We Have This Moment

One-Liners

2011-07-20T22:36:00.005-04:00

Right now I feel so crammed full of thoughts and ideas that have been brewing in my heart today that I actually feel as though I could burst... or scream for the frustration of not being able to pin them down and get them to take any identifiable shape. But I guess thoughts and ideas aren't subject to the laws of physics, and while they are fluid, they are not required to take the form of their container. Or maybe they have no container, and so they float free and scramble around in my head until I feel tangled in them.

*sigh*

There is one constant that keeps surfacing in the midst of all of the thought traffic blazing through my brain, though. Maybe not the easiest to explain, as it is also a bit difficult to pin down. But it keeps showing its face, so I thought it would be worth diving into a bit deeper. I think I can sum it up in one sentence.

Christianity is plagued with catch phrases and cliche's that fall on deaf ears.

Uggh! Does that sound awful? Well, maybe it might. But I still think it holds truth. I find that I've heard so many truths so many times said in so many similar ways that I, even as a believer and lover of Christ, don't listen as I should. The familiar phrases just roll off, without having any real impact. These elements of profound and life-changing TRUTH and sincerity have been packaged in pretty little one-liners and served up en mass to the point that we have become completely predictable to the world around us. How can we hope to impact others with the lives we've been given, if they already know what we will say, and how we will say it before we're ever given the chance?

If a person is seeking real answers to a problem, but they already know how you will answer, then why - WHY - would they bother to ask?

Truth can only change a person if it resonates. And it can only resonate if it is heard. And it can only be heard if the hearer has not been desensitized to the reality of the bit of truth being shared.

Does this make any sense?

In other words, we as a whole need to lose the pretty packaging, stop delivering things that are all neat and tidy and perfectly pulled together to a world that is tangled and chaotic and not-at-all put-together. How in this lifetime do we expect them to relate to that? At all? We need to drop the pretense and be willing to be genuine, unpolished, and maybe even a little raw and edgy.

Beautiful truths, like "Jesus died for our sins" and "God gave everything so that we could know and love Him," instead of being allowed to hold the depth and duality of being so complex and yet so simple, are whittled down to quickly-dismissed slogans.

And it drives me nuts!

And it winds its way through my random thoughts and intertwines with other thoughts like a big giant twisted up ball of yarn. This one idea - that we may have watered down the truth to be received as little more than slogans and rote answers - touches and impacts so many layers of the way we are intended to live a Christian life. We are in danger of eroding the impact of the very reality and completeness of God and all He has done for us, thus weakening our greatest weapon in the battle that rages.

Give it some thought. And at least be wary of one-liners?.

Life Support

2011-04-09T23:10:00.004-04:00

I had this random thought one night about a month or so ago. I dismissed it at first as just one of those weird little blips of oddness that tend to run through my head, but it keeps popping up in my thoughts every now and then, so I'm thinking there's something more to it.

So here was my weird thought...

Arsenic. Antibiotics. Vitamins. Life Support.

See, I told you I'm random. :)

Arsenic - There are some who see God as arsenic - poison to their lifestyle, and something to be avoided at all cost. Stay away. Steer clear. Definitely do not ingest.

Antibiotics - Some will allow some measure of God in their lives, but they wait until they are desperately ill and in need of a quick fix. Then they take God like an antibiotic, hoping He will get their lives back on track so that they can move on with life as usual. Antibiotic users take their medicine only long enough to feel better. It is not a long-term, regular part of life. Once the desired effects have been achieved, the antibiotics are discontinued until otherwise needed.

Vitamins - Vitamins are a daily, or almost-daily, part of life. Those who take vitamins tend to do so on a regular basis. They do so because they recognize that taking those vitamins makes them healthier, stronger overall. It is a habit that must be formed and maintained. It can, however, be abandoned if the individual should forget or run out of time. There will be time later to take the vitamins. It probably won't matter much if one should miss a day or two, or maybe even a week or two, of vitamins. Life goes on, although perhaps with slightly less energy and umph.

Life Support - One who relies on life support relies on it whole-heartedly. There is no survival apart from life support. It is vital for maintaining all aspects of life. An individual surrendered to life support cannot, for even a moment, set it aside as a matter of convenience or time. That life support cannot be separated from the individual, nor the individual from the life support. It is complete and total reliance on. It is remaining. It is permanent. It is always. Constant. Complete.

I've been thinking about this.

I want to be a Life Support Christian.

Choose

2011-01-25T21:20:00.002-05:00

Parenting.

Isn't it fun?!

Most of the time I enjoy parenting. I love the playing around times, the laughing times, the proud moments, the snuggles and bedtime hugs and kisses. There is so much to love about being a mom.

What I do not LOVE so much - at least what I have difficulty enjoying - are all the hard times. The times when the kids are disrespectful, disobedient, difficult (ever notice that lots of 'trouble' words start with 'D'?... just an observation).

Several times in the past few weeks, after tucking the kids in for bed and going on about my business (aka... enjoying the peace and quiet of the house and sitting down to take a breath), I have caught Sebastian out of bed. Sometimes he's in Meagan's room. Sometimes in Isaac's. Sometimes just playing around in the bathroom or the hallway. But never where he should be, which is in his bed.

The first time he told me, "I was telling Meagan goodnight. I forgot to." Sweet... how do you argue with that?

Second time: "I just had to tell Isaac something." A little weak... go to bed.

Third time: He didn't say anything, just ran as fast as he could back to his bed, hoping I didn't notice. Um, nice try kid. I noticed.

You get the picture. So tonight as I was tucking him in, the last thing I said to him before I turned out the lights was... you guessed it... 'STAY IN BED.' He said okay. He promised.

Five minutes later I came up to get my phone that I had left laying in the hallway, and I saw a dark figure scurry from the dark bathroom into the dark bedroom across the hall. So, I flipped on his bedroom light and asked him to explain himself. Why was he out of bed? He lay there looking back at me with nothing to say. I turned off his CD player, which is a bed time privilege that he lost for the night, turned off the light, told him to STAY, and left the room.

It had been my intention to leave it at that. He would get the point, know he had done wrong, etc. But apparently God had other plans...

A few minutes later, as I walked back up the stairs to get ready for bed, I made a sudden and clear decision to make a detour into Sebastian's room. I sat down on his bed and spoke very plainly to him. I told him that some day he would want freedom to do certain things - go with his friends to a movie or a game, etc - and the only way that Lucas and I will be able to allow him to do those things is if we feel that we can trust him - if we believe he will make good choices, do what is right because it is right, do what he says he will do, be where he says he will be, and so on. I asked him if he thought his behavior tonight showed me that I could trust him or not trust him. His answer was absolutely the right one. He knew.

I asked him if he KNEW that he was wrong by being out of bed. YES. Yet he chose to do it anyway? YES. Why? (No response.) Then very clearly, a verse in Deuteronomy (30:19) came to mind: I have set before you life and death, the blessings and the curses; therefore, choose life that you and your descendants may live.

I explained to him that good decisions lead to good things in your life. When we choose to do things the way God has designed for us to do them, then we reap the rewards of those choices. We have life, peace, joy, and every good thing that God gives us. Those are the rewards for doing what is right. When we choose to behave in contrast to God's ways, we are choosing to heap up negative rewards in our lives: fear, anger, uncertainty, anxiety, and even death. Not good stuff.

In kid terms, we have a choice in everything we do. We can choose to do what we FEEL like doing, or we can choose to do what is RIGHT - because it it right. Not because it's fun, or it's easy, or it's what everyone else is doing. Because it is the right thing to do. It is our choice. And what we choose determines the direction our life will go.

I was sure to tell him that I was not angry, and that I had already forgiven him. I was simply sad and disappointed that he had made a poor choice. I told him, I have forgiven you. It's over this time. The next chance you get, you can choose to make the right choice. Then I left the room to let him sleep.

As I sat and thought of it afterward, I couldn't help but be in awe of God and His infinite wisdom. What I was going to leave 'as-is,' He was intent on using to teach my child and to use the teaching moment to mold and shape him into the man he is becoming. I love that about God. I love that even when I am clueless, He is an amazing parent.

I'm just glad I listened. I guess tonight, that was my choice.

Head vs. Heart

2011-01-12T07:43:00.005-05:00

Matthew 11:25 (Amplified Bible) - At that time Jesus began to say, I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth [and I acknowledge openly and joyfully to Your honor], that You have hidden these things from the wise and clever and learned, and revealed them to babies [to the childish, untaught, and unskilled].

As I sat and read this verse this morning, I had a moment of realization. I don't know if I will be able to adequately put it into words to convey my thoughts, but I'll try.

My first response to this verse... "What a strange prayer."

Very spiritual, aren't I?

What strikes me here is that Jesus is praying. Which means He is talking directly to the Father. And He says He is joyfully acknowledging and honoring God. He is JOYFUL.

Next thing that strikes me... About what? What is here to make Jesus so joyful? Because to me it just seems like another verse in the Bible that tells us how God uses ordinary people who don't think they know everything to do His will and impact the lives of others. To me, this was just another verse in the Bible. But I realized that to Jesus, this was cause for worship.

Clearly there's a disconnect between my head (what I am reading and understanding) and my heart (my response to the information). Because I did not feel even a bit worshipful when I read, 'You have hidden these things from the wise and clever and learned, and revealed them to babies.' But if Jesus feels worshipful, then maybe I'm missing something.

True, this moment was a teaching opportunity for Jesus. It was a chance to openly make a statement that revealed some aspect of the Father to those who were with Him and to those of us who would later read this. Yes, that's true. But there were plenty of times when Jesus simply took the opportunity to teach and used it as a teaching moment. He just talked... to the people. In this moment, He was so moved and overjoyed and inspired that He was moved to speak directly to the Father about it. He would not have put on a prayer for show simply as a teaching technique. His prayer would never have been void of truth or intimate connection with the Father. This was more than just teaching. This was a prayer.

I realize for myself that I often read with my head - to gain knowledge and understanding - when the truest and deepest understanding and knowing comes when I read and listen with my heart, with an intimacy and connection with God by His Holy Spirit.

I'm about to share some strange truth about myself. Maybe I'm the only person who has ever felt like this or had these thoughts. But I doubt it. Here goes...

Many times in my life I have wondered at human 'feelings.' Because often I don't really FEEL anything. As a child, and throughout my adolescence, I heard and said 'I love you,' and I really believe that I LOVE those to whom I was speaking. But I didn't FEEL anything. I guess partly because love isn't simply a feeling. Often it's an action and a choice and a decision we make. It is more of an active response than a feeling response in many situations. Yet, while love is an action and not a passive feeling, I doubt that God loves completely void of feeling. I imagine that God's love is overwhelming and all-consuming. It defines Him. He IS love. I am not love. I am not often overwhelmed by it. Or consumed by it. In fact, quite the opposite.

Joy is another example of this. Yes, I know I am joyful. I'm not mopey. I'm not angry. But I don't think I have ever really tapped into the fullness of joy. Outside of a few circumstantial moments, it has rarely ever swept over me in such a wave as to fill me up and flood me. I acknowledge joy as an element of my life. Yes. But God's Word says that His joy is to be my strength. Rarely am I so consumed with joy that I feel strengthened by it.

Please don't misunderstand me. I am not saying that I ought to be driven by how I 'feel.' Not at all. Rather, I believe my heart to be in need of an awakening, and I am certain that I am not alone in this. I know that I do not live each day with my heart fully opened up. Many times I don't even follow Jesus with my heart as much as with my head. I KNOW what the right thing is to do, and so I do it. Not altogether bad. But I want to be MOVED by it. I want to enjoy it. I want to love it. I want to be flooded by it. I want to know the fullness of all that Jesus has died to make available to me.

Oddly enough (or not so much), after reading this verse in Matthew and thinking about my own life, my own heart condition, God led me instantly to Revelation 3, verse 1.

...I know your record and what you are doing; you are supposed to be alive, but [in reality] you are dead. Rouse yourselves and keep awake, and strengthen and invigorate what remains and is on the point of dying; for I have not found a thing that you have done [any work of yours] meeting the requirements of My God or perfect in His sight. So call to mind the lessons you received and heard; continually lay them to heart and obey them, and repent. In case you will not rouse yourselves and keep awake and watch, I will come upon you like a thief, and you will not know or suspect at what hour I will come. (Rev. 3:1-3, Amplified)

"Call to mind the lessons you received and heard; continually lay them to heart and obey..." This is a matter of getting information from your head to your heart. This is a matter of obeying and following God with your heart rather than with your head. Head knowledge is only useful to us if we can transfer it from our heads to our hearts. And according to this passage in Revelation, it seems to be our own responsibility to stir up or hearts and make this transfer from head to heart. We are responsible for living with ALL that we are, and not just the cerebral part. Following Christ is all about the heart. It is NOT about what we know or what works we can do. It is about the condition of our heart and the motivation behind the actions we take.

And so I realize that those words, seemingly directed to some obscure church in Revelation 3, are meant for us - for me. Today.

It is my most sincere prayer that God would help me through this process and teach me daily to live each moment fully opened up to Him, all that He is and all He has made available to me. Life is wasted to some capacity if it is not lived completely. And I don't want to waste my life, especially considering all that He can do with it if I will give it ALL to Him.

What We Want to Know

2010-12-15T09:35:00.007-05:00

How do you know the condition of your soul? At the end of this life will your eternal destination be heaven? Hell? How do you know if you have been forgiven? If you have been granted salvation? How do you know if you will be taken up to heaven at the end of this age, or left behind to suffer the greatest tribulation man will ever know? Is there any way to know for sure? If you've prayed for salvation once, do you have to do it again? If you've asked for forgiveness, are you forgiven?

It seems like sometimes there are more questions than certainties. We (we humans? we in the western culture? I don't know if it's our nature or our culture that drives this need, but "we"...) seem to have a desire that almost borders on a need to KNOW what God will do, how, when, why. We want definitive answers that are clear-cut and laid right out there for us. We don't want to have to look for them. We don't want to have to work for them. Basically, we just want the answers given to us.

But a large part of this life we have been given is designed to be centered around learning - SEEKING, WAITING, TRUSTING, DEPENDING ON - God and His ways. Our dependence on Him to lead us and guide us through this life creates in us a humility of spirit that is absolutely necessary to keep our selfishness and pride at bay. It is not that He does not want us to have answers. He has given us a whole BOOK of answers. He simply desires that we take the time and put forth the effort to search for them, and in doing so, seek and find Him.

When we are active in our relationship with Him - as we take the time to sit and read the Bible, as we take time to pray - a wonderful process plays out. Our understanding and knowledge of Him (not head knowledge that can be spouted off by memory, but heartfelt knowledge that stirs the very deepest emotions and affections) will begin to grow and develop. We become more and more aware of Him - His nature, His character, His personality, His passions and desires. We become more and more willing to open ourselves up to Him, to let Him into those closed off places that we have tucked away out of sight. We become more willing to let Him work things out in us, and we become more cooperative, less resistant to His correction and discipline.

It is through this process that He refines us, shapes us and molds us more and more into His likeness. And it is through this process that we absolutely fall in love with Him in a way that cannot be described in words. Ultimately, it is this process that gives us the security and the peace of knowing what we have no other way of knowing. Because of our relationship with Him, we are able to KNOW that our salvation is secured; know that our sins have been forgiven; know that we are covered by grace; know that we are seen and loved and favored by the King of everything; KNOW that our eternity will be spent with Him.

It is ONLY through a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus that we have this security of knowing. It is in relationship with Him that we have the grace to make mistakes, ask forgiveness, and try again. Here we are able to learn to daily crucify those things that would hinder us from the perfect plan and design that God has for our lives. It is ALL about the condition of our hearts - the genuineness of our belief in Him, our desire to know Him, our willingness to put in the effort and to do the things He has asked of us (obedience). The Bible makes it clear that God is absolutely concerned with the heart of a person. A heart in love with God can only be found in a man or woman who is in relationship with God. There is no other way. Relationship is the absolute key to knowing.

Thought-Provoking

2010-11-18T10:01:00.003-05:00

A while ago, I bought the book The Shack with intentions of sitting down and reading straight through it. My purchase was prompted by a conversation with a super dear friend of mine... sparked my interest, so I thought I'd give it a go.

However, I started reading, cried more than I expected in the first 3 chapters, and so stopped reading. I think I thought I knew what was coming, and I didn't want to read about it... so I just didn't. Book sat on my shelf for several months, totally untouched.

Then a few weeks ago, my neighbor came over one morning, and in passing conversation, she said something about the book that sparked an interest again. So I sat down, picked it back up, and started fresh from the beginning.

This time, it took me less than one day to plow through that. It was the kind of book I wanted to keep reading. I wanted to know more, see what happened next, and most of all, be provoked to really think and ponder the things that were being presented.

I've never known a book to pack so much into so few pages. The number of topics and facets of God's being and nature that are fit into the pages of The Shack are just astounding. So much so that I have now begun rereading it, at a much slower pace, even jotting down notes along the way, so that I can fully digest and consider all that's being said. Once I've gotten through it the second time, I'll go back through my notes, and take a closer look at what I feel I truly believe to be solid... and then maybe do some digging on any issues I am unsure of.

At a minimum, it is more than safe to say, this book has captured my interest beyond anything I've read for quite some time. It is a great illustration of so many aspects of God. It is unbelievably thought-provoking. And it has renewed my deepest passion to know God as He really is... and to be closer to Him than ever before. Love that.

Laying Down on the Battlefield

2010-10-09T08:42:00.002-04:00

Ephesians 6 gives us three basic steps for living our lives daily for God.

1 - Be strong in the Lord. Earlier in Ephesians, we are told to be rooted and established in Christ's love, that we would KNOW the full scope of His love. This is the basis of a true and lasting, unshakable relationship with the King of everything. Know Him. Be rooted and established in understanding and knowledge of how He loves us.

2 - Put on God's full armour so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. The armour of God consists of righteousness, peace, faith, salvation, and the Word of God. These are elements that should be a central part of our daily lives. These are tools that we have at in our grasp to use to live successful, victorious lives.

