The Effects of Disobedience

I wanted to post this right away after my previous post, but time got away from me. When I was studying this, it was all together, but I split it into 2 parts so that the post wouldn't be too long. So here's the rest of my thoughts from a week ago:


If you look back at the previous post, you'll remember that I was thinking through what holds us back from the kind of victory that the Israelites experienced in Joshua 6. It boils down to a lack of obedience to God, for many reasons. But no matter what is at the root, the effect of it is that we are not moved to act on the things God requests or requires of us.


The result of all of this is mind-blowing to me. It's amazing to me to realize what we are willing to give up in exchange for having our own way / doing our own thing. Thinking through this, I envisioned a literal what-if situation where the Israelites chose NOT to do what God asked of them. Had they not obeyed, they would have remained on the outer edge of Jericho, on the outside looking in, unable to overcome their circumstances, and unable to take hold of all that God had promised to them. What's more, if they did not move forward to the place that God had called them to, then their enemy would remain wholly unaffected by their presence, and they (the Israelites) would, by default, either sit idly by, or wander into the wilderness to a place they were not supposed to be.


The same is true for us. When we are disobedient, we remain on the outskirts of God's will. We never really tap into God's power to move in a situation and to alter circumstances. If we do not do our part, He cannot - or will not - do His. If we do not trust Him, and have faith enough to act on account of His Word, He will not move on our behalf. He is not moved by a lack of faith. Only faith brings about the reward of God's presence and power working in and through our lives. When we fail to act on His Word, we are failing to demonstrate faith in Him.

But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him...
(Hebrews 11:6)

If God doesn't pour out His presence and power on our circumstances, then our circumstances remain unchanged. Without God we are powerless to crumble walls and tear down strongholds. No amount of effort on our part will allow us to accomplish something that only He is capable of doing.

If our circumstances remain unchanged, then our enemy remains unaffected by our presence. The people of Jericho wouldn't have cared if the Israelites sat outside until the end of time, as long as they weren't being bothered. The same is true for our enemy. As long as we are not invading his territory or shaking his walls, he doesn't care whether or not we are sitting right outside. Unless we are in the will of God, being obedient to all that He asks and requires of us, we are not in a position to upset our enemy.

When we live lives of disobedience, we live lives without purpose. If we are not in the will of God, following where He leads, and going where He has asked us to go, then we are doing one of two things. Either we are sitting still, being idle and doing nothing, or we are moving in the wrong direction, headed to places we were not intended to be. Neither is good. Both lack purpose, and both have the potential to create disastrous complications and troubles in our lives. I do not want to live a life without purpose, and I surely do not want to complicate my life with trouble that I could have, and should have, avoided.

Ultimately, though, without obedience, there is no victory. As Christians, it seems we really like to focus in on the verses in the Bible that talk about being more than conquerors, victors, kings in life, the vast blessings of God. But we miss the notion that in front of many of His promises, He says, 'If' or 'For whosoever will.' The promises are available...IF. If we are willing to submit to His guidance. If we are willing to obey Him. If we are willing to dedicate our lives to knowing and loving and serving Him only. IF. If we are not living in obedience and submission to God's will and plan, then we are not in line with the ONE plan that will work to bring about victory in our lives. Victory comes through obedience.

So back to the original question...what holds us back? What keeps us from impacting our communities and our culture for God? What prevents us from breaking through in circumstances where our friends and neighbors are outside of the kingdom? When they need healing? When they need hope? What keeps us from making a difference in their lives? What holds us back from experiencing victory and peace in our own lives?

Is it indifference to others' circumstances? If we were truly being obedient to the Word of God, spending time in His presence, abiding in Him, reading and meditating on His Word, and LOVING one another, HOW could indifference even be a possibility?

Is it selfishness that holds us back? Pride? Insecurity? Lack of Faith? Lack of reverence? All of these things are erased as we let go of them and surrender to Him. Spending time in His presence in prayer and in reading the Bible has the power to transform our lives, replacing pride with humility, selfishness with generosity, insecurity with a firm foundation, and irreverence with a deeper awe and appreciation for all that He is. If we are being obedient to Him at the most basic level - giving Him our time, our attention, and ultimately our hearts - then the other things that hold us back will begin to fade away. As we take the time to get to know Him and to fall in love with Him, we are left with the ability to do nothing BUT be obedient. It becomes our very nature because He becomes a part of us. We obey Him because we love Him. We obey Him because He has become such a part of who we are that we can do nothing else.

Jesus answered, If a person really loves Me, he will keep My word [obey My teaching]; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. (John 14:23)

So maybe the real problem is that we, the Church, need to take time to fall in love with Him. Maybe we've gotten so caught up in doing church that we've lost sight of the One thing that matters most. Maybe we need to seek HIM, not His STUFF. Not the victory. Not the blessings. Not the healing and miracle-working power. Those things are great, and I believe they are a vital part of His plan. But Jesus makes it very simple and clear when He says 'Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and all these things will be given to you besides.' (Matthew 6:33) When we put first things first, we get right results. We get peace. We get joy. We get victory, power, and blessings that we could not imagine. But our motive must always be to know Him more, and to serve Him and obey Him out of a heart of love for Him. Nothing else will do.

What holds us back?

This study was prompted by a question that Pastor Mark asked in service yesterday - 'What holds us back?' (Click here to listen - then click on Leveled to Reach)

Joshua 6 describes a tribe of people (the Israelites), lead by Joshua, a God-fearing man. The people were collectively obedient to God, and were therefore victorious over their enemy, even in seemingly impossible circumstances. Their task at hand was to overtake the city of Jericho. Jericho, however, was tightly closed up, and had high walls around it, making it nearly impossible to gain entrance. God gave Joshua specific instructions for conquering the city of Jericho - march around the city one time each day for six days. On the seventh day, march around seven times, blow your horns and shout. The people followed their leader, trusting in him and trusting in God. Because they were obedient, they were victorious.

Today we, as the collective church, find ourselves every day facing seemingly insurmountable circumstances. One easy example would be a friend, neighbor, or family member who does not know God and who seems completely closed off to the idea. If we have the same God today that Joshua had the day he lead the Israelites in the destruction of Jericho, then why are we not victorious? What holds us back? What is different between the Israelites in Joshua 6 and the church of 2008?

1. We do not move and work together in one accord. We tend to sort of do our own thing, want to be our own boss, go with what interests us. We can't even agree on a church service - some think the music is too loud, too fast, too slow, to contemporary, to traditional. We get so hung up on our own interests and our own ways, that we become rigid to the idea of melting together as a united body to accomplish a common goal.
2. We are not obedient. This is a major issue. I believe there are several root causes to this - see #3, 4, 5 & 6.
3. Our PRIDE, INSECURITIES, and LACK of FAITH keep us from being willing to obey God. Maybe we're not sure of the outcome. Maybe His instructions don't make sense to us. Maybe we think there's a better, more logical, easier way to accomplish the same thing. Maybe we're afraid to step out and try because we fear we might fail. Maybe we fear God will not come through for us. Maybe we might feel silly doing what God has asked of us. Maybe it's out of our comfort zone, and we are afraid of what others might think. I'm sure all of this was true to some extent for the Israelites. It is reasonable to imagine they might have felt silly walking around in parade-like fashion for seven days in a row. It's reasonable to imagine they might have thought the people of Jericho would be watching and laughing as they did the same thing over and over with no effect. It's reasonable to think that this plan didn't make a lot of sense to many, that they might have envisioned another way to go about their task. Still, they did what was asked of them. They obeyed God.
4. We don't have the endurance to wait for God's timing. We are an instant-gratification society. We want results fast. If we don't get the results we want when we want them, we deem the project a waist of time and we move on to something else. Sometimes we need to wait on God. We need to be willing to do what He has asked, simply because He has asked it of us, and we need to be willing to do it until He says stop...no matter how many times that is. I can imagine the first day of marching, the plan was okay. Maybe even the second. But by the third day, it's reasonable to assume that there was room for questioning. Why do we have to do this day after day? Why can't God work in three days instead of seven? Is this really going to work? What happens on the seventh day if nothing happens? Still, day after day, they were obedient. Day after day they marched, not making a sound, not saying a word.
5. We are indifferent to the fights that need to be fought today. We have a tendency to snuggle in to our own little world - our happy place where our family is fine, our house is fine, our finances are fine, and our church attendance is fine. We are fine. We can find a lot to do to keep ourselves occupied, and to give us something to focus on besides what God is focused on - the lost. We can get so wrapped up in our own lives, that we get blinders to what exists beyond us. We don't see the lost. If we see them, we don't care. We don't care that they are hurting now. We don't care that they are destined for an eternity apart from God and all that is good. The root of our indifference is selfishness. There is no other excuse.
6. We, as the collective church, do not have a proper reverential fear of God. We do not hold Him in a place of awe and wonder. We do not see Him for all that He is and all He deserves. We do not fear displeasing Him. We do not place any real value on pleasing Him through our worship and obedience. We do not truly respect and appreciate His ability, authority, power, and desire to carry out His will. We are not humbled in our spirits by the simple fact that He chooses to work through us to accomplish His will. If we revered Him as we ought to, we would obey Him. We would do so because we love Him; because He is worthy; because He is good; because He has all authority in heaven and on earth; because He is God. We would recognize the value of pleasing Him, and the danger of displeasing Him. Simply stated, we have let go of a right reverential fear of Him.

