Miracles and doubt don't mix.

It seems like I've faced a long string of challenges, all dealing with the same topic - God's ability and willingness to heal. Do I believe in miracles? Yes. When I hear stories of others being miraculously healed of crazy deadly diseases, there is not a hint of skepticism in me. I have no trouble believing the story, and believing that it was God who did the healing. When I read of the countless stories in the Bible where Jesus touched and healed people, I fully believe He did those things that are recorded. I believe He did them 2000 years ago, and I believe He can do the same, and more, today.

A few weeks ago, some friends of mine who do not usually go to church, were in church for a children's program that was going on. I was excited that they came - even the grandparents came. That night, there was a missionary couple visiting our church, and they were sharing some of the stories from their time in South America. They told amazing stories of healing and redemption. Their words, in my opinion, were very uplifting and encouraging. However, my friends obviously didn't feel the same, because about 20 minutes into their time of sharing, the entire family, from kids to grandparents, got up and walked out. From across the room, I watched them go, wishing they would want to stay, but knowing that God was in control. Later that evening, I went over to their house to take them some cookies that were left from the children's reception. I was totally caught off guard when one of the kids asked me point blank if I really believe the stuff the missionaries had shared - in particular, a story of a man being cured from HIV. I said that, yes, I did in fact believe them. I had no reason not to. I was met again with heavy doubt and skepticism, and even anger. 'Why can a man who deserves to have AIDS be cured when babies die of cancer?' 'How is that even possible? HIV is a blood disease - how can it just disappear?' My response was this: God created the body, and God can heal the body. No, I don't understand why some are healed and some are not. But I know that God is big enough and fully capable of everything those missionaries described. Maybe 2 years ago I would not have believed their stories, because then I didn't know God the way I know Him now. But I do know Him, and I truly believe that God is capable of everything they described and more.

That being said, I find myself in quite the contradiction. I tried to pray this morning for myself - simply that God would clear out a head cold that has been bugging me for a few weeks now. As I was praying - I mean, literally, even as the words were coming out of my mouth - my head and heart were flooded with doubts. It's just a head-cold, it doesn't require miraculous intervention. God's got more to worry about than my stuffy nose and sinuses. I'll propbably just end up having to call the doctor and get another perscription for a sinus infection. And on and on. WHY!!!! Why can I believe other people's miracle stories, but I can't believe God to be willing to heal me of something that would take no effort at all? Do I think I don't deserve to ask God for healing? Do I think He doesn't want to be bothered with my tiny little troubles? True, there are much more pressing matters in the world, but isn't He capable of dealing with all of it, including my headache? Or will this one little request put Him over the top and He'll drop all the balls He's juggling? What is my deal? Why can I not believe for the tiniest little things in my own life?

And it doesn't stop there. I totally believe that God wants to heal others, but I am hesitant to pray for their healing. If someone else were to do the praying, it would be all good - no faith issues on my part. I'll give you an example. There is a little boy I know who has been diagnosed with cancer. His parents have had people in their home praying with them on various occassions. I've visited twice, taken small things here and there to help out with groceries or whatever, but have never offered to pray with them. The first time I went, I went with the intentions of praying, but when the time came, I didn't feel like I should. The second time, I don't think I really even intended to pray with them. I think all of my prayers for miracles right now are prefaced with a cloud of doubt, and I don't know how to get past it. But what's the point of praying when it would be immediately undone by my own doubt? So I keep quiet.

Am I afraid to believe for healing and then be disappointed? Am I afraid to pray with someone for a miracle in their lives and have it not come to pass? Why? Would it be a reflection on me, or on God if no healing came? Am I trying to protect my reputation? Am I trying to protect what others think of Him? Surely I do not need to protect Him - I'm certain He is capable of looking out for and upholding His own reputation. Isn't this the same God I fully beleive healed a man of HIV? Yes, the very same. Will it really hurt to believe for something and not see it come to pass? It will never be if I do not believe for it. And if I believe for a lot, and get a little, I've still got more than I would ever have had if I stayed in doubt. I NEED to move past this. I cannot accept living life with clouds of doubt hanging over every prayer I pray. I cannot.

I was in the shower this morning, thinking over these things I've just written. And I kept doubting that a head cold was really worth praying about. Then God reminded me of something. He is the very same God who has numbered the hairs on my head, and who knows every step I take, every thought I think, and every dream I dream. He is the God who is the giver of every good and perfect thing. Nothing evil comes from Him. A cold is just as contrary to His design for my body as is cancer or HIV or any other critical disease. It is not His design for me to suffer. It is His intention and desire for me to be well, healed and whole.

I've heard it. I know it. I just have to believe it.

And blessed (happy, to be envied) is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of the things that were spoken to her from the Lord. (Luke 1:45)

But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him. For whoever would come near to God must believe that God exists and that He is the rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him. (Hebrews 11:6)

Looking Back

As I'm feeling a bit on the tired side tonight, I decided to do a little bit of not very much. One thing led to another, and I soon found myself reading old (OLD) blog posts...like from the first few months that I did this blog.

It was quite a trip down memory lane, and I find that this blog is serving the purpose I was hoping it would serve by giving me a place to look back and see what I had documented - what I was walking through and studying and learning and thinking about. Very cool to see some things that have come full-circle in the past 10 months. Very funny to recall things I had forgotten I had gone through. Awesome to see how God has worked - how He has brought me through some really tough spots and taught me how to get close to Him. It's cool to see where I was at the start of some of the journeys, and where I am now (probably somewhere in the middle).

I think what's the most incredible to me, though, is that it's evidence in my own life of the truth of God's word. His word promises to continually change and transform us more and more into His likeness. He promises that we will learn and grow from glory to glory. That we will advance line upon line...one step at a time, building on what we've already learned. When I really take time to examine some of the areas of my life that He has transformed, I'm floored. I know I still have a long way to go, but I never imagined such change was possible in so little time.

He promises that if we will seek Him, He will reveal Himself to us. If we believe in Him, cling to Him, rely on Him, trust in Him, He will make Himself known to us. If we seek Him first, everything else will fall into place. As I was looking back through my last 10 months of posts, I can remember some of those crazy difficult struggles - times of total confusion and darkness and doubt. And it's so cool to me to know where I am now in comparison to only 9 or 10 months ago. At times then I struggled with some pretty heavy doubts and questions. Because I chose to seek God and do what He asked of me, even though it made no sense to me whatsoever at the time, and I often did it out of sheer determination rather than a real desire, He not only cleared the doubts and answered the questions, but He replaced those doubts with an absolute assurance of all I had once doubted. Too sweet!

Lots of lessons I've learned in the past almost-year. Lots of struggles and trials and moments of failure. Lots of repentance and prayer and LOTS of depending on God to get me through things that were far bigger than me. There have been times that God has totally brought me to my knees so that He could then lift me up higher. But my favorite thing about the last several months is that He has taught me how to BE with Him. How to just sit in His presence and know Him and seek Him and worship and wait on Him. Back in March I determined that it was my purpose to know Him more. I have. And it continues to be my purpose. I hope that next year I will look back and see how much farther I have come. To know Him more will always be my purpose until He calls me away from this life, because I will never know Him fully until I can look full-on into His face.

God is awesome.

Idol or Tool

A statement was made in church today that keeps coming back to mind every now and again. When a wealthy man was asked how he was raised around such wealth and excess without becoming materialistic, his response was, "Our parents taught us that everything we have is either an idol or a tool."

How cool is that? Everything I have is either an idol or a tool. Makes me reconsider my heart attitude towards what I have. Makes me reconsider how I am using the things I have been given. Food for thought. Definitely an awesome thing to get a revelation of and to begin to teach my children.

Falling Away

(This is just my thoughts from the last post continued). Let me say before you read on that all I am doing - in my own studying and in sharing with you - is laying out the process I've gone through in studying this - laying out what the Bible says. I will continue to pray on this topic and seek God for clearer understanding and revelation. I encourage you to do the same.

Falling away - I mean, really turning your whole heart away from God - is a dangerous thing. This next set of Scripture I read stunned me. I was a little at a loss because I had never read or heard anything like it before (clearly I've not spent much time in Hebrews, either...LOL). I think I reread it several times trying to find a way that it might not mean what it says. I think once I even said, God, are You sure that's right? But I was quickly reminded that it's His Bible, not mine. It's His truth, not mine. If I believe God, then I must also believe His Word - the way He wrote it, not the way I imagined it should have been written. I was/am still trying to get my head around the severity of the consequence for one who walks a path of turning from God.

Hebrews 6:4-6 - For it is impossible to bring back to repentance those who were once enlightened—those who have experienced the good things of heaven and shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the power of the age to come— and who then turn away from God. It is impossible to bring such people back to repentance; by rejecting the Son of God, they themselves are nailing him to the cross once again and holding him up to public shame.