3 - Pray. Pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. You know, it IS possible to get dressed for battle and then lie down on the battlefield. No one says that a fully-dressed soldier will automatically engage in battle. The soldier has to actively choose to engage and take part in the battle. This is the element of prayer for Christians. Prayer is our battle action. There is a note on this in my Bible. It reads as follows:

Prayer is not to be seen just as another weapon, but as part of the actual conflict itself, where the victory is won for ourselves and others by working together with God Himself. To fail to pray diligently, with all kinds of prayer in all situations is to submit to the enemy.

So I ask you, WHY get dressed in full armor if you are going to lie down in the middle of the battle field and allow the opposition to have his way? Why not align yourself together with the Almighty God and ask Him, invite Him, to work in circumstances around you to advance His will and kingdom. This is His design. That we would partner with Him, work together with Him, invite Him into situations and circumstances. That we work together, united in Christ. It is His design throughout eternity, and nothing but actively engaging in prayer - all kind of prayers and requests - will bring about the victory we hope for.

What circumstances in your life would you love to see God work in? I sat down this morning and made a list of those things in my own life, and then I took some quiet time to pray for each one of them.

Psalm 34:15 - The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry.

Ephesians 1:7-8

2010-09-10T16:27:00.005-04:00

Ephesians 1:7-8 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom & understanding.

In Him... only through a relationship with Christ. A relationship. Not a superficial knowledge of. It's about STAYING in Him. Living with Him.
Through His blood... not by anything we have or ever will do. This is huge to me. I had a conversation with a good friend of mine just a few weeks ago who is a dear sweet person, but who wholeheartedly believes that she is "good on the whole eternity thing" because she has made good moral choices, she donates old clothes to charity, and she takes care of family members, etc. As I listened to her talk, my heart broke. It has NOTHING to do with what WE have done. It has EVERYTHING to do with HIM. It's all about Him. There is nothing else.
redemption... awesome! We've been redeemed. Webster defines that as:

1: a : to buy back : repurchase b : to get or win back
2: to free from what distresses or harms: as a : to free from captivity by payment of
ransom b : to extricate from or help to overcome something detrimental c : to
release from blame or debt : clear d : to free from the consequences of sin
3: to change for the better : reform
4: repair, restore
5a : to free from a lien by payment of an amount secured thereby b (1) : to remove the
obligation of by payment (2) : to exchange for something of value c : to make good : fulfill
6a : to atone for : expiate b (1) : to offset the bad effect of (2) : to make worthwhile : retrieve

riches of God's grace... all of this because He has an abundance of grace and mercy that He pours out for us. He lavishes us with it. We ought to take time to bask in it!

Galatians 1:10

2010-07-29T23:58:00.003-04:00

Galatians 1:10 - Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Two things about this that come into focus for me right now.

1. What is my motivation? Who am I more interested in pleasing - God or people?
2. Can't do both. Paul makes it clear that there is no option to split the vote. We must choose one - focus on one.

An Instant of Change

2010-06-03T21:27:00.008-04:00

I love how the Word of God can, in an instant, lift me right up and fill me with hope and encouragement. Tonight as I was reading, a very simple truth was made crystal clear to me in only a moment: My circumstances don't matter. How long they last does not matter. The only thing that matters is that, in an instant, God can change them entirely for my good and for His glory.

A Biblical example to illustrate this is found in Chapter 3 of Acts.

One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer - at three in the afternoon. Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, "Look at us!" So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him. While the beggar held on to Peter and John, all the people were astonished and came running to them in the place called Solomon's Colonnade. When Peter saw this, he said to them: "Men of Israel, why does this surprise you? Why do you stare at us as if by our own power or godliness we had made this man walk?... By faith int he name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through Him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see. (Acts 3: 1-12, 16)

This man was crippled from birth, which means His circumstances lasted a LONG time. He sat at the gate every day, which means that many men of faith, and perhaps even Jesus Himself, walked past this man every day until the day Peter and John spoke to him and he was healed.

I'm sure that this was God's divine plan. I'm certain that Peter and John followed the promptings of the Holy Spirit on this particular day which allow this man to be healed. The cool thing to think about is that circumstances, day after day, could easily cause one to believe that this man had been overlooked or forgotten (or maybe ignored?) by God. Yet, in an instant, because of this man's faith in the name of Jesus, he was totally and completely healed, not only for his own good, but also for the glory and honor of God and for the advancement of His Kingdom. Awesome.

****

Lukewarm

2010-05-24T22:50:00.004-04:00

For the past month, maybe two, I have had this nagging feeling in the depths of my heart, somewhere down deep where the nagging is barely noticeable, and can be easily ignored if paying attention to it is inconvenient, which it generally tends to be. This nagging is suggesting that I am off course; that I need to right the ship before I shipwreck completely. But I hear this little suggestion, and I think to myself, "No, not me. I love God. I've gone to church every Sunday for the past four years. I ready my Bible. I pray. I give. I want to give my life to God. You can't be talking about me." Right?

Unless you know me personally, you very likely do not know my current set of circumstances. Truthfully, not a lot of detail is necessary. Suffice it to say that we, as a family, have found ourselves in a situation that is less-than-ideal as far as finances go. It all has to do with buying / selling homes at a really unfortunate time as far as real estate goes. Blah blah, boring details. Here's what matters about all of this... going through this has really started to peel back the layers of scales that have grown over my eyes and blinded me. Not even three months ago, I would have told you, and would have whole-heartedly believed that I completely and totally trusted God and depended on Him and was willing to give Him whatever, sacrifice whatever. As I've walked through this, slowly the truth of the matter has come into focus. I have given a part of myself to God. The other part, I have rested securely in financial stability and a comfort in knowing what to expect out of life. There are just some things for which I do not consult God, do not depend on God, and have, thus far, fully expected Him to let me keep. In a nutshell, I've been resting in my comfortable life. Trusting in my bank account balance. My pleasure, my peace, my security, even my daily provisions - I've looked to something other than God for all of it.

And so the nagging that I've suppressed and ignored will not let me be. Truly, I do not wish to ignore it. Because I fear that ignoring it can only lead me away from God, and that is where I cannot afford to go. I MUST have Him! I MUST love Him! I must know Him! At all cost. At all measure of correction and discipline. I can't afford to live my life lukewarm, half depending on God, half depending on the world. I pray with all sincerity that He will grip my heart and refine me in this area. That I would be consumed by Him. That's my prayer. That He would be the only thing that truly measures of any value in my life. Everything is from Him. Everything is for Him. Nothing else will do. Nothing else matters. This must be the position of my heart, or I am at risk of being spit out.

Revelation 3:16 - So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

Waiting for the World to Change

2010-02-05T12:14:00.004-05:00

We sat in a restaurant yesterday, finishing our lunch of a gigantic stuffed pizza, and talking about the upcoming weekend, when the song changed in the background. The familiar tune, Waiting on the World to Change, filled the atmosphere, and I was totally distracted from our conversation as I listened again to the lyrics of that song.

I have always felt so torn by that song - I really do like the tune, and I WANT to like the song. But something about the lyrics just twinges something in me that makes me want to rise up and say, 'No! That's not right!'

I mean, I GET that there are MANY things out of balance and out of order in our world. I get that many injustices exist at present that seem insurmountable. I GET that 'the fight ain't fair.' All true. I agree.

But the part that makes me want to scream is the part where we all just sit and wait for something better... as if life is a passive journey, and if we just sit and wait and hope long enough, through no effort of our own, and by no other external force or means or action taken, all the elements of the world will align into a sense of something better. How does that even remotely make any sense? Yet it's a philosophy that, culturally, we have bought into wholeheartedly. And so the world goes on, spinning farther and farther into darkness.

This attitude of, 'I'm just one person; my voice is not loud enough; I can't make a difference' completely and wholly discounts the idea that we can at all have an impact on our culture and our surroundings. If that is true, then we must resign to a dark and empty, purposeless idea that our lives make not even the tiniest ripple or disturbance in the course of history - that we will come and go, not having impacted the course of the world to any degree. I've only lived a very short 32 years, but I have seen enough to know that this is entirely untrue.

Our lives are very much influenced and directed by the course of others, and likewise, our lives very much influence and direct others' courses. One person impacts another in such a way as to change his or her life forever. And our world's history is crammed full of notable individuals who have left a resounding mark on the course of history - each having been impacted by one, or even several, individual whom history does not record. Yet those unrecorded names, those forgotten faces, were no less significant because they are not documented. They held no less power to influence or to impact the world around them. Because they changed the life of someone they encountered, they redirected history and altered local and world culture. One person. One voice. One life lived. No particular position of 'importance' or 'influence,' yet proven to be very important and very influential.

And so it is with me. So it is with you. We each have been given by God one life; one voice; and 24 hours in every day. It is how we use what we have been given that will determine the direction of the world. True, I am one person, relatively unknown to the world, except by those immediately surrounding me. True, I do not have a world stage to stand on, nor worldly power and influence to work with. But I have the ability to change my world by taking the time to invest my life in someone else's life. If I am God's child, full of His Spirit, His love, His passion, His wisdom, His grace, then I have the ability to take what is in me and pour it out on those around me - goodness, patience, love, peace, joy, and every good thing that He is. I have seen enough to know that when God overflows onto a person's life, their life has the potential to be forever changed for the better. And when that newly changed person begins to be filled with God, then that same person can begin to take what they have been given and give it away as well.

This chain of events is not grand or glorified. It is simple. It is not a quick-fix answer to a very complex set of problems. It requires time, patience, and faith. It requires that we each look outside of ourselves and begin to take notice of those around us who are hurting or in need- and more than that, to take action. Maybe not to fix their problems or to heal their hurts. That I know I do not have the power to do. But I do have the power to listen, to love, to give, to invest. I do have the power to be genuine and caring and enduring. I have the ability, with no agenda or ulterior motive, to be a friend and invest in the life of someone near me.

Imagine for a moment, a map of the world. On that map there are millions of dots scattered about. While maybe some of those dots are in close proximity to each other, they all seem to be generally isolated. They are just stand-alone dots, without much purpose.

Now, on that same map, begin to draw circles around those dots. The circles represent the circle of influence each dot has. Then on each circle, place another dot, and around that dot draw a circle. You can see, that in only two or three layers, we will begin to see those circles overlap. Those circles of influence begin to meet up, intersect, and soon the map is filled - covered - with dots surrounded by circles.

That is the idea of isolated, self-sustaining, keep-your-head-down and just blend in Christians (the original set of dots) beginning to live their lives the way Jesus did... encountering people, and impacting them for the Kingdom of God.... spreading love, forgiveness, goodness, healing, joy, hope... the list could go on forever.

The circles around that first set of dots represent the group of people those Christians could influence.

The new set of dots on the circles represent new Christians who are living their lives the way Jesus did, and the circles around them represent the groups of individuals they each have the opportunity to impact.

It's true. I am only one person. I am only one isolated dot on the map, and I will likely never in my lifetime have the opportunity to impact the entire world alone. But I have a circle around me. And I have the ability to inject into that circle all that God has put in me - goodness, kindness, patience, peace, joy, love, self-control, forgiveness, mercy.... I have the ability to encourage others around me for the better. I have the ability to love those around me unconditionally. I have the ability to live my life consistently before them, and to pray for the opportunity to speak to them about the One True God.

I have the ability to be used by God to change this world. I do not dare sit back and wait, or I will come to the end of this life that God has given me, and I will look back and see that I did nothing but waste precious time.

Revelation 2-3

2009-08-04T13:14:00.003-04:00

I have again been drawn to Revelation 2 & 3 - two chapters in the Bible that seem to captivate my attention. There seems to be so much said in these 2 chapters about the condition of the church, the qualities that please God, and the elements of our hearts that require repentance and change. So many promises are laid out in few passages - promises for those who overcome and are victorious. And so many clues as to what it means to overcome and be victorious.

I am amazed at the descriptions that are given of Christ in these few pages of this book. He is awe-inspiring. Amazing. Look at some of the terms and phrases used to describe Him:

Him Who holds the seven stars in His right hand (the 7 stars are the messengers of the 7 churches being addressed in these 2 chapters)
Him Who goes about among the 7 golden lampstands (the 7 churches)
The First and the Last
He Who died and came to life again
Him Who has and wields the sharp 2-edged sword
The Son of God
He Who has eyes that flash like a flame of fire
Whose feet glow like bright, burnished white-hot bronze
Him Who has the 7 Spirits of God (the 7-fold Holy Spirit)
The Holy One
The True One
He Who has the key of David
He Who opens and no one shall shut; He Who shuts and no one shall open
The Amen
The trusty and faithful and true Witness
The Origin, the Beginning, and the Author of God's creation
He Who searches minds, the thoughts, feelings and purposes and the inmost hearts

I think I could barely stand to be before Him full-on. I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like to be in His presence, face to face, with nothing between us. Even thinking about it makes my heart feel like it could burst with adoration and awe for Him. No other being in all creation, in all of history and time could fit the descriptions given here. These two chapters of Revelation alone are a stark reminder that we serve and follow and worship the One True God, the God above all gods, the Almighty. He is amazing! And He deserves our everything! I think I have only just begun to know Him. And I am excited about the possibility of a lifetime spent discovering Him and loving Him!

I want His heart.

2009-07-29T14:40:00.004-04:00

The greatest passion in me is to know the heart of God - to feel what He feels, to treasure what He treasures. I want to know His love, His joy, His goodness. Who wouldn't? But how many of us ask Him for His heartache? His agony? His hurt? His longing? His jealousy? How many of us ask Him to let us hurt for others, feel even a glimpse of what He feels for the lost? We pray, God give me Your heart, but do we mean it? Do we even realize what we are asking for? And are we willing to really open ourselves up to feel it?
Isn't it much easier to remain ignorant of the pain God feels in His heart? The longing He must feel for those who are eternally lost? Are we really willing to endure even a portion of the anguish He holds in His heart for those who are away from Him? Are we willing to allow that hurt to move us to a state of brokenness? Move us to cry out in prayer and intercession for those in need? For the lost? For the hurting? Are we willing to let this feeling in, let it transform the way we view others? Are willing to stand before Him, stand in the gap for those who need prayer? Or are we content to remain insulated and numb to the desperation, the longing, and the jealousy in the heart of the Father?

I know this: the more time I have spent with God, the more time I have spent in prayer, and in His Word, the closer I have gotten to Him, the more I know Him, the more He shares Himself with me. I know His heart for me, and for others, more now than I did six months or a year ago. I know that time with Him has brought me to a deeper revelation of who He is and what drives Him. I know there is so much that I still don't know, but that I must act on what I do know. I must do something with the things He has already given me while I wait on Him to unfold the next piece of the picture. I cannot help but take on the heart of God as I spend time with Him, as I fall more in love with Him. I cannot help but be grieved by the condition of the church, the condition of the nation, the countless number of men and women who do not yet know Him. I know this: I love His heart. I love His passion. And everything in me wants to be like Him. If that means I must submit myself to the awareness, the acuteness of the pain that He endures, then so be it. When I cry out that I want ALL OF HIM, I am asking Him for EVERYTHING. I don't want to leave any part on the table. If I am only willing to share in a portion of Him, leaving the difficult parts behind, then I will never truly know Him. And the one thing I long for is to know Him. So I must be open to every part of Him. I want His heart.

The Heartbreak of God

2009-07-29T14:20:00.006-04:00

Genesis 6:6-7 - And the Lord regretted that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved at heart. So the Lord said, I will destroy, blot out, and wipe away mankind, whom I have created from the face of the ground--not only man, [but] the beasts and the creeping things and the birds of the air--for it grieves Me and makes Me regretful that I have made them.

My heart twinges as I read this Scripture. It hurts to imagine the way regret must feel in the heart of God - regret at such an infinitely deep level. Regret for something so large as the creation of man - man, whom God created as a companion and lover of Him. I think this must have hurt Him infinitely worse than the worst of losses we could ever have endured as humans. How His heart must have hurt!

Genesis 6:11-12 - The earth was depraved and putrid in God's sight, and the land was filled with violence (desecration, infringement, outrage, assault, and lust for power). And God looked upon the world and saw how degenerate, debased, and vicious it was, for all humanity had corrupted their way upon the earth and lost their true direction.

How is this any different than the state we are in today? Our hearts are turned against God, and our lands are full of violence, desecration, outrage, assault and lust for power, and we, collectively, have certainly lost the true direction that once guided us. What, then, must we assume God feels in His heart when He looks at the condition of man? I've often wondered about this. I doubt my heart has the capacity to endure the paint and hurt He feels because of us.

And it breaks my heart to think that this generation - my generation - is the cause of so much pain in the heart of my Loving God. It is the cry of my heart that I would daily walk in a way that is pleasing to Him, and that the church would begin to turn around, turn our hearts back to Him, and live out lives that please Him and bring Him joy. We should never, for a moment, be the source of pain to a God Who has done so much for us! I pray that we will be continually transformed by Him, becoming more and more like Him, that we would also become a constant source of joy for Him in a world filled with so much hurt.

Free to be Me

2009-07-13T22:44:00.004-04:00

This is a layout did to record and journal a very personal, very vulnerable, and very intimate encounter with God. Amazing, and altogether uncomfortable all at the same time. Yet I would give all that I am to be in that place with Him forever. He is beyond words to me. I tried to capture just a fraction of my thoughts on this moment and the impact He has had on my life. I'm not sure I really succeeded, but I enjoyed the process. I debated whether or not to share. I decided to, because I know I'm not the only person to have a hidden, shut-up part of me that is kept off limits, even to God Himself, even to myself if I'm being honest. I thought maybe it might help even one person to come to a realization of the wholeness He brings, and the exhilarating reward of total vulnerability.

You should be able to click on the image to view a larger, easier to read view.

Filled with Prayer

2009-05-25T06:50:00.005-04:00

Acts 3:1-8 - One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, "Look at us!" So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.

Nice story, isn't it? Still, for some reason, I've always felt uncomfortable reading this story, and I tend to find myself skimming over it or skipping it all together. So today when I came across it again, I was tempted to just bypass it under the pretense that 'I already know that...don't need to read it again.' But I didn't. I backed up and read it for probably the twentieth time in as many months.

