The Heartbreak of God

Genesis 6:6-7 - And the Lord regretted that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved at heart. So the Lord said, I will destroy, blot out, and wipe away mankind, whom I have created from the face of the ground--not only man, [but] the beasts and the creeping things and the birds of the air--for it grieves Me and makes Me regretful that I have made them.

My heart twinges as I read this Scripture. It hurts to imagine the way regret must feel in the heart of God - regret at such an infinitely deep level. Regret for something so large as the creation of man - man, whom God created as a companion and lover of Him. I think this must have hurt Him infinitely worse than the worst of losses we could ever have endured as humans. How His heart must have hurt!

Genesis 6:11-12 - The earth was depraved and putrid in God's sight, and the land was filled with violence (desecration, infringement, outrage, assault, and lust for power). And God looked upon the world and saw how degenerate, debased, and vicious it was, for all humanity had corrupted their way upon the earth and lost their true direction.

How is this any different than the state we are in today? Our hearts are turned against God, and our lands are full of violence, desecration, outrage, assault and lust for power, and we, collectively, have certainly lost the true direction that once guided us. What, then, must we assume God feels in His heart when He looks at the condition of man? I've often wondered about this. I doubt my heart has the capacity to endure the paint and hurt He feels because of us.

And it breaks my heart to think that this generation - my generation - is the cause of so much pain in the heart of my Loving God. It is the cry of my heart that I would daily walk in a way that is pleasing to Him, and that the church would begin to turn around, turn our hearts back to Him, and live out lives that please Him and bring Him joy. We should never, for a moment, be the source of pain to a God Who has done so much for us! I pray that we will be continually transformed by Him, becoming more and more like Him, that we would also become a constant source of joy for Him in a world filled with so much hurt.

Free to be Me

This is a layout did to record and journal a very personal, very vulnerable, and very intimate encounter with God. Amazing, and altogether uncomfortable all at the same time. Yet I would give all that I am to be in that place with Him forever. He is beyond words to me. I tried to capture just a fraction of my thoughts on this moment and the impact He has had on my life. I'm not sure I really succeeded, but I enjoyed the process. I debated whether or not to share. I decided to, because I know I'm not the only person to have a hidden, shut-up part of me that is kept off limits, even to God Himself, even to myself if I'm being honest. I thought maybe it might help even one person to come to a realization of the wholeness He brings, and the exhilarating reward of total vulnerability.

You should be able to click on the image to view a larger, easier to read view.

Filled with Prayer

Acts 3:1-8 - One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, "Look at us!" So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.

Nice story, isn't it? Still, for some reason, I've always felt uncomfortable reading this story, and I tend to find myself skimming over it or skipping it all together. So today when I came across it again, I was tempted to just bypass it under the pretense that 'I already know that...don't need to read it again.' But I didn't. I backed up and read it for probably the twentieth time in as many months.

As I read this passage today, I couldn't help but wonder at Peter and John. Lord, how is it that they can be so bold as to just tell this guy to get up and walk? And in that moment I realized why it is that this passage of Scripture seems to bother me so much.... because I'm pretty sure I would not have been so bold. I might have prayed for the guy if he asked, but to just command him to get up and walk! What if I go through all of that, and at the end of it all he still just lays there, unable to walk? How embarrassing would that be?! I realized I would be afraid of being embarrassed if nothing happened.

Immediately as I thought through this, I was reminded that 'God has not given me a spirit of fear.' Fear does not come from Him at all, and if it doesn't come from Him, I don't want it!

So my next question was, then how does that work? How do I get to the place, like Peter and John, where I feel confident and bold enough to command a person to be healed in the name of Jesus, and trust completely that it will just simply happen? I mean, they didn't pray and petition God to heal that man in that moment. They just told him to get up. They did just what Jesus did when He was walking the earth performing miracles. He simply commanded healing, and there was healing.

Well, maybe some of John and Peter's confidence came from walking with Jesus and witnessing His countless miracles. That might account for some of it... maybe... I mean, familiarity and personal experience does a lot to boost your confidence. But I think there's a lot more to it than that. In fact, as I read on into chapter 4, I began to see that this kind of confidence is made available to us without barriers. We simply have to be in the position to receive it.

The series of events following this miraculous healing at the Beautiful Gate finds John and Peter on trial before the religious leaders of the day because they had done this miraculous act. The leaders ultimately determine that they can't convict the two men of anything because the people are so excited about what they've just done. Instead, the leaders sternly warn John and Peter to never again teach or talk about or perform miracles in Jesus' name. Peter and John's response is "Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God's sight to obey you rather than God. For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard."(Acts 4:19-20)

Then the two men return to the other apostles and tell them all what had just happened. And the apostles all prayed and worshiped together. They praised God for all that He is; they praised Him for times past when man set Himself against the message and the truth of God and failed. And then they prayed this: "Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus." (Acts 4:29-30)

After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly. (Acts 4:31)

The key to their boldness - their unwavering faith - at the Beautiful Gate that day, I believe, was that they had prayed something similar before. Their time in prayer was spent together, petitioning God to give them boldness, to allow them to speak with confidence and full freedom without fear. Their prayers were that God would, through them, stretch out His hand to cure the sick and to perform miracles through Jesus' authority and by His name. And they were continually being renewed in and filled with the presence of the Holy Spirit.

They were following the example that Jesus had set for them during the time He was with them. He did the same. He would spend time in prayer, go about doing good and healing those who were afflicted, then go back and spend more time in prayer.

It makes me think about what I'm praying for - how I'm praying. I know beyond a doubt that prayer is God's design for each of us, and it is what He works through to alter the course of the world. It's His plan for working in us and for working through us to reach the world. Prayer is vital.