It is impossible to bring back those who were once enlightened who then turn away from God. That's scary dangerous! If you look at the passage in Hebrews, it's clearly talking about a mature believer, and not someone who has newly come to Christ and is just learning to walk. It refers to someone who has been enlightened, tasted the heavenly gift, been filled with the Holy Spirit, and has felt the goodness of the Word of God and the powers of heaven.

It is not backsliding. It is not mistakes. It is not the regular types of sin that we struggle with every day. It is the continual, habitual, intentional turning away from Christ that makes a mockery and a disgrace of Him and His perfect and beautiful sacrifice. There must be a heart change. Until I read this, I've always thought sin is sin. And I guess this is mostly true. All wrongdoing is sin. Whether we tell a white lie or commit murder, it is sin that needs to be confessed, and 1 John 1:9 tells us that when we confess our sins He is faithful to forgive us. But 1 John 5:16 - 17 draws a distinction between sin that can be forgiven and sin that results in spiritual death.

If anyone sees his brother [believer] committing a sin that does not lead to death, he will pray and God will give him life - yes, He will grant life to all those whose sin is not one leading to death. There is a sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that. All wrongdoing is sin, and there is sin which does not involve death that may be repented of and forgiven.

So what is the sin that cannot be forgiven? That seems to be the next logical question. What is it that is so bad that God tells us not to even pray for one who has committed such a sin because that person cannot be forgiven? I don't have all the answers, but I would say this is part of it: just a few verses after the one above, it says this (in 1 John 5:21):

Little children, keep yourselves from idols (false gods)--from anything and everything that would occupy the place in your heart due to God, from any sort of substitute for Him that would take first place in your life. Amen (so let it be).

Consider this...

1. The first commandment: You shall have no other gods before or besides Me. (Exodus 20:3)
2. Further in Exodus 20, God tells Moses to tell His people this: 'You shall not make gods to share with Me My glory and your worship' (verse 23)
3. When Jesus is asked, 'What is the most important commandment?' His response is this: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. (Matthew 22:37-38)
4. And Moses said to the people, Fear not; for God has come to prove you, so that the reverential fear of Him may be before you, that you may not sin. (Exodus 20:20)

The Bible clearly shows us the condition of heart we are to have toward God. He is to be first. He is to be the ONLY one who captures our heart. We are to love Him with everything we are. And we are to have a reverential fear of Him...that we may not sin.

I looked again at Romans 1. The people in Romans once knew God, but stopped glorifying Him. They stopped thanking Him. They allowed other things to take priority in their lives. They replaced Him as god of their lives. They no longer loved Him with all of their heart, soul and mind. They had no remaining reverential fear of Him. And the entire process of falling away from God began when they ceased to give Him glory and thank Him.

God's Forgetfulness

Well, Monday was an interesting day of learning for me. It actually started in church on Sunday. Our Pastor started a new series on worship, and his focus on Sunday centered quite a bit around misdirected worship. We are designed to worship, so we all worship something. Our worship is just not always directed to the proper person. When we replace God with other people, activities, hobbies, possessions, or whatever else, as the central focus of our lives, that's where our real worship is directed, rather than at God where it belongs.

Well, a friend of mine and I have started doing a short Bible study together once a week (and it just happens to usually fall on Monday). We've started an online study done by Beth Moore on the book of Romans. I'll admit, Romans has always been kind of dry reading for me, so I tend not to read it. But so far (and we're only on Chapter 1 still), it's been much better than I could have ever thought Romans could be (LOL).

Monday, the focus of the study was on Romans 1:18-32. That's a lot of verses, so I won't copy them all here, but here's a link for you if you want to check it out (you can change the Bible version at the top if you'd like). In the NIV, this section of the Bible is titled God's Wrath Against Mankind...yikes! We spent about 45 minutes studying it and talking about it. It was eye-opening, and I learned a lot, but I honestly didn't think much more about it after we finished our study.

Until Monday night when I sat down to read the book I've been reading, and the chapter was titled 'The Great Falling Away.' My mind went immediately back to Romans 1, because much of that chapter is discussing the consequences of God's people falling away from Him. So, I gave it another look in conjunction with this chapter of the book. Here's what I learned.

Romans 1:18-32 refers to a people who knew God and recognized Him as God (right away these words stood out to me after my study of the word KNOW a few weeks back). So, they, at some point, had some level of intimate, personal relations with God. But, it says they no longer glorified Him or gave Him thanks. In other words, they no longer had a heart of worship, thankfulness, and adoration for Him that they had once had. The language of the entire passage seems to indicate that they consistently failed to recognize and thank God; that they had had a change in heart attitude toward Him. As a result, they fell away from God; they became foolish; their minds were darkened; and they replaced God with other things. The result: GOD GAVE THEM UP.

It says three times in a row (paraphrased):
v. 23-24: They had exchanged the glory and majesty and excellence of the immortal God for idols. Therefore, God gave them up in the lusts of their own hearts.

v. 25-26: Because they exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshiped creation rather than the Creator, God gave them over and abandoned them.

v. 28: Since they did not see fit to acknowledge God or approve of Him or consider Him worth knowing, God gave them over to a base and condemned mind.

The result of God abandoning them is that their lives became full, permeated, saturated with sin and destruction of every kind. They hated God. They were without understanding. And though they were fully aware of how God viewed their actions, and what He said the consequences of such actions would be, they not only continued to do them, but they also encouraged others to behave that way as well.

Look what Ezekiel says about the righteous who turn from God:
Ezekiel 18:24 - But if a righteous man turns from his righteousness and commits sin and does the same detestable things the wicked man does, will he live? None of the righteous things he has done will be remembered. Because of the unfaithfulness he is guilty of and because of the sins he has committed, he will die.

This verse, like Romans, refers to someone who knows God. Yet, it says that when such a person chooses to turn away from God, all of his former righteousness will be forgotten. When God forgets something, it is as if it never happened. This is a characteristic of God that we celebrate when we think of salvation - He forgets our sins and washes us clean. But we must also be aware that He is equally as forgetful when we turn away from Him. God's forgetfulness is prompted by a change in our heart-attitude toward God. Whether we are turning away from sin and toward God, or turning away from God and toward sin, He is faithful to forget our former ways.

Astronomical Grace

If you have the time (about a half hour or so), watch this: Astronomical Grace. It would definitely not be a waste of time. I can't even begin to watch this without feeling overwhelmed by worship for our awesome God. Hope you enjoy it! If you don't have 30-ish minutes, then try the mini-version in the YouTube video posted below.

May we never go through a single day without realizing the extravagance of our God. May we never take for granted the detail and the expansive variety in every aspect of His creation. May we never fail to see Him for all that He is, and never sell Him short on power, glory, or majesty. May we encounter moments like this that fill us with awe and worship for our God, our Creator. He is awesome!

Hebrews 1:1-3 In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.

Indescribable

Love God.

I've been absent from my blogging for a few weeks, and there's a good reason for it. As usual, when I'm away for a while, God's been working through some things with me, and I was waiting to see where it was leading before I shared any of it. This is still a work in process, but He put it on my heart to share this with you.

About 6 months ago - maybe longer - someone who is very dear to me, and whom I love very much, asked me what you have to do to get into heaven. At the time, my answer was very simple, because I didn't feel like I had the ability to communicate a complete answer, and I didn't want to misspeak.

About a month or so ago, I shared with you that God showed me that we as Christians, collectively speaking, do not give enough weight to some very basic truth's of God's message - first that the Bible is TRUE, and secondly, that heaven and hell do, in fact, exist, and are, in fact, eternal. We may speak of the truth of the Bible, but many of us do not live our lives as though we believe in the Bible. We all like to think about going to heaven, but we never seem to be willing to consider hell as the alternative, and we definitely do not live as though an eternal judgment is approaching.

That was the start of the studying that I'm doing right now. The first book that I was led to was 'Driven by Eternity' by John Bevere. It's not a long book, and I thought I would be through it by now, but digesting this book has been a slow process...and has been the catalyst to some serious reflection on where I really am with God. If nothing else, I have become acutely aware of the fact that my decisions must be more motivated by eternal matters.

Through the course of reading this book, I have been continually challenged to check my own heart. Am I really what I say I am? Do I serve God for the right motives? Do I really love God? Or will I be like those who Jesus talks about will who stand before Him on the day of judgment, shocked to be turned away from heaven because He says He never knew them?

John Bevere very clearly illustrates the heart conditions of many who believe themselves to be Christians, but who are, in fact, deceived. That's scary! Imagine being so sure of your eternal destiny, only to find out, after it's too late to change, that you were wrong! To stand before God and be sentenced to eternity in hell because your heart wasn't right toward Him.