Thoughts on an Excellent Life

I want to share something with you that keeps coming up with me lately. It keeps coming up in prayer time, both concerning myself and the church as a whole, and I am continually reminded of it in opportunities to serve, to give, to bless others, and even to do mundane daily tasks. It is the concept of excellence in serving God.

A few years ago I first heard a teaching about the relationship that God has established between Himself and us. Since then, my understanding of this relationship continues to grow and develop. I have heard several such teachings since then, and it seems like I find myself thinking about this a lot.

So here's the gist of the foundation of what I'm getting at:

Yes, God is a sovereign God. Yes, He is capable of all things, and with Him nothing is impossible. BUT.... He has set up His master plan - His plan A, with no plan B - so that He works with us and through us. He needs us to do our part so that He can do His. And often, He will not do our part for us. We must do our part so that He can do His.

Like I said, lately I've been thinking about this a lot. The foundation of our relationship with God, and of all that we are to accomplish here on earth, is that we have a part to play in order for God's will and plan to be carried out. How good is my foundation? Is it solid and whole, strong and sturdy? Or is it cracked and crumbling, uneven and shaky? In building a house, the quality of a foundation determines the quality of the structure that can be built on that foundation. The same principal applies to our acts of service to God.

I have been challenged in almost every area of my life over the past few months. Am I serving with excellence? Giving with excellence? Doing daily tasks with excellence? How is my attitude? What about my follow-through? My willingness to do something unto God alone, something that will go wholly unnoticed by man? How do I treat people? How is my heart condition and the quality of attention given to God in my prayer time? Am I doing just enough, meeting the requirements and checking tasks off of my to-do list? Or am I living out a life of worship, a life that pours all of me into everything, so that I might please Him? Am I giving Him something good to work with? Or am I giving Him mid-grade, middle-of-the-road, plain and average offerings of service, worship, prayer, giving, etc.?

As I've examined areas of my life against this standard of excellence, I have been convicted by the Holy Spirit to take responsibility for every thing that I do and say. I have been challenged to increase my level of excellence in areas where I was taking a just-get-by approach. I do this not because my works earn me something from God, but because the quality of my offering means something to God. And because when I am giving my everything to Him, in the best way I can, then the part He has given me to do is done to the fullest, which gives Him a quality foundation to build on.

Let me tell you what He has done.

Sometimes just hearing something that God is doing or has done in some one's life is all it takes to stir me up and get me over-the-top excited about the God we serve. So, I have such a story to share. It is a little thing, really. But it was very cool, and unmistakably God.

This past Sunday, our church hosted a car show for the community. There were tons of cars, kids games, fire truck rides, a burn-out competition, free snow cones, a DJ and a band, and food! I had offered to help with the car show, and so my job was manning payment for the food. As I sat there, from about 11:30 until almost 3:00, taking people's food tickets and money, I had the opportunity to talk to almost everyone who was there that day, since most of them were hungry at some point (and since most of them were eating for free...who's gonna pass up free food?!).

As the day wore on, the traffic to the food line got slower and slower. Eventually, the fire truck rides started up, and the pick-up and drop-off spot happened to be only about 10 yards away from me. At some point in the afternoon, a mom, who I had noticed a few times throughout the day, and who I had spoken with briefly as she went through the food line, put her two girls on the fire truck, and sat down in a chair very close to where I was sitting. So, I started a conversation, asking about her day, her girls, and so on. We talked for quite a while (as the fire truck rides were about 10 minutes long). The longer we talked, the more I could sense her relaxing and letting her guard down a bit. I could tell that, all in all, she felt a little uncomfortable with her surroundings that day, and it was a bit too much for her to take in. But in our ten minutes of conversation, she seemed to forget it all and relax.

The fire truck returned. The kids got off. And my new friend Brooke walked off. That was the end of that really. I didn't see her again for the rest of the day. I didn't think much of it. I was busy with other things going on and with talking to other people.

At about 3:30 - almost an hour and a half after I had spoken with Brooke - I decided to head for home. It had been a long day, and I was just thinking of getting home and relaxing. As I walked through the field on my way to the truck, I was stopped in my tracks by an instant - I mean ALL OF A SUDDEN, out of nowhere - image in my mind. In that moment, I realized I had met Brooke before - about eight months ago. I saw her clearly in my mind, standing outside in the freezing cold winter weather, just as I had seen her when we first met.

Last December, I was going to a friend's apartment to drop something off. As I drove up to her building, I noticed a young mother outside with a few small children. For a moment, my eyes met hers, and I felt flooded with what she was feeling - love for her kids, and immense loneliness and sadness. I admired her for taking the time to be outside with them on such a cold and windy winter day. And I thought how lucky those little girls were to have a mom that would take the time for them the way she was. Then I tried to go on about my business, when God stepped in on me. He put it on my heart to do something for her so that she would know that He loves her and that He sees her. As I left my friend's house, I tried for a moment to ignore it - I was busy and in a hurry and really didn't have time to do what He was asking me to do. But I knew in my heart that He was reaching out to her, and if He was willing to use me to do that, then I must be willing to be used.

So, I went down the road to McDonald's and bought a gift card. Then I drove back to my friend's apartment, stopping before I got to her building. I was relieved, and also a little nervous, to see that the mother was still outside. I stopped my van, and rolled the window down. Nope. It's best to get out, I decided. So I got out, and approached her. I kept my distance, knowing that she would very likely be wondering what on earth I was doing. I held the card out to her, and briefly explained that God had put it on my heart to do this for her so that she could take her kids somewhere fun for lunch. She took the card and thanked me. I could hear a little disbelief in her voice, and gratitude. And I could see tears beginning to build in her eyes. I wished her a wonderful day, got in my van and drove off.

Several times since then, I've pulled into my friend's apartment building, and have wondered if that mom and her kids still lived there. I haven't seen them again since then. Until Sunday.

I thought about this after it happened, and I wondered if I could have counted this second meeting as a coincidence. Maybe, if I had realized it on my own. Maybe if I would have made the connection while we were sitting there talking. But on my own, I had NO idea. On my own, I would never have made that connection. I might not have really even given her much more of a thought, seeing as I spoke with so many people that day. On my own, I'm sure my mind would have blended her in with the rest of the crowd. But I was not left on my own. God had something else in mind. And I am certain that he brought us together again for His own will and purpose. And the coolest thing about it was that He kept it to Himself until it was all said and done, so that I could not write it off as coincidence or take any of the credit for it. But it was awesome the way He revealed it to me...more of a reminder to me that He is always working... a reminder that He accomplishes His plan through US - through those who are willing to be used by Him - and He uses us in very ordinary ways to do what will some day prove to be very extraordinary things in and for His kingdom. I am amazed by His ways.

Looking to be found

This evening I went on a walk. I've been feeling restless. Sometimes I feel boxed in by people on all sides, and I am desperate for somewhere to really be alone with God. There seems to be nowhere. Even in prayer rooms designed specifically for that purpose, it's not what I'm looking for in my heart. In my heart I want to be in the middle of a wooded area, with no one around for miles, where I can shout and sing at the top of my lungs and only God will hear. I want to be on the top of an empty hill - maybe like the Sound of Music, I don't know. I picture David in the fields with only his flock and his God. I want room to dance and run and whatever else. I want privacy with God. Privacy is something hard to come by in my house, even with the kids gone, so I walked. Most of the time feeling very aware of just how close in proximity we've become to each other. House after house. Car after car.

Amazingly, I found a place to stop and sit. No houses blocked my view of the skyline. No cars passed by. And only one other person passed me - on a bike. So I sat and watched the clouds pass above me. I realized as I was sitting there that clouds move a lot like God moves. Sometimes they move so quickly and with so much power, and yet other times, their movement is barely perceivable. Tonight they barely seemed to move. But they did. I found that if I sat and watched them, they seemed to take forever to go anywhere, but as I gave them time to get where they were going, when I looked again, they had made quite a bit of progress. It amazes me how much nature imitates the ways of God. He is amazing to me.