As I read this passage today, I couldn't help but wonder at Peter and John. Lord, how is it that they can be so bold as to just tell this guy to get up and walk? And in that moment I realized why it is that this passage of Scripture seems to bother me so much.... because I'm pretty sure I would not have been so bold. I might have prayed for the guy if he asked, but to just command him to get up and walk! What if I go through all of that, and at the end of it all he still just lays there, unable to walk? How embarrassing would that be?! I realized I would be afraid of being embarrassed if nothing happened.

Immediately as I thought through this, I was reminded that 'God has not given me a spirit of fear.' Fear does not come from Him at all, and if it doesn't come from Him, I don't want it!

So my next question was, then how does that work? How do I get to the place, like Peter and John, where I feel confident and bold enough to command a person to be healed in the name of Jesus, and trust completely that it will just simply happen? I mean, they didn't pray and petition God to heal that man in that moment. They just told him to get up. They did just what Jesus did when He was walking the earth performing miracles. He simply commanded healing, and there was healing.

Well, maybe some of John and Peter's confidence came from walking with Jesus and witnessing His countless miracles. That might account for some of it... maybe... I mean, familiarity and personal experience does a lot to boost your confidence. But I think there's a lot more to it than that. In fact, as I read on into chapter 4, I began to see that this kind of confidence is made available to us without barriers. We simply have to be in the position to receive it.

The series of events following this miraculous healing at the Beautiful Gate finds John and Peter on trial before the religious leaders of the day because they had done this miraculous act. The leaders ultimately determine that they can't convict the two men of anything because the people are so excited about what they've just done. Instead, the leaders sternly warn John and Peter to never again teach or talk about or perform miracles in Jesus' name. Peter and John's response is "Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God's sight to obey you rather than God. For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard."(Acts 4:19-20)

Then the two men return to the other apostles and tell them all what had just happened. And the apostles all prayed and worshiped together. They praised God for all that He is; they praised Him for times past when man set Himself against the message and the truth of God and failed. And then they prayed this: "Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus." (Acts 4:29-30)

After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly. (Acts 4:31)

The key to their boldness - their unwavering faith - at the Beautiful Gate that day, I believe, was that they had prayed something similar before. Their time in prayer was spent together, petitioning God to give them boldness, to allow them to speak with confidence and full freedom without fear. Their prayers were that God would, through them, stretch out His hand to cure the sick and to perform miracles through Jesus' authority and by His name. And they were continually being renewed in and filled with the presence of the Holy Spirit.

They were following the example that Jesus had set for them during the time He was with them. He did the same. He would spend time in prayer, go about doing good and healing those who were afflicted, then go back and spend more time in prayer.

It makes me think about what I'm praying for - how I'm praying. I know beyond a doubt that prayer is God's design for each of us, and it is what He works through to alter the course of the world. It's His plan for working in us and for working through us to reach the world. Prayer is vital.

"If the church would only awaken to her responsibility of intercession, we could well evangelize the world in a short time." - T.S. Hegre

Just something to think about

2009-05-02T15:14:00.002-04:00

"Let us not glide through this world and then slip quietly into heaven, without having blown the trumpet loud and long for our Redeemer, Jesus Christ. Let us see to it that the devil will hold a thanksgiving service in hell when he gets the news of our departure from the field of battle." -C.T. Studd

I came across this quote in my reading, and I love it. Lately I think I'm falling far short of the bar. Thank God His mercy is new every day, and today can be a new beginning (probably my millionth!) This quote - this well-thought-out life mission statement - can serve as a reminder of the boldness I have because of Jesus, and all that I want to give back to Him in gratitude. I truly do want to come to the end of my life and look back on it, knowing that I have had a consistent and profound impact on this world for His kingdom, not for my own glory, but as the best gift I can offer back to Him for all that He is and all that He has already given to me.

Mark 10

2009-03-02T22:02:00.009-05:00

And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before Him and asked him, "Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" And Jesus said to him, "Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.'" And he said to him, "Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth." And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, "You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. (Mark 10:17-22)

This is another story I'm familiar with. I've heard it taught a few different times, and pretty much, the teachings are all similar. I guess I don't have anything earth-shaking to add to what I've heard before, but there were some small things I noticed, that pricked at my heart, as I was studying this account. I just want to highlight the points that stood out to me as I went through this.

1) a man ran up and knelt before Him...Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful...

How familiar is this scene? Isn't it what we've played out countless times in our own lives? No? At first I didn't think so. I didn't really relate to this guy. But I read it last night again, sitting in a worship & prayer service at church, and I realized how common this man's behavior is. He did what we do:

He ran up to Jesus and he knelt before Him - just as we run to the alter or cry out in prayer;
He wanted to know what was required of him to get into heaven - he asked about eternity...clearly it was on his mind...it was of interest to him. Don't we do the same? 'Jesus what do you want from my life? What can I do for You?...'
Then Jesus spoke to him. Apparently, what was said seemed too hard; maybe he wasn't quite ready to take the step that was asked of him; maybe he was afraid to do what Jesus was asking... Whatever the reason, the man did not do what Jesus had asked of him, and he went away. This is where I initially deviated from being able to relate to this guy, but now I get the fact that we are not so different - I am not so different. Sometimes when I ask those kinds of questions, I like what I hear - it's encouraging or exciting. Other times, though, when I ask, He brings correction or asks something of me that goes above and beyond what I was expecting. And I go away. I don't walk away from Him completely, like the man in Mark did, but I finish my prayer time and I go on about my life. And when the thing He has spoken to me is hard, sometimes I struggle to comply, or I find myself compromising or making deals and bargains. Well, He's not asking me to bargain. He's asking me to obey. And neither good intention nor partial compliance counts for obedience. No matter how many times I ask the question, His answer does not change. It is simply a matter of whether or not I am willing to comply. For that, I am no different than the man in Mark.

2) And Jesus, looking at him, loved him...

I know this doesn't seem like much, and honestly, at first, I skimmed right over it when I read it. But the second or third pass through, this grabbed a hold of me and gripped me. Simply that Jesus knew this man's heart; knew the decision he would make; and He LOVED him. I love the fact that the author felt it was important enough to insert that bit of information, where it could have easily been omitted. It means that, without 'He loved him' we don't get the full picture. Otherwise, it wouldn't be there. However, it is important that we know it, so it was intentionally included. A subtle thing, but one of those things in Scripture that I absolutely love. Worth thinking on for a few minutes.

3) You lack one thing...

Look at the commandments Jesus listed. He listed EVERY SINGLE commandment that addresses how we are to deal with others. And, according to this man, he had kept every one of these commandments. He was, by the world's account, 'A good man' - the sort of person we assume will get into heaven for sure. Don't we all know those kind of people - the ones who are generous and compassionate; they volunteer at the soup kitchen, and they donate to every good cause under the sun; they never say a cross word to anyone; they give the shirt off their back for a friend or a neighbor. You know, 'good people.'

But Jesus says this man is lacking one thing that is crucial in determining a person's eternity in heaven. So what is it? Is it that he has too much money? Too much stuff? No, I don't believe that's it. I think it has to do with all of the commandments that were NOT listed - every commandment that addresses our relationship with God - with putting Him first, and center, and most important. What the young man was missing was a heart that put God above all things. He wanted to get into heaven. He had done every good thing in his earthly ability. But Jesus was not the most important to him. Apparently, for this particular man, the thing that held the highest regard in his heart was his wealth, which is why Jesus challenged him to lay it down.

At the moment this man walked away, he had made the choice to value his worldly possessions above Jesus. And he walked away sad because he recognized that, although he wanted to go to heaven, he was not willing to do what was necessary to get there.

That's a pretty heavy realization to come to, and one that I am continually evaluating in my own life. Is He really my center, my focus, my most important? Does my life demonstrate that by the way I am living? Is He getting my time? My attention? Am I relying on Him or myself? How much am I including Him in my every-day life? Is He the first thing I think of, or is He an afterthought in my down-time or at the end of the day? Because if He is not my most important, then something else is. If there is something that I am not willing to give up in order to spend eternity with Him, then I am in the same position as this young man in Mark. And, according to the Word of God, as long as I stay in that position, I can be assured that I will not be spending eternity with Him.

I think this story can be summed up quite simply: I can't be good enough on my own. In exchange for eternal life in heaven, He wants to be my One True God, and He asks that I love Him MOST, having nothing in my life that is more important to me than Him. Then my love for Him is demonstrated by my obedience, and by the way I live and show love to others.

I'm really glad He did that

2009-03-01T14:57:00.004-05:00

The kids and I have been reading the Narnia books at bedtime and nap time, as we get the chance. Today, I read to them a bit for a resting sort of down time, and I have to say that it affected me more than I ever expected it could.

I read to them the part where the witch demands Edmund's life, because he was a traitor...
where Aslan, unbeknown to any of the others, commits to give his own blood, his own life, in exchange for Edmund's... where Aslan walks slowly to the table to offer himself in exchange for the boy's... where the girls walk alongside him, and he asks them to hold onto him, just to know they are there... when he submits to the hand of his enemies, willingly, without resistance or retaliation, and he is humiliated, and tortured and devalued and mistreated. And all the while, my heart swelled with grief, knowing that Jesus endured His own, much worse, much more real version of this; knowing that I am Edmund - I am the traitor, the sinner, the imperfect one; that it's my life that has been demanded because of my sins, and it was His life that He gave in exchange for my own. And I felt just a glimpse of the sorrow, the loneliness, the hurt, and the heaviness that He must have felt. And tears welled in my eyes, and I had to stop reading for a moment, because I know He endured that for me.

And I could relate to the girls in the book who wanted so badly to reach out and grab a hold of him, and who were so relieved to finally be able to touch him and run their hands through his mane. And I imagined the indignation they felt as they watched him endure all that he endured; as they watched him give his life.

And I felt triumphant as the Queen laughed and gloated, knowing that she had no idea whom she was really dealing with; that her triumph and victory would be wholly temporary. And I filled with praise for my God, Who seemingly gave Himself up to death, yet in it all was victorious over his enemy and over death itself. What a glorious moment it must have been when Satan realized his defeat after all! And I felt a fresh surge of victory, knowing that the enemy of my soul has been defeated, and his reign in our own Narnia will soon come to an end - his winter will melt away, and a new world, a fresh world, filled with the love and the goodness of God will take its place.

We've gotten most of the way through the second book so far, and until today, I've never explained to my children that this is an allegorical story. I've never told them that Aslan represents Jesus, or any of that. But today, mid-chapter, I stopped reading, and felt so entirely compelled to explain this all to them. I told them Aslan was like Jesus; the witch like the devil; Edmund like each of us... I explained that the Bible says that when we sin - when we lie, or feel hatred toward someone, or disobey our parents, or say a nasty thing, or take something that's not ours, or want something that someone else has - the payment for that is our lives. But Jesus chose to give His life, His blood, in place of ours. His blood and His life has already paid for every mistake we have every, or will ever make. We just need to thank Him for doing that, and live our lives in a way that is always telling Him thank you for what He did for us.

As I spoke, Sebastian listened intently... He listened as I talked about the cost of sin in our lives. He said at one point, "I was really worried until you said that Jesus already did that for us. I'm really glad He did that." While I recognize that this is a gross understatement, all I can say to that is "Me too."

Make a way

2009-02-09T20:45:00.004-05:00

I confess this is going to be a long post. As I read this story the other day - a story I've known since childhood - I was captivated. My imagination went on overdrive and began to fill in the blanks - to glimpse the emotions and desires of the disciples; to wonder at the heart condition of the people; to marvel at everything that is implied in the midst of all that is not said. I love that Scripture is so alive like this. Just wanted to share some of my thoughts:

Mark 6:31-34 - And He said to them, [As for you] come away by yourselves to a deserted place, and rest a while--for many were [continually] coming and going, and they had not even leisure enough to eat.

And they went away in a boat to a solitary place by themselves. Now many [people] saw them going and recognized them, and they ran there on foot from all the surrounding towns, and they got there ahead [of those in the boat]. As Jesus landed, He saw a great crowd waiting, and He was moved with compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and He began to teach them many things.

I seriously doubt compassion would have been my overriding emotion here. I wonder if the disciples were also feeling compassionate, or if they were tired of the crowds & just wanted some quiet time? I couldn't help but wonder as I read this, What was it that moved Jesus? What was it about the people? What was it about Him? The Word says they were like sheep without a shepherd.

without guidance
without protection
wandering with no direction, aim or purpose
lost
looking for someone to follow??
feeling vulnerable, insecure

Maybe if I really understood the behavior of sheep, I could draw more out of this than I have; maybe my list would be longer or more enlightening? But I think this list above describes every person who tries to function without Jesus. Every person that I know who does not know Jesus is like a sheep without a shepherd, yet I am seldom moved with compassion to the point of taking action. I pray that He would continually change this about me until I am like Him.

Mark 6:35-46 - And when the day was already far gone, His disciples came to Him and said, This is a desolate and isolated place, and the hour is now late. Send the crowds away to go into the country and villages round about and buy themselves something to eat. But He replied to them, Give them something to eat yourselves. And they said to Him, Shall we go and buy 200 denarii [about forty dollars] worth of bread and give it to them to eat?

And He said to them, How many loaves do you have? Go and see. And when they [had looked and] knew, they said, Five [loaves] and two fish. Then He commanded the people all to recline on the green grass by companies.

So they threw themselves down in ranks of hundreds and fifties [with the regularity of an arrangement of beds of herbs, looking like so many garden plots]. And taking the five loaves and two fish, He looked up to heaven and, praising God, gave thanks and broke the loaves and kept on giving them to the disciples to set before the people; and He [also] divided the two fish among [them] all.

And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve [small hand] baskets full of broken pieces [from the loaves] and of the fish. And those who ate the loaves were 5,000 men.

And at once He insisted that the disciples get into the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side to Bethsaida, while He was sending the throng away. And after He had taken leave of them, He went off into the hills to pray.

So from what I can gather, it was late, and it was time to think of eating dinner. Still this crowd of 5,000 lingered - to hear Him, to be near Him. Their motivation to feed their stomachs was nothing compared to their desire to stay near Him. I'm amazed that they all chose to sit down and recline, even before they knew He would be feeding them. By nature, the posture of reclining makes one think of settling in and staying a while. These 5,000 were willing to forgo their meal, well into the evening, just to stay where He was. This was their heart condition - hungry to be near Him, to hear Him, to wait on Him. Maybe it was this heart condition that moved Him with compassion? Perhaps it was this attitude of faith and belief in Him that made it possible for Him to pour out such a miraculous meal on them - quite a difference from what He was able (or unable) to do in Nazareth not long before this.

And I can't help but notice this about Jesus as I read this account: when the disciples were tired and ready to send the people on their way, Jesus was unwilling to let them go. He made a way for them to stay with Him. Only after they had been satisfied by the One Who is more than enough did He personally disburse the crowd.

Then He went and prayed. I wonder what He prayed about? Surely He was tired and in need of His Father's company; in need of being refreshed and refilled; in need of wisdom, guidance, direction for all that was yet to come. But I wonder, did He also lift those 5,000 up in prayer? That all they had seen and heard that day would stay with them? That His words would be protected and guarded in their hearts? Did He pray a blessing over them? Although I don't know the answers to these questions, I love to get glimpses of Him like this. I love to get a glimpse of the tenderness of Jesus. And I am continually humbled when I think that the Lord of lords takes time to pray for me and my simple life...that I am just one in the crowd, yet He knows me, knows what I need, and He goes before His Father on my behalf. I depend on His perfect prayer, knowing that He is always moving and working in my life and my family. I could never deserve a love like this, and I am eternally thankful to Him.

To Invoke a Blessing

2009-01-26T21:28:00.003-05:00

Luke 24:50 - Then He conducted them out as far as Bethany, and, lifting up His hands, He invoked a blessing on them.

This verse comes toward the end of the book of Luke, and I've always read it as kind of a transition to His miraculous ascension to heaven. For some reason or another, I ended up reading back through this a few days ago, and I got hung up on this verse. It has never registered with me before, but it did that day. I paused to reflect on the notion of Christ calling down blessings over them. I realized that this moment went far beyond the ritualistic idea that I sometimes have on 'blessings' in the church - words recited without thought; prayers without real faith in the outcome.

But this blessing...this moment described in Luke 24...there has never been a hollow, vain, ineffective word uttered by Christ Jesus. His blessing was in full faith, complete certainty, absolute assurance of the outcome - that it would be all exactly as He had spoken. This was a perfect prayer prayed over these people. Wow, what I would give to have been in that crowd, to have been included in that blessing!

So my mind started wandering a bit...I wonder if He has ever invoked such a blessing over my life? Over yours? I believe He has - in my spirit, I feel it. Maybe somewhere in the Bible it confirms that. I'm not sure, but I know that He is always praying over us, interceding for us.

My mind is boggled trying to imagine that I would be the recipient of such a perfect prayer; that the Lord of lords would look upon me and feel that His efforts would be best put to use by praying for me, or speaking blessings over me. How could I possibly think of such a thing and not be completely humbled by my complete inability to ever remotely come close to deserving such attention. But He gives it freely. Sometimes still I have to remind myself that that's how He loves me. I don't deserve it. I never will. But I will accept it and I will thank Him.

I pray that my heart and my attitude of faith would be transformed to be like His; that my prayers - more than that - every word I utter - would be full of meaning, fueled by unwavering faith, having the fullest measure of effectiveness; that I would believe as He did on the day He ascended to heaven, having absolute certainty in the result, even before it is seen.

I pray that the Lord would set a guard over my mouth, that in my heart I would weigh the full measure of every word I speak before it is spoken; that my mouth would not be a contradiction to itself by speaking both blessings and curses.

James 5:16 - ...The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power & produces wonderful results.

Isaiah 55:11 - So shall my word be that goes forth out of My mouth: it shall not return to Me void (without producing any effect, useless), but it shall accomplish that which I please and purpose, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.