Do I serve God because He's worthy? Or do I serve Him for personal benefit? I mean, we all like to think about the blessings of God, and the promises of God, and what a change He can make in our lives here on earth. And it's not wrong to ask for blessing, or to ask Him to show you favor. But what's wrong is serving God for the purpose of getting those blessings. Am I willing to endure hardship and trials and difficulties and winter seasons, and still not be offended by God if His blessings don't seem to be pouring down? I had to take a long hard look at my heart. If I never see the benefits of serving God in this lifetime, would I still love and serve Him? I took my time, prayed about it, and gave it a lot of thought and consideration, because I wanted to get down to the true condition of my heart. I would rather know now, and work with God to change, rather than finding out the truth when I'm standing before Him and it's too late. This was not something I took lightly. But what an awesome process to go through.

Today I sat down and opened my book to read some more, and I got stuck at the first paragraph I read. And it just seemed to be the next step to this process.

'But if anyone loves God, this one is known by Him' (1 Corinthians 8:3). Just like the last verse I talked about, this one seems pretty simple and straight-forward. But there's that word KNOW again. The amplified Bible expands on this verse, and it's very cool what it says.

But if one loves God truly [with affectionate reverence, prompt obedience, and grateful recognition of His blessing], he is known by God [recognized as worthy of His intimacy and love, and he is owned by Him]. This verse gives us a benchmark for where our hearts are with God. If we love Him, we affectionately revere Him. We promptly obey Him. We recognize His blessings in our life, and we are truly grateful. And the result of loving God this way is that He opens up to us and reveals Himself, and His nature to us. He deems us worthy of His intimacy and love. He calls us His own. So, when we love Him- when our hearts are right, and we really LOVE Him - we are known by Him. And when we stand before Him, He will not say to us 'I never knew you.'

It's that simple..... It's that simple. My answer to the person who, so long ago asked how we get into heaven, is this: 'Love God.'

KNOW: defined

John 17:3 - (Jesus is praying) Now this is eternal life: that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. (NIV)

Something about this verse completely captivated me when I was reading it, and my reading turned into studying. It seems like such a short verse, and fairly simple to understand, but it seemed to me like there was more beneath the surface of it than what I was getting by simply reading it on my own understanding. What first caught my attention is that in the amplified Bible the word know is expanded on...to perceive, recognize, become acquainted with and understand. As I read these words - PERCEIVE. RECOGNIZE. ACQUAINTED. UNDERSTAND. - they all felt a little empty to me...like I wasn't really getting the full meaning. And I can't imagine Jesus praying an empty prayer - seems contrary to Who He is. So, I decided I should look into it further. I got out the dictionary that has been tucked in a drawer in the basement for years, and I looked up each of these words. What I found blew me away. These words are not empty at all, and in no way do they indicate a casual knowledge of God. In fact, some of the definitions flat floored me. I had no idea the depth of what was meant by this short line of scripture. Here's what I found...

According to Websters dictionary, here are a few of the definitions of KNOW:

• to have a clear perception or understanding of
• to be aware or cognizant of
• to have perceived or learned
• to have a firm mental grasp of
• to be acquainted with/ familiar with
• to experience

PERCEIVE:

• to take hold of; to feel; to comprehend
• to grasp mentally; to observe
• to become aware of through sight, hearing, touch, taste or smell
• SYNONYMY - to discern

RECOGNIZE

• to be aware of from familiarity or previous encounters
• to know by some detail or characteristic
• to be aware of the significance of
• to acknowledge the existence, validity and/or genuineness of
• to accept as fact; to admit or confess as true
• to acknowledge as worthy of appreciation or approval

ACQUAINT

• to let know; to give/impart knowledge to
• to cause to know personally; to make familiar

UNDERSTAND

• to know thoroughly
• to grasp or perceive clearly and fully the nature, character, etc. of
• to be informed; believe

Everything about these definitions implies a personal, experiential knowledge of God. A familiar, intimate relationship. It is His intention that we have a clear mental comprehension of Him, and that we experience Him with our senses and our observations. It is His intention that we are continually aware of Him and can feel His presence in our lives. That we know Him so well, and so personally, that we begin to know His very character, and the details of Who He is...that we know Him thoroughly and perceive Him clearly and fully. He does not intend to remain hidden from us, but it is His desire to acquaint us with Himself and His ways - to let us know Him; to impart to us knowledge of Himself. We have only to seek Him to find Him.

I cannot look at these definitions of these few simple words without getting totally excited about how incredible God is. This is what Jesus was praying - that we would KNOW Him this way. This was the prayer of the heart of our Savior. Why? Because this is eternal life - to know Him. And eternal life is what He died for.

Eternal life does not come through religion, through deeds, through good behavior, or even through belief alone (faith without deeds is useless - James 2:20). To have eternal life, we must know God (and likewise Jesus). To know Him the way He intends requires us to seek Him, to spend time with Him, to talk to Him, to listen to Him, and to learn about Him through His Word and through teachings. It is an active process that we must do on purpose. It is not possible to know God by merely passively acknowledging Him. We cannot accidentally, or casually come into the kind of knowledge and familiarity He intends for us. Eternal life is a relationship with Him, and we must seek it. This is the prayer of Jesus for each one of us.

Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only those who do the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' (Matthew 7:21-23)

Cry Baby!

If any of you happen to read my other blog (My State of Crazy), you will already know that last night was the first night since the day she was born that Meagan had to sleep (or not so much sleep as scream) without her pacifier. Needless to say, it didn't go so well.

Well, since I didn't have to get up for work this morning, I got all-night duty...really - ALL NIGHT. She was absolutely miserable, poor thing. I found myself torn between feeling sorry for her and feeling frustrated with her.

Somewhere around 1:00, it occurred to me to pray for her - that God would comfort her and give her peace so that she could rest. At 3:00 she was still going strong with the screaming and tossing and turning. It wasn't looking so much like God was listening - He must have a mighty strong pair of ear plugs, because I don't know how He couldn't have heard her! LOL! So, I prayed again that He would calm her down and help her sleep. Still, she kept on. Keep in mind that I was extremely tired and not thinking clearly, but I was starting to get a little irked at God. What's the deal here? You're the God of the universe and you can't put a baby to sleep?! What's up with that?!

Today, though, in my more rested, more clear state of mind, I'm over my irked-ness (not a word, I'm sure, but I'll still use it). I did ask the question, though, 'Why didn't my prayers seem to get a response?' Never ask a question if you don't really want the answer. (Sometimes gut checks can sting a little).

So, here are the three things that stood out to me in response to this question:

For starters, my motivation was ugly. I was praying out of totally selfish motivations...first and foremost my prayers were prompted not by my concern for Meagan, but by my desire for sleep.

Then, secondly, there's this verse - Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting)... For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord. (James 1:6-7) Want the truth? While I was praying for Him to help in the situation, I was already preparing myself for the 'likelihood' that it wouldn't work anyway. So I was really just praying an empty, faithless prayer, which means nothing and does not in any way inspire God to act. Nice.

Last thing He showed me? That it wasn't hurting Meagan to cry, but that it was 'squeezing' me to be exposed to a situation like that one, where my patience and attitude would be tested. I'll explain what I mean by that...

I've shared with you before that I've often struggled with my patience. Well, patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit. And the Bible says that others will truly know a Christian by their fruits. A while back, our pastor did a series on the fruits of the Spirit, and he gave the analogy of an orange at a fruit stand. Ever bought an orange that looked nice and ripe, good color, then get home and cut into it only to find there's no juice? Well, the only way to know what's really in an orange is to squeeze it and see if any juice comes out. In the same way, the only way to know what's in a Christian is to squeeze them. This is part of the process for developing the fruits of the Spirit in us. Last night, my patience was being squeezed to provide a sort of 'progress report' for me. It was of greater benefit to allow her to cry and to test me than to relieve the crying and to ease my irritations.

So, while God is fully capable of calming a crying baby, He can also exercise His right NOT to. Just because He CAN, doesn't mean He WILL. God doesn't always swoop in and rescue us from every situation that we don't like - as I was well reminded last night. Without trials in my life, Godly character can never be properly developed. I realize, a crying baby for one night isn't all that much of a trial, relatively speaking, but it was enough to get His point(s) across to me. It reminded me of His sovereignty. It reminded me of the proper attitude of faith that is required for effective prayer. It also worked to keep any improper pride in check in my heart, reminding me that He alone gives me the grace to endure when the strength of my own patience, apart from Him, is insufficient. In my weakness, His greatness shows.

2 Corinthians 12: 8-9

• 8 - Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me;
• 9 - But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!

