For the time being...

You know, it seems like when I feel God is really asking me to DO something, He never seems to be asking something EASY of me. He asked me to quit my job, give up more than half of our family income, and seemingly set aside my education (which had always been a huge focus & priority for me) to stay home and be a mother (not that this is any insignificant thing, but it was a HUGE change from where I had been). I think I can safely say that THAT was not a small request, and it was not a decision that was just easy for me to make. But, I chose to do it.

Now, I find myself facing another request. Although I won't go into specifics, this one, on the surface, seems like a much simpler thing. Yet, somehow, I think it was easier to decide to stay home! This one little thing feels like the world at this given time, and I know that choosing to be obedient will bring major struggles for me personally. Yet, I know it's my choice. And I understand that this simple request is much more. It is a gauge of my willingness to let go of what I would much rather control. It is my chance to show where I stand - to either move forward or put up a road block in my walk with God.

I know that there are windows of opportunity, and the Bible tells us that once those windows close, another chance does not always come. I feel like this is one of those times for me...I can choose to go with God on this and give Him the opportunity to do some pretty sweet stuff in my life, or I can choose not to. One is easy now, but tough in the long-run. The other is SOOOOO difficult now, but comes with promises of a good outcome. So while it's tough right now - even painful - it will payoff later on.

• For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it... (Hebrews 12:11)

So, while this is not an easy thing for me to commit to, I will do it. And I will do it consistently, even if I have to do it with a sense of uneasiness for now. I'm sure that when David went running toward Goliath, although he had full faith in God, he was at least a little uneasy. But he still RAN towards his Giant, calling on God for strength to do what he could not do alone. And, there is a promise of peace and joy 'afterwards.' So, I know that at some point I will be able to do this task with joy. But for the time being, I will discipline myself to do it out of obedience.