"If the church would only awaken to her responsibility of intercession, we could well evangelize the world in a short time." - T.S. Hegre

Just something to think about

"Let us not glide through this world and then slip quietly into heaven, without having blown the trumpet loud and long for our Redeemer, Jesus Christ. Let us see to it that the devil will hold a thanksgiving service in hell when he gets the news of our departure from the field of battle." -C.T. Studd

I came across this quote in my reading, and I love it. Lately I think I'm falling far short of the bar. Thank God His mercy is new every day, and today can be a new beginning (probably my millionth!) This quote - this well-thought-out life mission statement - can serve as a reminder of the boldness I have because of Jesus, and all that I want to give back to Him in gratitude. I truly do want to come to the end of my life and look back on it, knowing that I have had a consistent and profound impact on this world for His kingdom, not for my own glory, but as the best gift I can offer back to Him for all that He is and all that He has already given to me.

Mark 10

And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before Him and asked him, "Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" And Jesus said to him, "Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.'" And he said to him, "Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth." And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, "You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. (Mark 10:17-22)

This is another story I'm familiar with. I've heard it taught a few different times, and pretty much, the teachings are all similar. I guess I don't have anything earth-shaking to add to what I've heard before, but there were some small things I noticed, that pricked at my heart, as I was studying this account. I just want to highlight the points that stood out to me as I went through this.

1) a man ran up and knelt before Him...Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful...

How familiar is this scene? Isn't it what we've played out countless times in our own lives? No? At first I didn't think so. I didn't really relate to this guy. But I read it last night again, sitting in a worship & prayer service at church, and I realized how common this man's behavior is. He did what we do:

• He ran up to Jesus and he knelt before Him - just as we run to the alter or cry out in prayer;
• He wanted to know what was required of him to get into heaven - he asked about eternity...clearly it was on his mind...it was of interest to him. Don't we do the same? 'Jesus what do you want from my life? What can I do for You?...'
• Then Jesus spoke to him. Apparently, what was said seemed too hard; maybe he wasn't quite ready to take the step that was asked of him; maybe he was afraid to do what Jesus was asking... Whatever the reason, the man did not do what Jesus had asked of him, and he went away. This is where I initially deviated from being able to relate to this guy, but now I get the fact that we are not so different - I am not so different. Sometimes when I ask those kinds of questions, I like what I hear - it's encouraging or exciting. Other times, though, when I ask, He brings correction or asks something of me that goes above and beyond what I was expecting. And I go away. I don't walk away from Him completely, like the man in Mark did, but I finish my prayer time and I go on about my life. And when the thing He has spoken to me is hard, sometimes I struggle to comply, or I find myself compromising or making deals and bargains. Well, He's not asking me to bargain. He's asking me to obey. And neither good intention nor partial compliance counts for obedience. No matter how many times I ask the question, His answer does not change. It is simply a matter of whether or not I am willing to comply. For that, I am no different than the man in Mark.

2) And Jesus, looking at him, loved him...

I know this doesn't seem like much, and honestly, at first, I skimmed right over it when I read it. But the second or third pass through, this grabbed a hold of me and gripped me. Simply that Jesus knew this man's heart; knew the decision he would make; and He LOVED him. I love the fact that the author felt it was important enough to insert that bit of information, where it could have easily been omitted. It means that, without 'He loved him' we don't get the full picture. Otherwise, it wouldn't be there. However, it is important that we know it, so it was intentionally included. A subtle thing, but one of those things in Scripture that I absolutely love. Worth thinking on for a few minutes.

3) You lack one thing...

Look at the commandments Jesus listed. He listed EVERY SINGLE commandment that addresses how we are to deal with others. And, according to this man, he had kept every one of these commandments. He was, by the world's account, 'A good man' - the sort of person we assume will get into heaven for sure. Don't we all know those kind of people - the ones who are generous and compassionate; they volunteer at the soup kitchen, and they donate to every good cause under the sun; they never say a cross word to anyone; they give the shirt off their back for a friend or a neighbor. You know, 'good people.'

But Jesus says this man is lacking one thing that is crucial in determining a person's eternity in heaven. So what is it? Is it that he has too much money? Too much stuff? No, I don't believe that's it. I think it has to do with all of the commandments that were NOT listed - every commandment that addresses our relationship with God - with putting Him first, and center, and most important. What the young man was missing was a heart that put God above all things. He wanted to get into heaven. He had done every good thing in his earthly ability. But Jesus was not the most important to him. Apparently, for this particular man, the thing that held the highest regard in his heart was his wealth, which is why Jesus challenged him to lay it down.

At the moment this man walked away, he had made the choice to value his worldly possessions above Jesus. And he walked away sad because he recognized that, although he wanted to go to heaven, he was not willing to do what was necessary to get there.

That's a pretty heavy realization to come to, and one that I am continually evaluating in my own life. Is He really my center, my focus, my most important? Does my life demonstrate that by the way I am living? Is He getting my time? My attention? Am I relying on Him or myself? How much am I including Him in my every-day life? Is He the first thing I think of, or is He an afterthought in my down-time or at the end of the day? Because if He is not my most important, then something else is. If there is something that I am not willing to give up in order to spend eternity with Him, then I am in the same position as this young man in Mark. And, according to the Word of God, as long as I stay in that position, I can be assured that I will not be spending eternity with Him.

I think this story can be summed up quite simply: I can't be good enough on my own. In exchange for eternal life in heaven, He wants to be my One True God, and He asks that I love Him MOST, having nothing in my life that is more important to me than Him. Then my love for Him is demonstrated by my obedience, and by the way I live and show love to others.

I'm really glad He did that

The kids and I have been reading the Narnia books at bedtime and nap time, as we get the chance. Today, I read to them a bit for a resting sort of down time, and I have to say that it affected me more than I ever expected it could.