An Awesome Promise!

2009-01-06T13:53:00.003-05:00

I came across this verse in my reading today. It was actually a verse that was in proximity to another verse I had looked up as a cross reference... it's amazing that I even happened to read it, because I surely was not looking for it. But it is one of the most encouraging verses I've ever read, and it is one incredible promise!

Isaiah 49:23 - ... and you shall know [with an acquaintance & and understanding based on and grounded in personal experience] that I am the Lord, for they shall not be put to shame who wait for, look for, hope for, and expect Me.

This element of faith has been a battle for me for much of my life - What if I believe and nothing happens? What if I'm disappointed? What if I make God my 'plan A' and He doesn't come through?

....This leads me to always have a 'plan B' in place...which is quite contrary to the faith God wants in us. When I make my own 'just in case' plan, I'm really saying to God that I'm not sure He will really be there for me, and that I can take care of things myself. That's not faith. That's doubt masquerading as faith.

But this verse in Isaiah puts a stop to all of that - or at least it should. Knowing the Word of God is truth, and that every promise in it is for every person who believes & does according to His Word, I know that I can rely on this promise...for me personally. If I dare to believe God, rely on Him, and expect Him to move on my behalf, He promises He will not let me down. I will not be put to shame. It's a promise.

Fall on my face

2008-12-30T20:52:00.002-05:00

I realized yesterday during my prayer time how very blah I have been in my attitude toward spending time with God lately. I have not approached it with any kind of urgency or priority, letting all of the 'urgent' circumstances in day-to-day life to take the lead. Very simply put, I realized how utterly ashamed I would be if Christ would have return right then. I would have nothing to do but fall on my face and beg for forgiveness, pray for mercy and grace.

I am astonished at how quickly the world can sneak in and steal what belongs to God. I am astonished at how very little effort I really made to stop it. I am thankful for God's forgiveness, because I am weak and in desperate need of Him.

Psalm 103:2-4, 8 - Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul, and forget not one of all His benefits-- Who forgives every one of all your iniquities, Who heals each one of all your diseases, Who redeems your life from the pit and corruption, Who beautifies, dignifies, and crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercy; The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and plenteous in mercy and loving-kindness.

To Alter History

2008-11-24T21:51:00.002-05:00

I heard something today that has renewed my mental view of prayer. It was very simple, and it seemed very obvious. Yet the more I thought about it, the more I realized that, although I believe in prayer, I have not been truly viewing and approaching prayer as though I do believe it.

It was simply this: Every time I pray, I have acted to altered the course of history because I have invited God to work in and alter circumstances. Without prayer, history goes in one direction. With it, it goes another.

This is the truth of prayer. It's time for me to see it as an opportunity for God, through me, to shape the course of history.

Peace

2008-11-24T21:43:00.002-05:00

I am so thankful for this peace. I wouldn't be able to get through many days (including this one) without it. As we count down to Thanksgiving, this is definitely one of my blessings I am counting. It's the best feeling when His peace washes over me and takes away the tension, the worry, the anxiety. And He gently reminds me that He is big enough to take on all of my cares and my worries. And I don't have to take the responsibility for things only He can do. His peace brings such wholeness, and such release and perspective in my every-day life. I am so thankful.

John 14:27 - Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

The Leaven of the Pharisees

2008-11-16T20:13:00.007-05:00

Mark 3: 1-6 AGAIN JESUS went into a synagogue, and a man was there who had one withered hand [as the result of accident or disease]. And [the Pharisees] kept watching Jesus [closely] to see whether He would cure him on the Sabbath, so that they might get a charge to bring against Him [formally]. And He said to the man who had the withered hand, Get up [and stand here] in the midst. And He said to them, Is it lawful and right on the Sabbath to do good or to do evil, to save life or to take it? But they kept silence.

And He glanced around at them with vexation and anger, grieved at the hardening of their hearts, and said to the man, Hold out your hand. He held it out, and his hand was [completely] restored. Then the Pharisees went out and immediately held a consultation with the Herodians against Him, how they might [devise some means to] put Him to death.

It is very easy for me to read through this quickly and think, 'Those awful Pharisees! How could they be such horrible people?' But as I read this tonight, I realized that I am often very much like these men. They didn't object to His healing the man...only that He did it in a time that they deemed inappropriate. In essence, they had compartmentalized their lives, with acceptable time slots being made available for God to move and work. They had their plans for the way the Sabbath was to go - their own agendas, their own expectations for a given trip to the Synagogue. They were mad because Jesus operated outside of their own agenda/expectation structure. They had an idea of what was acceptable on the Sabbath, and their preconceptions were directly and openly challenged - we could even say they were violated.

How different are we really from that? I know I'm not that far off. There have been so many times where I knowingly close myself off from what I think God might be wanting or trying to do in or through me - not because I don't want Him to move...just that I don't want Him to do it right then. For whatever reason, really, but they all basically boil down to an inconvenience to me. I've definitely been guilty of compartmentalizing my life, and keeping God out when I might be delayed, or embarrassed, or personally convicted if I let Him in. I have been guilty of closing off certain times - sometimes it is Sunday morning, while I'm sitting in church - selfishly keeping that time to myself, in my own control, hoping it will run by my own agenda, my own timing, my own expectations. How different am I really from the Pharisees?

Luke 12:1 - ...Be on your guard against the leaven (ferment) of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy [producing unrest and violent agitation].

Just a note: I looked up "leaven" in Websters for clarification, just to make sure I understood clearly what Jesus was saying. Leaven, generally speaking, is an agent that causes dough to rise, as yeast does. One definition, though, that Websters gives states this: 'to leaven is to spread throughout, causing a gradual change.'

Any kind of gradual change that Jesus warns against is a gradual change I do not want. Lord, please change this in me, and help me be always available to You. What good is my life if it is not always open and available to You to work in and through me as You wish?

These are a few of my favorite things

2008-11-07T16:04:00.007-05:00

Mark 1:35 - And in the morning, long before daylight, He got up and went out to a deserted place, and there He prayed.

This is one of my favorite things about the way Jesus lived His life. Time and time again, we see that He gives of Himself completely to others, pouring out His love and power in their lives. Then He makes it a priority to take time to be alone with His Father.

to pray

to know His heart

to stay connected so that He is sure to be constantly doing the Father's will

to be refilled, refreshed, restored after pouring Himself out to all those He touched and healed

If you read a few verses before this verse, and then consider the timing of His prayer time, it's obvious how necessary and what a priority prayer time was to Jesus. The Bible says (in Mark 1) that that day, He was up and around early, teaching in the synagogue and healing people. Then, at sunset, the whole town gathered, and they began to bring the sick and the afflicted to Him to be healed and cleansed. If they didn't start until after sundown, and if the whole town was gathered there, surely it was very late by the time they finished. And remember, He had already been up all day. Still, verse 35 tells us that 'long before sunrise' Jesus went off on His own to pray. I wonder, did He even sleep at all? If so, it couldn't have been for long. He must have been physically very tired, and still it was more important to Him to have time alone with His Father.

I am SO not there yet. This is a definite weakness of mine, and a continual struggle for me. I'm challenged at least 4 times a week to get up early before everyone is awake to read and pray. Yet, so often, 4 times a week, I choose to sleep a little longer and I give up that opportunity.

Mark 1:38 - And He said to them, Let us be going on into the neighboring country towns, that I may preach there also; for that is why I came out.

This is another of my favorite characteristics of Jesus: He did not get wrapped up in doing what others expected or wanted of Him. He didn't allow others to pull Him off track from doing His Father's will. It is my prayer that God would continue to work in me until I am at a place where I value His approval and His will far above the approval or expectations of any person.

Mark 1:31 - And He went up to her and took her by the hand and raised her up; and the fever left her, and she began to wait on them.

Mark 1:40-41 - And a leper came to Him, begging Him on his knees and saying to Him, If You are willing, You are able to make me clean. And being moved with pity and sympathy, Jesus reached out His hand and touched him, and said to him, I am willing; be made clean!

At first I skipped over this, but as I continued reading, I realize that this verse gives an example of yet another endearing quality of Jesus, which is very simply that He is engaging and personal. He went up to her, touched her, took her by the hand, and healed her. Other examples in Scripture show us clearly that Jesus has the capacity to heal without even being present - clearly no physical contact is required for Him to bring about healing in a person's life. I realized as I was reading this, and also as I was reading the story of the leper who was healed, that the element of physical touch was probably for no other purpose than to engage and make intimate contact with the person on the receiving end. Imagine what that touch from Jesus must have meant to the leper - a man who, by the nature of his disease, had surely not been touched by another human being for what must have seemed like a lifetime. Jesus touching him was a profound demonstration of His extreme love, and His desire for intimacy with those whom He came to save. I love that about Him. I love that He is willing to go out of His way, to do what is unnecessary, simply to make someone else feel really recognize how much they are loved and how important they are to Him. He's awesome.

A Heart of No Compromise

2008-11-07T15:46:00.005-05:00

There's a song by Brian & Jen Johnson called Where You Go I Go that plays on my ipod quite often. In this song, she sings, 'Give me a heart of no compromise. Help me to be more like You.' I can't tell you how many times I've prayed a prayer like that. I recognize that compromise in my own life has been the element that has undone a lot of good that could have been otherwise.

Today I was reading in Mark 1:14-20, as part of a Bible study I'm taking part in right now. In verse 18, it says this about the men Jesus had called to follow Him: 'And at once they left their nets (yielding up all claim to them) and followed Him.' Verse 20 also says this: '...abandoning all mutual claims, they left their father Zebedee...and went off after Him (Jesus).'

I thought I'd share these thoughts:

These men were a few of the 12 men who would eventually work to establish the church, spread the Gospel, and change the course of history in a major way to include Christianity. Look at their heart conditions, even at the moment Jesus first called them. They dropped everything - leaving behind work and family - and gave up all claims to their former ways of life. They unreservedly joined Him, following wherever He went.

I often wonder at the fact that 12 men could begin what a billion Christians today cannot seem to finish, and I wonder why. This seems to shed some light on that very issue. I think the Church, generally speaking, has lost this heart of no compromise. When we hear God calling us, or asking something of us, we are willing to respond, but only to a certain degree. We go far enough to be doing something, but not so far that we let go of all claims to what we already have. We are a people holding on to our current lives, not really willing to lay them down, as Jesus says we must. We genuinely love God, we believe in God, but we are trying to serve Him on our own terms.

Think of how vastly different things would have been if the disciples had responded then as we do now:

'I'll go with you, but I have to come back tomorrow to fish.'
or, 'I'd love to follow You and go with You, but let's not go far. I want to be near my dad.'

They would have been part-time disciples, coming in and out of service to Jesus, always coming back to the life they had before. They would have missed out on the experiences of traveling with Him, hearing Him teach, seeing Him perform miracles, and having Him pour into their own lives. They would have missed out on the friendship and intimacy that comes only from being with someone committedly and continuously. They would have missed out on the opportunity to change the world!

Think of all we give up by compromising - doing some version of what He asks of us, but still holding on to our own ideas and ways of living. What are we missing out on? If we only would live with a heart of no compromise, what would He be willing and able to do through us for His kingdom? It's an awesome thought.

A 2-Week Challenge

2008-10-28T23:04:00.002-04:00

Tonight our small group met. We've been talking (based on a teaching by Andy Stanley) about margins in our lives - the time, space, energy, emotion, etc. that we have left over - the resources we have available to dedicate to God, family, and all those things that SHOULD be our priority, but that seem to be squeezed out by daily life. The idea being that when we over-schedule, over-commit, over-do, we chip away at our margins - our reserve, our borders, our boundaries - until we're right at the edge of our max capacity. When we live without margins, we have no time; we have no energy; we have no patience; we have no mercy; our relationships with each other suffer; our relationship with God suffers.

The focus tonight was understanding inherent limitations on our time, and then taking the next step to surrender our time-management to God, and allow Him to lead and direct us with regards to how our time is spent. The key to prioritizing and utilizing our time to the fullest is to give God our time.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33, NAS)

When we seek Him first, we are promised that all the other things we spend our time seeking after will be given to us. When we seek Him, we begin to know Him and to know His heart. We begin to understand His priorities, and we want those to be our priorities as well. When our priorities are in line with His, we will spend our time on those things that matter most. By spending time with Him and seeking to know His heart, we will inherently shift the way we spend our time, and we will begin to spend it in the best possible way on the things that matter most.

In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:6, KJV) This was one of the first verses I ever committed to memory, because it hung on a plaque on the wall in our house when I was a child. The more hectic life becomes, and the more craziness that comes my way, the more clearly this verse rings true. When we acknowledge Him and spend time with Him, He gives us direction and leads us where we should go. He will direct us as to how our time would best be spent.

As a group, tonight we put out a challenge to each other: to give God the first 15 minutes of each day for the next 2 weeks until we meet again. By giving Him the first portion of our day, we have the opportunity to set the course of our day, to invite Him into every moment and every circumstance, to turn it over to Him completely, and to get our hearts and minds focused on Him before anything else creeps in to steal our time and attention. I know 15 minutes isn't much, but if it is done with a right heart, I believe it can make a big difference - not only for all of the reasons I just mentioned, but also because when we honor God with our time and attention, and with a heart that is truly open to Him, I believe He is faithful to His Word and all that He promises for those who will diligently seek Him. In my own life, I have seen that when I am faithful to give my time to God, somehow my time I have remaining runs more smoothly, and I operate more efficiently than I otherwise would. Somehow, even when I think I don't have time for Him because I have so much else to do, if I give Him my time anyway, it seems that everything else still manages to get done. Interesting how that works. (Sorry, I got off on a tangent.)

I'm excited to see how the next few weeks go. I'm hoping that I am up to the challenge. It's so easy to compromise and give up those first few minutes of the day to so many other things that seem so pressing...like sleep??? or rushing to get the kids ready on time??? A few of us have decided to do a sort of self-guided Bible study to keep some accountability and some focus for those of us who may tend to struggle for one reason or another. We've decided to simply take a book of the Bible (we've chosen Mark) and start at the beginning. We'll go through it bit by bit, and share our thoughts and our understanding etc. I think this is going to be an awesome opportunity for us to grow closer to God, and for us to grow closer together. I'm very excited!

Overcomplicated?

2008-10-27T22:00:00.004-04:00

Today I had a conversation with someone I respect immensely. I always enjoy our conversations because he has interesting perspective and insight on just about everything it seems. Anyway, today he said something that has gotten me thinking. He said, our focus in living a life for the advancement of God's kingdom can really be narrowed down to 2 things: 1) reaching the lost, 2) helping those who are reached find their place in the body of Christ. He observed, and I would agree, that we seem to really overcomplicate things and make it so hard. It's really not. If we would run everything we do through this test, we could quickly weed out the complications: is what I'm doing working to reach and save the lost? or is it helping someone who has received Jesus find their way to that sweet spot where God has designed them to be?

The Bible tells us that we have been created with a specific purpose in mind, and that God, long ago, prepared good things for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) - For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago) So this has got me thinking a bit - examining and evaluating my own life and actions. How much of what I do is lending itself to these two basic elements of God's work - reaching the lost and helping each other live in the midst of what we have been created for? We can only carry out the fullest portion of God's plan for our lives when we are living in alignment with His plan and purpose for us. Furthermore, the Bible makes it clear that it is God's intention for us to function as a united body, not as individuals. So, we are most likely to succeed when we work together toward a common goal, helping each other along the way.

Look at this same passage of Scripture in another version of the Bible:

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.
(Ephesians 2:7-10, The Message)

Again, I come back to the idea that we've been apathetic for far to long. I really believe that if we are not living in the midst of this place that God has designed for us, we cannot be happy. I think that probably has a lot to do with why there are so many unhappy, unfulfilled, lukewarm (and on and on) Christians. I think it's a lot of the reason why people fall away from the church. They feel like they've tried the church thing, and there was nothing there for them. But going to church is not the same as living for God, and letting Him lead and guide the steps of our lives. It's not the same as living in the midst of God's purpose. That's awesome!

So many of us are takers when it comes to our church experience. We go to get something- to get a blessing, to get a lesson, to get a good feeling. When that's our mindset, we're only living out half of the equation, and, by the nature of things, we are out of balance and incomplete. We have been designed in God's likeness, and God is a giver. We are designed to be givers. We are to give of ourselves, our hearts, our energy, our love, our resources, our time, and all that God has given to us. We aren't meant to receive from God so that we can hoard it all up. What we receive from Him is intended to pass through us and onto someone else, and on to someone else from them, and so on, like a river flows. A body of water that's not flowing becomes stale and stagnate. So does a Christian whose not giving, whose not reaching, whose not helping and loving.

I believe with all that is in me that it all comes down to what motivates us. What is our driving force? It is my sincere prayer that every person who calls themselves a Christian, and who has made themselves open and available to God will be moved to a place in their hearts where they are motivated by eternal things much more than they are by earthly things. To be driven by the same things that drive God - to know His heart and be moved by it. When His priorities are ours, we will inherently find ourselves focused on reaching the lost and helping those who are saved live out the purpose for which they have been created.

God does not complicate matters. Why do we?

A prayer for the Finish

2008-10-15T14:16:00.006-04:00

Lord, that You have trusted your will, Your plan, into the hands of humanity, I do not understand. For we are untrustworthy, and so unlikely to handle it properly. How long must You wait until we get it right? How long will our selfishness, our self-serving hearts, delay the completion of all You have desired? How long must You wait before we finally go unto all the world - until every man has heard and has been given the opportunity to choose You - until Your will is made complete?

Can twelve men change the course of the world, spread Your word so truly in so little time, and yet one billion cannot finish what twelve men started? How can that be? Do we not love You enough to do Your will? Do we not long to see Your triumphant return? Do we not hope to finally look upon You with our eyes as well as with our hearts - do we not hold the hope of eternity spent with You? What is it that roots us to the ground, that holds us where we are, keeping us from moving forward, going and doing?

