACE. Right here, in these few lines of scripture, the Bible tells us clearly that God knows what we are going through. He knows our struggles (so then He also knows our weaknesses & our sins). But these should not be reason to be afraid or ashamed to approach Him. We are told to come boldly to Him - not timid and ashamed, but BOLDLY, and He will help us and give us grace when we need it most. AWESOME.

I remember the first time I read this and realized what it was telling me. It had a total impact on the way I prayed and talked to God. I stopped feeling like I needed to get myself back on track before I asked for anything. Now, when I am struggling, I simply say, 'God I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. I need you. Please forgive me. Please help me.' God is greatest in our weakness. He wants to help us, if we will only be so bold as to ask Him for help.

Just One Thing

If you could ask only one thing of God, what would it be?

In Psalm 27, verse 4, David says this:

• One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after (seek means to crave, long for, pursue, go after); that I may dwell in the house of the Lord (dwell in the presence of God) all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire (meditate) in his temple. (Psalm 27:4)

One thing - THE ONE THING - that David craved was to dwell - to constantly live and remain - in the presence of God, to see His face, to behold His beauty. I thought about that for a decent amount of time, and read and reread it. I took a serious look at my own heart. Could I say this was what my heart truly desires, longs for, craves, seeks? Today, after 20-some years of walking with God, I can honestly say, yes - this is the truest desire of my heart. If I could ask only one thing of God, right now, this would be it.

I probably could not have said that even four months ago - maybe even more recently than that. But in the past month or so, God has been pushing me, stretching me, and bringing me to a new level with him (which I've mentioned in prior posts), and in that process, I've come to realize that knowing God and being in his presence is the ONE thing that I value most. In his presence, I find so many things - peace, comfort, patience, stability, protection, and strength that I do not have on my own. If I do not seek God, if I try to go it alone, I feel like I'm floundering. I feel uncomfortable, nervous or anxious of failure, uncertain of the next step, and often frustrated because there's no flow to what I'm doing. I am beginning to realize, through this day to day learning process God has me on right now, how much I really NEED him. I am helpless without him.

So my next step is to grow to the place where I just REMAIN in God's presence. I'm not at that point in my life yet, although I would love to be, and I believe some day I will get there. So many times throughout each day I find myself in the middle of a near-crisis situation - losing my temper, feeling sorry for myself, feeling frustrated or overwhelmed or overcome. And some days, even when it gets to this point, I forget to step back from what's going on around me and turn to God. And other days, when I do try to seek Him, I feel like I can't find Him, or I can't seem to connect in my heart. So I guess I am going to have to take full advantage of every chance I get - those times that I truly find myself in quality time with God - and make David's prayer my prayer, that I might remain in His presence every day of my life, that I might see His face, know Him and understand just how amazing and beautiful He is.

This will be the one thing I ask of God.

A Little Reminder

Today in church I had a different experience. Pastor Mark was talking, and I noticed a lady slip up the isle and head to the altar off to the side. She knelt there alone - no altar call had been made - she just came. Pastor Mark continued to talk - approaching the close of the message, when all of a sudden I felt this unexplainable urge to go kneel with the lady at the altar. "You've got to be kidding," was the first thing I thought, followed immediately by "I can't do that. He's still talking, and I'm sitting in the center isle." But, because God's funny like that, He just wouldn't seem to let it drop. I tried to ignore it, but, because of some of the stuff I've been recently walking through, I knew I couldn't. So, while the pastor was still talking, I slipped up the middle isle, across the front of the church, and knelt with a woman I had never met.

I'm not telling you this to tell you how great I am for doing such a 'holy' thing or anything remotely of the kind. In fact, I really really struggled with this, and almost chose to blatantly ignore God because I was uncomfortable doing what He was requesting (ahhh, so many lessons!), which is hardly something to brag about. But I wanted to share this with you because it ended in such an awesome way.