I read to them the part where the witch demands Edmund's life, because he was a traitor...
where Aslan, unbeknown to any of the others, commits to give his own blood, his own life, in exchange for Edmund's... where Aslan walks slowly to the table to offer himself in exchange for the boy's... where the girls walk alongside him, and he asks them to hold onto him, just to know they are there... when he submits to the hand of his enemies, willingly, without resistance or retaliation, and he is humiliated, and tortured and devalued and mistreated. And all the while, my heart swelled with grief, knowing that Jesus endured His own, much worse, much more real version of this; knowing that I am Edmund - I am the traitor, the sinner, the imperfect one; that it's my life that has been demanded because of my sins, and it was His life that He gave in exchange for my own. And I felt just a glimpse of the sorrow, the loneliness, the hurt, and the heaviness that He must have felt. And tears welled in my eyes, and I had to stop reading for a moment, because I know He endured that for me.

And I could relate to the girls in the book who wanted so badly to reach out and grab a hold of him, and who were so relieved to finally be able to touch him and run their hands through his mane. And I imagined the indignation they felt as they watched him endure all that he endured; as they watched him give his life.

And I felt triumphant as the Queen laughed and gloated, knowing that she had no idea whom she was really dealing with; that her triumph and victory would be wholly temporary. And I filled with praise for my God, Who seemingly gave Himself up to death, yet in it all was victorious over his enemy and over death itself. What a glorious moment it must have been when Satan realized his defeat after all! And I felt a fresh surge of victory, knowing that the enemy of my soul has been defeated, and his reign in our own Narnia will soon come to an end - his winter will melt away, and a new world, a fresh world, filled with the love and the goodness of God will take its place.

We've gotten most of the way through the second book so far, and until today, I've never explained to my children that this is an allegorical story. I've never told them that Aslan represents Jesus, or any of that. But today, mid-chapter, I stopped reading, and felt so entirely compelled to explain this all to them. I told them Aslan was like Jesus; the witch like the devil; Edmund like each of us... I explained that the Bible says that when we sin - when we lie, or feel hatred toward someone, or disobey our parents, or say a nasty thing, or take something that's not ours, or want something that someone else has - the payment for that is our lives. But Jesus chose to give His life, His blood, in place of ours. His blood and His life has already paid for every mistake we have every, or will ever make. We just need to thank Him for doing that, and live our lives in a way that is always telling Him thank you for what He did for us.

As I spoke, Sebastian listened intently... He listened as I talked about the cost of sin in our lives. He said at one point, "I was really worried until you said that Jesus already did that for us. I'm really glad He did that." While I recognize that this is a gross understatement, all I can say to that is "Me too."

Make a way

I confess this is going to be a long post. As I read this story the other day - a story I've known since childhood - I was captivated. My imagination went on overdrive and began to fill in the blanks - to glimpse the emotions and desires of the disciples; to wonder at the heart condition of the people; to marvel at everything that is implied in the midst of all that is not said. I love that Scripture is so alive like this. Just wanted to share some of my thoughts:

Mark 6:31-34 - And He said to them, [As for you] come away by yourselves to a deserted place, and rest a while--for many were [continually] coming and going, and they had not even leisure enough to eat.

And they went away in a boat to a solitary place by themselves. Now many [people] saw them going and recognized them, and they ran there on foot from all the surrounding towns, and they got there ahead [of those in the boat]. As Jesus landed, He saw a great crowd waiting, and He was moved with compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and He began to teach them many things.


I seriously doubt compassion would have been my overriding emotion here. I wonder if the disciples were also feeling compassionate, or if they were tired of the crowds & just wanted some quiet time? I couldn't help but wonder as I read this, What was it that moved Jesus? What was it about the people? What was it about Him? The Word says they were like sheep without a shepherd.

• without guidance
• without protection
• wandering with no direction, aim or purpose
• lost
• looking for someone to follow??
• feeling vulnerable, insecure

Maybe if I really understood the behavior of sheep, I could draw more out of this than I have; maybe my list would be longer or more enlightening? But I think this list above describes every person who tries to function without Jesus. Every person that I know who does not know Jesus is like a sheep without a shepherd, yet I am seldom moved with compassion to the point of taking action. I pray that He would continually change this about me until I am like Him.

Mark 6:35-46 - And when the day was already far gone, His disciples came to Him and said, This is a desolate and isolated place, and the hour is now late. Send the crowds away to go into the country and villages round about and buy themselves something to eat. But He replied to them, Give them something to eat yourselves. And they said to Him, Shall we go and buy 200 denarii [about forty dollars] worth of bread and give it to them to eat?

And He said to them, How many loaves do you have? Go and see. And when they [had looked and] knew, they said, Five [loaves] and two fish. Then He commanded the people all to recline on the green grass by companies.

So they threw themselves down in ranks of hundreds and fifties [with the regularity of an arrangement of beds of herbs, looking like so many garden plots]. And taking the five loaves and two fish, He looked up to heaven and, praising God, gave thanks and broke the loaves and kept on giving them to the disciples to set before the people; and He [also] divided the two fish among [them] all.

And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve [small hand] baskets full of broken pieces [from the loaves] and of the fish. And those who ate the loaves were 5,000 men.

And at once He insisted that the disciples get into the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side to Bethsaida, while He was sending the throng away. And after He had taken leave of them, He went off into the hills to pray.

So from what I can gather, it was late, and it was time to think of eating dinner. Still this crowd of 5,000 lingered - to hear Him, to be near Him. Their motivation to feed their stomachs was nothing compared to their desire to stay near Him. I'm amazed that they all chose to sit down and recline, even before they knew He would be feeding them. By nature, the posture of reclining makes one think of settling in and staying a while. These 5,000 were willing to forgo their meal, well into the evening, just to stay where He was. This was their heart condition - hungry to be near Him, to hear Him, to wait on Him. Maybe it was this heart condition that moved Him with compassion? Perhaps it was this attitude of faith and belief in Him that made it possible for Him to pour out such a miraculous meal on them - quite a difference from what He was able (or unable) to do in Nazareth not long before this.