My quiet time with God tonight brought me to wonder where He is moving. What is He doing? What is His plan? As I think back through the history of the church, He moves, His people respond, and they are passionate for a time. But somehow the excitement fades, and they begin to look away and lose sight of where He was going. And so He finds someone who is looking to be found, and through that someone, He re-awakens His people again, and the cycle continues. But we cannot forever continue in such a pattern of repetition. Can we? And it seems to me that the church is ready to be stirred awake once more. I'm certain that God is always moving, but we are not always aware of His movement. I am not always aware. But if I am not a part of what He is doing, am I really a part of Him? If my heart does not beat for the same reason His beats, have I missed the mark?

What am I to do with this obsessions that is swelling inside me? I am living the product of my own prayers. That I would be wholly unsatisfied, always wanting more of Him. Always wanting to do more for Him. Always wanting to live closer. To be more like Him. To never be satisfied, lest I should settle into a comfortable life and lose sight of Him. How easy it is to be distracted and lose sight of Him.

I want to be always seeking Him. I want this to be the generation that is different. I want this to be the generation that does not go back to sleep after being awakened. A generation that seeks Him and knows Him and loves Him and is wholly unsatisfied with life as usual. A generation that longs to know His heart and do something about it. A generation that shakes the world. Let all that we are, and all that exists between us and God be wholly genuine and real. Let it not be made up, not be acted out, not be a product of imitating what we've seen done before. I am desperate in my spirit to see this generation break away from the normal way of doing things, of being a Christian, of going to church, of worshiping, and I want us to take on God's way of doing things. I want to reach the world, so that every person is given a chance to know Him. This can be the generation that does that. Let it all start with seeking Him, with a generation of someone's who are looking to be found.

Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me as a vital necessity, and you will find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

But if from there you will seek (inquire for and require as necessity) the Lord your God, you will find Him if you truly seek Him with all your heart and mind and soul and life. (Deuteronomy 4:29)

Lord, every time I find myself in Your presence, let me not be satisfied until I find myself there again, until the only way I can ever be satisfied is to be forever in Your presence. Amen.

Extraordinary in the Midst of Ordinary

Can I just say that the past three days following my Mega Sports Camp experience have been quite interesting. It seems like everywhere I go now, I am seeing some of my dance girls. Friday at Meijer I saw 2 of the girls. Then last night at Wal-Mart I got to see three more, and their families...very cool! Then today, one of the little girls and her family came to a picnic our church held to celebrate and honor those who serve our country. I can't even tell you how many times she ran back to me to give me just one more hug.

I love the fact that church and community are overlapping. I love that my interaction with these children and their families isn't limited to the three days of sports camp, but that I am being given opportunities to see them and be seen in every-day life kind of ways. I think that it's in the every-day way we live that we have the greatest impact on those who have taken notice of us. They may know us from a certain event or encounter or moment. But it's that introduction that causes them to observe us more carefully to see how we are every day.

Not long ago, in prayer, I was seeking God for some direction and that sort of thing regarding my own life, as well as for my family as a whole. He spoke something very simple to me: 'Live extraordinary in the midst of ordinary.' Then He immediately listed off Biblical examples for me - some of whose stories I had never read, so I had to go searching. Moses. Ester. Ruth. David. Peter. Paul.

Ruth was one of the stories I had to go looking for. I even had to read it a few times over to understand what exactly it was that she did so extraordinarily, because she appears to be quite ordinary. But I realized that she loved extraordinarily. She responded to Naomi with an extraordinary love and loyalty. A selflessness that goes above and beyond. She responded this way simply because it was her nature, not because she expected great things to come of it. But in doing so, she not only secured her family situation - a situation that had been quite shaky and worrisome for a time - but she also established herself as a member of the lineage of Jesus Christ. Her life was very ordinary, but she lived extraordinarily. She impacted the lives of others around her for the better. She shaped the course of her life, and of generations to follow. Ruth's extraordinary responses to ordinary circumstances impacted, shaped, changed the world forever. Her life became a layer upon which our lives have been built so many seemingly countless years later. That is the kind of life that God can use.

As I read through stories like Ruth's, and as I realize that in my own life my actions and responses to circumstances - every day ordinary circumstances - are being observed, and are shaping the ideas and attitudes of those observing me, I am challenged to press into Jesus more than I ever have before, so that His ways become mine. So that my natural manner of responding is one that will accurately reflect Him and that will please Him and honor Him. So that when others are watching, even when I am unaware or unsuspecting, they will see a life lived extraordinarily, no matter how ordinary the circumstances may be, and God will receive the glory for it. I want my life to be one that God can use.

Mega Sports Camp

Just wanted to give God some praise!!

It's been a busy week. Busy but good...VERY good! This week was our church's Mega Sports Camp outreach. It's a free sports camp open to the community, for kids ages 6-12. This year, the sports offered were soccer, baseball, and dance. Because my good friend was overseeing the organization of the camp, and because there was a need for coaches, I agreed to be a dance coach, which somehow then evolved into a 'head' dance coach. I'll be honest, I was pretty reluctant to do it. Not for any particular reason. I simply underestimated how awesome the experience would be. Now I can't wait to do it again next year!

I was continually blown away by the love these little children were so ready and willing to express, and were so desperately wanting to receive. Children I hardly knew, or didn't know at all, were gravitating to me and following me wherever I went. They were walking up to me and randomly hugging me - the biggest squeezes imaginable. It was so completely cool to see the smiles on their faces just because I gave them a hug, or a high five, or a little compliment.

I was also consistently amazed at the depth of the issues that these little girls are facing day-to-day. In our small group times, the things they were saying were not the kind of things I expected them to bring up. There were issues of death, violence, divorces, custody battles, physical illnesses, money issues, and on and on. I was heartbroken to get a glimpse into the messes that some of them are immersed in. I felt privileged, and rather humbled really, to have a chance to pray for these girls, to pray over them, to pray for their families, and even to pray with a few of them to ask Jesus into their lives. AWESOME!

As I was praying tonight in preparation for tonight's camp session, I really felt led to pray that this event, and that these moments and encounters would be a catalyst for real life change for these kids & for their families - and as families are changing, our community would also begin to change. I know it just looked like a sports camp on the outside, but at the root of this event is an element of God's great plan. I've seen before how God can enter into a closed-off family through the open heart of a child. I'm excited to see how He uses this camp to carry out His plan for us! What awesome potential we just experienced over the past three nights! He is amazing!

Unbroken Communion

One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for and insistently require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord (in His presence) all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to meditate, consider and inquire in His temple. You have said, Seek My face - inquire for and require My presence as your vital need. My heart says to You, Your face, Your presence, Lord will I seek, inquire for, and require of necessity and on the authority of Your Word. (Psalm 27: 4, 8)

I know I've referenced these verses more than once before. They are some of my favorites, and I come back to them for strength and perspective pretty regularly. Since the first time I heard this passage of scripture, I was intrigued. There is a depth to it that seems to draw me in. It has served as many things to me. It has been a challenge to me - is God's presence my first priority? It has served as encouragement to me. It has given me perspective and helped me to refocus on God when life tries to take His place in my heart.

But for the past several months, it has been a point of pondering for me. I am captivated by David's heart for the Lord. I adore the passion that is at the root of the life he lived for God. I have often wondered at a young man standing in the fields spinning and dancing for the Lord. Although he was not spotless in life, his heart amazes me. And every time I would read this Psalm (27) again, the language he used in these particular verses stirred something in me. It is language that describes adamant, intentional, unbroken communion with God. Unbroken. Continual. Unceasing.

And without being fully aware of it at first, in my spirit, I began to wonder if this was a possibility. I began to recognize that I have only begun to skim the surface of what is possible in a relationship with God. Even before my awareness caught up with my heart, I had began to pray that I would remain in the presence of God; continue in His presence; be always aware of Him; to not for a moment to lose sight of Him or to turn away from Him. Because I was loving the times that I would worship or pray and I would feel Him with me, but I was frustrated at other times when I would try to pray and feel like I couldn't find Him. How could I feel so close to Him and so sure of Him one moment, and in the same day struggle to feel anything but complete separation? For me, His presence sometimes was good, but not enough. So I continue to pray that He would continually remind me to think of Him, continually prompt me to pray, until I have developed a habit in my life that is so ingrained in me that I can't do anything else.