At the end of it all, the lady (who introduced herself as Kim) told me that she was there because she had been trying to follow God's lead in her life, trying to do what she thought He was asking of her, and in the process she was losing friends - she said they were 'dropping like flies.' She was up there praying for someone to help her through it, just to be by her side and give her a boost. She said it was like an immediate answer to her prayer when she felt a hand on her back. I almost fell over (not literally, but you know what I mean). I was instantly reminded that 1) God is faithful and does not abandon us in hard times, 2) He hears our prayers, and 3) He provides what we need in just the right timing - His timing. He's AWESOME. It was a reminder to me that God is BIG ENOUGH, and He just does awesome things.

Free Gift (Update)

I still have 2 available, if anyone wants to claim one...or if you can think of someone who may benefit from one. I'll probably place the order on Monday, so let me know....PLEASE!

That's my story...and I'm stickin' to it!

I got an email from someone asking me how I got into God. While I responded personally to that person's email, I thought I would post my story here for everyone to read.

Like I've shared before, I invited Jesus into my life when I was somewhere between 3 & 5. My Mom was a great roll-model for me as far as how to walk consistently with God. As I was growing up, we went to church pretty regularly, but I never really felt like the best little Christian there was. There were always friends of mine who went to more church functions, or said better-sounding prayers, or knew more Bible stories and facts. I was never the fastest at looking up verses, and I never won the Bible quizzes we would do in Sunday School. So, somehow, for me, there always seemed to be a bit of a disconnect. God felt very much to me like a big giant mythical figure in the clouds who watched everything I did, so I better be good! So, while I respected God and had reverential fear of God, I did not really KNOW him. I knew He was watching over me. I knew He protected me and He provided for me, but I did not know He could be a friend.

Well, in college, I entered a phase of my life that I think is pretty natural for many of us who were raised in the church. I began to question my beliefs...did I believe in God because I really BELIEVED, or did I believe in God because my mom told me to? (Sorry Mom, I know that sounds harsh, but it's true.) So, for a while, I sort of put God aside. There were so many things that just, logically, didn't seem to make sense. But I could never seem to disprove Him, either. So I just kind of kept on doing my thing. I think even during this time I always believed there was a God. I just didn't really always apply Him to my own life.

At some point during college - some time after 1998 (the summer I spent in Spain), I started to come back to the realization that God was really real - that He wasn't going anywhere, no matter how far I tried to push Him away. And I realized, after some stuff I went through during that time (some really personal, really kind of dark stuff), that God DID in fact care about me, because He cared enough to seek me out, and send me help to pull me out of some really dark times - and He did all of that even AFTER I had tried to push Him away. He loved me that much. If someone had ever treated me the way I had treated Him, I think I would have been inclined to leave them in the mess they'd made for themselves - you know, they got what they deserved, etc etc. But I came to a quick realization that God doesn't work the way you and I do - and for this one reason, if for no other, I knew I needed Him more than I ever realized. So, I said I was sorry, I asked for forgiveness, and I moved forward.

My moving forward was not, by any stretch of the imagination, perfect...it never will be! I think at this point in my life, I was sort of rebuilding - starting over - like a baby learning to walk again. So I would stand, I would step, I would wobble and come crashing down. But, you know what they say about practice! And because God is the amazing being that He is, he was continually putting people in my life to give me strength, give me a boost, say the right thing, or offer help. Slowly slowly I began to develop into a person with a strong conviction that God IS who He says He is, that Jesus did what He said He did, and that the Bible is TRUE.

Still, though, at this point, I was believing as much as I knew how, but God was still not my FRIEND. He was still the giant guy in the sky that I turned to when I needed help, and said thanks to when something went my way. I was still directing my own path and trying to control much of my life that I should have been handing over...but that's part of learning and growing...all in time, I guess.

