Well, since I didn't have to get up for work this morning, I got all-night duty...really - ALL NIGHT. She was absolutely miserable, poor thing. I found myself torn between feeling sorry for her and feeling frustrated with her.
Somewhere around 1:00, it occurred to me to pray for her - that God would comfort her and give her peace so that she could rest. At 3:00 she was still going strong with the screaming and tossing and turning. It wasn't looking so much like God was listening - He must have a mighty strong pair of ear plugs, because I don't know how He couldn't have heard her! LOL! So, I prayed again that He would calm her down and help her sleep. Still, she kept on. Keep in mind that I was extremely tired and not thinking clearly, but I was starting to get a little irked at God. What's the deal here? You're the God of the universe and you can't put a baby to sleep?! What's up with that?!
Today, though, in my more rested, more clear state of mind, I'm over my irked-ness (not a word, I'm sure, but I'll still use it). I did ask the question, though, 'Why didn't my prayers seem to get a response?' Never ask a question if you don't really want the answer. (Sometimes gut checks can sting a little).
So, here are the three things that stood out to me in response to this question:
For starters, my motivation was ugly. I was praying out of totally selfish motivations...first and foremost my prayers were prompted not by my concern for Meagan, but by my desire for sleep.
Then, secondly, there's this verse - Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting)... For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord. (James 1:6-7) Want the truth? While I was praying for Him to help in the situation, I was already preparing myself for the 'likelihood' that it wouldn't work anyway. So I was really just praying an empty, faithless prayer, which means nothing and does not in any way inspire God to act. Nice.
Last thing He showed me? That it wasn't hurting Meagan to cry, but that it was 'squeezing' me to be exposed to a situation like that one, where my patience and attitude would be tested. I'll explain what I mean by that...
I've shared with you before that I've often struggled with my patience. Well, patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit. And the Bible says that others will truly know a Christian by their fruits. A while back, our pastor did a series on the fruits of the Spirit, and he gave the analogy of an orange at a fruit stand. Ever bought an orange that looked nice and ripe, good color, then get home and cut into it only to find there's no juice? Well, the only way to know what's really in an orange is to squeeze it and see if any juice comes out. In the same way, the only way to know what's in a Christian is to squeeze them. This is part of the process for developing the fruits of the Spirit in us. Last night, my patience was being squeezed to provide a sort of 'progress report' for me. It was of greater benefit to allow her to cry and to test me than to relieve the crying and to ease my irritations.
So, while God is fully capable of calming a crying baby, He can also exercise His right NOT to. Just because He CAN, doesn't mean He WILL. God doesn't always swoop in and rescue us from every situation that we don't like - as I was well reminded last night. Without trials in my life, Godly character can never be properly developed. I realize, a crying baby for one night isn't all that much of a trial, relatively speaking, but it was enough to get His point(s) across to me. It reminded me of His sovereignty. It reminded me of the proper attitude of faith that is required for effective prayer. It also worked to keep any improper pride in check in my heart, reminding me that He alone gives me the grace to endure when the strength of my own patience, apart from Him, is insufficient. In my weakness, His greatness shows.
2 Corinthians 12: 8-9
- 8 - Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me;
- 9 - But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!
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