And I can't help but notice this about Jesus as I read this account: when the disciples were tired and ready to send the people on their way, Jesus was unwilling to let them go. He made a way for them to stay with Him. Only after they had been satisfied by the One Who is more than enough did He personally disburse the crowd.

Then He went and prayed. I wonder what He prayed about? Surely He was tired and in need of His Father's company; in need of being refreshed and refilled; in need of wisdom, guidance, direction for all that was yet to come. But I wonder, did He also lift those 5,000 up in prayer? That all they had seen and heard that day would stay with them? That His words would be protected and guarded in their hearts? Did He pray a blessing over them? Although I don't know the answers to these questions, I love to get glimpses of Him like this. I love to get a glimpse of the tenderness of Jesus. And I am continually humbled when I think that the Lord of lords takes time to pray for me and my simple life...that I am just one in the crowd, yet He knows me, knows what I need, and He goes before His Father on my behalf. I depend on His perfect prayer, knowing that He is always moving and working in my life and my family. I could never deserve a love like this, and I am eternally thankful to Him.

To Invoke a Blessing

Luke 24:50 - Then He conducted them out as far as Bethany, and, lifting up His hands, He invoked a blessing on them.

This verse comes toward the end of the book of Luke, and I've always read it as kind of a transition to His miraculous ascension to heaven. For some reason or another, I ended up reading back through this a few days ago, and I got hung up on this verse. It has never registered with me before, but it did that day. I paused to reflect on the notion of Christ calling down blessings over them. I realized that this moment went far beyond the ritualistic idea that I sometimes have on 'blessings' in the church - words recited without thought; prayers without real faith in the outcome.

But this blessing...this moment described in Luke 24...there has never been a hollow, vain, ineffective word uttered by Christ Jesus. His blessing was in full faith, complete certainty, absolute assurance of the outcome - that it would be all exactly as He had spoken. This was a perfect prayer prayed over these people. Wow, what I would give to have been in that crowd, to have been included in that blessing!

So my mind started wandering a bit...I wonder if He has ever invoked such a blessing over my life? Over yours? I believe He has - in my spirit, I feel it. Maybe somewhere in the Bible it confirms that. I'm not sure, but I know that He is always praying over us, interceding for us.

My mind is boggled trying to imagine that I would be the recipient of such a perfect prayer; that the Lord of lords would look upon me and feel that His efforts would be best put to use by praying for me, or speaking blessings over me. How could I possibly think of such a thing and not be completely humbled by my complete inability to ever remotely come close to deserving such attention. But He gives it freely. Sometimes still I have to remind myself that that's how He loves me. I don't deserve it. I never will. But I will accept it and I will thank Him.

I pray that my heart and my attitude of faith would be transformed to be like His; that my prayers - more than that - every word I utter - would be full of meaning, fueled by unwavering faith, having the fullest measure of effectiveness; that I would believe as He did on the day He ascended to heaven, having absolute certainty in the result, even before it is seen.

I pray that the Lord would set a guard over my mouth, that in my heart I would weigh the full measure of every word I speak before it is spoken; that my mouth would not be a contradiction to itself by speaking both blessings and curses.

James 5:16 - ...The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power & produces wonderful results.

Isaiah 55:11 - So shall my word be that goes forth out of My mouth: it shall not return to Me void (without producing any effect, useless), but it shall accomplish that which I please and purpose, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.

An Awesome Promise!

I came across this verse in my reading today. It was actually a verse that was in proximity to another verse I had looked up as a cross reference... it's amazing that I even happened to read it, because I surely was not looking for it. But it is one of the most encouraging verses I've ever read, and it is one incredible promise!

Isaiah 49:23 - ... and you shall know [with an acquaintance & and understanding based on and grounded in personal experience] that I am the Lord, for they shall not be put to shame who wait for, look for, hope for, and expect Me.

This element of faith has been a battle for me for much of my life - What if I believe and nothing happens? What if I'm disappointed? What if I make God my 'plan A' and He doesn't come through?

....This leads me to always have a 'plan B' in place...which is quite contrary to the faith God wants in us. When I make my own 'just in case' plan, I'm really saying to God that I'm not sure He will really be there for me, and that I can take care of things myself. That's not faith. That's doubt masquerading as faith.

But this verse in Isaiah puts a stop to all of that - or at least it should. Knowing the Word of God is truth, and that every promise in it is for every person who believes & does according to His Word, I know that I can rely on this promise...for me personally. If I dare to believe God, rely on Him, and expect Him to move on my behalf, He promises He will not let me down. I will not be put to shame. It's a promise.

Fall on my face

I realized yesterday during my prayer time how very blah I have been in my attitude toward spending time with God lately. I have not approached it with any kind of urgency or priority, letting all of the 'urgent' circumstances in day-to-day life to take the lead. Very simply put, I realized how utterly ashamed I would be if Christ would have return right then. I would have nothing to do but fall on my face and beg for forgiveness, pray for mercy and grace.

I am astonished at how quickly the world can sneak in and steal what belongs to God. I am astonished at how very little effort I really made to stop it. I am thankful for God's forgiveness, because I am weak and in desperate need of Him.

Psalm 103:2-4, 8 - Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul, and forget not one of all His benefits-- Who forgives every one of all your iniquities, Who heals each one of all your diseases, Who redeems your life from the pit and corruption, Who beautifies, dignifies, and crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercy; The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and plenteous in mercy and loving-kindness.

To Alter History

I heard something today that has renewed my mental view of prayer. It was very simple, and it seemed very obvious. Yet the more I thought about it, the more I realized that, although I believe in prayer, I have not been truly viewing and approaching prayer as though I do believe it.

