This evening I went on a walk. I've been feeling restless. Sometimes I feel boxed in by people on all sides, and I am desperate for somewhere to really be alone with God. There seems to be nowhere. Even in prayer rooms designed specifically for that purpose, it's not what I'm looking for in my heart. In my heart I want to be in the middle of a wooded area, with no one around for miles, where I can shout and sing at the top of my lungs and only God will hear. I want to be on the top of an empty hill - maybe like the Sound of Music, I don't know. I picture David in the fields with only his flock and his God. I want room to dance and run and whatever else. I want privacy with God. Privacy is something hard to come by in my house, even with the kids gone, so I walked. Most of the time feeling very aware of just how close in proximity we've become to each other. House after house. Car after car.
Amazingly, I found a place to stop and sit. No houses blocked my view of the skyline. No cars passed by. And only one other person passed me - on a bike. So I sat and watched the clouds pass above me. I realized as I was sitting there that clouds move a lot like God moves. Sometimes they move so quickly and with so much power, and yet other times, their movement is barely perceivable. Tonight they barely seemed to move. But they did. I found that if I sat and watched them, they seemed to take forever to go anywhere, but as I gave them time to get where they were going, when I looked again, they had made quite a bit of progress. It amazes me how much nature imitates the ways of God. He is amazing to me.
My quiet time with God tonight brought me to wonder where He is moving. What is He doing? What is His plan? As I think back through the history of the church, He moves, His people respond, and they are passionate for a time. But somehow the excitement fades, and they begin to look away and lose sight of where He was going. And so He finds someone who is looking to be found, and through that someone, He re-awakens His people again, and the cycle continues. But we cannot forever continue in such a pattern of repetition. Can we? And it seems to me that the church is ready to be stirred awake once more. I'm certain that God is always moving, but we are not always aware of His movement. I am not always aware. But if I am not a part of what He is doing, am I really a part of Him? If my heart does not beat for the same reason His beats, have I missed the mark?
What am I to do with this obsessions that is swelling inside me? I am living the product of my own prayers. That I would be wholly unsatisfied, always wanting more of Him. Always wanting to do more for Him. Always wanting to live closer. To be more like Him. To never be satisfied, lest I should settle into a comfortable life and lose sight of Him. How easy it is to be distracted and lose sight of Him.
I want to be always seeking Him. I want this to be the generation that is different. I want this to be the generation that does not go back to sleep after being awakened. A generation that seeks Him and knows Him and loves Him and is wholly unsatisfied with life as usual. A generation that longs to know His heart and do something about it. A generation that shakes the world. Let all that we are, and all that exists between us and God be wholly genuine and real. Let it not be made up, not be acted out, not be a product of imitating what we've seen done before. I am desperate in my spirit to see this generation break away from the normal way of doing things, of being a Christian, of going to church, of worshiping, and I want us to take on God's way of doing things. I want to reach the world, so that every person is given a chance to know Him. This can be the generation that does that. Let it all start with seeking Him, with a generation of someone's who are looking to be found.
Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me as a vital necessity, and you will find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)
But if from there you will seek (inquire for and require as necessity) the Lord your God, you will find Him if you truly seek Him with all your heart and mind and soul and life. (Deuteronomy 4:29)
Lord, every time I find myself in Your presence, let me not be satisfied until I find myself there again, until the only way I can ever be satisfied is to be forever in Your presence. Amen.