About two weeks ago, I was reading a book and I came across a few excerpts of a journal that was kept by a man named Frank Laubach. As I read, his words took my breath away. He had put into words exactly all that I had been feeling and trying to formulate in my heart for the past six months or so. This man was born in the late 1800's, and dedicated his life to teaching the illiterate to read. At the age of 45, he was dissatisfied with his spiritual life, and so determined that he would either spend every moment in continuous communion with God, or he would spend the rest of his life trying. The following are a few excerpts from his journal:

January 26, 1930: "Can we have that contact with God all the time? All the time awake, fall asleep in His arms, and awake in His presence? Can we attain that? Can we do His will all the time? Can we think His thoughts all the time?...Can I bring the Lord back in my mind-flow every few seconds so that God shall always be in my mind? I choose to make the rest of my life an experiment in answering this question."

March 1, 1930: "This sense of being led by an unseen hand which takes mine while another hand reaches ahead and prepares the way, grows upon me daily...sometimes it requires a long time early in the morning. I determine not to get out of bed until that mind set upon the Lord is settled."

June 1, 1930: "Ah, God, what a new nearness this brings for Thee and me, to realize that Thou alone canst understand me, for Thou alone knowest all! Thou art no longer a stranger, God! Thou are the only being in the universe who is not partly a stranger! Thou art all the way inside with me - here...I mean to struggle tonight and tomorrow as never before, not once to dismiss thee. For when I lose Thee for an hour I lose. The thing Thou wouldst do can only be done when Thous hast full sway all the time."

"For when I lose Thee for an hour I lose." I've felt like that so many times. The stark contrast between the satisfaction I feel when I sit in His presence and I am focused on Him compared to the withered feeling I feel when I am away too long. It makes me wonder why I stay away. If God is always present, why would I not pay attention to Him every moment of every day? Why would I not include Him in everything I do? Why would I not talk to Him about everything and in everything?

David says, I will seek You and insistently require You. Your presence will I require as my vital need. God's presence was not something David fell into on occasion, or at certain times of the week. He sought after God's presence. He actively looked for God, continually. A vital need is not a casual element of life. It is something we cannot be without. Like air to breath, it must be constant, and we must be continually breathing it in. It cannot cease to exist for even a moment, or we will cease to exist. It is vital. It is continuous. And we must actively take it.

God's presence, like the air we breath, is everywhere around us; it is readily available. But if we stubbornly hold our breath and refuse to take it in, it will be of little use to us. Like Frank Laubach, I am convinced that there is more than glimpsing the presence of God on occasion. What God wants from us, and what we need from Him is continued, unbroken communion. Sometimes talking; sometimes listening; or worshiping; or praising. But always aware of His presence, and always acknowledging Him in one way or another, so as never to lose sight of Him, not even for a moment. For when we lose Him for a moment, we lose. And all that He wants to do in and through us cannot be done until He has our everything, all the time.

Above all things, this is my heart's desire, and I will spend the rest of my life learning to never lose sight of Him and to remain continually in His presence.

For these 3 things alone?

When they had eaten, Jesus said to Simon Peter, Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these [others do--with reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion, as one loves the Father]? He said to Him, Yes, Lord, You know that I love You [that I have deep, instinctive, personal affection for You, as for a close friend]. He said to him, Feed My lambs.

Again He said to him the second time, Simon, son of John, do you love Me [with reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion, as one loves the Father]? He said to Him, Yes, Lord, You know that I love You [that I have a deep, instinctive, personal affection for You, as for a close friend]. He said to him, Shepherd (tend) My sheep.

He said to him the third time, Simon, son of John, do you love Me [with a deep, instinctive, personal affection for Me, as for a close friend]? Peter was grieved (was saddened and hurt) that He should ask him the third time, Do you love Me? And he said to Him, Lord, You know everything; You know that I love You [that I have a deep, instinctive, personal affection for You, as for a close friend]. Jesus said to him, Feed My sheep.

I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, when you were young you girded yourself [put on your own belt or girdle] and you walked about wherever you pleased to go. But when you grow old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will put a girdle around you and carry you where you do not wish to go. He said this to indicate by what kind of death Peter would glorify God. And after this, He said to him, Follow Me!

But Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved, following...When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, Lord, what about this man? Jesus said to him, If I want him to stay (survive, live) until I come, what is that to you? [What concern is it of yours?] You follow Me! (John 21: 15-22)

Look at the way Jesus wants us to love Him:

• with reasoning
• intentional spiritual devotion
• as one loves the Father
• with deep, personal affection
• as a close friend

As I was reading through this passage time and time again, I listened from Peter's perspective. What if Jesus told me today that I would certainly suffer an unpleasant death, and that He was not going to deliver me from that suffering, but that, instead, I would be asked to endure it for the glory of God? That's a pretty difficult thing to wrap my mind around, if I'm being honest. Really, I don't know about you, but I've always kind of had this idea that, as a child of God, I should be protected and exempted from suffering. Even though I know that's not what the Bible says, it still seems like it should be that way. Doesn't it? I mean, Jesus has been given all authority in heaven and on earth. As His own child, why wouldn't He step in and put a stop to the suffering?

This, in several forms, is a basic question that many non-believers offer up as a challenge to even the possibility that God exists. I've faced such questions myself, as unbelieving friends have challenged me to defend my faith. "If God is real, why..." Why do children die? Why do bad things happen? Why do Christians suffer? Why? Why? Why?

And it seems like Peter, in a less direct way, is asking the same thing of Jesus. "Well, what about that guy? Is he going to have to suffer? Why me? Why?"

Jesus knew that this was going to be a difficult pill for Peter to swallow. Look how He prefaces the topic. "Peter, Do you love Me? Do you love Me? Do you love Me?" Peter, do your life circumstances determine your willingness to serve Me? Or do you serve Me because you love Me? Will you love Me - will you follow Me - even if there are painful trials? Even if it seems someone else has it better?

Do you love Me with an intense, intentional, spiritual devotion; with a deep personal affection, as you love a close friend; love Me as one loves the Father? Do you love Me?

Then, because you love Me, follow Me. Live out your life as unto Me; be about My business here on earth while I am away. Use the time given to you to further the kingdom of heaven...in spite of circumstances. Don't follow Me because of what I can do for you - not for how you might benefit from knowing Me. Follow Me because you love Me; because I am God. Follow Me!

[After all] the kingdom of God is not a matter of [getting the] food and drink [one likes], but instead it is righteousness (that state which makes a person acceptable to God) and [heart] peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. (Romans 14:17)

The kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy. These three things Jesus died to give us -

• right standing with God,
• peace that passes understanding,
• and joy unspeakable.

These three things alone. I should have no other preconceived idea of what I will gain from following Jesus. This is not to say that God will not poor out blessings upon my life - upon the lives of those who love Him; it is not to say that He is an absent, removed God who does not protect and care for His children. It is simply this: At the root of my faith, am I willing to accept Him, to love Him, to follow Him, based on the kingdom Jesus died to make available to me? Am I willing to follow Him, love Him, and if need be suffer for Him, for these three things alone?

Is my God enough for me?

Yes.

The tragedy of religion

Okay. I've been sitting on this for about two months now. This is something I wrote in my journal back at the end of March, but have not shared so far for a couple reasons. The first reason: it's LONG (consider that your warning...LOL). The second reason: It's very likely to rock the boat, if you know what I mean. Finally today, for no reason in particular, I've decided to step out there and share these thoughts with you. The first part of it is a quoted passage directly from a book I've been reading (Authority of Prayer, by Dutch Sheets). The second part, my thoughts. Hang in there with me if you will. It's a little lengthy, but there is such power in the truth behind it.



The tragedy of 'religion' (words or actions without the power or substance that should accompany them - religiosity- see 2 Timothy 3:5) is this:

Expressions like ['ruling and reigning' and 'more than conquerors'] are often only heartwarming phrases of religious denial among Christians - stemming from a mentality that spouts slogans and verses about 'overcoming,' while people are actually being beaten up by circumstances and walked on by the adversary at
every turn. For many believers it seems enough to simply be called an overcomer or to think of themselves as one. Christ's abundant life is, for them, an appealing hope, perhaps even an intent, but not actual. The tragic reality is:

• Their minds are controlled by sin and compromising thought.


• Their marriages fail along with those of the world around them.


• Their children grow up questioning God's reality or relevancy.


• Their business fail alongside those whose owners don't know God.


• They walk in very little true peace or joy, experiencing the same stressed
  out lifestyle as unbelievers. (No wonder most unsaved Americans see no need for
  God. What difference would He make? they question.)