Lord, You alone can get inside a man and get to the heart of a matter. In Jesus' mighty name, with all that is in me, I pray that You would get deep into the heart of every believer and break away and destroy the ties that hold us where we are. God, move in - invade - every heart that has been made available to You. Change the heart, transform it and bring healing, that the heart would drive the man. Lord, let Your people be truly Yours, and let us be driven by what drives You, and motivated by the eternal.

Father, find those who even now are ready and willing to do Your will, to sacrifice in the flesh for the sake of spiritual gain. Raise them up, God, according to Your will, and place them in positions of influence - not only over non-believers, but over believers as well. God, that a life lived out as an act of worship to You from a position of influence would impact others to also live their lives unto You.

Lord, raise us up, and bring us together, in unity, undivided, bound together in humility by bonds of genuine love for You and for each other. Let us move in one direction - Your direction. Let us act in one accord for the sole purpose of completing Your perfect plan. Let us come the end of our lives and be able to declare, as You did Jesus, 'It is Finished. I have completed all that the Father has laid before me.' Let Your kingdom come and Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Let us finish that which twelve men started two thousand years ago. Let it begin now. Let us not delay for any reason, but let us begin, so that through us, You may finish it. Amen.

I know that You can do all things, and that no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained or thwarted. (Job 42:2)

Essentially One

2008-10-03T21:36:00.002-04:00

I came across something in my study time that is so cool to me, and I want to share. Hopefully someone who reads this will get a little excited about this like I did.

Philippians 2:6-7 - (About Jesus) Who, although being essentially one with God, and in the form of God, possessing the fullness of the attributes which make God God, did not think this equality with God was a thing to be eagerly grasped or retained, but stripped Himself of all privileges and rightful dignity so as to...become like men, and He was born a human being.

Essentially one with God. Out of curiosity, I looked up the dictionary definition of 'essentially.' Websters has this to say about the word:

having the intrinsic fundamental nature of something
inherent
absolute, complete and perfect
containing or having the properties of; a concentrated extract of (ex. - a food or plant oil extract)
" essential, in strict usage, is that which constitutes the absolute essence or the fundamental nature of a thing, and therefore must be present for the thing to exist, function, etc."

Wow. Wow. Wow. I mean, I would try to highlight the best parts, but each bullet point is awesome!

I've shared before that someone once asked me a simple question - 'are God and Jesus the same person?' That one question threw me for such a loop, because I realized that I didn't have a solid understanding of its answer. I was tossed into one of the deepest and darkest periods of doubt and struggle in all of my Christian walk. I've also shared before that slowly God has revealed the truth of the matter to me in a way that I can understand. I've put His answers through extreme scrutiny in my own heart and mind, and have very much settled on the validity and truth of what was revealed to me through His Word. But now, even after having come to terms with the struggle and doubt that I once had, still I love to find verses in Scripture that fill in the blanks, expand on the foundations, and confirm what I've come to understand. This verse in Philippians is definitely one of those verses, and even the dictionary definition of one of the key words in this verse serves to confirm and deepen my dependence on the truth of God's Word.

All wrapped up in this one verse we learn that Jesus and God were together in heaven. They have the same fundamental nature and character. One is inherently present with the other. Together they are absolutely and completely perfect. Jesus can be described as a concentrated extract of the Father - having the same properties. One must be present for the other to exist, function, etc. Jesus possesses the FULLNESS of the attributes which make God God - so there is no hierarchy in strength of power, authority, purity, goodness, love, or whatever else you can come up with. Yet, even in all of this, we can see in this verse that there is a distinction between God the Father and God the Son, because it tells us that Jesus separated Himself from the Father and became like men.

Separate but inseparable. Separate parts of a single unit.

John 1:1 - In the beginning [before all time] was the Word (Christ), and the Word was with God, and the Word was God Himself.

I am what You've made

2008-09-24T21:31:00.012-04:00

At lunch the other day, I went and sat by a river that runs through a park here in town. I took my food, my ipod, and my Bible and walked down by the river and sat. As I ate, I went back & forth between just looking around and observing nature, and reading bits and pieces of my Bible. The whole time, my ipod was going. Still somehow, God managed to find His way in.

During that time, a song played. The lyrics: You are Creator, and I am what You've made.

I've listened to this song hundreds of times. I like it. It's a great song. And I've always enjoyed the sentiment behind the song. But somehow, sitting in the middle of so many beautiful things God created, I saw the truth behind the lyrics in a way I've never seen it before.

I had been spending much of my lunch time admiring the beauty of all He has made; wondering at the intricacy and detail of nature; worshiping Him for the creativity and variety that He has constructed. I truly was in awe of His creation. For a while, I considered how beautiful those parts of nature truly are that go relatively untouched by man. It seems that when we keep our hands out of things and allow nature to carry on about its ways, perfection is attained. The way the vines wrap around the trees and the branches hang down to create a covering for the animals that live on the ground below. The way the flowers reach for the sun, and open and close with its rise and fall. The way the butterflies chase each other from one flower to another and the ants find their way with seemingly flawless navigation. And the river winds and flows without ceasing. How could I possibly sit in such surroundings and not be moved?

But the whole time I was considering His work, I was looking outwardly. I was admiring the beauty of trees, flowers, birds, and bugs (even the little ants who were trying to walk off with my lunch). But it had not for a moment crossed my mind to look inwardly - to consider myself a part of His creation.

It was one of those moments that seem to take me completely off guard. I was unspeakably humbled by the truth of what I was able to understand in that moment. To Him, I am as beautiful as the flowers, as majestic as the giant oak trees. When He looks on me, He sees a work of art, carefully, and intricately crafted, and perfectly planted. He finds joy in planting into my life and watching me grow. And to Him, I am more precious than even the trees, the flowers, and the birds that He so beautifully formed and placed.

How can that be?

It is a strange thing. To think that God could love me - with my many flaws and shortcomings, my pride, my indifference to others, my selfishness, my impatience, my temper, my critical attitudes. That He could love a person like me at all is, in itself, enough to try to comprehend, but to realize that He loves me MORE - more than all the rest of His breathtaking creation... that, I believe, can only truly be understood through a moment of divine revelation. Anything else falls short of being able to fully comprehend such a thing.

To think that He has placed His highest esteem on man over everything else He has made! It goes against human nature to place the highest value on the thing most likely to hurt or disappoint us, don't you think? Maybe that's why it's so difficult for us to understand and really believe His love for us. It just doesn't make sense to us, because our tendency is one of self-preservation and protection. As I sat by the river, looking at the trees and thinking about this, I struggled with this for a moment. I mean, the trees are beautiful; they are solid and faithful in standing tall and remaining, in serving as a shelter; the trees have spent their entire existence in such a way as to never once hurt or offend their Creator. In comparison to myself, surely the trees are more deserving of adoration.

But the trees serve faithfully in the absence of free will. They stand still because they cannot walk. They do not fail because they are incapable of choosing between success and failure. It is the element of free will that makes us what we are - that distinguishes us from the rest of His creation. It is our free will that allows us the opportunity to love Him with our whole hearts and to serve Him because we love Him so much. As much as I can tell, the risk of being hurt or disappointed is not nearly as great as the joy and happiness He finds in being loved, adored, and worshiped by a willing heart.

And so whether or not it makes sense to me, in that moment, I was faced with a deeper understanding of how much God loves and values me as an individual. I do not deserve His adoration. I have done nothing to earn His affection. But He has created me (and not only me, but each of us) to be the recipient of His love, and to love Him in return, with a willing heart. And He looks on each one of us with a love that is beyond our comprehension, and He places a value on every individual that we may never fully know. And while I can never do enough to deserve His love, I am grateful, and will receive it with a willing heart. He is so good!

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. (Ephesians 3:18)

The Effects of Disobedience

2008-08-27T22:20:00.009-04:00

I wanted to post this right away after my previous post, but time got away from me. When I was studying this, it was all together, but I split it into 2 parts so that the post wouldn't be too long. So here's the rest of my thoughts from a week ago:

If you look back at the previous post, you'll remember that I was thinking through what holds us back from the kind of victory that the Israelites experienced in Joshua 6. It boils down to a lack of obedience to God, for many reasons. But no matter what is at the root, the effect of it is that we are not moved to act on the things God requests or requires of us.

The result of all of this is mind-blowing to me. It's amazing to me to realize what we are willing to give up in exchange for having our own way / doing our own thing. Thinking through this, I envisioned a literal what-if situation where the Israelites chose NOT to do what God asked of them. Had they not obeyed, they would have remained on the outer edge of Jericho, on the outside looking in, unable to overcome their circumstances, and unable to take hold of all that God had promised to them. What's more, if they did not move forward to the place that God had called them to, then their enemy would remain wholly unaffected by their presence, and they (the Israelites) would, by default, either sit idly by, or wander into the wilderness to a place they were not supposed to be.

The same is true for us. When we are disobedient, we remain on the outskirts of God's will. We never really tap into God's power to move in a situation and to alter circumstances. If we do not do our part, He cannot - or will not - do His. If we do not trust Him, and have faith enough to act on account of His Word, He will not move on our behalf. He is not moved by a lack of faith. Only faith brings about the reward of God's presence and power working in and through our lives. When we fail to act on His Word, we are failing to demonstrate faith in Him.

But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him...
(Hebrews 11:6)

If God doesn't pour out His presence and power on our circumstances, then our circumstances remain unchanged. Without God we are powerless to crumble walls and tear down strongholds. No amount of effort on our part will allow us to accomplish something that only He is capable of doing.

If our circumstances remain unchanged, then our enemy remains unaffected by our presence. The people of Jericho wouldn't have cared if the Israelites sat outside until the end of time, as long as they weren't being bothered. The same is true for our enemy. As long as we are not invading his territory or shaking his walls, he doesn't care whether or not we are sitting right outside. Unless we are in the will of God, being obedient to all that He asks and requires of us, we are not in a position to upset our enemy.

When we live lives of disobedience, we live lives without purpose. If we are not in the will of God, following where He leads, and going where He has asked us to go, then we are doing one of two things. Either we are sitting still, being idle and doing nothing, or we are moving in the wrong direction, headed to places we were not intended to be. Neither is good. Both lack purpose, and both have the potential to create disastrous complications and troubles in our lives. I do not want to live a life without purpose, and I surely do not want to complicate my life with trouble that I could have, and should have, avoided.

Ultimately, though, without obedience, there is no victory. As Christians, it seems we really like to focus in on the verses in the Bible that talk about being more than conquerors, victors, kings in life, the vast blessings of God. But we miss the notion that in front of many of His promises, He says, 'If' or 'For whosoever will.' The promises are available...IF. If we are willing to submit to His guidance. If we are willing to obey Him. If we are willing to dedicate our lives to knowing and loving and serving Him only. IF. If we are not living in obedience and submission to God's will and plan, then we are not in line with the ONE plan that will work to bring about victory in our lives. Victory comes through obedience.

So back to the original question...what holds us back? What keeps us from impacting our communities and our culture for God? What prevents us from breaking through in circumstances where our friends and neighbors are outside of the kingdom? When they need healing? When they need hope? What keeps us from making a difference in their lives? What holds us back from experiencing victory and peace in our own lives?

Is it indifference to others' circumstances? If we were truly being obedient to the Word of God, spending time in His presence, abiding in Him, reading and meditating on His Word, and LOVING one another, HOW could indifference even be a possibility?

Is it selfishness that holds us back? Pride? Insecurity? Lack of Faith? Lack of reverence? All of these things are erased as we let go of them and surrender to Him. Spending time in His presence in prayer and in reading the Bible has the power to transform our lives, replacing pride with humility, selfishness with generosity, insecurity with a firm foundation, and irreverence with a deeper awe and appreciation for all that He is. If we are being obedient to Him at the most basic level - giving Him our time, our attention, and ultimately our hearts - then the other things that hold us back will begin to fade away. As we take the time to get to know Him and to fall in love with Him, we are left with the ability to do nothing BUT be obedient. It becomes our very nature because He becomes a part of us. We obey Him because we love Him. We obey Him because He has become such a part of who we are that we can do nothing else.

Jesus answered, If a person really loves Me, he will keep My word [obey My teaching]; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. (John 14:23)

So maybe the real problem is that we, the Church, need to take time to fall in love with Him. Maybe we've gotten so caught up in doing church that we've lost sight of the One thing that matters most. Maybe we need to seek HIM, not His STUFF. Not the victory. Not the blessings. Not the healing and miracle-working power. Those things are great, and I believe they are a vital part of His plan. But Jesus makes it very simple and clear when He says 'Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and all these things will be given to you besides.' (Matthew 6:33) When we put first things first, we get right results. We get peace. We get joy. We get victory, power, and blessings that we could not imagine. But our motive must always be to know Him more, and to serve Him and obey Him out of a heart of love for Him. Nothing else will do.

What holds us back?

2008-08-18T14:28:00.006-04:00

This study was prompted by a question that Pastor Mark asked in service yesterday - 'What holds us back?' (Click here to listen - then click on Leveled to Reach)

Joshua 6 describes a tribe of people (the Israelites), lead by Joshua, a God-fearing man. The people were collectively obedient to God, and were therefore victorious over their enemy, even in seemingly impossible circumstances. Their task at hand was to overtake the city of Jericho. Jericho, however, was tightly closed up, and had high walls around it, making it nearly impossible to gain entrance. God gave Joshua specific instructions for conquering the city of Jericho - march around the city one time each day for six days. On the seventh day, march around seven times, blow your horns and shout. The people followed their leader, trusting in him and trusting in God. Because they were obedient, they were victorious.

Today we, as the collective church, find ourselves every day facing seemingly insurmountable circumstances. One easy example would be a friend, neighbor, or family member who does not know God and who seems completely closed off to the idea. If we have the same God today that Joshua had the day he lead the Israelites in the destruction of Jericho, then why are we not victorious? What holds us back? What is different between the Israelites in Joshua 6 and the church of 2008?

1. We do not move and work together in one accord. We tend to sort of do our own thing, want to be our own boss, go with what interests us. We can't even agree on a church service - some think the music is too loud, too fast, too slow, to contemporary, to traditional. We get so hung up on our own interests and our own ways, that we become rigid to the idea of melting together as a united body to accomplish a common goal.
2. We are not obedient. This is a major issue. I believe there are several root causes to this - see #3, 4, 5 & 6.
3. Our PRIDE, INSECURITIES, and LACK of FAITH keep us from being willing to obey God. Maybe we're not sure of the outcome. Maybe His instructions don't make sense to us. Maybe we think there's a better, more logical, easier way to accomplish the same thing. Maybe we're afraid to step out and try because we fear we might fail. Maybe we fear God will not come through for us. Maybe we might feel silly doing what God has asked of us. Maybe it's out of our comfort zone, and we are afraid of what others might think. I'm sure all of this was true to some extent for the Israelites. It is reasonable to imagine they might have felt silly walking around in parade-like fashion for seven days in a row. It's reasonable to imagine they might have thought the people of Jericho would be watching and laughing as they did the same thing over and over with no effect. It's reasonable to think that this plan didn't make a lot of sense to many, that they might have envisioned another way to go about their task. Still, they did what was asked of them. They obeyed God.
4. We don't have the endurance to wait for God's timing. We are an instant-gratification society. We want results fast. If we don't get the results we want when we want them, we deem the project a waist of time and we move on to something else. Sometimes we need to wait on God. We need to be willing to do what He has asked, simply because He has asked it of us, and we need to be willing to do it until He says stop...no matter how many times that is. I can imagine the first day of marching, the plan was okay. Maybe even the second. But by the third day, it's reasonable to assume that there was room for questioning. Why do we have to do this day after day? Why can't God work in three days instead of seven? Is this really going to work? What happens on the seventh day if nothing happens? Still, day after day, they were obedient. Day after day they marched, not making a sound, not saying a word.
5. We are indifferent to the fights that need to be fought today. We have a tendency to snuggle in to our own little world - our happy place where our family is fine, our house is fine, our finances are fine, and our church attendance is fine. We are fine. We can find a lot to do to keep ourselves occupied, and to give us something to focus on besides what God is focused on - the lost. We can get so wrapped up in our own lives, that we get blinders to what exists beyond us. We don't see the lost. If we see them, we don't care. We don't care that they are hurting now. We don't care that they are destined for an eternity apart from God and all that is good. The root of our indifference is selfishness. There is no other excuse.
6. We, as the collective church, do not have a proper reverential fear of God. We do not hold Him in a place of awe and wonder. We do not see Him for all that He is and all He deserves. We do not fear displeasing Him. We do not place any real value on pleasing Him through our worship and obedience. We do not truly respect and appreciate His ability, authority, power, and desire to carry out His will. We are not humbled in our spirits by the simple fact that He chooses to work through us to accomplish His will. If we revered Him as we ought to, we would obey Him. We would do so because we love Him; because He is worthy; because He is good; because He has all authority in heaven and on earth; because He is God. We would recognize the value of pleasing Him, and the danger of displeasing Him. Simply stated, we have let go of a right reverential fear of Him.

Thoughts on an Excellent Life

2008-08-15T21:56:00.005-04:00

I want to share something with you that keeps coming up with me lately. It keeps coming up in prayer time, both concerning myself and the church as a whole, and I am continually reminded of it in opportunities to serve, to give, to bless others, and even to do mundane daily tasks. It is the concept of excellence in serving God.

A few years ago I first heard a teaching about the relationship that God has established between Himself and us. Since then, my understanding of this relationship continues to grow and develop. I have heard several such teachings since then, and it seems like I find myself thinking about this a lot.

So here's the gist of the foundation of what I'm getting at:

Yes, God is a sovereign God. Yes, He is capable of all things, and with Him nothing is impossible. BUT.... He has set up His master plan - His plan A, with no plan B - so that He works with us and through us. He needs us to do our part so that He can do His. And often, He will not do our part for us. We must do our part so that He can do His.

Like I said, lately I've been thinking about this a lot. The foundation of our relationship with God, and of all that we are to accomplish here on earth, is that we have a part to play in order for God's will and plan to be carried out. How good is my foundation? Is it solid and whole, strong and sturdy? Or is it cracked and crumbling, uneven and shaky? In building a house, the quality of a foundation determines the quality of the structure that can be built on that foundation. The same principal applies to our acts of service to God.