God, give me words to speak

This past weekend I was invited to share my testimony as part of our church service. Our pastor did a message called Life is not a game. They decorated the sanctuary like the game of life (they even made a giant-sized spinner - it looked very cool). He incorporated the testimonies of four people who had come to Christ (or come back to Him) at different stages in life - one in high school, one just after college, one after marriage, and one after a marriage ended. It was exciting to be given the chance to share with people, and humbling at the same time. For those of you who know me, you know I'm a talker. Whether I'm talking to one person or to a hundred, talking doesn't bother me. So I wasn't really nervous about being in front of people. I was more nervous about talking too much and too long, and no matter how much or how little time I took, I prayed that what I shared would resonate with someone who could take something from it.

The night before, I was taking a little quiet time with God, trying to keep myself focused on Him so that I didn't leave myself vulnerable to craziness. At 9:00 Saturday night, I still didn't know what I was going to say, and I was starting to wonder a little if I was going to be ready. But during my prayer time, God impressed on my heart Jeremiah 1. No specific verse, just chapter 1. So I flipped there and started reading. When you don't know where to start, I guess the beginning is a good place!

(The first four verses tell about the backdrop of the time and place where Jeremiah was when these things took place.)

(Jeremiah 1: 5 - 9) Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.

Then said I, Ah, Lord God! Behold, I cannot speak, for I am only a youth.

But the Lord said to me, Say not, I am only a youth; for you shall go to all to whom I shall send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Be not afraid of them [their faces], for I am with you to deliver you, says the Lord.

Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth. And the Lord said to me, Behold, I have put My words in your mouth.

How cool was that - what total reassurance to me that God, at the right time, would give me the words to speak, and would give me the grace to speak them. It's stuff like this that just gets me - I never could have picked out of all the Bible a passage of scripture to say exactly this to me, to speak to me about the one thing I was praying about at the time. I'm so completely unfamiliar with the Old Testament, there's just no way I could have made this up on my own. It's stuff like this that reminds me time and time again of how real God really is, and how present He is, and how interested He is in what's happening in my life. How can I help but to stand in total awe of Him?

Anyway, I'm happy to report that all went well. I felt comfortable, and words came to mind and came out fairly effortlessly. (I think once I stumbled over a word maybe?) It was a very cool experience, and I was happy to be a part of it.

First-hand Experience

Yesterday I talked a little about my personal experiences, and how they have led me to a more grounded belief in God. I was thinking about this this morning... There was a time not so very long ago when I clung more to the idea of a God than to God Himself. I could tell you all there was to tell about how much He loved us, about Jesus, about the promise of eternity in heaven, because I had learned it all in Sunday School. But, I came to a point in my experiences where a concept wasn't enough to base my life on. I wanted to know for sure, once and for all, if this God I had always heard of, this God that I had tried to live for, was really real. If He really was everything I had been told. If He really loved me the way the Bible says. At some point, just knowing what I had been told by others wasn't enough. I needed my own experiences with God to be the real basis of my belief in Him. But in order to experience Him, I had to give Him a chance to show Himself to me.

I remember the night I made that decision. I was alone in my basement in our house in Toledo. I can remember giving it some seriously heavy thought, and in the midst of some significant doubts, coming to the conclusion that I would make a step of faith, try to align my life with what the Bible says, and start to get to know Him. I remember thinking, 'I'm not really sure where this is going to take me' since I really didn't know if it was all real or not. But I can tell you that the last 6 years have been consistently full of experiences that have far exceeded my expectations. Even though I still sometimes struggle with doubt (like I said a minute ago, it's sometimes a challenge to believe when we're faced with something we don't understand), it would be really difficult for me to imagine a scenario that could convince me of anything other than the fact that there is a God. He has made Himself real to me....because I asked Him to.

The events of John 4 are similar to what I've just described in my own life. In the beginning of this chapter, Jesus meets a woman by a well, and begins talking to her. As the conversation continues, He reveals Himself to her as the Messiah, the Anointed One. She then goes into the town and tells everyone 'Come, see a Man Who has told me everything I ever did! Must not this be the Messiah, the Anointed One?' So the people left the town and set out to go to Him. (verses 29-30). Now look what happens in verses 39-42:

39 - Now numerous Samaritans from that town believed in and trusted in Him because of what the woman said when she declared and testified, He told me everything that I ever did.

40 - So when the Samaritans arrived, they asked Him to remain with them, and He did stay there two days.

41 - Then many more believed in and adhered to and relied on Him because of His personal message [what He Himself said].

42 - And they told the woman, Now we no longer believe (trust, have faith) just because of what you said; for we have heard Him ourselves [personally], and we know that He truly is the Savior of the world, the Christ.

In verse 39, these people came to Him and believed in Him initially because of what they had been told by someone else. One woman's testimony sparked a flame of faith in them and caused them to move toward Jesus to see what He was all about. In verse 40, we see that when they got to Him, they asked Him to stay, and He did. Then the next two verses tell us that their belief in Him continued and was strengthened by their own personal encounter with Him. They no longer believed simply because of what they had been told by another, but they now believed because they had experienced Him personally. This is God's design for us. He may work through another person's teaching or testimony to draw us to Him, but ultimately, we must begin our own personal relationship with Him if our faith is ever to be based on something truly solid.

Like these Samaritans, my own personal experience has strengthened my faith, and has allowed me to firmly believe in the God of the Bible - the God of Genesis 1 - the God who has always been and who always will be.

In the beginning God...

Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

'In the beginning God' - the first 4 words of the Bible. Very cool. It tells us much that we need to know about Him in the first 4 words. God is first. He is before us. He is ahead of us. We can never take Him by surprise or get ahead of Him because He always precedes us. He has always been. He is the source of creation. Only He was in the beginning.

The concept of 'beginning' and God's infinite being really challenges our human understanding, and therefore, our faith. Our faith is, perhaps, most heavily challenged when we are faced with what we do not fully understand. For some it is the concept of a three-part God. For some, untimely death, birth defects, illness, disease, change. For some, it is that we do not earn salvation, but that it is freely given. The Bible is full of truths about God that are difficult for us to comprehend. The concept of a God who has always been, who has no beginning and no end, is a challenge for us to understand and believe because our world is finite. Our reality is full of definite beginnings and endings, and we tend to believe in and understand concepts based on our experiences.

How then, do I make the leap from this finite reality surrounding me to a belief in an infinite God? Also based on experiences. My own personal experiences with God have formed a foundation that leads me to such a belief. Through experience I know that He is the God He says He is. I know that He is truth. He is faithful. He places utmost importance on His Word. His word is truth, and therefore I can, and must, wholly believe His Word if I am to believe in Him.

I think I've got more to share on this, but for now, I'll leave it at that. It's enough for me today to meditate on the expansiveness of God. He's so much more than we are humanly able to comprehend, but it is amazing when we really think about who He is and we finally begin to see Him for even just a bit of all that He really is.

There's truth in His Word

During church today God put on my heart two topics that are vital to knowing and understanding Him better. The first - and the topic of church today - is the truth and validity of the Bible as His Word. The second is the reality of hell. He challenged me to take the initiative to study these two areas much more fully than I have until now, so I know already that there is much more for me to learn. But I want to start with where I am now and with what I know so far.

In the past two years I've gone through a lot regarding my walk with God. I've come a long way from where I was, but I still have a ways to go. Part of my growing up process has been to go through struggles and even some significant doubts. But I made the choice through those difficult times to give God the benefit of the doubt and see if He would prove Himself to me. Each time, without fail, He ultimately walked me through it, gave me the answers, showed me what I was looking for. And He waited patiently for me to work my way through it, reminding me and encouraging me to lean on Him in the process.

Well, one of those trying times was my struggle to actually accept that the Bible is what it claims to be. I'm sure you've heard the arguments before that go against the claim that the Bible is God's inspired word... it's full of contradictions, it doesn't agree with science, it was written by men, it's stories are far-fetched, and on and on. While I never pointed to one of these arguments as being a barrier for me as far as believing wholly in the Bible, there was always just an underlying hint of a doubt that kept me a little reserved in fully trusting it.

I remember praying about it - I was begging for some reason to REALLY buy into it. I wanted to believe, but just couldn't convince myself by myself. And really, if the Bible is the foundation of Christianity, and I struggle to believe in the Bible, then how can I really commit to live for Christ? Well, this struggle had been going on inside me for some time, but I stuck with my studying and my prayer time, waiting to see if God would show up with something convincing beyond question. And I must say, He did, and He did it in a way I was totally NOT expecting.

I was lying in bed one night thinking over some things that were going on in my life at the time. Now, I can't even remember what those things were specifically, but I remember being distracted by my own life and circumstances. I was rolling things over and over in my head, working and rearranging and trying to come up with solutions. Then, all of a sudden, my thoughts were interrupted mid-stream and God said very plainly to me, "I've said that I've put My word even above My own name. If you believe in Me, then you must believe My Word. Otherwise, You do not believe in Me at all." End of interruption. WOW. I got chills. And I laid there thinking about what He had just said. That was pretty big. The next day I woke up thinking about it, and all through the day, I thought about it. And as it started working its way down into my spirit, like only the Word of God can, I began to realize that I must choose whether or not I believe in the Bible, just as I choose whether or not I believe in God. But any unwillingness to believe would not change the truth of what it is. God is still God, even if I don't believe in Him. And, likewise, the Bible is still the Word of God, whether I choose to believe it or not.