• They speak of prayer's power, but rarely pray; even less frequently do they
  see answers.


• They speak of an all-powerful God who is 'in charge' but who seems to be
  losing control of our nation - our schools, government, and culture as a
  whole.


• They glibly sing, 'Come on, let's take this city...' but they haven't taken
  even one yet, at least in the U.S

Yet off we go to our church services, week after week, learning our lingo and getting our denial fix, all the while wondering why the rest of society - and many of our children - think we live in a make-believe world of religion without reality, performance without power.

What I see as I read through this is that this is the vital key to reaching America, which is arguably the 3rd largest mission field in the world:

The church must heal - individual by individual - each person taking responsibility for his or her own life, living vitally connected to and ultimately governed by Christ Jesus, until one by one our lives are transformed into lives of victory, full of God's presence and power and abiding peace and joy. When the church is full of healthy Christians who live the lives God intended - seeking constantly to know Him better, to love Him more, and to be ever in His presence - our lives will begin to mirror Him to a nation of individuals who have been watching and waiting for a reason to believe the Bible is true and that God is Who He says He is - that we are what He says we are. That we are conquerors; we do live with peace and joy. Until our words match our lives, until our actions are backed with power and substance, we will hold no weight with the unbelievers of our nation. We will go on in a charade of religion without substance, power or purpose. We will continue in denial of all that is really lacking, completely and utterly falling short of the purpose God has intended for our lives. We will continue to sell ourselves short on the awesome life that we could experience if we would just get it and get real!

Truly, until we do this, they have every reason to question, 'What difference is He making in our lives?' What do we have to offer up as evidence of our God to a lost and desperate world but a life empty and void of peace and power? Until we get over ourselves, connect with God, and allow His ways to guide and govern every aspect of who we are, we cannot tap into all He wants to manifest in our lives, and through us, in the lives of others. Until we really connect with God, completely abandoning our lives to Him, we ourselves run the risk of falling into doubt, and questioning the reality and relevancy of the very God we so love to profess.

Until we become vitally connected to Christ, as individuals within the church, the church as a whole will continue its cycle of internal illness and will continue to be wholly ineffective at reaching out to, ministering to, and impacting the lives of the unbelieving men and women who are standing right outside the church - just on the other side of the walls that hold us in.

Few and far between

It seems my blog posts here are getting fewer and farther between as time goes on. This is NOT intentional. I've been wanting to post for weeks. The problem when you have a brain that works the way mine works...if I don't sit down and post it right away, after a while I just sort of move on. Sad, isn't it? Welcome into the head of a slightly-adult-ADD girl like me! So now I have a journal full of things that I've not shared, and they feel 'old' to me now. (Another side effect of having a quirky mind like mine...I internalize things quickly and get bored easily. So after I've thought it through and processed it, I just sort of move on???)

Anyway, I have had a very busy few weeks, and I've been living life very last-minute...getting somewhere just as it starts, or maybe a few minutes late; getting things done in the last possible moment; jumping from one task to the next to the next without having time to pause or get ahead. Today seems to be shaping up in much the same way already, since I have way more to do today than hours in the day. So I say a prayer for God's grace to rest on me, so that I can work efficiently and with ease.

Not surprisingly, God has, in the last few days, brought some correction to me in this aspect of my life. It is not the best way to go about life, being always rushed, doing the bare minimum. God's plan for us is to live lives of excellence, and to enjoy the life we are living (not watch it go by in a blur!). Anyhow, His correction came through a story in the Bible that I have known since childhood - the story of Martha & Mary.

Luke 10:38-42 - Now while they were on their way, it occurred that Jesus entered a certain village, and a woman named Martha received and welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister named Mary, who seated herself at the Lord's feet and was listening to His teaching. But Martha, overly occupied and too busy, was distracted with much serving; and she came up to Him and said, Lord, is it nothing to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me! But the Lord replied to her by saying, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; There is need of only one or but few things. Mary has chosen the good portion that which is to her advantage, which shall not be taken away from her.

Martha was not doing wrong - she was serving the Lord. The problem was that she was too busy serving to take time to enjoy what she was doing. Why was she so busy? Probably the same reason I get busy - because I fail to adequately prepare ahead of time, and my chores ends up invading the time I should be enjoying. Poor time management. Doesn't sound super spiritual, but it can be the difference between enjoying life or rushing through it, having time to enjoy those around me or feeling to busy to give them my attention, receiving from the Lord or missing what He has for me.

As I go through the day today, with so much to do to get ready for weekend guests, I want to keep this story at the forefront of my mind. It is good to serve, but it is not the most important thing. There is need of only one or a few things, and I want to focus on that. Lord help me get this.

The Cure for Unbelief

"Unbelief is stifling the flow of God's presence and power in our church today." (Quote taken from previous post)

We are hesitant - afraid - to really put ourselves out there and truly believe. We fear disappointment. Worse, if we're gut-level honest, at times we fear that nothing at all will happen, which might poke holes in our decision to believe in God. We're afraid if nothing happens, we will have to justify our belief in God, and maybe we're not sure we can do that. The possibility of believing and not receiving 'results' brings us face to face with our now-wavering faith and the ugly question that lurks somewhere below the surface...'What if God's not real? What if He's not Who He says He is?'

We must recognize that unbelief leads to unbelief. If God cannot, or will not, act in our circumstances when there is unbelief, yet we are afraid to believe because we fear He will not act, then we spin ourselves into a circle of dormant, inactive, ineffective faith, at the core of which lies a seed of doubt with regards to the very existence and/or sovereignty and ability of God Himself.

The remedy for this must be a sweeping epidemic of personal intimacy with the Creator of the universe. It may seem a stretch to seek intimacy with someone whose existence we are, for the moment, unsure of, but it must be if we are to correct the shift of unbelief that is weighing down the Body of Christ. When we know someone personally, it becomes quite difficult to doubt their very existence. The same holds true with knowing God.

As we seek Him, with the determined purpose of knowing the TRUTH, of knowing Him, He will make Himself known. But before any of this can begin to take place, a decision must be made. We must set our minds and keep them set. Regardless of our feelings, we must, in our hearts, rely on the fundamental assumption that God IS and that His Word is true. Not that we believe without reason, but rather we choose to persevere and press on in times of trial, giving God the benefit of the doubt for the time being, and allowing Him the necessary time to do a work in us and for us, that He would be given the opportunity to reveal Himself and make Himself known.

I have walked through this in my own life, facing some monumental, and seemingly insurmountable struggles in my faith. I've faced questions for which I had no answers. I've battled with severe, almost suffocating doubt. I've struggled to pray - to even force myself to say the words because they seemed so absurd. I believe that one factor made the difference in the outcome of my struggles. At the outset, I had determined that I would give God a chance to be known. For the time being, I clung to the foundations that His Word is true. I stayed in His Word, and time and time again, I found answers to the questions; I found peace to quiet the doubt. I found strength to pray when I had no words.

I find myself now on the other side of these struggles, and in the most incredible place. Time and time again, God not only saw me through my trials, but He used them to develop me and help me grow. He revealed His truths, His nature, and His character to me through His Word and through time in prayer. I began to see the evidence of His presence in my life. I began to recognize the sound of His voice, the promptings of His Holy Spirit. I began to know Him, and I began to fall in love with Him - desperately, madly, crazy in love like I never could have imagined. And the more I know Him and love Him, the more my eyes are opened to see more of Him. And the more I see and experience Him, the less room there is for doubt; the greater my courage becomes. I am much more willing now that I was even a year ago to make myself vulnerable in the hands of the Lord, because now that I know Him, my belief in Him is rooted in what I know - what I know from my own personal experiences. My experiences with God have given me more than enough reason to believe in Him, to believe that He is , that He is sovereign, that He is good, that He loves me, and that He is wholly capable.

Knowing Him is the cure for unbelief.

Does Faith Really Work?

NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things we hope for, being the proof of things we do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]. (Hebrews 11:1, AMP)

There is some strong language in this verse. Assurance. Confirmation. Proof. Conviction. Reality. Fact. This verse is, more or less, defining faith the way God sees it and the way He has designed it to work. By definition, faith is all or nothing. It is total and complete. It leaves no room for doubting and wavering and hesitating. It is assurance. It is confirmation. It is proof. It is having conviction that something is reality, and perceiving in the spirit a fact before it can bee seen in the natural. Faith is certainty.

What if it's wrong? What if I'm certain of something that doesn't happen? What if I pray for my child to be healed, and she keeps coughing? What if I believe for someone to recover, but instead they pass away? Does faith really work?