It was simply this: Every time I pray, I have acted to altered the course of history because I have invited God to work in and alter circumstances. Without prayer, history goes in one direction. With it, it goes another.

This is the truth of prayer. It's time for me to see it as an opportunity for God, through me, to shape the course of history.

Peace

I am so thankful for this peace. I wouldn't be able to get through many days (including this one) without it. As we count down to Thanksgiving, this is definitely one of my blessings I am counting. It's the best feeling when His peace washes over me and takes away the tension, the worry, the anxiety. And He gently reminds me that He is big enough to take on all of my cares and my worries. And I don't have to take the responsibility for things only He can do. His peace brings such wholeness, and such release and perspective in my every-day life. I am so thankful.

John 14:27 - Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

The Leaven of the Pharisees

Mark 3: 1-6 AGAIN JESUS went into a synagogue, and a man was there who had one withered hand [as the result of accident or disease]. And [the Pharisees] kept watching Jesus [closely] to see whether He would cure him on the Sabbath, so that they might get a charge to bring against Him [formally]. And He said to the man who had the withered hand, Get up [and stand here] in the midst. And He said to them, Is it lawful and right on the Sabbath to do good or to do evil, to save life or to take it? But they kept silence.

And He glanced around at them with vexation and anger, grieved at the hardening of their hearts, and said to the man, Hold out your hand. He held it out, and his hand was [completely] restored. Then the Pharisees went out and immediately held a consultation with the Herodians against Him, how they might [devise some means to] put Him to death.

It is very easy for me to read through this quickly and think, 'Those awful Pharisees! How could they be such horrible people?' But as I read this tonight, I realized that I am often very much like these men. They didn't object to His healing the man...only that He did it in a time that they deemed inappropriate. In essence, they had compartmentalized their lives, with acceptable time slots being made available for God to move and work. They had their plans for the way the Sabbath was to go - their own agendas, their own expectations for a given trip to the Synagogue. They were mad because Jesus operated outside of their own agenda/expectation structure. They had an idea of what was acceptable on the Sabbath, and their preconceptions were directly and openly challenged - we could even say they were violated.

How different are we really from that? I know I'm not that far off. There have been so many times where I knowingly close myself off from what I think God might be wanting or trying to do in or through me - not because I don't want Him to move...just that I don't want Him to do it right then. For whatever reason, really, but they all basically boil down to an inconvenience to me. I've definitely been guilty of compartmentalizing my life, and keeping God out when I might be delayed, or embarrassed, or personally convicted if I let Him in. I have been guilty of closing off certain times - sometimes it is Sunday morning, while I'm sitting in church - selfishly keeping that time to myself, in my own control, hoping it will run by my own agenda, my own timing, my own expectations. How different am I really from the Pharisees?

Luke 12:1 - ...Be on your guard against the leaven (ferment) of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy [producing unrest and violent agitation].

Just a note: I looked up "leaven" in Websters for clarification, just to make sure I understood clearly what Jesus was saying. Leaven, generally speaking, is an agent that causes dough to rise, as yeast does. One definition, though, that Websters gives states this: 'to leaven is to spread throughout, causing a gradual change.'

Any kind of gradual change that Jesus warns against is a gradual change I do not want. Lord, please change this in me, and help me be always available to You. What good is my life if it is not always open and available to You to work in and through me as You wish?

These are a few of my favorite things

Mark 1:35 - And in the morning, long before daylight, He got up and went out to a deserted place, and there He prayed.

This is one of my favorite things about the way Jesus lived His life. Time and time again, we see that He gives of Himself completely to others, pouring out His love and power in their lives. Then He makes it a priority to take time to be alone with His Father.

• to pray


• to know His heart


• to stay connected so that He is sure to be constantly doing the Father's will


• to be refilled, refreshed, restored after pouring Himself out to all those He touched and healed

If you read a few verses before this verse, and then consider the timing of His prayer time, it's obvious how necessary and what a priority prayer time was to Jesus. The Bible says (in Mark 1) that that day, He was up and around early, teaching in the synagogue and healing people. Then, at sunset, the whole town gathered, and they began to bring the sick and the afflicted to Him to be healed and cleansed. If they didn't start until after sundown, and if the whole town was gathered there, surely it was very late by the time they finished. And remember, He had already been up all day. Still, verse 35 tells us that 'long before sunrise' Jesus went off on His own to pray. I wonder, did He even sleep at all? If so, it couldn't have been for long. He must have been physically very tired, and still it was more important to Him to have time alone with His Father.

I am SO not there yet. This is a definite weakness of mine, and a continual struggle for me. I'm challenged at least 4 times a week to get up early before everyone is awake to read and pray. Yet, so often, 4 times a week, I choose to sleep a little longer and I give up that opportunity.

Mark 1:38 - And He said to them, Let us be going on into the neighboring country towns, that I may preach there also; for that is why I came out.

This is another of my favorite characteristics of Jesus: He did not get wrapped up in doing what others expected or wanted of Him. He didn't allow others to pull Him off track from doing His Father's will. It is my prayer that God would continue to work in me until I am at a place where I value His approval and His will far above the approval or expectations of any person.

Mark 1:31 - And He went up to her and took her by the hand and raised her up; and the fever left her, and she began to wait on them.

Mark 1:40-41 - And a leper came to Him, begging Him on his knees and saying to Him, If You are willing, You are able to make me clean. And being moved with pity and sympathy, Jesus reached out His hand and touched him, and said to him, I am willing; be made clean!