As I continued studying, and reading books related to this fundamental element of Christianity, I began to see that even those arguments that many make against the Bible hold no weight. It does not contradict itself. It is not contrary to solid science, and it's 'stories' are historically documented by sources outside of the religious community. I began to see that the Bible is an amazing and almost unthought-of piece of literature. Think of it - it was written by around 40 different authors, over a course of 1500-ish years, yet the consistency of facts, characteristics, ideas, and teachings are astounding. It is full of prophecies that have been fulfilled hundreds of years after their telling. It is full of facts and circumstanced that have been supported and solidified by scientific research hundreds, or thousands of years later. Even today our pastor told of 2 circumstances where current-day men found undiscovered oil reserves based on facts and details documented in the ancient Old Testament. Want more consistencies with science?Long before the time of Christopher Columbus, when people believed the earth was flat, Isaiah told of the 'circle' of the earth (Isaiah 40:22). Long before we had a scientific understanding of the emptiness of space, Job wrote of a God who 'hangs the earth upon or over nothing' (Job 26:7) Amazing.

As I began to see the bigger picture of the Bible, it became harder and harder for me to doubt its validity and truth. Yes, there are things in it that I do not understand, but that does not make it invalid. That makes me short on understanding and wisdom. This, for me, was the start of a more grounded walk with God. When I finally made the decision to lean my trust completely on the Bible as the true Word of God, it opened up for me a whole new aspect of faith. This decision has been, for me, a catalyst into a stronger, closer relationship with Jesus, and a trust in Him that I've never known before.


For I am the Lord; I will speak, and the word that I shall speak shall be performed (come to pass); it shall be no more delayed or prolonged, for in your days, O rebellious house, I will speak the word and will perform it, says the Lord God. (Ezekiel 12:25)


I the Lord have spoken it; it shall come to pass and I will do it; I will not go back, neither will I spare, neither will I relent... (Ezekiel 24:14)

Sunday's coming!

'It's Friday but Sunday is coming.' - These are lyrics from one of my favorite songs right now. And I just keep thinking about how awesome they really are.

I think there are two ways to look at it - both important. The first, and probably most obvious - and most powerful - is through the perspective of Jesus' death and resurrection. For Him, and for those closest to Him, Friday was the worst day imaginable. They were suffering great loss, darkness, confusion, despair, and internal struggle and anguish. Even Jesus reached a point on Friday where He felt forsaken by God and cried out to Him. Friday was the worst of the worst. It was every bad thing we could imagine. It was suffering, death, betrayal, loss, doubt, persecution. Friday was not easy to live through. But it's only Friday...

Sunday comes!! On Sunday God shows Himself to be faithful. Jesus is resurrected. Darkness is defeated. Those who followed and loved Jesus rejoiced in His victory and triumph. Faith was reaffirmed. And the world sees that Jesus is who He said He was. What an awesome day Sunday is for them. Full of everything good - victory, happiness, rejoicing, redemption, faithfulness and truth. What a difference from Friday - such a difference in such a short time.

In my relatively brief time of being serious about my walk with God, He has taught me one thing for sure. When He makes a promise, He keeps it. When He says something, He does not later change His mind. Above all things, I can depend without question on the fact that God's word is true, and He is faithful to His word. And while I have not had any serious trials in this area - I've not suffered great loss, I've not faced persecution, I've not endured suffering - He has quite effectively taught me this lesson through every-day circumstances. Now, when I know that God has promised something, I often write it down so that I can come back to it and lean on His promises in times of fear, doubt, struggle, or waiting. This helps me to live today like I KNOW I already have what He has promised me, even though I can't yet see it. So even if today is Friday, I KNOW that Sunday is coming. How incredible is that! What an awesome way to live life!

So that's the first part of it - the PROMISE of Sunday, even when Friday feels impossible to live through. It's really about having a posture of faith...standing on God's word when there is little else to stand on. It's KNOWING in your spirit that God is faithful.

The second part is a posture of preparation. If my mom calls me on Friday and says she's coming to dinner on Sunday, I live like she is coming to dinner on Sunday. I get groceries for our meal...and maybe even clean the bathrooms for her (LOL). I make plans to be here at the time she expects to arrive. I prepare NOW for something that I know will happen in the FUTURE.

So not only do we stand on God's promises, but we prepare ourselves to receive them. That's part of knowing that Sunday is coming. If I don't get groceries, then I can't prepare a meal for my mom's visit. So even when she does come like she said she would, I am not ready, and the opportunity for a nice dinner and visit passes by........okay, so in reality we would just go eat at Applebee's instead, but you get the point. If God makes a promise that requires some action on our part, we should take the necessary actions to get ourselves in position to receive His promises when they do come.

The Bible says the promises of God are for 'whosoever will' do what He asks of them. That means, everyone can, but not everyone does benefit from the promises of God - only those who act accordingly, who are obedient, and who continually work with the Holy Spirit to prepare their hearts, their circumstances, and their lives, for receiving those promises.

In my mind, the ultimate 'Sunday' is the return of Jesus. He has promised it, so I know it will happen. I also know that I must continually work with the Holy Spirit to keep myself prepared for the moment when that Sunday comes. Of all things, that is worth living for.

Jeremiah 17

What if?

It's almost time to put August in the books, but let me get just one more post in for this month.

I was getting caught up on TiVo this evening, too warn out to do much else, and so I watched three episodes of Joyce Meyer, one right after the other. A lot of what she said got me thinking (which I guess is the point), but one thing really stood out to me. This one thing is what I wanted to share with you tonight, just food for thought and adoration for an amazing God!

Selfishness is the one thing that stands between us and a successful love walk. We are so worried about what we will lose, or what we won't get, if we help others, reach out to them, put our lives aside and focus on someone else. Imagine, what if Jesus had been screaming 'What about Me?' as He hung on the cross. A life perfectly lived would have ended in a grand display of selfishness.

Instead, He said, Father I give My life into Your hands. Whatever happens to me is up to You.

What an amazing heart! Completely selfless. To say, I will do this for others, regardless of what it costs Me. To say, I will do what God has asked of Me, and I will leave the outcome up to Him. What an awesome Savior we've been given! What an incredible example He's left for us to follow; what a life of passion - a life full of love for others, love and obedience to God, and marked with the most selfless sacrifice imaginable.

What if Jesus had acted the way we would have acted? We would be without a Savior, because there would have been no perfect sacrifice. We would be left with the law as our only guide to any hope of salvation.

BUT...What if we were to act like Jesus acted? What if we were to give of ourselves, expecting nothing in return, holding no grudge for time or energy or resources expended? What if we loved others the way Jesus asks us to? What if we were kind and patient and gentle and good and humble and honest and faithful? What if our lives truly reflected the God we say we serve? How could we impact others if we could only set aside that selfishness that stands between us and the love walk we are meant to have? What if we served God with the same passion Jesus exemplified?

What if.

Passion

What is the meaning of a life without passion? Is it worth our time to pass our time and yet to care passionately about nothing? Can we know what it is to want something - to truly want something - if we don't long for it with a passion? Do we really know love if we do not love with the strength that is only fueled by passion? Do I really love God if I don't love Him passionately?

My most important relationship is the one I have with Jesus. Without Him, nothing is right. He is my center, my security, my stability. He is my light, my guide, and my example for all that I could ever want to be. If my relationship with Him is not full and complete, then I am not fully experiencing the life He has made available to me. (John 10:10 - I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance, to the full, till it overflows). If I'm not following Him, loving Him, serving Him, worshiping Him, praising Him, obeying Him, trusting Him, leaning on Him, and confiding in Him with EVERYTHING that I have in me, I am selling short the single most important relationship in my entire life - both now and eternally.

Can I even say I LOVE Him if I do not love Him passionately? Does He want our acknowledgment, or does He want our adoration? Matthew 7 says that not everyone who calls Him Lord (not everyone who acknowledges Him) will enter the kingdom of heaven. He says, 'I will say to them openly, I never knew you' (Matthew 7:23). He wants more than lip service. He wants to KNOW us. He wants a RELATIONSHIP.

God is a passionate God. This I know with certainty. He creates with passion; He reigns with passion; and He loves with a passion that we may never fully grasp or comprehend. It is completely insufficient to offer Him a mediocre, lukewarm affection in return for a love like that. I want to love Him like He deserves to be loved. It is my prayer that He would continually change my heart, teaching me to love with a love that is full of passion and intimacy - a love that is pleasing to Him.

