A few weeks ago, I spent some time looking back over the last year, and again today, as the new year begins, I find myself again reflecting on the last 12 months. I am left in awe of all that Jesus has done in my life - in my heart - in so little time. When finally I came to a place where I willingly opened up my heart to Him, holding nothing back, it was like I gave Him the green light to finally do what He has been wanting to do for so many years. He has transformed my life in so many ways, that sometimes even I don't recognize myself, especially areas of my life where I was so totally deficient before. He has filled me with a passion for Him that I could never put into words; sometimes I feel like I could truly burst if I loved Him more. He has weeded out so much of the selfishness and self-centeredness that has nearly always been present in my life, and has begun to develop in me a genuine generosity and compassion for others that I've never had. He has created in me a heart of worship and has lead me to dethrone the former gods of my life, leaving only Him as the center and focus of my heart and my attention.
The thing I realized tonight, though, as I was thinking back, is that, even through all the doubting that I have done about the effectiveness and power of my prayers, I am surrounded every day by the evidence of the effects of my very own prayers. I can see His movement in situations that seemed insurmountable when I first started praying - circumstances I couldn't imagine changing. Yet, I really am left in complete awe of Him - how easy it seems to be for Him to do the seemingly impossible. How loving it is for Him to move the way He does. And I know that my prayers have played a roll in opening the door for Him to work in these situations. Now that my eyes are finally open to it - now that I finally realize it - I am so happy. And humbled. That a God so great take actions on my behalf - on my request. That just totally blows my mind.
It continues to be my prayer and my desire to be closer to Him, to know Him better and love Him more. I want to be so completely in love with Him I can't contain it. I want to be overwhelmed by the touch of His presence. I want to be so familiar with His voice, with the way He moves, that I will know without a doubt that it is Him. I pray as I go day by day through this new year, that I will become a better mother, an invaluable wife, a more balanced woman, and a truly genuine friend. I pray that I will grow more confident in my identity in Christ - all that He has made available to me - the rights He purchased for me with His blood. I pray that I would not merely know it; not merely glimpse it on occasion; but that it would take root in my heart, infiltrating the very core of who I am, so that I would walk consistently in all that my precious Jesus has laid out before me. I know that's a tall order for one year, but I know He is capable of great things.
Happy New Year.
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