When I was young, my mom and I took a lot of trips to West Virginia. Her parents lived there, and we would go a few times a year to visit. West Virginia is a beautiful state with the most amazing mountain landscape. I remember on one particular trip to my grandparents' house, I was looking out the back window of our car as we were waiving our goodbye's and heading home. I had recently learned a new verse in Sunday School that says, If you have faith and you believe, you can tell a mountain to move, and it will be moved (Matthew 17:20). So, I looked out the back window, and with all the faith in me, I prayed that the mountain I was looking at would be moved, just so I could see that this worked. I waited. I watched out the window until the road had wound around and the mountain was out of sight. The mountain never budged. Not even a little. I was at a loss to understand why it hadn't worked. I mean, I really believed the Bible. I really believed that what it says is true. And I had full faith that my mountain was going to crumble at any moment.

I think this was one of my first experiences of exercising my faith and feeling disappointed at the result. Since then I've had countless experiences of praying for something, believing for something, and seeing no obvious results. And every time, I was left with a hint of a doubt to preface my next prayer. It seems that, over time, every prayer for healing or prayer for God to work in a situation became clouded with a shadow of a doubt that whispers, 'This isn't going to work anyway.' Why? If faith really works, why didn't my mountain crumble? Why do people suffer? Why does anyone go unhealed?

Can I tell you a true story? About a month ago, I was driving down my road, on my way home from the grocery, and a fleeting glimpse of my childhood attempt to bring down the mountain flashed through my mind. Then God spoke something very simple to me. 'It was never my will to move that mountain.'

How odd. I had not been thinking about it. I had not been seeking an answer to my mountain riddle. Yet, He spoke to me directly about it. Plain and clear. Obviously, He has a few things He wants to teach me about faith and how it operates. That was the first thing that He made clear to me. My prayer must be in line with His will for it to be effective.

Now let me show you a second thing God showed me shortly after this 'mountain revelation' (LOL). Quite a while ago I bought a book called 'The Spirit of Faith' by Mark Hankins. I got about half way through it, but got distracted by something else and never finished reading it. One day, though, I sat down in my bedroom floor, and of all things, I picked up this book and started flipping through it. I came across something that made me stop and give a lot of thought to the impact of my faith on the outcome of what I am believing for. The following is taken directly from the book I just mentioned:

People often say, 'It's up to God. If God wants to do it, God can do anything. He is a sovereign God.' Apparently, Jesus didn't know that. If God can do anything anytime He wants to, why didn't Jesus do it right there in His own hometown?

Mark 6:5-6 - And He was not able to do even one work of power there, except that He laid His hands on a few sickly people and cured them. And He marveled because of the unbelief (their lack of faith in Him). And He went about...and continued teaching.

Unbelief is stifling the flow of God's presence and power in our church today.

The second thing God has lead me to understand: Our own unbelief limits what God can do in our circumstances.

There's one more thing I want to share with you before I finish. This afternoon, as I read back through the verse in Hebrews that I shared at the beginning, even today my response was, 'What if it doesn't work?' (Clearly I've still got some work to do in this area). But what God put on my heart in response was so simple, yet so powerful. 'If it doesn't work, believe it again.' If I don't see results today, believe I will see them tomorrow. If I don't see results tomorrow, believe I will see them the day after. I will never see what I am unwilling to believe for - believing with complete certainty, as Hebrews describes. Faith is ongoing, and must outlast the circumstances. I would rather die in belief, never having received what I was believing for, than to never receive what I had hoped for because I would not believe.

Sometimes it does seem like our prayers aren't accomplishing anything. It feels like our faith is pointless, like it just doesn't work. Still, I've seen so many instances where the complete opposite has proven to be true. I've seen amazing answers to prayers that I've prayed. I've seen God work wonders in situations and circumstances that seemed impenetrable. Because I've seen God work, I KNOW my prayers are heard. I know that faith works. But faith does not leave room for doubt. When we doubt, we tie God's hands, and keep Him from being able to work miracles on our behalf. Further, our faith must line up with God's word and God's will. It is important that we take time to seek Him and sit in His presence, allowing the Holy Spirit to guide our prayers. That is when we are certain to pray according to the will of God. When I have prayed, in full faith, and in accordance with God's word and His will, I must continue to believe and wait on God, expecting to see an answer to my prayer at the exact moment, in God's perfect timing.

We are not often capable of understanding His plan, and we do not have the capacity to look ahead to see how circumstances will all work together for the good of His plan. We do, however, have the capacity to seek Him, to know Him and to trust Him, believing in full faith that He is a good God, that He alone is sovereign, and that He is capable of doing all things.

Jesus said to him, You do not understand now what I am doing, but you will understand later on. (John 17:3)

We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are fitting into a plan for good to and for those who love God and are called according to His design and purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait and hope for and expect the Lord. (Psalm 27:14)

Teach them to seek Me.

I had the privilege of teaching the 5th & 6th graders this past Wednesday night, and it was quite an awesome experience. God was all over it, which is so amazing to me - that he could use someone like me to reach into the lives others...incredible!

Last week we had talked about worship and prayer time. My friend had done a pretty incredible demonstration of what her time is like in her prayer closet, just worshiping and praying and praising God. It was pretty powerful, and it was clear that many of the kids had been impacted by what they had seen. So, she thought that a good follow up to that would be to talk about the kind of music they listen to.

But God had a different idea. Last Monday I was in prayer, just going on about all the stuff I wanted to talk about, when He broke into my ramblings and spoke something very clearly to my heart. My pen and journal were right there, so I grabbed them and started writing. This is some of what He said:

Teach them to seek Me. Without knowing Me, they cannot love Me. If they do not love Me, surely they will not cling to Me; they will turn away from Me, and many, once they've turned away, will not turn back. Break the idea that a relationship with Me is for sometime later in life. Now I AM. Now I am here. Now I love them. Now I am waiting.

I was overwhelmed! A lot of times when I feel God speaking to me, it's through His word or through discernment of circumstances, situations, emotions, etc. He gives me ideas or guidance, but often it comes in much smaller installments. But sometimes it seems He will just open the floodgates and let loose- or maybe He's wanting to do that all the time, and I'm just not listening? Anyway, this was definitely one of those times. As I listened to Him, and as I wrote what He was saying, I was just trying to keep up. He even gave me Scripture references, which was very cool - and I discovered that a few of them were more for my own sake than for anyone I would be talking to.

He said, Tell them that what I want from them is a relationship. Show them the heart of a worshiper - show them David. Then tell them your own story. Tell them that it's okay to ask Me for help.

How cool is that!? How amazing to get a glimpse of His heart for these children - kids that I see every week. How awe-inspiring to see how much He longs for them to love Him, He desires to show Himself to them. When I think about it, even now, I'm completely moved by His love and His tenderness toward them - these kids who may never have known even a moment of tenderness, or even an instance of pure love. These are kids who are, in many cases, really troubled, living in awful family situations, getting little or no positive attention, or any attention at all, from their parents. These are kids who many adults have already written off as problem kids who will go nowhere and be nothing. And to see that God has not for an instant written them off! Oh, how I love Him! It gave me a fresh perspective on reaching out to these kids and being a consistent source of love and support in their lives.

The teaching went really well. It flowed smoothly. I spoke with ease. It was a blessed evening, for sure. But the greatest thing about the whole night was a conversation I had with one girl at the end of the evening. She's one of the 'worst of the worst' when it comes to tough cases. She has always carried an attitude, and put up walls, been a little resistant and defiant. At one point, one of our leaders had even suggested telling her she couldn't come anymore because she was so disruptive. But attitude or not, she still comes regularly. And whether she likes it or not, she's still sitting under the Word of God for 20 minutes a week. It's not a lot, but it's plenty for Him to work with.

Well, while we were all hanging out, having pizza and pop, she came over and sat down next to me. She looked me straight in the eye and said, 'Rebecca, I'm afraid to die.' She didn't hesitate. She didn't waiver. I could see in her eyes she was plain freaked out by the thought of it. I could tell to that it was a good kind of afraid. God had definitely gotten a hold of her heart that night, and she didn't know what to do with it. We talked about it, and she told me she was afraid of what will happen to her when she dies. She's not yet to the place that she is ready to make the commitment to God, but it's awesome to see Him working in her heart! And it's awesome that she feels comfortable enough to talk to me about it.

I'll keep praying for her, and for all of our kids, and I'll continue to rely on the promise of God's Word that His Word will not return void, but that it will accomplish all that it was sent forth to accomplish. That's a sweet promise and a great hope for these kids! I pray that they will open themselves up to Him and take the time to get to know Him!