I have been challenged in almost every area of my life over the past few months. Am I serving with excellence? Giving with excellence? Doing daily tasks with excellence? How is my attitude? What about my follow-through? My willingness to do something unto God alone, something that will go wholly unnoticed by man? How do I treat people? How is my heart condition and the quality of attention given to God in my prayer time? Am I doing just enough, meeting the requirements and checking tasks off of my to-do list? Or am I living out a life of worship, a life that pours all of me into everything, so that I might please Him? Am I giving Him something good to work with? Or am I giving Him mid-grade, middle-of-the-road, plain and average offerings of service, worship, prayer, giving, etc.?

As I've examined areas of my life against this standard of excellence, I have been convicted by the Holy Spirit to take responsibility for every thing that I do and say. I have been challenged to increase my level of excellence in areas where I was taking a just-get-by approach. I do this not because my works earn me something from God, but because the quality of my offering means something to God. And because when I am giving my everything to Him, in the best way I can, then the part He has given me to do is done to the fullest, which gives Him a quality foundation to build on.

Let me tell you what He has done.

2008-08-13T14:26:00.004-04:00

Sometimes just hearing something that God is doing or has done in some one's life is all it takes to stir me up and get me over-the-top excited about the God we serve. So, I have such a story to share. It is a little thing, really. But it was very cool, and unmistakably God.

This past Sunday, our church hosted a car show for the community. There were tons of cars, kids games, fire truck rides, a burn-out competition, free snow cones, a DJ and a band, and food! I had offered to help with the car show, and so my job was manning payment for the food. As I sat there, from about 11:30 until almost 3:00, taking people's food tickets and money, I had the opportunity to talk to almost everyone who was there that day, since most of them were hungry at some point (and since most of them were eating for free...who's gonna pass up free food?!).

As the day wore on, the traffic to the food line got slower and slower. Eventually, the fire truck rides started up, and the pick-up and drop-off spot happened to be only about 10 yards away from me. At some point in the afternoon, a mom, who I had noticed a few times throughout the day, and who I had spoken with briefly as she went through the food line, put her two girls on the fire truck, and sat down in a chair very close to where I was sitting. So, I started a conversation, asking about her day, her girls, and so on. We talked for quite a while (as the fire truck rides were about 10 minutes long). The longer we talked, the more I could sense her relaxing and letting her guard down a bit. I could tell that, all in all, she felt a little uncomfortable with her surroundings that day, and it was a bit too much for her to take in. But in our ten minutes of conversation, she seemed to forget it all and relax.

The fire truck returned. The kids got off. And my new friend Brooke walked off. That was the end of that really. I didn't see her again for the rest of the day. I didn't think much of it. I was busy with other things going on and with talking to other people.

At about 3:30 - almost an hour and a half after I had spoken with Brooke - I decided to head for home. It had been a long day, and I was just thinking of getting home and relaxing. As I walked through the field on my way to the truck, I was stopped in my tracks by an instant - I mean ALL OF A SUDDEN, out of nowhere - image in my mind. In that moment, I realized I had met Brooke before - about eight months ago. I saw her clearly in my mind, standing outside in the freezing cold winter weather, just as I had seen her when we first met.

Last December, I was going to a friend's apartment to drop something off. As I drove up to her building, I noticed a young mother outside with a few small children. For a moment, my eyes met hers, and I felt flooded with what she was feeling - love for her kids, and immense loneliness and sadness. I admired her for taking the time to be outside with them on such a cold and windy winter day. And I thought how lucky those little girls were to have a mom that would take the time for them the way she was. Then I tried to go on about my business, when God stepped in on me. He put it on my heart to do something for her so that she would know that He loves her and that He sees her. As I left my friend's house, I tried for a moment to ignore it - I was busy and in a hurry and really didn't have time to do what He was asking me to do. But I knew in my heart that He was reaching out to her, and if He was willing to use me to do that, then I must be willing to be used.

So, I went down the road to McDonald's and bought a gift card. Then I drove back to my friend's apartment, stopping before I got to her building. I was relieved, and also a little nervous, to see that the mother was still outside. I stopped my van, and rolled the window down. Nope. It's best to get out, I decided. So I got out, and approached her. I kept my distance, knowing that she would very likely be wondering what on earth I was doing. I held the card out to her, and briefly explained that God had put it on my heart to do this for her so that she could take her kids somewhere fun for lunch. She took the card and thanked me. I could hear a little disbelief in her voice, and gratitude. And I could see tears beginning to build in her eyes. I wished her a wonderful day, got in my van and drove off.

Several times since then, I've pulled into my friend's apartment building, and have wondered if that mom and her kids still lived there. I haven't seen them again since then. Until Sunday.

I thought about this after it happened, and I wondered if I could have counted this second meeting as a coincidence. Maybe, if I had realized it on my own. Maybe if I would have made the connection while we were sitting there talking. But on my own, I had NO idea. On my own, I would never have made that connection. I might not have really even given her much more of a thought, seeing as I spoke with so many people that day. On my own, I'm sure my mind would have blended her in with the rest of the crowd. But I was not left on my own. God had something else in mind. And I am certain that he brought us together again for His own will and purpose. And the coolest thing about it was that He kept it to Himself until it was all said and done, so that I could not write it off as coincidence or take any of the credit for it. But it was awesome the way He revealed it to me...more of a reminder to me that He is always working... a reminder that He accomplishes His plan through US - through those who are willing to be used by Him - and He uses us in very ordinary ways to do what will some day prove to be very extraordinary things in and for His kingdom. I am amazed by His ways.

Looking to be found

2008-07-21T21:24:00.004-04:00

This evening I went on a walk. I've been feeling restless. Sometimes I feel boxed in by people on all sides, and I am desperate for somewhere to really be alone with God. There seems to be nowhere. Even in prayer rooms designed specifically for that purpose, it's not what I'm looking for in my heart. In my heart I want to be in the middle of a wooded area, with no one around for miles, where I can shout and sing at the top of my lungs and only God will hear. I want to be on the top of an empty hill - maybe like the Sound of Music, I don't know. I picture David in the fields with only his flock and his God. I want room to dance and run and whatever else. I want privacy with God. Privacy is something hard to come by in my house, even with the kids gone, so I walked. Most of the time feeling very aware of just how close in proximity we've become to each other. House after house. Car after car.

Amazingly, I found a place to stop and sit. No houses blocked my view of the skyline. No cars passed by. And only one other person passed me - on a bike. So I sat and watched the clouds pass above me. I realized as I was sitting there that clouds move a lot like God moves. Sometimes they move so quickly and with so much power, and yet other times, their movement is barely perceivable. Tonight they barely seemed to move. But they did. I found that if I sat and watched them, they seemed to take forever to go anywhere, but as I gave them time to get where they were going, when I looked again, they had made quite a bit of progress. It amazes me how much nature imitates the ways of God. He is amazing to me.

My quiet time with God tonight brought me to wonder where He is moving. What is He doing? What is His plan? As I think back through the history of the church, He moves, His people respond, and they are passionate for a time. But somehow the excitement fades, and they begin to look away and lose sight of where He was going. And so He finds someone who is looking to be found, and through that someone, He re-awakens His people again, and the cycle continues. But we cannot forever continue in such a pattern of repetition. Can we? And it seems to me that the church is ready to be stirred awake once more. I'm certain that God is always moving, but we are not always aware of His movement. I am not always aware. But if I am not a part of what He is doing, am I really a part of Him? If my heart does not beat for the same reason His beats, have I missed the mark?

What am I to do with this obsessions that is swelling inside me? I am living the product of my own prayers. That I would be wholly unsatisfied, always wanting more of Him. Always wanting to do more for Him. Always wanting to live closer. To be more like Him. To never be satisfied, lest I should settle into a comfortable life and lose sight of Him. How easy it is to be distracted and lose sight of Him.

I want to be always seeking Him. I want this to be the generation that is different. I want this to be the generation that does not go back to sleep after being awakened. A generation that seeks Him and knows Him and loves Him and is wholly unsatisfied with life as usual. A generation that longs to know His heart and do something about it. A generation that shakes the world. Let all that we are, and all that exists between us and God be wholly genuine and real. Let it not be made up, not be acted out, not be a product of imitating what we've seen done before. I am desperate in my spirit to see this generation break away from the normal way of doing things, of being a Christian, of going to church, of worshiping, and I want us to take on God's way of doing things. I want to reach the world, so that every person is given a chance to know Him. This can be the generation that does that. Let it all start with seeking Him, with a generation of someone's who are looking to be found.

Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me as a vital necessity, and you will find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

But if from there you will seek (inquire for and require as necessity) the Lord your God, you will find Him if you truly seek Him with all your heart and mind and soul and life. (Deuteronomy 4:29)

Lord, every time I find myself in Your presence, let me not be satisfied until I find myself there again, until the only way I can ever be satisfied is to be forever in Your presence. Amen.

Extraordinary in the Midst of Ordinary

2008-06-29T22:27:00.002-04:00

Can I just say that the past three days following my Mega Sports Camp experience have been quite interesting. It seems like everywhere I go now, I am seeing some of my dance girls. Friday at Meijer I saw 2 of the girls. Then last night at Wal-Mart I got to see three more, and their families...very cool! Then today, one of the little girls and her family came to a picnic our church held to celebrate and honor those who serve our country. I can't even tell you how many times she ran back to me to give me just one more hug.

I love the fact that church and community are overlapping. I love that my interaction with these children and their families isn't limited to the three days of sports camp, but that I am being given opportunities to see them and be seen in every-day life kind of ways. I think that it's in the every-day way we live that we have the greatest impact on those who have taken notice of us. They may know us from a certain event or encounter or moment. But it's that introduction that causes them to observe us more carefully to see how we are every day.

Not long ago, in prayer, I was seeking God for some direction and that sort of thing regarding my own life, as well as for my family as a whole. He spoke something very simple to me: 'Live extraordinary in the midst of ordinary.' Then He immediately listed off Biblical examples for me - some of whose stories I had never read, so I had to go searching. Moses. Ester. Ruth. David. Peter. Paul.

Ruth was one of the stories I had to go looking for. I even had to read it a few times over to understand what exactly it was that she did so extraordinarily, because she appears to be quite ordinary. But I realized that she loved extraordinarily. She responded to Naomi with an extraordinary love and loyalty. A selflessness that goes above and beyond. She responded this way simply because it was her nature, not because she expected great things to come of it. But in doing so, she not only secured her family situation - a situation that had been quite shaky and worrisome for a time - but she also established herself as a member of the lineage of Jesus Christ. Her life was very ordinary, but she lived extraordinarily. She impacted the lives of others around her for the better. She shaped the course of her life, and of generations to follow. Ruth's extraordinary responses to ordinary circumstances impacted, shaped, changed the world forever. Her life became a layer upon which our lives have been built so many seemingly countless years later. That is the kind of life that God can use.

As I read through stories like Ruth's, and as I realize that in my own life my actions and responses to circumstances - every day ordinary circumstances - are being observed, and are shaping the ideas and attitudes of those observing me, I am challenged to press into Jesus more than I ever have before, so that His ways become mine. So that my natural manner of responding is one that will accurately reflect Him and that will please Him and honor Him. So that when others are watching, even when I am unaware or unsuspecting, they will see a life lived extraordinarily, no matter how ordinary the circumstances may be, and God will receive the glory for it. I want my life to be one that God can use.

Mega Sports Camp

2008-06-26T22:35:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to give God some praise!!

It's been a busy week. Busy but good...VERY good! This week was our church's Mega Sports Camp outreach. It's a free sports camp open to the community, for kids ages 6-12. This year, the sports offered were soccer, baseball, and dance. Because my good friend was overseeing the organization of the camp, and because there was a need for coaches, I agreed to be a dance coach, which somehow then evolved into a 'head' dance coach. I'll be honest, I was pretty reluctant to do it. Not for any particular reason. I simply underestimated how awesome the experience would be. Now I can't wait to do it again next year!

I was continually blown away by the love these little children were so ready and willing to express, and were so desperately wanting to receive. Children I hardly knew, or didn't know at all, were gravitating to me and following me wherever I went. They were walking up to me and randomly hugging me - the biggest squeezes imaginable. It was so completely cool to see the smiles on their faces just because I gave them a hug, or a high five, or a little compliment.

I was also consistently amazed at the depth of the issues that these little girls are facing day-to-day. In our small group times, the things they were saying were not the kind of things I expected them to bring up. There were issues of death, violence, divorces, custody battles, physical illnesses, money issues, and on and on. I was heartbroken to get a glimpse into the messes that some of them are immersed in. I felt privileged, and rather humbled really, to have a chance to pray for these girls, to pray over them, to pray for their families, and even to pray with a few of them to ask Jesus into their lives. AWESOME!

As I was praying tonight in preparation for tonight's camp session, I really felt led to pray that this event, and that these moments and encounters would be a catalyst for real life change for these kids & for their families - and as families are changing, our community would also begin to change. I know it just looked like a sports camp on the outside, but at the root of this event is an element of God's great plan. I've seen before how God can enter into a closed-off family through the open heart of a child. I'm excited to see how He uses this camp to carry out His plan for us! What awesome potential we just experienced over the past three nights! He is amazing!

Unbroken Communion

2008-06-08T14:32:00.007-04:00

One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for and insistently require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord (in His presence) all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to meditate, consider and inquire in His temple. You have said, Seek My face - inquire for and require My presence as your vital need. My heart says to You, Your face, Your presence, Lord will I seek, inquire for, and require of necessity and on the authority of Your Word. (Psalm 27: 4, 8)

I know I've referenced these verses more than once before. They are some of my favorites, and I come back to them for strength and perspective pretty regularly. Since the first time I heard this passage of scripture, I was intrigued. There is a depth to it that seems to draw me in. It has served as many things to me. It has been a challenge to me - is God's presence my first priority? It has served as encouragement to me. It has given me perspective and helped me to refocus on God when life tries to take His place in my heart.

But for the past several months, it has been a point of pondering for me. I am captivated by David's heart for the Lord. I adore the passion that is at the root of the life he lived for God. I have often wondered at a young man standing in the fields spinning and dancing for the Lord. Although he was not spotless in life, his heart amazes me. And every time I would read this Psalm (27) again, the language he used in these particular verses stirred something in me. It is language that describes adamant, intentional, unbroken communion with God. Unbroken. Continual. Unceasing.

And without being fully aware of it at first, in my spirit, I began to wonder if this was a possibility. I began to recognize that I have only begun to skim the surface of what is possible in a relationship with God. Even before my awareness caught up with my heart, I had began to pray that I would remain in the presence of God; continue in His presence; be always aware of Him; to not for a moment to lose sight of Him or to turn away from Him. Because I was loving the times that I would worship or pray and I would feel Him with me, but I was frustrated at other times when I would try to pray and feel like I couldn't find Him. How could I feel so close to Him and so sure of Him one moment, and in the same day struggle to feel anything but complete separation? For me, His presence sometimes was good, but not enough. So I continue to pray that He would continually remind me to think of Him, continually prompt me to pray, until I have developed a habit in my life that is so ingrained in me that I can't do anything else.

About two weeks ago, I was reading a book and I came across a few excerpts of a journal that was kept by a man named Frank Laubach. As I read, his words took my breath away. He had put into words exactly all that I had been feeling and trying to formulate in my heart for the past six months or so. This man was born in the late 1800's, and dedicated his life to teaching the illiterate to read. At the age of 45, he was dissatisfied with his spiritual life, and so determined that he would either spend every moment in continuous communion with God, or he would spend the rest of his life trying. The following are a few excerpts from his journal:

January 26, 1930: "Can we have that contact with God all the time? All the time awake, fall asleep in His arms, and awake in His presence? Can we attain that? Can we do His will all the time? Can we think His thoughts all the time?...Can I bring the Lord back in my mind-flow every few seconds so that God shall always be in my mind? I choose to make the rest of my life an experiment in answering this question."

March 1, 1930: "This sense of being led by an unseen hand which takes mine while another hand reaches ahead and prepares the way, grows upon me daily...sometimes it requires a long time early in the morning. I determine not to get out of bed until that mind set upon the Lord is settled."
June 1, 1930: "Ah, God, what a new nearness this brings for Thee and me, to realize that Thou alone canst understand me, for Thou alone knowest all! Thou art no longer a stranger, God! Thou are the only being in the universe who is not partly a stranger! Thou art all the way inside with me - here...I mean to struggle tonight and tomorrow as never before, not once to dismiss thee. For when I lose Thee for an hour I lose. The thing Thou wouldst do can only be done when Thous hast full sway all the time."

"For when I lose Thee for an hour I lose." I've felt like that so many times. The stark contrast between the satisfaction I feel when I sit in His presence and I am focused on Him compared to the withered feeling I feel when I am away too long. It makes me wonder why I stay away. If God is always present, why would I not pay attention to Him every moment of every day? Why would I not include Him in everything I do? Why would I not talk to Him about everything and in everything?

David says, I will seek You and insistently require You. Your presence will I require as my vital need. God's presence was not something David fell into on occasion, or at certain times of the week. He sought after God's presence. He actively looked for God, continually. A vital need is not a casual element of life. It is something we cannot be without. Like air to breath, it must be constant, and we must be continually breathing it in. It cannot cease to exist for even a moment, or we will cease to exist. It is vital. It is continuous. And we must actively take it.

God's presence, like the air we breath, is everywhere around us; it is readily available. But if we stubbornly hold our breath and refuse to take it in, it will be of little use to us. Like Frank Laubach, I am convinced that there is more than glimpsing the presence of God on occasion. What God wants from us, and what we need from Him is continued, unbroken communion. Sometimes talking; sometimes listening; or worshiping; or praising. But always aware of His presence, and always acknowledging Him in one way or another, so as never to lose sight of Him, not even for a moment. For when we lose Him for a moment, we lose. And all that He wants to do in and through us cannot be done until He has our everything, all the time.