God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better ...

- RICK WARREN: (Author of "A Purpose Driven Life")

My Own Plans

So this is just a little thing really, but I thought I'd share. I had one of those aha moments yesterday, in a very ordinary, every-day-life kind of way. I was thinking about some of the stuff that I've taken on in the past 3 months or so (some of which I subsequently dropped), and trying to figure out why some of it has worked and some of it hasn't.

Back in March, I was invited to be a part of the digital creative team for a designer named Genevieve. At the time, I was not on any creative teams, and had no commitments whatsoever. I had just committed my scrapbook budget as my tithe (since I have no job, and therefore no income), and I really felt like God had given me this opportunity out of His faithfulness. Right from the start, this position has been nothing but good. It's been fun, easy, no-stress, and just a joy all around.

Well, shortly after this, I had been offered a spot on a creative team for a scrapbook web site. It was one of those things where you get a gut check, and know you shouldn't, but you want to, so you do it anyway. Yeah - that's called being disobedient. That's exactly what I did. Then, about a month later, loving all of the free stuff I was getting with my first 2 team positions, I agreed to be a member of yet another team. So let me just say that neither one was enjoyable, both were struggles, and sources of stress. Suddenly, it was like I was not enjoying my hobby, and I was trying to force it to work. No fun.

Well, after trying and struggling for quite some time, and after God dealing with me on more than one occasion about these last 2 commitments, I finally decided to step away from them - put them down and walk away. Aaaaaaaaah. That's better! Instantly, no more stress, no more struggling, no more trying so hard and enjoying so little. And because I laid them down, I was able to agree to a long-term position on Genevieve's team.

Well, I realized yesterday what should have been plain and simple, and really quite obvious. The first one worked because it was from God. The second two did not because they were my own schemes. On the surface they look very much the same - creative team positions, similar requirements, free digital products, etc. But the source of the opportunity makes all the difference in the world. This is a Biblical principal, and, as I've recently been reminded / shown, it applies to big and small aspects of life.

Even Jesus said 'I do nothing of My own will, but the will of He Who sent Me.' Nothing. So if that's true for Jesus, it surely should be true for me. And I'm reminded of Abraham - perhaps my favorite man in the entire Bible (other than Jesus, of course). Abraham and his wife wanted a son so badly. Well, they ended up with 2. The first, Ishmael, was conceived of their own bright ideas, their own workings and schemes. The second, Isaac, was given by God, in God's way and in God's timing. One was a struggle, one was a blessing. While my own situation is far less significant than Abraham's, the same principal applies.

Father, please keep me from pursuing my plans and instead guide me through Your plans.

Let's Walk

An interesting string of events are documented in John 6, starting somewhere around verse 47. Jesus is speaking in the synagogue at Capernaum, and He is telling the people there that He is the real Bread of heaven, the Bread of Life. He says that whoever eats of His flesh (bread) and drinks of his blood will dwell continually in Him and He in them. Well, this isn't the first time that He has said something that has made the Jewish leaders angry, but this time, His words upset more than the usual crowd. In verse 60 it says this: When His disciples heard this, many of them said, This is a hard and difficult and strange saying (an offensive and unbearable message). Who can stand to hear it? [Who can be expected to listen to such teaching?] Some of His disciples - men who had left behind their old ways of life to follow Him, and dedicate their lives to Him - were offended by what He was saying.

Jesus responds to them: But Jesus, knowing within Himself that His disciples were complaining and protesting and grumbling about it, said to them: Is this a stumbling block and an offense to you? [Does this upset and displease and shock and scandalize you?] He goes on to explain that what He is speaking of is of the spirit, not of the flesh.

The disciples were offended because they did not understand what He was teaching. The Bible, in fact, specifically tells us that those of the world cannot understand the things of the Spirit. Because they didn't understand, they allowed the spirit of offense to enter into them, ultimately driving them away from their walk with Jesus. Verse 66 tells us this: After this, many of His disciples drew back (returned to their old associations) and no longer accompanied Him.

Then Jesus asks His original twelve disciples, 'Do you too desire to leave Me?' Simon Peter answered, Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words (the message) of eternal life. And we have learned to believe and trust, and [more] we have come to know [surely] that You are the Holy One of God, the Christ (the Anointed One), the Son of the living God.

In our walk with Jesus, we may come across things that we don't like, things that offend us, things that we do not understand. At these points, we will have to choose our direction. We can either turn back to our old associations and no longer accompany Him (walk with Him), or we can stay at His side, believe in Him and trust in Him.

We often talk about our 'walk' with God. Well, a walk implies steady forward movement. Forward progress will, at times, require us to press past obstacles or to pick ourselves up when we stumble or fall. Like He did with Peter (when Peter tried to walk on water), if we ask for help, Jesus will grab us and help us back to our feet. He may even slow the pace at times, or pause for a brief rest when we are weary. But ultimately, the walk must continue, we must get up and make continued forward progress. Throughout this process, He will never make us stay. We walk with Him because we choose to, and we can choose to walk away, or sit down and camp, at any time.

When stumbling blocks do come into our path, we will be in a stronger position to press past them when we know Him, as Peter described - 'we have come to know surely that You are...the Son of God.' I doubt that Peter understood, or was even comfortable with what Jesus was teaching in the synagogue that day. Jesus' death and resurrection had not yet taken place, so the disciples did not have a frame of reference to understand what He was speaking about. But Peter (and the others) stayed at His side because he knew Him and knew Who He was.


Jeremiah 17: 7-8 - [Most] blessed is the man who believes in, trusts in, and relies on the Lord, and whose hope and confidence the Lord is. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters that spreads out its roots by the river; and it shall not see and fear when heat comes; but its leaf shall be green. It shall not be anxious and full of care in the year of drought, nor shall it cease yielding fruit.

Thoughts under fire

Understanding what Peter doubted and why Peter doubted was huge in showing me the answers to some things I was working through at the time that I read this passage of scriptures (see my previous post). But still, a question remained. Why was Peter overcome with this doubt? The timing of it, especially, stood out to me as odd. I mean, only a moment after being so sure, he doubted so significantly that he sank - so significantly that Jesus was saddened and questioned him about it. How could doubt like that come against a man so quickly?

Well, my experience has been that when I ask God a specific question, He gives me a specific answer. And His answer was this: When Peter stepped out of the boat, he immediately stepped into a spiritual battle - an attack on the strength of his faith - a faith that would allow him to perform a miracle equal to what Jesus was performing.

The Bible tells us that we do, in fact, have an enemy - Satan - who is very real and wants very much to destroy us, physically, emotionally and spiritually. The Bible also tells us that we are, in fact, in a war, but it is a spiritual war rather than a physical war. This is what the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:

• verses 3-4: For though we walk (live) in the flesh, we are not carrying on our warfare according to the flesh and using mere human weapons. For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds,

Verse 3 tells us we are not fighting a physical battle. Verse 4 tells us that our weapons are not physical, but they are weapons of God and are powerful enough to destroy the strongholds put in place by the enemy.

• verse 5: casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ;

Verse 5 tells us that those strongholds come in the form of imaginations, thoughts, and proud and lofty ideas that contradict the true knowledge of God. In order to defeat these thoughts, we must bring them into obedience to Jesus. In other words, our thoughts must be in line with what Jesus teaches and what He says is true. Whenever we find our minds being attacked with anything other than what God says is true, we must refuse to accept it and replace it with His truth from His Word.

Our thoughts are as much a part of our spiritual walk, our spiritual growth and maturity, and our success in following Jesus as our hearts are.The thing that sealed my understanding of this was Matthew 22:37. When Jesus was asked, 'What is the most important commandment for us to keep,' this was His very simple, straight-forward response.

• And He replied to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (intellect). (Matthew 22:37)

I wanted to share with you this lesson that I learned because I know how real doubts are and how difficult they can be, at times, to stand against. We are all impacted by incorrect thoughts. They are a very real method of battle employed by a very real enemy. Our mind is where many of our battles are fought and won or lost. If our minds are not in proper relationship to God, then, just as with Peter, our faith will fail to sustain us in trials. Peter was attacked and defeated in his mind, but just think of what he could have done had his thoughts not brought him down!

Peter sinks.