Of the House of Israel

Jesus sent out these twelve, charging them, Go nowhere among the Gentiles and do not go into any town of the Samaritans; But go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. (Matthew 10:5-6)

It is interesting to me that, the moment when Jesus first grants His power and authority to His disciples, he does not send them out to those who would be considered 'lost,' but rather, He sends them into the midst of God's own people - 'the lost sheep of the house of Israel.' They were sent to preach the kingdom of heaven, to cure the sick, to raise the dead, to cleanse the diseased, and to drive out demons from among God's own people. I can't help but question, WHY would this be His first assignment for them? Why would He have them use the full extent of the power of God to address those who already know about Him when He Himself said He came to reach the lost - that all would come to know Him and that none would perish?

Because the same was true then that is true now - there are 'lost sheep' in the house of God. Probably then, just as now, most did not even know they were lost. They knew of Him, but did not recognize a difference between knowing of Him and knowing Him. There were individuals among God's people who struggled with the truth of the kingdom of heaven; who battled illness that was contrary to God's perfect plan for their lives; and who were tormented by demons that contaminated their hearts and minds, keeping them from a pure and full relationship with God.

What was true then is true now. The body of Christ (the church) must be healed and made healthy and whole; it must be brought back to life; it must be consecrated wholly to the God, clean and uncontaminated, in order for it to function properly. When the church is healthy, it will be a powerful, unstoppable force for reaching the lost, which is the purpose of the church - You shall be My witnesses...to the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8)

We cannot reach out to those who do not know God and invite them to enter into an unhealthy, dead, sickly, and muddled, ambiguous church. If the body is not as it is intended to be, if it is not alive and vibrant and healthy, completely in love with Jesus, serving only Him, with no other motive than to glorify Him, then what we are presenting is a church that looks one way on the surface and is something altogether different at the core. It will not take long for someone on the outside looking in, or someone who has just stepped in for the first time, to see through what lies on the surface. And why would they want that? What on earth would make them stay? We cannot offer a mirage of the truth when the truth is so much better!

The spirit of a person knows and recognizes the truth of God long before the mind begins to understand it. When someone is drawn to Jesus, it is because his or her spirit has recognized the truth and longs for it. When their experience 'in the church' is perceived to be something different than that truth they first recognized, a door is opened wide to make way for confusion, doubt, dissatisfaction, and even disgust and resentment to enter in.

It is critical that the observable - the perceivable, physical experience - genuinely reflects the truth of the Spirit. This can only happen if the church is healthy and is operating in God's design and purpose for His body. It must be made up of individuals who are healthy and whole, abiding in Him and vitally connected to Him, passionately in love with Him and living to please Him because of their love for Him. When this is the condition of God's people, our lives will speak volumes to the truth of Jesus, and all that He is, and all that He is offering and has already made available. Oh, how I wish we would live lives that reflect Him like this! Consistently live lives that testify to God's love and faithfulness! That is God's desire for us as individuals, and it is His design for His church as a whole.

The shape of purpose

For over two years at least, a passion has been growing somewhere deep inside me. It has begun to shape my own relationship with Jesus in ways I had never previously experienced, driving me to seek Him, spend time with Him, get to know Him more. These experiences have been incredible, and I have found so much peace, I can't even describe it. But I am often left with a holy dissatisfaction...a feeling that there's more than my own experience with God - that it's meant to go beyond me. Somehow, it's not enough for me to know God and love God if I don't live my life as a testament to all that He is. If He, through me, cannot reach out and impact the lives of others for His awesome plan and purpose, then my life is not being lived to its fullest potential - it's true purpose. I know, because His Word says so, that He has a specific purpose for my life, as He does with everyone's. In the last week, I have experienced some awesome things with God, and I can sense my purpose begin to align with the passion in me, beginning to take shape. I still don't really know what it will look like, but I know that there are various stages to what I am intended to walk out, starting with my own personal relationship with Him.

One week ago today, in my prayer time, my train of thought was interrupted by a simple statement, 'understand the power of submission.' I thought I had made it up or misunderstood or something, but a moment later I heard it again. 'There is power in submission that you need to understand'.

And within a few hours, I came across a writing (by Beth Moore) that gave clarity to that very statement. My purpose, my call from God, is not to be an administrator, or a speaker, or a teacher, or a whatever else. The call on my life is not task-driven. It is not centered around what I do that others can see and recognize. My main call in living this life is simply this: to surrender to Him. Simply surrender and do whatever He asks of me, whether it is to teach a class of 50 students or care for one child in the nursery. My calling is to be abandoned to Him, trusting Him to shape my life for the purpose He has for me.

Authority

I love it when I begin to get a revelation of the truth of things I know in my head. A few weeks ago as I was studying, I read something that brought on one of those kinds of moments. What I was reading was actually on a completely different topic, but for some reason, it was like a crack opened in my understanding of God's authority. I caught just a glimpse of a piece of the whole truth, and not wanting to lose it, I grabbed my journal and started writing. Basically as I finished writing, I ran out of quiet time to read or study any further. I put my journal aside, and went on about my day.

Later that night, I was drawn back to what I had written earlier. As I prayed about what it was that God was trying to show me, piece after piece of the bigger picture began to fall into place. It was nothing I didn't know in my head, but to have a realization of the truth of it in the depths of my spirit was awesome.

I was given just a small glimpse of His true authority -

• to forgive
• to redeem
• to restore
• to heal
• to offer eternal life
• to break down strongholds
• to cast out demons
• authority over time itself
• authority over life and death

I knew as I finished praying that, if I could just get this, really internalize it and let it alter my understanding of Him, it could have a HUGE impact on my life. If I could only realize, recognize, and accept as truth His authority in every area of existence, how could I ever allow doubt to overpower my faith in Him? There would be no room for doubt - it would have to be choked out simply by the depth of my belief. That's awesome to think about!

As I look back over this list that I jotted down in my prayer time, I can't help but see that He has authority in every area that we seem to struggle with in faith. Forgiveness, for example. It's so hard to understand why He would forgive some of the things I've done or thought or said. It's so difficult to accept that He would be willing to do that when I've done nothing to deserve forgiveness. And I know I'm not alone in feeling this way - if we really accepted forgiveness, there wouldn't be so many of us trapped by our pasts, trying to do enough to earn what He is offering. We may not understand why He would so freely forgive, but He does it because He wants to and because can - He has the authority to forgive.

Just think about that in each area I wrote down - how His authority makes possible all the things that don't otherwise make sense. As I thought about it more and more, I got a desire to look up every scripture I could find that discussed His authority. What I found was incredible. Jesus did many things during His time on earth so that we would be able to understand and accept that He has authority over all those things that trouble us - to allow us a wide open door to have faith in Him and believe in Him completely. He spoke with authority. He healed to demonstrate His authority. He died and rose again for the sake of authority. There is definitely not a shortage of verses discussing His authority, but one passage in particular completely captivates me.

1 Corinthians 15:24-28 - After that comes the end (the completion), when He delivers over the kingdom to God the Father after rendering inoperative and abolishing every [other] rule and every authority and power. For [Christ] must be King and reign until He has put all [His] enemies under His feet. The last enemy to be subdued and abolished is death. For He [the Father] has put all things in subjection under His [Christ's] feet. ...However, when everything is subjected to Him, then the Son Himself will also subject Himself to [the Father] Who put all things under Him, so that God may be all in all [be everything to everyone, supreme, the indwelling and controlling factor of life].

His authority in all things is what allows Him to accomplish His purpose for all men - the way to salvation is made available; darkness is defeated; death is rendered powerless; and God the Father is glorified as the 'all in all' - the indwelling and controlling factor of life.

Feeling Withered

To say I've been struggling lately would be a mild understatement. It might be more accurate to say I have been repeatedly run over by a very large truck. I feel like every time I stand up, I get plowed over again. It could be described as walking through mud - progress is slow and exhausting, and any break for rest results in sinking and further 'stuckness.' Not a pretty picture.

I have been, for some time now, acutely aware of the fact that I cannot continue like this much longer; that I have reached the end of my proverbial rope, physically and mentally at times. Finally yesterday, I was crumpled to my knees with yet another blow - one more attack by the truck as I was struggling to my feet. What's to be done? I threw my hands up and hit my knees, desperate to get this figured out. Crying out to God to shed some light on what's going on. This is not the depiction of a person living as Christians are intended to live. There's no overriding peace and joy and patience and rest. There is exhaustion, frustration and confusion. God is not a God of confusion. He is the author of peace.