Above all things, this is my heart's desire, and I will spend the rest of my life learning to never lose sight of Him and to remain continually in His presence.

For these 3 things alone?

2008-05-30T18:41:00.008-04:00

When they had eaten, Jesus said to Simon Peter, Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these [others do--with reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion, as one loves the Father]? He said to Him, Yes, Lord, You know that I love You [that I have deep, instinctive, personal affection for You, as for a close friend]. He said to him, Feed My lambs.

Again He said to him the second time, Simon, son of John, do you love Me [with reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion, as one loves the Father]? He said to Him, Yes, Lord, You know that I love You [that I have a deep, instinctive, personal affection for You, as for a close friend]. He said to him, Shepherd (tend) My sheep.

He said to him the third time, Simon, son of John, do you love Me [with a deep, instinctive, personal affection for Me, as for a close friend]? Peter was grieved (was saddened and hurt) that He should ask him the third time, Do you love Me? And he said to Him, Lord, You know everything; You know that I love You [that I have a deep, instinctive, personal affection for You, as for a close friend]. Jesus said to him, Feed My sheep.

I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, when you were young you girded yourself [put on your own belt or girdle] and you walked about wherever you pleased to go. But when you grow old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will put a girdle around you and carry you where you do not wish to go. He said this to indicate by what kind of death Peter would glorify God. And after this, He said to him, Follow Me!

But Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved, following...When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, Lord, what about this man? Jesus said to him, If I want him to stay (survive, live) until I come, what is that to you? [What concern is it of yours?] You follow Me! (John 21: 15-22)

Look at the way Jesus wants us to love Him:

with reasoning
intentional spiritual devotion
as one loves the Father
with deep, personal affection
as a close friend

As I was reading through this passage time and time again, I listened from Peter's perspective. What if Jesus told me today that I would certainly suffer an unpleasant death, and that He was not going to deliver me from that suffering, but that, instead, I would be asked to endure it for the glory of God? That's a pretty difficult thing to wrap my mind around, if I'm being honest. Really, I don't know about you, but I've always kind of had this idea that, as a child of God, I should be protected and exempted from suffering. Even though I know that's not what the Bible says, it still seems like it should be that way. Doesn't it? I mean, Jesus has been given all authority in heaven and on earth. As His own child, why wouldn't He step in and put a stop to the suffering?

This, in several forms, is a basic question that many non-believers offer up as a challenge to even the possibility that God exists. I've faced such questions myself, as unbelieving friends have challenged me to defend my faith. "If God is real, why..." Why do children die? Why do bad things happen? Why do Christians suffer? Why? Why? Why?

And it seems like Peter, in a less direct way, is asking the same thing of Jesus. "Well, what about that guy? Is he going to have to suffer? Why me? Why?"

Jesus knew that this was going to be a difficult pill for Peter to swallow. Look how He prefaces the topic. "Peter, Do you love Me? Do you love Me? Do you love Me?" Peter, do your life circumstances determine your willingness to serve Me? Or do you serve Me because you love Me? Will you love Me - will you follow Me - even if there are painful trials? Even if it seems someone else has it better?

Do you love Me with an intense, intentional, spiritual devotion; with a deep personal affection, as you love a close friend; love Me as one loves the Father? Do you love Me?

Then, because you love Me, follow Me. Live out your life as unto Me; be about My business here on earth while I am away. Use the time given to you to further the kingdom of heaven...in spite of circumstances. Don't follow Me because of what I can do for you - not for how you might benefit from knowing Me. Follow Me because you love Me; because I am God. Follow Me!

[After all] the kingdom of God is not a matter of [getting the] food and drink [one likes], but instead it is righteousness (that state which makes a person acceptable to God) and [heart] peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. (Romans 14:17)

The kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy. These three things Jesus died to give us -

right standing with God,
peace that passes understanding,
and joy unspeakable.

These three things alone. I should have no other preconceived idea of what I will gain from following Jesus. This is not to say that God will not poor out blessings upon my life - upon the lives of those who love Him; it is not to say that He is an absent, removed God who does not protect and care for His children. It is simply this: At the root of my faith, am I willing to accept Him, to love Him, to follow Him, based on the kingdom Jesus died to make available to me? Am I willing to follow Him, love Him, and if need be suffer for Him, for these three things alone?

Is my God enough for me?

Yes.

The tragedy of religion

2008-05-23T14:32:00.003-04:00

Okay. I've been sitting on this for about two months now. This is something I wrote in my journal back at the end of March, but have not shared so far for a couple reasons. The first reason: it's LONG (consider that your warning...LOL). The second reason: It's very likely to rock the boat, if you know what I mean. Finally today, for no reason in particular, I've decided to step out there and share these thoughts with you. The first part of it is a quoted passage directly from a book I've been reading (Authority of Prayer, by Dutch Sheets). The second part, my thoughts. Hang in there with me if you will. It's a little lengthy, but there is such power in the truth behind it.

The tragedy of 'religion' (words or actions without the power or substance that should accompany them - religiosity- see 2 Timothy 3:5) is this:

Expressions like ['ruling and reigning' and 'more than conquerors'] are often only heartwarming phrases of religious denial among Christians - stemming from a mentality that spouts slogans and verses about 'overcoming,' while people are actually being beaten up by circumstances and walked on by the adversary at
every turn. For many believers it seems enough to simply be called an overcomer or to think of themselves as one. Christ's abundant life is, for them, an appealing hope, perhaps even an intent, but not actual. The tragic reality is:
Their minds are controlled by sin and compromising thought.

Their marriages fail along with those of the world around them.

Their children grow up questioning God's reality or relevancy.

Their business fail alongside those whose owners don't know God.

They walk in very little true peace or joy, experiencing the same stressed
out lifestyle as unbelievers. (No wonder most unsaved Americans see no need for
God. What difference would He make? they question.)

They speak of prayer's power, but rarely pray; even less frequently do they
see answers.

They speak of an all-powerful God who is 'in charge' but who seems to be
losing control of our nation - our schools, government, and culture as a
whole.

They glibly sing, 'Come on, let's take this city...' but they haven't taken
even one yet, at least in the U.S
Yet off we go to our church services, week after week, learning our lingo and getting our denial fix, all the while wondering why the rest of society - and many of our children - think we live in a make-believe world of religion without reality, performance without power.

What I see as I read through this is that this is the vital key to reaching America, which is arguably the 3rd largest mission field in the world:

The church must heal - individual by individual - each person taking responsibility for his or her own life, living vitally connected to and ultimately governed by Christ Jesus, until one by one our lives are transformed into lives of victory, full of God's presence and power and abiding peace and joy. When the church is full of healthy Christians who live the lives God intended - seeking constantly to know Him better, to love Him more, and to be ever in His presence - our lives will begin to mirror Him to a nation of individuals who have been watching and waiting for a reason to believe the Bible is true and that God is Who He says He is - that we are what He says we are. That we are conquerors; we do live with peace and joy. Until our words match our lives, until our actions are backed with power and substance, we will hold no weight with the unbelievers of our nation. We will go on in a charade of religion without substance, power or purpose. We will continue in denial of all that is really lacking, completely and utterly falling short of the purpose God has intended for our lives. We will continue to sell ourselves short on the awesome life that we could experience if we would just get it and get real!

Truly, until we do this, they have every reason to question, 'What difference is He making in our lives?' What do we have to offer up as evidence of our God to a lost and desperate world but a life empty and void of peace and power? Until we get over ourselves, connect with God, and allow His ways to guide and govern every aspect of who we are, we cannot tap into all He wants to manifest in our lives, and through us, in the lives of others. Until we really connect with God, completely abandoning our lives to Him, we ourselves run the risk of falling into doubt, and questioning the reality and relevancy of the very God we so love to profess.

Until we become vitally connected to Christ, as individuals within the church, the church as a whole will continue its cycle of internal illness and will continue to be wholly ineffective at reaching out to, ministering to, and impacting the lives of the unbelieving men and women who are standing right outside the church - just on the other side of the walls that hold us in.

Few and far between

2008-05-16T09:42:00.002-04:00

It seems my blog posts here are getting fewer and farther between as time goes on. This is NOT intentional. I've been wanting to post for weeks. The problem when you have a brain that works the way mine works...if I don't sit down and post it right away, after a while I just sort of move on. Sad, isn't it? Welcome into the head of a slightly-adult-ADD girl like me! So now I have a journal full of things that I've not shared, and they feel 'old' to me now. (Another side effect of having a quirky mind like mine...I internalize things quickly and get bored easily. So after I've thought it through and processed it, I just sort of move on???)

Anyway, I have had a very busy few weeks, and I've been living life very last-minute...getting somewhere just as it starts, or maybe a few minutes late; getting things done in the last possible moment; jumping from one task to the next to the next without having time to pause or get ahead. Today seems to be shaping up in much the same way already, since I have way more to do today than hours in the day. So I say a prayer for God's grace to rest on me, so that I can work efficiently and with ease.

Not surprisingly, God has, in the last few days, brought some correction to me in this aspect of my life. It is not the best way to go about life, being always rushed, doing the bare minimum. God's plan for us is to live lives of excellence, and to enjoy the life we are living (not watch it go by in a blur!). Anyhow, His correction came through a story in the Bible that I have known since childhood - the story of Martha & Mary.

Luke 10:38-42 - Now while they were on their way, it occurred that Jesus entered a certain village, and a woman named Martha received and welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister named Mary, who seated herself at the Lord's feet and was listening to His teaching. But Martha, overly occupied and too busy, was distracted with much serving; and she came up to Him and said, Lord, is it nothing to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me! But the Lord replied to her by saying, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; There is need of only one or but few things. Mary has chosen the good portion that which is to her advantage, which shall not be taken away from her.

Martha was not doing wrong - she was serving the Lord. The problem was that she was too busy serving to take time to enjoy what she was doing. Why was she so busy? Probably the same reason I get busy - because I fail to adequately prepare ahead of time, and my chores ends up invading the time I should be enjoying. Poor time management. Doesn't sound super spiritual, but it can be the difference between enjoying life or rushing through it, having time to enjoy those around me or feeling to busy to give them my attention, receiving from the Lord or missing what He has for me.

As I go through the day today, with so much to do to get ready for weekend guests, I want to keep this story at the forefront of my mind. It is good to serve, but it is not the most important thing. There is need of only one or a few things, and I want to focus on that. Lord help me get this.

The Cure for Unbelief

2008-04-15T15:23:00.006-04:00

"Unbelief is stifling the flow of God's presence and power in our church today." (Quote taken from previous post)

We are hesitant - afraid - to really put ourselves out there and truly believe. We fear disappointment. Worse, if we're gut-level honest, at times we fear that nothing at all will happen, which might poke holes in our decision to believe in God. We're afraid if nothing happens, we will have to justify our belief in God, and maybe we're not sure we can do that. The possibility of believing and not receiving 'results' brings us face to face with our now-wavering faith and the ugly question that lurks somewhere below the surface...'What if God's not real? What if He's not Who He says He is?'

We must recognize that unbelief leads to unbelief. If God cannot, or will not, act in our circumstances when there is unbelief, yet we are afraid to believe because we fear He will not act, then we spin ourselves into a circle of dormant, inactive, ineffective faith, at the core of which lies a seed of doubt with regards to the very existence and/or sovereignty and ability of God Himself.

The remedy for this must be a sweeping epidemic of personal intimacy with the Creator of the universe. It may seem a stretch to seek intimacy with someone whose existence we are, for the moment, unsure of, but it must be if we are to correct the shift of unbelief that is weighing down the Body of Christ. When we know someone personally, it becomes quite difficult to doubt their very existence. The same holds true with knowing God.

As we seek Him, with the determined purpose of knowing the TRUTH, of knowing Him, He will make Himself known. But before any of this can begin to take place, a decision must be made. We must set our minds and keep them set. Regardless of our feelings, we must, in our hearts, rely on the fundamental assumption that God IS and that His Word is true. Not that we believe without reason, but rather we choose to persevere and press on in times of trial, giving God the benefit of the doubt for the time being, and allowing Him the necessary time to do a work in us and for us, that He would be given the opportunity to reveal Himself and make Himself known.

I have walked through this in my own life, facing some monumental, and seemingly insurmountable struggles in my faith. I've faced questions for which I had no answers. I've battled with severe, almost suffocating doubt. I've struggled to pray - to even force myself to say the words because they seemed so absurd. I believe that one factor made the difference in the outcome of my struggles. At the outset, I had determined that I would give God a chance to be known. For the time being, I clung to the foundations that His Word is true. I stayed in His Word, and time and time again, I found answers to the questions; I found peace to quiet the doubt. I found strength to pray when I had no words.

I find myself now on the other side of these struggles, and in the most incredible place. Time and time again, God not only saw me through my trials, but He used them to develop me and help me grow. He revealed His truths, His nature, and His character to me through His Word and through time in prayer. I began to see the evidence of His presence in my life. I began to recognize the sound of His voice, the promptings of His Holy Spirit. I began to know Him, and I began to fall in love with Him - desperately, madly, crazy in love like I never could have imagined. And the more I know Him and love Him, the more my eyes are opened to see more of Him. And the more I see and experience Him, the less room there is for doubt; the greater my courage becomes. I am much more willing now that I was even a year ago to make myself vulnerable in the hands of the Lord, because now that I know Him, my belief in Him is rooted in what I know - what I know from my own personal experiences. My experiences with God have given me more than enough reason to believe in Him, to believe that He is , that He is sovereign, that He is good, that He loves me, and that He is wholly capable.

Knowing Him is the cure for unbelief.

Does Faith Really Work?

2008-04-15T13:47:00.008-04:00

NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things we hope for, being the proof of things we do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]. (Hebrews 11:1, AMP)

There is some strong language in this verse. Assurance. Confirmation. Proof. Conviction. Reality. Fact. This verse is, more or less, defining faith the way God sees it and the way He has designed it to work. By definition, faith is all or nothing. It is total and complete. It leaves no room for doubting and wavering and hesitating. It is assurance. It is confirmation. It is proof. It is having conviction that something is reality, and perceiving in the spirit a fact before it can bee seen in the natural. Faith is certainty.

What if it's wrong? What if I'm certain of something that doesn't happen? What if I pray for my child to be healed, and she keeps coughing? What if I believe for someone to recover, but instead they pass away? Does faith really work?

When I was young, my mom and I took a lot of trips to West Virginia. Her parents lived there, and we would go a few times a year to visit. West Virginia is a beautiful state with the most amazing mountain landscape. I remember on one particular trip to my grandparents' house, I was looking out the back window of our car as we were waiving our goodbye's and heading home. I had recently learned a new verse in Sunday School that says, If you have faith and you believe, you can tell a mountain to move, and it will be moved (Matthew 17:20). So, I looked out the back window, and with all the faith in me, I prayed that the mountain I was looking at would be moved, just so I could see that this worked. I waited. I watched out the window until the road had wound around and the mountain was out of sight. The mountain never budged. Not even a little. I was at a loss to understand why it hadn't worked. I mean, I really believed the Bible. I really believed that what it says is true. And I had full faith that my mountain was going to crumble at any moment.

I think this was one of my first experiences of exercising my faith and feeling disappointed at the result. Since then I've had countless experiences of praying for something, believing for something, and seeing no obvious results. And every time, I was left with a hint of a doubt to preface my next prayer. It seems that, over time, every prayer for healing or prayer for God to work in a situation became clouded with a shadow of a doubt that whispers, 'This isn't going to work anyway.' Why? If faith really works, why didn't my mountain crumble? Why do people suffer? Why does anyone go unhealed?

Can I tell you a true story? About a month ago, I was driving down my road, on my way home from the grocery, and a fleeting glimpse of my childhood attempt to bring down the mountain flashed through my mind. Then God spoke something very simple to me. 'It was never my will to move that mountain.'

How odd. I had not been thinking about it. I had not been seeking an answer to my mountain riddle. Yet, He spoke to me directly about it. Plain and clear. Obviously, He has a few things He wants to teach me about faith and how it operates. That was the first thing that He made clear to me. My prayer must be in line with His will for it to be effective.

Now let me show you a second thing God showed me shortly after this 'mountain revelation' (LOL). Quite a while ago I bought a book called 'The Spirit of Faith' by Mark Hankins. I got about half way through it, but got distracted by something else and never finished reading it. One day, though, I sat down in my bedroom floor, and of all things, I picked up this book and started flipping through it. I came across something that made me stop and give a lot of thought to the impact of my faith on the outcome of what I am believing for. The following is taken directly from the book I just mentioned:

People often say, 'It's up to God. If God wants to do it, God can do anything. He is a sovereign God.' Apparently, Jesus didn't know that. If God can do anything anytime He wants to, why didn't Jesus do it right there in His own hometown?
Mark 6:5-6 - And He was not able to do even one work of power there, except that He laid His hands on a few sickly people and cured them. And He marveled because of the unbelief (their lack of faith in Him). And He went about...and continued teaching.
Unbelief is stifling the flow of God's presence and power in our church today.

The second thing God has lead me to understand: Our own unbelief limits what God can do in our circumstances.

There's one more thing I want to share with you before I finish. This afternoon, as I read back through the verse in Hebrews that I shared at the beginning, even today my response was, 'What if it doesn't work?' (Clearly I've still got some work to do in this area). But what God put on my heart in response was so simple, yet so powerful. 'If it doesn't work, believe it again.' If I don't see results today, believe I will see them tomorrow. If I don't see results tomorrow, believe I will see them the day after. I will never see what I am unwilling to believe for - believing with complete certainty, as Hebrews describes. Faith is ongoing, and must outlast the circumstances. I would rather die in belief, never having received what I was believing for, than to never receive what I had hoped for because I would not believe.