And in the fourth watch [between 3:00--6:00 a.m.] of the night, Jesus came to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified and said, It is a ghost! And they screamed out with fright. But instantly He spoke to them, saying, Take courage! I AM! Stop being afraid! And Peter answered Him, Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water. He said, Come! So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water, and he came toward Jesus. But when he perceived and felt the strong wind, he was frightened, and as he began to sink, he cried out, Lord, save me [from death]! Instantly Jesus reached out His hand and caught and held him, saying to him, O you of little faith, why did you doubt? (Matthew 14:25-31)

I've heard this story many times, ever since I was a little girl, but recently, God showed it to me in a way I've never seen it before. I've often admired Peter, and wondered at him at the same time. He seems to me to be a little impulsive, maybe reckless. He seems bold and outspoken, sometimes when it's quite clear that he would be best to keep his mouth shut. And still, he had a special place in Jesus' heart. I think maybe because of all the men in the boat, Peter was the only one who dared to get up and get out of the boat. He had moments of brilliant faith - this being one of them.

But, look what happens to him immediately following his amazing exhibition of faith. He sinks. This was the focus of my most recent pass through Matthew 14. Peter sinks. Why does a man so full of faith in one moment sink in the next? Well, the passage tells us he felt the strong wind, the waves crashing around him, and he was afraid. Yeah, that makes sense I guess. I can understand fear in the middle of a storm on the sea. But does it really make sense? Nothing in his outer circumstances changed from the time he stepped out of the boat to the time he began to sink. The wind was blowing, the waves were crashing, the boat was tossing. The scriptures indicate nothing new in his outer circumstances to cause this surge of fear.

So what was at the root of it? Look what Jesus says: 'Why did you doubt?' What was it that Peter doubted? Did he doubt that he, Peter, was capable of walking on water or that he would be able to withstand the opposition coming against him? Probably, but those same doubts would have been present before he stepped out of the boat, and so shouldn't have made a difference in his success or failure. Ultimately, Peter had to have doubted Jesus. He had to have doubted either His ability or His willingness to hold him up - to support him in doing what He had asked of Peter. If Peter's faith in Jesus had been in tact, the other issues would have been irrelevant to him. It wouldn't have mattered if he alone were incapable. Trusting that Jesus was capable would have been sufficient.

Well, knowing WHAT Peter doubted, the next question would be WHY did Peter doubt. I mean, Peter knew Jesus personally. He knew what Jesus was capable of - knew His full strength and ability and power and love. Peter also knew that it was, in fact, Jesus standing before him on the water. He also knew it was Jesus' will for Peter to step out of the boat - he knew because he had asked and Jesus answered. So if he knew that it was Jesus, and he knew who Jesus was, and he knew that he was doing what Jesus was asking of him, why did Peter doubt? Why did he fall?

Because his head overrode his faith. His head told him it was impossible, even though his heart, his faith, only a moment before had been so certain. His head told him his circumstances were too big to trust to Jesus. The instant he doubted, he failed. He was defeated at the task he had set out to do.

I think this is just one Biblical example of what happens to us all the time. Our minds are being constantly bombarded with questions, doubts, half-truths, and outright lies. We have to make our minds up daily (sometimes hundreds of times a day) what we believe. Allowing doubt to override faith is a quick way to be defeated. Like Peter, once our doubts take control of our thoughts, our faith is deactivated, and we sink.

Whoever you are

"God loves you. He loves you so much that He gave His Son to die on the cross for our sins. And He loves you so much that He will come into your life and change the direction of your life and make you a new person, whoever you are." - Billy Graham

This section of his sermon really caught my attention. I love his directness, and his simplicity in getting to the point. After all, this is really what it boils down to. This is the basic message of Jesus. God loves you. Jesus died for you. It's that personal. If you alone were the only person He would have made salvation available to by dying as He did, He still would have done it. And He still would have done it knowing full well the possibility that you might not acknowledge Him, might reject Him altogether. He loves you that much - that He died for the possibility that you would accept Him and learn to return love to Him. Just the possibility. Because the alternative to Him - not making a way for you - was not an acceptable option for Him.

If we choose to reject Him, we continue on, in bondage to sin, and under the condemnation that the law brings. We live out a life that is seemingly void of purpose, and ultimately we face eternity in the absence of God - that is, in the absence of love, happiness, joy, peace, and all that is good. If you really pause to think about this, it is a fate worse than death.

If we choose to accept what Christ has done, everything about our spiritual situation changes. His sacrifice goes before God on our behalf, cleansing us of every sin, every imperfection. The Bible says we are made new in Christ, our sins are forgiven, our old life passes away and is forgotten, and we get to start fresh with Jesus. We no longer have to feel condemned when we do wrong because we are assured that if we confess our sins, they will be instantly forgiven. We now have free, uninhibited,open access to approach, talk to, make requests of, and form a deep friendship with God. All of this we are able to do through Jesus.

Just as Billy Graham said, whoever you are, God will do this - has already done this - for you. It is a matter of choosing to accept it and receive it.

My friend the atheist

A friend of mine is an atheist. This is something I've known about him for almost as long as I've known him. Shortly after we met, we got into a discussion about churches, and at that time, it came out in conversation that he doesn't believe in God, and he has nothing to do with the church or any established religion. While I was sad for him, this did not change how I felt about him, and we continued as friends.

Since then, we've had one or two serious discussions about God, the possibility of God, and what / why I believe what I believe. He has raised questions and doubts that stand firmly in his way to accepting that there could be a God, and while I've done what I can to share what I know, I admittedly do not have all the answers. I only know that what I know is enough for me to hold fast to what I believe.

About three months ago, I came across the book A Case for Faith by Lee Strobel (I know I've share that with you a bit before). As I was glancing through the table of contents, reading the titles of the chapters, it was like reading off a list of my friend's questions and concerns. I bought the book, hoping that it may help me be able to better understand the arguments for and against, and hopefully ultimately better equip me to be able to share what I know and believe.

About three weeks ago or so, I gave him a copy of the student version of A Case for Faith. I wasn't entirely sure that he would read it, or even keep it for that matter, but I hoped. Today, I learned that he has read the first chapter and has stopped. He won't go on because he has a list of questions already and wants to get them addressed before he continues.

I have to admit, I was filled with conflicting emotions. First, I was thrilled to learn that he had even considered the book, let alone started reading it. That was quickly followed by questions in my own head - will I be able to adequately answer him or explain well enough what I believe and know? Do I know enough of the Bible? Am I the person to be doing this?

Well, I'm continually learning that when I'm attacked with fear and doubt, the first action is prayer. So immediately, I turned to God and said, 'Look God, this is what I know. I know that You love this person more than I, or anyone else, could ever begin to understand. I know that You would love to see him acknowledge You, accept You, love You. I believe You led me to that book. I believe I was obedient to You in sharing the book with Him. And You have been faithful in opening him up to reading it and considering it. I also know that You will never ask of me something that I cannot do.' That alone was enough to subside my fears. Instead of focusing on what I don't know, I changed my focus to what I do know.

I alone am wholly inadequate to answer my friend's questions or to convince him of the existence of an Almighty God. I alone am short on knowledge and understanding. I am not the most eloquent speaker. I am not the most theologically sound person. But I am his friend, and I love him. And I love God, and I know He exists in a way that cannot be taken from me with shades of doubt. And I know, because the Bible says, that God goes with us into difficult situations. I know that He gives His peace, His wisdom, His understanding. I know that He directs our paths, and I know that He will give me the right words to say if I will only lean on Him. And above all, while I am wholly inadequate, not eloquent, and short on knowledge, God is wholly adequate and capable in every way. I'm not doing this for me, and I'm not doing this alone. He is my strength, and He is sufficient for every situation.

The Waiting Game

Romans 8:25-26 - But if we hope for what is still unseen by us, we wait for it with patience and composure. So too the Holy Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness...

Well, we've been waiting on some news for about 5 weeks now - news that could significantly impact our lives. For the first 2 weeks, I had sufficient patience. It was okay with me that we hadn't heard anything. I knew that God takes His time and doesn't rush on account of making it easier on me. No problem - I can wait.

Weeks three and four - well, I'm surprised we haven't heard anything, but I don't want a rushed decision. I really just want what's best for us. So if we have to wait a little longer, that's fine.

Well, here it is, week five. What's taking so long? Why haven't we heard anything? I wish they would let us know one way or the other... Hold on - is that impatience surfacing? Yes, I believe it is. And what had God been showing me at the beginning of all of this? To WAIT on Him. To wait and expect Him, and believe that He is working, and believe that He is working all for good. Wait.

Well, yesterday I was reading and came across something that stood out to me. The main tactic of Satan, although it can come in several forms, is to defeat us by wearing us out. If I want any victory in my life, the I must ENDURE - I must outlast him. I must stay patient, and continue to wait on God.

So today, I came across Romans 8:25, which says we are to wait with 1) Patience and 2) Composure. And we have the help of the Holy Spirit. In the Bible, God acknowledges our human weaknesses - and apparently patience is an area where I am weak (which is not wholly a surprise to me, or to my family, I'm sure). But we are promised the help of the Holy Spirit to aid us in our weakness, to bear us up and help us to continue on.

