I know I've referenced these verses more than once before. They are some of my favorites, and I come back to them for strength and perspective pretty regularly. Since the first time I heard this passage of scripture, I was intrigued. There is a depth to it that seems to draw me in. It has served as many things to me. It has been a challenge to me - is God's presence my first priority? It has served as encouragement to me. It has given me perspective and helped me to refocus on God when life tries to take His place in my heart.
But for the past several months, it has been a point of pondering for me. I am captivated by David's heart for the Lord. I adore the passion that is at the root of the life he lived for God. I have often wondered at a young man standing in the fields spinning and dancing for the Lord. Although he was not spotless in life, his heart amazes me. And every time I would read this Psalm (27) again, the language he used in these particular verses stirred something in me. It is language that describes adamant, intentional, unbroken communion with God. Unbroken. Continual. Unceasing.
And without being fully aware of it at first, in my spirit, I began to wonder if this was a possibility. I began to recognize that I have only begun to skim the surface of what is possible in a relationship with God. Even before my awareness caught up with my heart, I had began to pray that I would remain in the presence of God; continue in His presence; be always aware of Him; to not for a moment to lose sight of Him or to turn away from Him. Because I was loving the times that I would worship or pray and I would feel Him with me, but I was frustrated at other times when I would try to pray and feel like I couldn't find Him. How could I feel so close to Him and so sure of Him one moment, and in the same day struggle to feel anything but complete separation? For me, His presence sometimes was good, but not enough. So I continue to pray that He would continually remind me to think of Him, continually prompt me to pray, until I have developed a habit in my life that is so ingrained in me that I can't do anything else.
About two weeks ago, I was reading a book and I came across a few excerpts of a journal that was kept by a man named Frank Laubach. As I read, his words took my breath away. He had put into words exactly all that I had been feeling and trying to formulate in my heart for the past six months or so. This man was born in the late 1800's, and dedicated his life to teaching the illiterate to read. At the age of 45, he was dissatisfied with his spiritual life, and so determined that he would either spend every moment in continuous communion with God, or he would spend the rest of his life trying. The following are a few excerpts from his journal:
January 26, 1930: "Can we have that contact with God all the time? All the time awake, fall asleep in His arms, and awake in His presence? Can we attain that? Can we do His will all the time? Can we think His thoughts all the time?...Can I bring the Lord back in my mind-flow every few seconds so that God shall always be in my mind? I choose to make the rest of my life an experiment in answering this question."
March 1, 1930: "This sense of being led by an unseen hand which takes mine while another hand reaches ahead and prepares the way, grows upon me daily...sometimes it requires a long time early in the morning. I determine not to get out of bed until that mind set upon the Lord is settled."June 1, 1930: "Ah, God, what a new nearness this brings for Thee and me, to realize that Thou alone canst understand me, for Thou alone knowest all! Thou art no longer a stranger, God! Thou are the only being in the universe who is not partly a stranger! Thou art all the way inside with me - here...I mean to struggle tonight and tomorrow as never before, not once to dismiss thee. For when I lose Thee for an hour I lose. The thing Thou wouldst do can only be done when Thous hast full sway all the time."
"For when I lose Thee for an hour I lose." I've felt like that so many times. The stark contrast between the satisfaction I feel when I sit in His presence and I am focused on Him compared to the withered feeling I feel when I am away too long. It makes me wonder why I stay away. If God is always present, why would I not pay attention to Him every moment of every day? Why would I not include Him in everything I do? Why would I not talk to Him about everything and in everything?
David says, I will seek You and insistently require You. Your presence will I require as my vital need. God's presence was not something David fell into on occasion, or at certain times of the week. He sought after God's presence. He actively looked for God, continually. A vital need is not a casual element of life. It is something we cannot be without. Like air to breath, it must be constant, and we must be continually breathing it in. It cannot cease to exist for even a moment, or we will cease to exist. It is vital. It is continuous. And we must actively take it.
God's presence, like the air we breath, is everywhere around us; it is readily available. But if we stubbornly hold our breath and refuse to take it in, it will be of little use to us. Like Frank Laubach, I am convinced that there is more than glimpsing the presence of God on occasion. What God wants from us, and what we need from Him is continued, unbroken communion. Sometimes talking; sometimes listening; or worshiping; or praising. But always aware of His presence, and always acknowledging Him in one way or another, so as never to lose sight of Him, not even for a moment. For when we lose Him for a moment, we lose. And all that He wants to do in and through us cannot be done until He has our everything, all the time.
Above all things, this is my heart's desire, and I will spend the rest of my life learning to never lose sight of Him and to remain continually in His presence.
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