When we moved, and I started staying home after Meagan was born, I started watching Joyce Meyer on TV. I have always been very skeptical of TV preachers, but just listening to her, I knew she was for real, and what she was saying was the truth. And when our spirits hear the truth, they KNOW it's true, and they start to hunger for more of it. That's just the way we were designed.

So, I started TiVo'ing her show (Enjoying Everyday Life) and watching it in the middle of the night when I was up with Meagan. Then, it worked its way into my morning or afternoon time, and before I realized what was happening, I had learned soooooo much about the practical application of God's word in my life. (Her teaching style is very straight-forward, simple, and practical, so she's very easy for me to learn from). Through her, I was beginning to see that God was not only real, but he was attainable - approachable - personal - all the things I always wished God was but never thought He was.

Over the past year and a half, I have grown so much in my walk with God. A few months after I started watching her show regularly, I began to crave a personal relationship, but I wasn't sure how to go about getting one. Then she said once during one of her teachings, that I could have whatever kind of relationship I wanted with God - it just depended on how much I was willing to put into it.

See, what I've learned is that Christianity isn't at all as complicated and difficult as we tend to make it out to be. It's like this - I believe in God. I believe Jesus died for me. I believe He did that out of complete love like I could never begin to understand, and when He did that, He opened the door for me to have a relationship with God without all the rules and laws that existed before Jesus came. So, I agree to follow Jesus...to learn about him...to acknowledge him...to trust him...just, in general, to love him. If I do this much, the rest begins to fall in place.
The Bible says this:

• Jesus answered, If a person really loves Me, he will keep My word, obey My teaching; and My Father will love him, and We (meaning God & Jesus) will come to him and make our home with him (John 14:23)

This doesn't mean 'If you're going to follow me, you have to do everything right.' It means, 'if you love me enough to spend time with me and get to know me, I'll be with you every step of the way. I'll help you - I'll give you strength to do the right thing, and to follow where I lead you. And through all of it, We will love you and be with you.'

See, it's not so legalistic after all. It's really just a give and take. I give Jesus what I have to give - which is not much...my love, my worship, my gratitude, my time - and He gives me everything I need to fulfill the life He wants me to have. And trust me, I know without a doubt, that I want the life that died to give me - the life God wants for me. Nothing I could ever imagine can even begin to compare to what God can imagine - my ideas pale in comparison.

• The thief (meaning Satan) comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have in in abundance (to the full, until it overflows). (John 10:10)

That's just awesome to me! Jesus died so that I can truly enjoy my life, and have a life so full of joy and blessing that it can do nothing but overflow! I don't know about you, but I'm sold!

So, now that I've written a mini-novel... This is it. This is how I've gotten to this place today. I'm still not perfect, and there are TONS of areas where I know I could improve (like my temper, my patience, my words). But all I have is time. And I know (not only because the Bible tells me in John 14:23, but also because I can feel it happening in my daily life) that Jesus IS with me giving me strength and conviction and whatever else I may need to walk stronger with him each day. And I know that even while I'm a work in progress, He loves me just as I am, and He will not leave my side. And a love like that is why I choose to stay.

I have a gift for you

Okay, I was watching Joyce Meyer this morning (love her! I always learn such practical application from her!), and lo and behold, she is offering a teaching right now called 'Religion or Relationship.' Immediately, God put this in my heart, so I wanted to post it for you.

I want this teaching to get into the hands of those who want to learn more about a real relationship with God. So, whether you've always walked with God, and you just want to freshen up your walk, or whether you've always had a religion, but don' t know HOW to have a relationship, OR if you've never had either and would like to learn more about it...

For the first 5 people to either leave me a comment or email me (r_walker78(at)hotmail.com) - (replace (at) with @) telling me you would like one of these, I will get it for you and have it sent to you. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take advantage of this! I am SOOOO excited to do this for you!

(If I know you, I PROMISE this is not an open door for me to preach to you or hound you about it. That's not my thing. So, please don't be embarrassed to let me know you are interested! Love ya!)

Can't wait to hear from you!