So I guess this is His way of reminding me to wait, to believe in Him - in His power, His goodness, and His wisdom - and be patient while He works. The Bible says His timing is perfect, and He is never even a second late. So even though news has not come as quickly as I would have liked, it will come exactly when He would like. Until then, it is my responsibility to wait with patience and composure, leaning on the Holy Spirit to help me.

Rooted in Love

Well, I guess the month of July isn't going to have many posts in the archives, since it's been over 20 days since I last posted. Strange, every time I studied this month, I didn't feel like I was able to share anything or pass it along. So, I stayed quiet. Hope you didn't think I had forgotten about you! (wink)

Well, today I did a little studying on my own, and then listened to a little teaching. The teaching was about the love of God. I started thinking about that. It has always been very easy for me to say the blanket statement that God loves the world. God loves you. God loves everyone. But, to say 'God loves ME' - well, it hasn't always really been so easy for me to believe.

Thankfully, I am at a place now where I know God loves me - even when I slack, He loves me. Even when I slip up, He loves me. Even when I mess up, make mistakes, do wrong things, make poor choices, He loves me. I KNOW it because He has shown me. He has shown me in His word. He has shown me in the little things He does for me in my daily life. He has shown me in certain experiences in prayer. He has shown me through the love of others.

Still, I know that my knowledge of His love could still grow deeper. The Bible talks about being like a tree that is deeply rooted, so as not to be tossed around when storms come. It says to be rooted and firmly founded in love.

There's one set of scripture that I want to share with you today from Ephesians 3, but I have reworded it to make it a personal prayer, rather than a scripture written to a group of people that lived thousands of years ago. It comes from Ephesians 3:16-19.

• Lord, by Your glory, strengthen me with the mighty power of the Holy Spirit Himself dwelling in me and filling every part of me. Jesus, may you, through my faith, settle down and make your permanent home in my heart. May I be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love. Lord give me the strength and the power to understand and grasp the breadth and length and height and depth of Your love for me, that I may come to know Your love through my own experiences, a knowledge that far surpasses mere knowledge without experience. Lord, that I would be filled through my entire being unto all the fullness of You, that I may have the richest measure of Your divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself! - Amen.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (NIV)

Speak Life

For the last 2 days now, I've been writing out long-hand the scriptures that I've collected regarding healing. I wanted to have them all in one place to look at collectively instead of having to flip back and forth to read them. I'm only about half way through writing them out, but I'm already seeing a few patterns emerge. The one that stands out to me the most is our words.

I know I've written before about the impact our words can have on our lives...but I'm going to write it again. There are a few verses that I wanted to share today.

• He sends forth His word and heals them and rescues them from the pit and destruction. (Psalm 107:20)
• My son, attend to my words; consent and submit to my sayings.
  Let them not depart from your sight; keep them in the center of your heart.
  For they are life to those who find them, healing and health to all their flesh. (Proverbs 4:20-22)
• Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life]. (Proverbs 18:21)

He sends forth His word and heals them. I can see a few ways to take that, and I think both ways are truth. First, God speaks healing. When God speaks, things happen. God spoke creation. He speaks us into being, and He speaks forth our healing.

Secondly, God's word brings healing. But what does that mean? Well, the Bible is God's word. Jesus is also called the Word of God - the living word, the word come to life. Both are God's word. Both have been sent by God. Both have the power to heal. If we want to truly see healing, I'd say we need both. We need a relationship with Jesus, abiding in Him and trusting Him. And we need God's word - the Bible. We need to know what it says about us, and about Him - who He is, how He is, what He is.

If the power of life and death is in the tongue, and if God's words are life and healing, then it seems to follow that we ought to speak (not just think or believe, but SPEAK) God's word over our lives and the lives of those we love. If God has given us the power of life and death in the little muscle in our mouth, we may as well use it! Just like my friend I told you about yesterday, I believe if we speak in agreement with what God has to say about healing and restoration in our lives, we ourselves, body, mind, and spirit, also come into agreement with that word. Just to say something as simple as 'God, I thank You that You forgive all my sins, and You heal all my diseases.' (see Psalm 103:2-5) I don't think it has to be complex or bizarre. I think it can be very effective if it's simple and sincere.

Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s (strong, overcoming and soaring)! (Psalm 103:2-5)

Get Well

Someone in my life has recently come across a serious medical issue and is struggling to keep perspective. While I know that God is completely capable of handling the situation, I also know that He cannot work in our lives until our attitudes, our faith, our actions, and our words line up in agreement with what God wants to do for us. It worries me when people I know are hoping for God to intervene, but are not really believing that He will because doubt is the first step to being defeated. It prevents God from moving in our lives and on our behalf.

This particular person, and their situation, has been on my heart quite regularly since I first heard the news. And God has put it on my heart to start studying and really understanding the way He works in our lives, in our bodies, for healing.

It starts with belief. Nothing short of fully believing God is capable and wants to heal us - WILL heal us - will prompt Him to move. Then we have to be willing to turn it over to Him, letting go of our own ideas of HOW He will heal us. Not all healing comes in the most 'miraculous' of ways. In the Bible, healing is done in many different manners, from a simple touch to washing in the river seven times, and on and on. There is not one cookie cutter way that God goes about His business, and we should not expect our illness to just vanish before we believe it is God doing the healing. In fact, often, and in more situations than just our physical well-being, God will not do what we are able to do on our own. We have to do what we can, and let Him do what we can't. So if we can eat better, take certain medicines, get adequate sleep, drink enough water, etc, then we need to do all of that. If there are treatments available, we should pursue them. We must do our part, fully expecting God to do His in His perfect timing. But often when we are waiting on Him, He is really waiting on us.

If we are truly believing God is working on our behalf, our thoughts, our actions, our attitudes, and our WORDS must align with that belief. If we are to walk together with God, we must agree on where we are going. (Can two walk together, except they be agreed? - Amos 3:3) We MUST KNOW what God says about us, about His willingness and ability to heal us, and we must STAY in agreement with that, in every way.

So, I started looking up verses that deal, either directly or indirectly, with healing. There are quite a few that I've come across in only a matter of two or three days of searching. Many of them also deal with the faith attitude we are to maintain, as faith is the key for healing to take place. For now, I want to share just one with you. This particular passage of scripture was the first one that came to my mind when I heard of my friend's illness. It had been shared with me about two months ago when a man at our church shared his story, and I want to share it with you:

This man had been living a dedicated life for Jesus for nearly thirty-five years when he was diagnosed with cancer. His cancer was rather serious, and doctors did not give him a positive prognosis. He was up in years at the time, and they worried that certain procedures would take too much of a toll on him. They promised to do what they could, but they encouraged him to get his affairs in order in case their efforts didn't help him. He admitted that his reaction was full-fledged fear, followed by anger and depression.

This man, who had loved God's word, and had read it daily for years, could not bring himself to open his Bible. He struggled even to pray. One day, on a visit to his doctor's for a check up, one of his nurses was just getting off duty, and she stopped in his room to see how he was doing. Nurses were not allowed to share their faith with patients, but since she was off duty, she approached him as a visiting friend. Still, not wanting to push the limits, she simply gave him two or three scriptures on slips of paper to keep with him. That way, he didn't have to open his Bible, he could just get them out and look at them when he wanted. He says he hooked the papers to his key chain and kept them with him at all times. Although he was still angry, frightened, and depressed, he began reading these few verses out loud to himself regularly. Over time, he began to feel a change in his attitude. He began to notice that his fears were subsiding and were being replaced with a glimmer of hope, which eventually grew into belief.

Now, several years later, he is cancer-free. Ultimately, it was not the doctor's medicine that healed him. He had gone as far as he could with medical treatments, with some, but not complete, success. He did what he could, and God did the rest. He now goes for check-ups on a regular basis, but they have not been able to find anything more than a mild case of arthritis in his knee. He just celebrated his 88th birthday. And he will be the first to say that, had he not chosen to stand on God's word, and to confess God's word out loud, even when he did not feel like it, he would probably not be here today. This is the verse he stood on most heavily:

• I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done. The LORD has chastened me severely, but he has not given me over to death. (Psalm 118:17-18)

His creation

I wanted to share an observation that Sebastian made today in the van on the way home from Target. 'Mom, God's creation is good.' End of observation. How simple. How purely heartfelt it was. I couldn't help but wonder - how long was he thinking about this before he decided to say something?

Our God is a God of abundance. He is a God that goes above and beyond. We see it over and over in scripture. When He makes lunch for thousands of people out of a few loaves and a few fish, He doesn't make just enough. He makes so much that there are baskets left over. And we see the same principle in His creation. How many climates - how many species of birds, fish, dogs, cats, flowers, trees, grass. The variation in topography. The spectrum of color. The number of stars. I believe with all my heart that variety and abundance bring Him joy.

Yes, Buddy, His creation is good. His creation is amazing.