Why it took me so long to break I can't say. Why am I so bullheaded sometimes, insisting that I am strong enough and capable enough to take care of things, to not have to 'bother' God with my problems? Why would I, even for an instant, hesitate to go running straight to His arms and sit at His feet and seek Him for advice and wisdom and guidance? I know better. I was just acting dumb. Finally, finally, yesterday He got through to me. He got what He had been wanting for quite some time. I surrendered. I was brought to my knees, bawling and dumping everything out onto Him - everything that I had been unknowingly holding onto and internalizing. Once I got started, even I was surprised at some of the junk that came out. But out it came... thank God!

And in the midst of it all, I asked the one question that seemed quite obvious to me - 'What am I missing?' Am I not in the right place? Am I out of your will for me? Am I trying to force this to work for my own reasons? I examined every possible pretence I might have had in starting and continuing my current circumstances. And, just like so many times before, I felt reassured that I'm not out of place, just out of alignment.

The first thing I got was that my attention and focus have been misplaced a bit, and that my motives need to be shifted back His way. That was clear. That I get. But still, there was a fog over me, like I was still not seeing something so obvious. God, What am I missing? I just don't see it.

As I was getting out of the shower last night, (of all times - how random is that?) it hit me like a ton of bricks. And many things that have been said to me over the course of several weeks came flooding in like a big collage of thoughts. Collectively, it all points to John 15. Over and over again. John 15.

I AM the True Vine, and My Father is the Vine dresser. Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. Live in Me, and I will live in you. Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself without abiding in (being vitally united to) the vine, neither can you bear fruit unless you abide in Me. I am the Vine; you are the branches. Whoever lives in Me and I in him bears much (abundant) fruit. However, apart from Me [cut off from vital union with Me] you can do nothing. If a person does not dwell in Me, he is thrown out like a broken-off branch, and withers... (John 15: 1, 4-6)

For weeks, He has been trying to get my attention, to make me see that I have disconnected, and I have been slowly withering. I have been 'too busy,' and have tried to get by on the bare minimum. But He showed me last night, very clearly, that it is not a matter of eliminating tasks. It is a matter of re-prioritizing them. He is teaching me to be 'busy' and still keep Him first. This is something I must learn, not only learn but become solidified in, before I can move on to whatever comes next.

Lord, I hear what You are telling me - to keep my heart, my focus, my attention on You; to give You my time. To stay close to You, and not crowd You out with all that keeps me busy. To remain and abide in You. Let the reverential fear of You go before me, that I would submit my will to Yours; that I could not even consider disobeying You; that I would not sin. Let me make no other god, let me establish nothing else in higher priority than You, Lord. Let nothing else capture any part of the glory, honor, praise and worship that is rightfully Yours - that only You deserve. You alone, God, are worthy of everything I have. Let me live my life unto You, doing and giving and serving and loving unto You. Let me keep You at the center, high above all things, where You belong. You alone are God.

Come Closer

Luke 4:39 - So He bent over her and rebuked the fever, and it left her. She got up at once and began to wait on them.

I've read this story more than once, especially since it appears in more than one of the gospels. Jesus goes into Simon's home; Simon's mother-in-law is sick; Jesus heals her; she get's up and goes on about her business. Simple enough. I've never really gotten much out of the story, besides that it's another documented case of Jesus healing someone miraculously. But today in my studying, it came to my attention (with a little help from Beth Moore, LOL...I've been going through this book, and it's full of thought-provoking insight into the life of Jesus.), that Jesus bent over her. Just like a mother bends over her children to care for them when they aren't feeling well. This verse gives us a portrait of Jesus being intimately engaged with this woman out of genuine love and concern for her. He could have healed her from a distance - from the doorway, across the room, with just a spoken word. He could have. But His heart led him to engage with her, one-on-one, in her personal space. She was lying in bed. He came to her side and leaned over her and healed her.

So I started thinking about Jesus in a broader scope, outside of this one verse. His healing, His protection, and His presense in our lives is done with love and intimacy. It's His nature. But He will not impose Himself on us; He will only come as close as we allow. We determine our level of intimacy with Jesus. We determine how close He may come, what roll He can play in our healing and in our lives.

I thought next of Simon-Peter's mother-in-law, and the condition of her heart toward Jesus. To be lying weak in bed and allow someone to lean over you in close proximity requires a certain heart position. She had to trust Jesus. She had to submit to His position over her, and she had to allow herself to be in a state of vulnerability. If any one of these were not true, she would not have allowed Him to take the position He took. In the same way, if we withhold any one of these things from Him, we are effectively limiting His presence in our lives.

As I thought through this in my heart, I was moved to tears by His tenderness, and by His heart. Think of how He feels about us - how much He wants to do for us. Think how his heart must break when we put up walls and impose restrictions on Him. I think just as a mother, how I would feel...to have the ability to help my child, yet have my child refuse my help - that would tear me up inside. I would feel helpless, hurt, rejected, and maybe even somewhat devalued as a mother. It's almost too much to think that Jesus might feel like that on my account. I thought about my own life, and wondered about the level of closeness I actually allow. Have I opened up my home to Him? Have I invited Him into every situation? Or have I asked Him to stand in the doorway while we eat, or while we pay the bills? Have I made room for Him in the van when we go on road trips? Or do I just expect Him to keep us safe from a distance? How much closeness and intimacy have I invited into my relationship with Jesus? I hope a lot, but I'm afraid that it might be less than I would like to believe.

As I looked back at the heart-condition of Simon's mother-in-law, I compared that to my own heart. Yes, I trust Him. Yes, I am willing to submit to Him. But maybe I'm a little hesitant on the vulnerability part. I think I'm sometimes afraid to open up and let go of stuff, afraid I might be disappointed. But I see now that, by holding back in this area, I'm actually limiting His ability to work in my life, thus setting myself up for disappointment. I realize that my heart needs to be softened toward Him; it needs to be always turned toward Him; I need to choose to be vulnerable - to let my heart be laid wide open to Him, holding nothing back. I don't want Him to have to stand five feet from me when I'm lying sick in bed. I want Him to lean over me with love and concern and heal me close-up. I want Him - I need Him - to come closer.

Psalm 107

O GIVE thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever!

Oh, that men would praise the Lord for His goodness and loving-kindness and His wonderful works to the children of men! For He satisfies the longing soul and fills the hungry soul with good.

Oh, that men would praise the Lord for His goodness and loving-kindness and His wonderful works to the children of men! For He has broken the gates of bronze and cut the bars of iron apart.

He sends forth His word and heals them and rescues them from the pit and destruction.

Oh, that men would praise the Lord for His goodness and loving-kindness and His wonderful works to the children of men!

And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving and rehearse His deeds with shouts of joy and singing! (Psalm 107 - various verses)

Oh, that we would truly see God for all that He is! For His unfailing love that endures forever! For the redemption He has made available to us! That we would give back to Him only a fraction of all that He deserves - which is all that we are! That we would live with thankful and grateful hearts and not waste a minute of our time complaining, grumbling, being discontented and wanting what others have. That we would not disrespect Him by being ungrateful. That we would truly live lives filled with worship. What I would give to see that become reality!

I love time in prayer when I get a real glimpse of His majesty. It's overwhelming and so completely humbling. And I can't help but be filled with love - total love - and I'm left so totally in awe of Him. I love those times.

But the sad truth is, when I get up and get back to life-as-usual, what was so obvious to me not moments before, sometimes gets lost so easily. And something so silly can turn me around in circles and leave me with a murmuring, complaining attitude. Oh, if I would just walk through each moment of each day with Him before me, never losing sight of His beauty! Never forgetting how much I have to be thankful for! Not for a moment allowing myself to complain about my children, or my messy house, or my work load, or the piles of laundry; but instead turn each into an opportunity to praise Him for my beautiful family, my comfortable home, my opportunities to serve others, and plenty of clothes to choose from each morning when I get dressed.

And if I would just not lose sight of how much He has done for me and how much credit and glory and honor and praise I owe Him. If my selfishness, my arrogance, and my pride would not be given an opening to sneak back in and take a hold in my heart. If I could walk in true humility before my King, and before others, knowing that not to myself, but to Him is all true glory.

And, Oh! If the passion for worship would be so evident in my life that it becomes infectious in the lives of those around me! That I would truly worship God in every thing I do. In doing the dishes, and bathing my children, and cleaning my house, and going to the grocery. That I would take every opportunity to worship God, to include Him in every detail of every day. That my life would be wholly centered around Him, and that my love for Him would spill over and impact the lives of others!

Oh, that men would praise the Lord!