Flawed moments

Sometimes there's a hesitation to share with you all on the Internet, for fear that you'll see all my flaws. But flaws are a real part of life. They're what makes me human - makes me not God.

Today was a flawed day. Today started out great. I kept plugging along through the afternoon, started getting tired, started feeling like I had done one too many things, and still kept going. By the time we sat down to watch our family movie night (Night at the Museum), I was SO ready to just sit & relax. Meagan, however, had other plans, and she absolutely drove me NUTS! I had to make her go away from me because I was feeling so frustrated with her, I just couldn't think clearly. How can something so cute be so maddening? How can I - 27 years older than her - be run over by a 2-year-old? How can I let a teeny tiny girl direct my mood and my actions? But, believe me, it's possible. Tonight is clear evidence of that.

So, I did my best (which wasn't that great) to get them all bathed, dressed, and tucked into bed. Then I tried to take a few minutes for myself just to regroup and take a breath. I realized what I had done, and how far from ideal my actions and attitude had been. At first, I was angry with myself for it. And because I was angry, I had this vague feeling that God was angry too.

But the Bible says God knows my weaknesses and shortcomings, and He loves me just the same. It also says He is slow to anger. It also says if I will confess my sins to Him, He is faithful to forgive.

Here again is another example of my perspective clouding my ability to really 'get' God. So many times I just way over-complicate things, and I don't give Him nearly enough credit. I think I forget how UNLIKE me He really is (thankfully). I'm the one who is, at times, quick to anger. Not Him. I'm the one who sometimes struggles to forgive and forget. Not Him. And when I sit and just meditate on how different we really are, I am again in awe of how holy and incredibly awesome He is.

So, for His part, it is already done. He has forgiven me. He has forgotten it. And I am again clean in His sight. For my part, it does me no good to stay angry at myself for my behavior. I need to just model myself after Him and forgive me and move on. I can, however (and should), continue to learn from each of my 'flawed moments,' shall we call them, so that I can continue to grow and mature in Him. And, truth be told, while I am not where I need to be, I know that I am no longer where I used to be. Even on days like today I can look back over the past 2 years alone, and see dramatic evidence of the changes He has already made in me. While I may always be flawed, until the day He returns for me, with His help, I will continue to make progress, in hopes that I may one day be like Jesus. God, transform me.