At first I skipped over this, but as I continued reading, I realize that this verse gives an example of yet another endearing quality of Jesus, which is very simply that He is engaging and personal. He went up to her, touched her, took her by the hand, and healed her. Other examples in Scripture show us clearly that Jesus has the capacity to heal without even being present - clearly no physical contact is required for Him to bring about healing in a person's life. I realized as I was reading this, and also as I was reading the story of the leper who was healed, that the element of physical touch was probably for no other purpose than to engage and make intimate contact with the person on the receiving end. Imagine what that touch from Jesus must have meant to the leper - a man who, by the nature of his disease, had surely not been touched by another human being for what must have seemed like a lifetime. Jesus touching him was a profound demonstration of His extreme love, and His desire for intimacy with those whom He came to save. I love that about Him. I love that He is willing to go out of His way, to do what is unnecessary, simply to make someone else feel really recognize how much they are loved and how important they are to Him. He's awesome.

A Heart of No Compromise

There's a song by Brian & Jen Johnson called Where You Go I Go that plays on my ipod quite often. In this song, she sings, 'Give me a heart of no compromise. Help me to be more like You.' I can't tell you how many times I've prayed a prayer like that. I recognize that compromise in my own life has been the element that has undone a lot of good that could have been otherwise.

Today I was reading in Mark 1:14-20, as part of a Bible study I'm taking part in right now. In verse 18, it says this about the men Jesus had called to follow Him: 'And at once they left their nets (yielding up all claim to them) and followed Him.' Verse 20 also says this: '...abandoning all mutual claims, they left their father Zebedee...and went off after Him (Jesus).'

I thought I'd share these thoughts:

These men were a few of the 12 men who would eventually work to establish the church, spread the Gospel, and change the course of history in a major way to include Christianity. Look at their heart conditions, even at the moment Jesus first called them. They dropped everything - leaving behind work and family - and gave up all claims to their former ways of life. They unreservedly joined Him, following wherever He went.

I often wonder at the fact that 12 men could begin what a billion Christians today cannot seem to finish, and I wonder why. This seems to shed some light on that very issue. I think the Church, generally speaking, has lost this heart of no compromise. When we hear God calling us, or asking something of us, we are willing to respond, but only to a certain degree. We go far enough to be doing something, but not so far that we let go of all claims to what we already have. We are a people holding on to our current lives, not really willing to lay them down, as Jesus says we must. We genuinely love God, we believe in God, but we are trying to serve Him on our own terms.

Think of how vastly different things would have been if the disciples had responded then as we do now:

• 'I'll go with you, but I have to come back tomorrow to fish.'
• or, 'I'd love to follow You and go with You, but let's not go far. I want to be near my dad.'

They would have been part-time disciples, coming in and out of service to Jesus, always coming back to the life they had before. They would have missed out on the experiences of traveling with Him, hearing Him teach, seeing Him perform miracles, and having Him pour into their own lives. They would have missed out on the friendship and intimacy that comes only from being with someone committedly and continuously. They would have missed out on the opportunity to change the world!

Think of all we give up by compromising - doing some version of what He asks of us, but still holding on to our own ideas and ways of living. What are we missing out on? If we only would live with a heart of no compromise, what would He be willing and able to do through us for His kingdom? It's an awesome thought.

A 2-Week Challenge

Tonight our small group met. We've been talking (based on a teaching by Andy Stanley) about margins in our lives - the time, space, energy, emotion, etc. that we have left over - the resources we have available to dedicate to God, family, and all those things that SHOULD be our priority, but that seem to be squeezed out by daily life. The idea being that when we over-schedule, over-commit, over-do, we chip away at our margins - our reserve, our borders, our boundaries - until we're right at the edge of our max capacity. When we live without margins, we have no time; we have no energy; we have no patience; we have no mercy; our relationships with each other suffer; our relationship with God suffers.

The focus tonight was understanding inherent limitations on our time, and then taking the next step to surrender our time-management to God, and allow Him to lead and direct us with regards to how our time is spent. The key to prioritizing and utilizing our time to the fullest is to give God our time.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33, NAS)

When we seek Him first, we are promised that all the other things we spend our time seeking after will be given to us. When we seek Him, we begin to know Him and to know His heart. We begin to understand His priorities, and we want those to be our priorities as well. When our priorities are in line with His, we will spend our time on those things that matter most. By spending time with Him and seeking to know His heart, we will inherently shift the way we spend our time, and we will begin to spend it in the best possible way on the things that matter most.

In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:6, KJV) This was one of the first verses I ever committed to memory, because it hung on a plaque on the wall in our house when I was a child. The more hectic life becomes, and the more craziness that comes my way, the more clearly this verse rings true. When we acknowledge Him and spend time with Him, He gives us direction and leads us where we should go. He will direct us as to how our time would best be spent.

As a group, tonight we put out a challenge to each other: to give God the first 15 minutes of each day for the next 2 weeks until we meet again. By giving Him the first portion of our day, we have the opportunity to set the course of our day, to invite Him into every moment and every circumstance, to turn it over to Him completely, and to get our hearts and minds focused on Him before anything else creeps in to steal our time and attention. I know 15 minutes isn't much, but if it is done with a right heart, I believe it can make a big difference - not only for all of the reasons I just mentioned, but also because when we honor God with our time and attention, and with a heart that is truly open to Him, I believe He is faithful to His Word and all that He promises for those who will diligently seek Him. In my own life, I have seen that when I am faithful to give my time to God, somehow my time I have remaining runs more smoothly, and I operate more efficiently than I otherwise would. Somehow, even when I think I don't have time for Him because I have so much else to do, if I give Him my time anyway, it seems that everything else still manages to get done. Interesting how that works. (Sorry, I got off on a tangent.)

I'm excited to see how the next few weeks go. I'm hoping that I am up to the challenge. It's so easy to compromise and give up those first few minutes of the day to so many other things that seem so pressing...like sleep??? or rushing to get the kids ready on time??? A few of us have decided to do a sort of self-guided Bible study to keep some accountability and some focus for those of us who may tend to struggle for one reason or another. We've decided to simply take a book of the Bible (we've chosen Mark) and start at the beginning. We'll go through it bit by bit, and share our thoughts and our understanding etc. I think this is going to be an awesome opportunity for us to grow closer to God, and for us to grow closer together. I'm very excited!

