Coming into focus

(Okay, this is long, but please bear with me.)

I'll be very honest with you. Not so long ago I began to struggle with a foundational concept of my Christianity - a concept that is at the heart of who God is. I began to question what I knew and believed about the Trinity. Are God and Jesus the same? Are they separate? Then how is there only one God and no other? Who do I pray to - God or Jesus? And on and on. This was huge for me. It shook me to the core. I struggled to know who to pray to, how to pray, what to pray. I struggled to worship, because I was clouded with doubt and confusion. At the time, I shared with you that I was going through a hard time, but didn't give specifics, because I didn't feel it was right at the time.

Although I knew I couldn't change what I was going through, I knew that confusion is not from God, and I had to get through it. So I found a few scriptures to stand on, and I stuck with them until I found peace again.

• One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord (in the presence of God) all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire (meditate) in his temple. (Psalm 27:4)
• For my determined purpose is that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection... (Philippians 3:10)

Within a short time, I saw God's faithfulness in honoring my decision to cling to Him at a time when I failed to understand, and even sometimes questioned, Him. It was not long before I felt settled. Even though I still didn't have a clear head knowledge, I began to understand it in my heart (which is often the way it has to be with God, because so much of Him is beyond our limited understanding anyhow). And what the enemy intended for evil, God has used for good, just like He says He will (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28) As I've continued to spend my time and attention determined to have a clearer, deeper, more intimate understanding of Him, He has begun to reveal Himself to me. I know am not the only person who has ever questioned this, or failed to understand this...it's difficult to comprehend, really, without proper perspective. So I wanted to share some of what I have begun to see, and hope that maybe it will help some of you who have ever had similar questions.

I knew a few things from the start, just because of what I knew of the Bible:

1. Jesus is the son of God.
2. I am able to come to God through Jesus - pray to God through Jesus - be in the presence of God through Jesus
3. I did not in any way ever question the deity of Jesus. I simply did not understand. (I think my biggest question at that time was, 'Do Jesus and God exist separately - like as 2 separate beings - in heaven?')

So if I knew these things already, it seems like I should not have had this issue. So what caused me to question? I was in a transition in my walk with God - that doesn't make Satan very happy, and he comes at you hard in times like that.)

As I read, and studied, and listened, and prayed, I believe God gave me a pretty simple illustration. When I first saw it, I was so excited, but I wanted to make sure that it would hold up to several tests against verses in the Bible, etc. But this was it - a simple revelation:

I was reading John 14, and I came across this verse that I've known since childhood: Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6) And I had this quick thought run through my head - "That's kind of funny, you have to walk through Jesus to get to God - like a door." EXACTLY resonated through my entire spirit. And I saw it like this - The essence of God is in a room contained by the 4 walls, and Jesus is the doorway - the opening in the wall that gives entrance to that room. The room has no access without a door, and a door serves no purpose without a room. The 2 are separate but inseparable. If I stand in a doorway to a room, I am exposed to (in contact with) the air inside that very room. In the same way, if I remain in Jesus, I also remain in God. I also saw that what God wants to give to the world, He gives through His son Jesus Christ (in other words, He passes it through the doorway). This is true of salvation. This is true of love, righteousness, and peace.

But would it hold up - this concept of the doorway? Well, one verse came to mind right away: 'For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.' (Matthew 7:8)

Then I was reading today, again in the book of John (which I've found to be full of explanation of Jesus). John 1:1-3 - IN THE beginning [before all time] was the Word (Christ), and the Word was with God, and the Word was God Himself. He was present originally with God. All things were made and came into existence through Him; and without Him was not even one thing made that has come into being.

So what did this passage tell me?

1. Jesus has always been - since before time
2. Jesus has always been with God (which draws a distinction between Jesus & God the Father)
3. Jesus Himself is God (which includes Him as part of the Trinity)
4. Jesus is the living Word of God
5. The language 'through, with' is used to describe Jesus' roll in creation. God worked through Jesus - with Jesus - to create all that ever has and ever will come into being. Well, in the book of Genesis, we are told that God spoke all things into creation. Jesus is the word of God. God worked through Jesus to create the heavens and the earth. And again, what God wanted to give to the world, He gave through Jesus (like I said, passing it through the doorway).

So my head-understanding is beginning to catch up now with my spirit understanding. And the picture is beginning to come into focus in a way that I can share it with you. I understand now that I don't need to struggle so much with understanding how to separate Jesus and God in my head - they don't need to be separated. While they are 2 distinct entities, they are inseparable. If I knock on the door that is Jesus, it will open up to the air of God. If I stand in the doorway that is Jesus, I am also standing in the presence of God. What I give to Jesus, passes through Him and to the Father. What I ask of God passes through Jesus and on to me. The 2 complete each other, and make each other perfect. If one is glorified, the other is glorified. And it's not nearly as complicated as I was trying to make it.