Overcomplicated?

Today I had a conversation with someone I respect immensely. I always enjoy our conversations because he has interesting perspective and insight on just about everything it seems. Anyway, today he said something that has gotten me thinking. He said, our focus in living a life for the advancement of God's kingdom can really be narrowed down to 2 things: 1) reaching the lost, 2) helping those who are reached find their place in the body of Christ. He observed, and I would agree, that we seem to really overcomplicate things and make it so hard. It's really not. If we would run everything we do through this test, we could quickly weed out the complications: is what I'm doing working to reach and save the lost? or is it helping someone who has received Jesus find their way to that sweet spot where God has designed them to be?

The Bible tells us that we have been created with a specific purpose in mind, and that God, long ago, prepared good things for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) - For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago) So this has got me thinking a bit - examining and evaluating my own life and actions. How much of what I do is lending itself to these two basic elements of God's work - reaching the lost and helping each other live in the midst of what we have been created for? We can only carry out the fullest portion of God's plan for our lives when we are living in alignment with His plan and purpose for us. Furthermore, the Bible makes it clear that it is God's intention for us to function as a united body, not as individuals. So, we are most likely to succeed when we work together toward a common goal, helping each other along the way.

Look at this same passage of Scripture in another version of the Bible:

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.
(Ephesians 2:7-10, The Message)

Again, I come back to the idea that we've been apathetic for far to long. I really believe that if we are not living in the midst of this place that God has designed for us, we cannot be happy. I think that probably has a lot to do with why there are so many unhappy, unfulfilled, lukewarm (and on and on) Christians. I think it's a lot of the reason why people fall away from the church. They feel like they've tried the church thing, and there was nothing there for them. But going to church is not the same as living for God, and letting Him lead and guide the steps of our lives. It's not the same as living in the midst of God's purpose. That's awesome!

So many of us are takers when it comes to our church experience. We go to get something- to get a blessing, to get a lesson, to get a good feeling. When that's our mindset, we're only living out half of the equation, and, by the nature of things, we are out of balance and incomplete. We have been designed in God's likeness, and God is a giver. We are designed to be givers. We are to give of ourselves, our hearts, our energy, our love, our resources, our time, and all that God has given to us. We aren't meant to receive from God so that we can hoard it all up. What we receive from Him is intended to pass through us and onto someone else, and on to someone else from them, and so on, like a river flows. A body of water that's not flowing becomes stale and stagnate. So does a Christian whose not giving, whose not reaching, whose not helping and loving.

I believe with all that is in me that it all comes down to what motivates us. What is our driving force? It is my sincere prayer that every person who calls themselves a Christian, and who has made themselves open and available to God will be moved to a place in their hearts where they are motivated by eternal things much more than they are by earthly things. To be driven by the same things that drive God - to know His heart and be moved by it. When His priorities are ours, we will inherently find ourselves focused on reaching the lost and helping those who are saved live out the purpose for which they have been created.

God does not complicate matters. Why do we?

A prayer for the Finish

Lord, that You have trusted your will, Your plan, into the hands of humanity, I do not understand. For we are untrustworthy, and so unlikely to handle it properly. How long must You wait until we get it right? How long will our selfishness, our self-serving hearts, delay the completion of all You have desired? How long must You wait before we finally go unto all the world - until every man has heard and has been given the opportunity to choose You - until Your will is made complete?

Can twelve men change the course of the world, spread Your word so truly in so little time, and yet one billion cannot finish what twelve men started? How can that be? Do we not love You enough to do Your will? Do we not long to see Your triumphant return? Do we not hope to finally look upon You with our eyes as well as with our hearts - do we not hold the hope of eternity spent with You? What is it that roots us to the ground, that holds us where we are, keeping us from moving forward, going and doing?

Lord, You alone can get inside a man and get to the heart of a matter. In Jesus' mighty name, with all that is in me, I pray that You would get deep into the heart of every believer and break away and destroy the ties that hold us where we are. God, move in - invade - every heart that has been made available to You. Change the heart, transform it and bring healing, that the heart would drive the man. Lord, let Your people be truly Yours, and let us be driven by what drives You, and motivated by the eternal.

Father, find those who even now are ready and willing to do Your will, to sacrifice in the flesh for the sake of spiritual gain. Raise them up, God, according to Your will, and place them in positions of influence - not only over non-believers, but over believers as well. God, that a life lived out as an act of worship to You from a position of influence would impact others to also live their lives unto You.

Lord, raise us up, and bring us together, in unity, undivided, bound together in humility by bonds of genuine love for You and for each other. Let us move in one direction - Your direction. Let us act in one accord for the sole purpose of completing Your perfect plan. Let us come the end of our lives and be able to declare, as You did Jesus, 'It is Finished. I have completed all that the Father has laid before me.' Let Your kingdom come and Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Let us finish that which twelve men started two thousand years ago. Let it begin now. Let us not delay for any reason, but let us begin, so that through us, You may finish it. Amen.

I know that You can do all things, and that no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained or thwarted. (Job 42:2)

Essentially One

I came across something in my study time that is so cool to me, and I want to share. Hopefully someone who reads this will get a little excited about this like I did.

Philippians 2:6-7 - (About Jesus) Who, although being essentially one with God, and in the form of God, possessing the fullness of the attributes which make God God, did not think this equality with God was a thing to be eagerly grasped or retained, but stripped Himself of all privileges and rightful dignity so as to...become like men, and He was born a human being.

Essentially one with God. Out of curiosity, I looked up the dictionary definition of 'essentially.' Websters has this to say about the word:

• having the intrinsic fundamental nature of something
• inherent
• absolute, complete and perfect
• containing or having the properties of; a concentrated extract of (ex. - a food or plant oil extract)
• " essential, in strict usage, is that which constitutes the absolute essence or the fundamental nature of a thing, and therefore must be present for the thing to exist, function, etc."

Wow. Wow. Wow. I mean, I would try to highlight the best parts, but each bullet point is awesome!

I've shared before that someone once asked me a simple question - 'are God and Jesus the same person?' That one question threw me for such a loop, because I realized that I didn't have a solid understanding of its answer. I was tossed into one of the deepest and darkest periods of doubt and struggle in all of my Christian walk. I've also shared before that slowly God has revealed the truth of the matter to me in a way that I can understand. I've put His answers through extreme scrutiny in my own heart and mind, and have very much settled on the validity and truth of what was revealed to me through His Word. But now, even after having come to terms with the struggle and doubt that I once had, still I love to find verses in Scripture that fill in the blanks, expand on the foundations, and confirm what I've come to understand. This verse in Philippians is definitely one of those verses, and even the dictionary definition of one of the key words in this verse serves to confirm and deepen my dependence on the truth of God's Word.

All wrapped up in this one verse we learn that Jesus and God were together in heaven. They have the same fundamental nature and character. One is inherently present with the other. Together they are absolutely and completely perfect. Jesus can be described as a concentrated extract of the Father - having the same properties. One must be present for the other to exist, function, etc. Jesus possesses the FULLNESS of the attributes which make God God - so there is no hierarchy in strength of power, authority, purity, goodness, love, or whatever else you can come up with. Yet, even in all of this, we can see in this verse that there is a distinction between God the Father and God the Son, because it tells us that Jesus separated Himself from the Father and became like men.

Separate but inseparable. Separate parts of a single unit.

John 1:1 - In the beginning [before all time] was the Word (Christ), and the Word was with God, and the Word was God Himself.

I am what You've made

At lunch the other day, I went and sat by a river that runs through a park here in town. I took my food, my ipod, and my Bible and walked down by the river and sat. As I ate, I went back & forth between just looking around and observing nature, and reading bits and pieces of my Bible. The whole time, my ipod was going. Still somehow, God managed to find His way in.

During that time, a song played. The lyrics: You are Creator, and I am what You've made.

I've listened to this song hundreds of times. I like it. It's a great song. And I've always enjoyed the sentiment behind the song. But somehow, sitting in the middle of so many beautiful things God created, I saw the truth behind the lyrics in a way I've never seen it before.

I had been spending much of my lunch time admiring the beauty of all He has made; wondering at the intricacy and detail of nature; worshiping Him for the creativity and variety that He has constructed. I truly was in awe of His creation. For a while, I considered how beautiful those parts of nature truly are that go relatively untouched by man. It seems that when we keep our hands out of things and allow nature to carry on about its ways, perfection is attained. The way the vines wrap around the trees and the branches hang down to create a covering for the animals that live on the ground below. The way the flowers reach for the sun, and open and close with its rise and fall. The way the butterflies chase each other from one flower to another and the ants find their way with seemingly flawless navigation. And the river winds and flows without ceasing. How could I possibly sit in such surroundings and not be moved?

But the whole time I was considering His work, I was looking outwardly. I was admiring the beauty of trees, flowers, birds, and bugs (even the little ants who were trying to walk off with my lunch). But it had not for a moment crossed my mind to look inwardly - to consider myself a part of His creation.

It was one of those moments that seem to take me completely off guard. I was unspeakably humbled by the truth of what I was able to understand in that moment. To Him, I am as beautiful as the flowers, as majestic as the giant oak trees. When He looks on me, He sees a work of art, carefully, and intricately crafted, and perfectly planted. He finds joy in planting into my life and watching me grow. And to Him, I am more precious than even the trees, the flowers, and the birds that He so beautifully formed and placed.

How can that be?

It is a strange thing. To think that God could love me - with my many flaws and shortcomings, my pride, my indifference to others, my selfishness, my impatience, my temper, my critical attitudes. That He could love a person like me at all is, in itself, enough to try to comprehend, but to realize that He loves me MORE - more than all the rest of His breathtaking creation... that, I believe, can only truly be understood through a moment of divine revelation. Anything else falls short of being able to fully comprehend such a thing.

To think that He has placed His highest esteem on man over everything else He has made! It goes against human nature to place the highest value on the thing most likely to hurt or disappoint us, don't you think? Maybe that's why it's so difficult for us to understand and really believe His love for us. It just doesn't make sense to us, because our tendency is one of self-preservation and protection. As I sat by the river, looking at the trees and thinking about this, I struggled with this for a moment. I mean, the trees are beautiful; they are solid and faithful in standing tall and remaining, in serving as a shelter; the trees have spent their entire existence in such a way as to never once hurt or offend their Creator. In comparison to myself, surely the trees are more deserving of adoration.

But the trees serve faithfully in the absence of free will. They stand still because they cannot walk. They do not fail because they are incapable of choosing between success and failure. It is the element of free will that makes us what we are - that distinguishes us from the rest of His creation. It is our free will that allows us the opportunity to love Him with our whole hearts and to serve Him because we love Him so much. As much as I can tell, the risk of being hurt or disappointed is not nearly as great as the joy and happiness He finds in being loved, adored, and worshiped by a willing heart.

And so whether or not it makes sense to me, in that moment, I was faced with a deeper understanding of how much God loves and values me as an individual. I do not deserve His adoration. I have done nothing to earn His affection. But He has created me (and not only me, but each of us) to be the recipient of His love, and to love Him in return, with a willing heart. And He looks on each one of us with a love that is beyond our comprehension, and He places a value on every individual that we may never fully know. And while I can never do enough to deserve His love, I am grateful, and will receive it with a willing heart. He is so good!

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. (Ephesians 3:18)