Sometimes it does seem like our prayers aren't accomplishing anything. It feels like our faith is pointless, like it just doesn't work. Still, I've seen so many instances where the complete opposite has proven to be true. I've seen amazing answers to prayers that I've prayed. I've seen God work wonders in situations and circumstances that seemed impenetrable. Because I've seen God work, I KNOW my prayers are heard. I know that faith works. But faith does not leave room for doubt. When we doubt, we tie God's hands, and keep Him from being able to work miracles on our behalf. Further, our faith must line up with God's word and God's will. It is important that we take time to seek Him and sit in His presence, allowing the Holy Spirit to guide our prayers. That is when we are certain to pray according to the will of God. When I have prayed, in full faith, and in accordance with God's word and His will, I must continue to believe and wait on God, expecting to see an answer to my prayer at the exact moment, in God's perfect timing.

We are not often capable of understanding His plan, and we do not have the capacity to look ahead to see how circumstances will all work together for the good of His plan. We do, however, have the capacity to seek Him, to know Him and to trust Him, believing in full faith that He is a good God, that He alone is sovereign, and that He is capable of doing all things.

Jesus said to him, You do not understand now what I am doing, but you will understand later on. (John 17:3)

We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are fitting into a plan for good to and for those who love God and are called according to His design and purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait and hope for and expect the Lord. (Psalm 27:14)

Teach them to seek Me.

2008-04-07T21:06:00.003-04:00

I had the privilege of teaching the 5th & 6th graders this past Wednesday night, and it was quite an awesome experience. God was all over it, which is so amazing to me - that he could use someone like me to reach into the lives others...incredible!

Last week we had talked about worship and prayer time. My friend had done a pretty incredible demonstration of what her time is like in her prayer closet, just worshiping and praying and praising God. It was pretty powerful, and it was clear that many of the kids had been impacted by what they had seen. So, she thought that a good follow up to that would be to talk about the kind of music they listen to.

But God had a different idea. Last Monday I was in prayer, just going on about all the stuff I wanted to talk about, when He broke into my ramblings and spoke something very clearly to my heart. My pen and journal were right there, so I grabbed them and started writing. This is some of what He said:

Teach them to seek Me. Without knowing Me, they cannot love Me. If they do not love Me, surely they will not cling to Me; they will turn away from Me, and many, once they've turned away, will not turn back. Break the idea that a relationship with Me is for sometime later in life. Now I AM. Now I am here. Now I love them. Now I am waiting.

I was overwhelmed! A lot of times when I feel God speaking to me, it's through His word or through discernment of circumstances, situations, emotions, etc. He gives me ideas or guidance, but often it comes in much smaller installments. But sometimes it seems He will just open the floodgates and let loose- or maybe He's wanting to do that all the time, and I'm just not listening? Anyway, this was definitely one of those times. As I listened to Him, and as I wrote what He was saying, I was just trying to keep up. He even gave me Scripture references, which was very cool - and I discovered that a few of them were more for my own sake than for anyone I would be talking to.

He said, Tell them that what I want from them is a relationship. Show them the heart of a worshiper - show them David. Then tell them your own story. Tell them that it's okay to ask Me for help.

How cool is that!? How amazing to get a glimpse of His heart for these children - kids that I see every week. How awe-inspiring to see how much He longs for them to love Him, He desires to show Himself to them. When I think about it, even now, I'm completely moved by His love and His tenderness toward them - these kids who may never have known even a moment of tenderness, or even an instance of pure love. These are kids who are, in many cases, really troubled, living in awful family situations, getting little or no positive attention, or any attention at all, from their parents. These are kids who many adults have already written off as problem kids who will go nowhere and be nothing. And to see that God has not for an instant written them off! Oh, how I love Him! It gave me a fresh perspective on reaching out to these kids and being a consistent source of love and support in their lives.

The teaching went really well. It flowed smoothly. I spoke with ease. It was a blessed evening, for sure. But the greatest thing about the whole night was a conversation I had with one girl at the end of the evening. She's one of the 'worst of the worst' when it comes to tough cases. She has always carried an attitude, and put up walls, been a little resistant and defiant. At one point, one of our leaders had even suggested telling her she couldn't come anymore because she was so disruptive. But attitude or not, she still comes regularly. And whether she likes it or not, she's still sitting under the Word of God for 20 minutes a week. It's not a lot, but it's plenty for Him to work with.

Well, while we were all hanging out, having pizza and pop, she came over and sat down next to me. She looked me straight in the eye and said, 'Rebecca, I'm afraid to die.' She didn't hesitate. She didn't waiver. I could see in her eyes she was plain freaked out by the thought of it. I could tell to that it was a good kind of afraid. God had definitely gotten a hold of her heart that night, and she didn't know what to do with it. We talked about it, and she told me she was afraid of what will happen to her when she dies. She's not yet to the place that she is ready to make the commitment to God, but it's awesome to see Him working in her heart! And it's awesome that she feels comfortable enough to talk to me about it.

I'll keep praying for her, and for all of our kids, and I'll continue to rely on the promise of God's Word that His Word will not return void, but that it will accomplish all that it was sent forth to accomplish. That's a sweet promise and a great hope for these kids! I pray that they will open themselves up to Him and take the time to get to know Him!

Of the House of Israel

2008-03-27T20:32:00.007-04:00

Jesus sent out these twelve, charging them, Go nowhere among the Gentiles and do not go into any town of the Samaritans; But go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. (Matthew 10:5-6)

It is interesting to me that, the moment when Jesus first grants His power and authority to His disciples, he does not send them out to those who would be considered 'lost,' but rather, He sends them into the midst of God's own people - 'the lost sheep of the house of Israel.' They were sent to preach the kingdom of heaven, to cure the sick, to raise the dead, to cleanse the diseased, and to drive out demons from among God's own people. I can't help but question, WHY would this be His first assignment for them? Why would He have them use the full extent of the power of God to address those who already know about Him when He Himself said He came to reach the lost - that all would come to know Him and that none would perish?

Because the same was true then that is true now - there are 'lost sheep' in the house of God. Probably then, just as now, most did not even know they were lost. They knew of Him, but did not recognize a difference between knowing of Him and knowing Him. There were individuals among God's people who struggled with the truth of the kingdom of heaven; who battled illness that was contrary to God's perfect plan for their lives; and who were tormented by demons that contaminated their hearts and minds, keeping them from a pure and full relationship with God.

What was true then is true now. The body of Christ (the church) must be healed and made healthy and whole; it must be brought back to life; it must be consecrated wholly to the God, clean and uncontaminated, in order for it to function properly. When the church is healthy, it will be a powerful, unstoppable force for reaching the lost, which is the purpose of the church - You shall be My witnesses...to the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8)

We cannot reach out to those who do not know God and invite them to enter into an unhealthy, dead, sickly, and muddled, ambiguous church. If the body is not as it is intended to be, if it is not alive and vibrant and healthy, completely in love with Jesus, serving only Him, with no other motive than to glorify Him, then what we are presenting is a church that looks one way on the surface and is something altogether different at the core. It will not take long for someone on the outside looking in, or someone who has just stepped in for the first time, to see through what lies on the surface. And why would they want that? What on earth would make them stay? We cannot offer a mirage of the truth when the truth is so much better!

The spirit of a person knows and recognizes the truth of God long before the mind begins to understand it. When someone is drawn to Jesus, it is because his or her spirit has recognized the truth and longs for it. When their experience 'in the church' is perceived to be something different than that truth they first recognized, a door is opened wide to make way for confusion, doubt, dissatisfaction, and even disgust and resentment to enter in.

It is critical that the observable - the perceivable, physical experience - genuinely reflects the truth of the Spirit. This can only happen if the church is healthy and is operating in God's design and purpose for His body. It must be made up of individuals who are healthy and whole, abiding in Him and vitally connected to Him, passionately in love with Him and living to please Him because of their love for Him. When this is the condition of God's people, our lives will speak volumes to the truth of Jesus, and all that He is, and all that He is offering and has already made available. Oh, how I wish we would live lives that reflect Him like this! Consistently live lives that testify to God's love and faithfulness! That is God's desire for us as individuals, and it is His design for His church as a whole.

The shape of purpose

2008-03-24T21:58:00.010-04:00

For over two years at least, a passion has been growing somewhere deep inside me. It has begun to shape my own relationship with Jesus in ways I had never previously experienced, driving me to seek Him, spend time with Him, get to know Him more. These experiences have been incredible, and I have found so much peace, I can't even describe it. But I am often left with a holy dissatisfaction...a feeling that there's more than my own experience with God - that it's meant to go beyond me. Somehow, it's not enough for me to know God and love God if I don't live my life as a testament to all that He is. If He, through me, cannot reach out and impact the lives of others for His awesome plan and purpose, then my life is not being lived to its fullest potential - it's true purpose. I know, because His Word says so, that He has a specific purpose for my life, as He does with everyone's. In the last week, I have experienced some awesome things with God, and I can sense my purpose begin to align with the passion in me, beginning to take shape. I still don't really know what it will look like, but I know that there are various stages to what I am intended to walk out, starting with my own personal relationship with Him.

One week ago today, in my prayer time, my train of thought was interrupted by a simple statement, 'understand the power of submission.' I thought I had made it up or misunderstood or something, but a moment later I heard it again. 'There is power in submission that you need to understand'.

And within a few hours, I came across a writing (by Beth Moore) that gave clarity to that very statement. My purpose, my call from God, is not to be an administrator, or a speaker, or a teacher, or a whatever else. The call on my life is not task-driven. It is not centered around what I do that others can see and recognize. My main call in living this life is simply this: to surrender to Him. Simply surrender and do whatever He asks of me, whether it is to teach a class of 50 students or care for one child in the nursery. My calling is to be abandoned to Him, trusting Him to shape my life for the purpose He has for me.

Authority

2008-03-14T14:32:00.003-04:00

I love it when I begin to get a revelation of the truth of things I know in my head. A few weeks ago as I was studying, I read something that brought on one of those kinds of moments. What I was reading was actually on a completely different topic, but for some reason, it was like a crack opened in my understanding of God's authority. I caught just a glimpse of a piece of the whole truth, and not wanting to lose it, I grabbed my journal and started writing. Basically as I finished writing, I ran out of quiet time to read or study any further. I put my journal aside, and went on about my day.

Later that night, I was drawn back to what I had written earlier. As I prayed about what it was that God was trying to show me, piece after piece of the bigger picture began to fall into place. It was nothing I didn't know in my head, but to have a realization of the truth of it in the depths of my spirit was awesome.

I was given just a small glimpse of His true authority -

to forgive
to redeem
to restore
to heal
to offer eternal life
to break down strongholds
to cast out demons
authority over time itself
authority over life and death

I knew as I finished praying that, if I could just get this, really internalize it and let it alter my understanding of Him, it could have a HUGE impact on my life. If I could only realize, recognize, and accept as truth His authority in every area of existence, how could I ever allow doubt to overpower my faith in Him? There would be no room for doubt - it would have to be choked out simply by the depth of my belief. That's awesome to think about!

As I look back over this list that I jotted down in my prayer time, I can't help but see that He has authority in every area that we seem to struggle with in faith. Forgiveness, for example. It's so hard to understand why He would forgive some of the things I've done or thought or said. It's so difficult to accept that He would be willing to do that when I've done nothing to deserve forgiveness. And I know I'm not alone in feeling this way - if we really accepted forgiveness, there wouldn't be so many of us trapped by our pasts, trying to do enough to earn what He is offering. We may not understand why He would so freely forgive, but He does it because He wants to and because can - He has the authority to forgive.

Just think about that in each area I wrote down - how His authority makes possible all the things that don't otherwise make sense. As I thought about it more and more, I got a desire to look up every scripture I could find that discussed His authority. What I found was incredible. Jesus did many things during His time on earth so that we would be able to understand and accept that He has authority over all those things that trouble us - to allow us a wide open door to have faith in Him and believe in Him completely. He spoke with authority. He healed to demonstrate His authority. He died and rose again for the sake of authority. There is definitely not a shortage of verses discussing His authority, but one passage in particular completely captivates me.

1 Corinthians 15:24-28 - After that comes the end (the completion), when He delivers over the kingdom to God the Father after rendering inoperative and abolishing every [other] rule and every authority and power. For [Christ] must be King and reign until He has put all [His] enemies under His feet. The last enemy to be subdued and abolished is death. For He [the Father] has put all things in subjection under His [Christ's] feet. ...However, when everything is subjected to Him, then the Son Himself will also subject Himself to [the Father] Who put all things under Him, so that God may be all in all [be everything to everyone, supreme, the indwelling and controlling factor of life].

His authority in all things is what allows Him to accomplish His purpose for all men - the way to salvation is made available; darkness is defeated; death is rendered powerless; and God the Father is glorified as the 'all in all' - the indwelling and controlling factor of life.

Feeling Withered

2008-02-26T14:36:00.007-05:00

To say I've been struggling lately would be a mild understatement. It might be more accurate to say I have been repeatedly run over by a very large truck. I feel like every time I stand up, I get plowed over again. It could be described as walking through mud - progress is slow and exhausting, and any break for rest results in sinking and further 'stuckness.' Not a pretty picture.

I have been, for some time now, acutely aware of the fact that I cannot continue like this much longer; that I have reached the end of my proverbial rope, physically and mentally at times. Finally yesterday, I was crumpled to my knees with yet another blow - one more attack by the truck as I was struggling to my feet. What's to be done? I threw my hands up and hit my knees, desperate to get this figured out. Crying out to God to shed some light on what's going on. This is not the depiction of a person living as Christians are intended to live. There's no overriding peace and joy and patience and rest. There is exhaustion, frustration and confusion. God is not a God of confusion. He is the author of peace.

Why it took me so long to break I can't say. Why am I so bullheaded sometimes, insisting that I am strong enough and capable enough to take care of things, to not have to 'bother' God with my problems? Why would I, even for an instant, hesitate to go running straight to His arms and sit at His feet and seek Him for advice and wisdom and guidance? I know better. I was just acting dumb. Finally, finally, yesterday He got through to me. He got what He had been wanting for quite some time. I surrendered. I was brought to my knees, bawling and dumping everything out onto Him - everything that I had been unknowingly holding onto and internalizing. Once I got started, even I was surprised at some of the junk that came out. But out it came... thank God!

And in the midst of it all, I asked the one question that seemed quite obvious to me - 'What am I missing?' Am I not in the right place? Am I out of your will for me? Am I trying to force this to work for my own reasons? I examined every possible pretence I might have had in starting and continuing my current circumstances. And, just like so many times before, I felt reassured that I'm not out of place, just out of alignment.

The first thing I got was that my attention and focus have been misplaced a bit, and that my motives need to be shifted back His way. That was clear. That I get. But still, there was a fog over me, like I was still not seeing something so obvious. God, What am I missing? I just don't see it.

As I was getting out of the shower last night, (of all times - how random is that?) it hit me like a ton of bricks. And many things that have been said to me over the course of several weeks came flooding in like a big collage of thoughts. Collectively, it all points to John 15. Over and over again. John 15.

I AM the True Vine, and My Father is the Vine dresser. Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. Live in Me, and I will live in you. Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself without abiding in (being vitally united to) the vine, neither can you bear fruit unless you abide in Me. I am the Vine; you are the branches. Whoever lives in Me and I in him bears much (abundant) fruit. However, apart from Me [cut off from vital union with Me] you can do nothing. If a person does not dwell in Me, he is thrown out like a broken-off branch, and withers... (John 15: 1, 4-6)

For weeks, He has been trying to get my attention, to make me see that I have disconnected, and I have been slowly withering. I have been 'too busy,' and have tried to get by on the bare minimum. But He showed me last night, very clearly, that it is not a matter of eliminating tasks. It is a matter of re-prioritizing them. He is teaching me to be 'busy' and still keep Him first. This is something I must learn, not only learn but become solidified in, before I can move on to whatever comes next.

Lord, I hear what You are telling me - to keep my heart, my focus, my attention on You; to give You my time. To stay close to You, and not crowd You out with all that keeps me busy. To remain and abide in You. Let the reverential fear of You go before me, that I would submit my will to Yours; that I could not even consider disobeying You; that I would not sin. Let me make no other god, let me establish nothing else in higher priority than You, Lord. Let nothing else capture any part of the glory, honor, praise and worship that is rightfully Yours - that only You deserve. You alone, God, are worthy of everything I have. Let me live my life unto You, doing and giving and serving and loving unto You. Let me keep You at the center, high above all things, where You belong. You alone are God.

Come Closer

2008-02-09T14:30:00.001-05:00

Luke 4:39 - So He bent over her and rebuked the fever, and it left her. She got up at once and began to wait on them.

I've read this story more than once, especially since it appears in more than one of the gospels. Jesus goes into Simon's home; Simon's mother-in-law is sick; Jesus heals her; she get's up and goes on about her business. Simple enough. I've never really gotten much out of the story, besides that it's another documented case of Jesus healing someone miraculously. But today in my studying, it came to my attention (with a little help from Beth Moore, LOL...I've been going through this book, and it's full of thought-provoking insight into the life of Jesus.), that Jesus bent over her. Just like a mother bends over her children to care for them when they aren't feeling well. This verse gives us a portrait of Jesus being intimately engaged with this woman out of genuine love and concern for her. He could have healed her from a distance - from the doorway, across the room, with just a spoken word. He could have. But His heart led him to engage with her, one-on-one, in her personal space. She was lying in bed. He came to her side and leaned over her and healed her.

So I started thinking about Jesus in a broader scope, outside of this one verse. His healing, His protection, and His presense in our lives is done with love and intimacy. It's His nature. But He will not impose Himself on us; He will only come as close as we allow. We determine our level of intimacy with Jesus. We determine how close He may come, what roll He can play in our healing and in our lives.

I thought next of Simon-Peter's mother-in-law, and the condition of her heart toward Jesus. To be lying weak in bed and allow someone to lean over you in close proximity requires a certain heart position. She had to trust Jesus. She had to submit to His position over her, and she had to allow herself to be in a state of vulnerability. If any one of these were not true, she would not have allowed Him to take the position He took. In the same way, if we withhold any one of these things from Him, we are effectively limiting His presence in our lives.

As I thought through this in my heart, I was moved to tears by His tenderness, and by His heart. Think of how He feels about us - how much He wants to do for us. Think how his heart must break when we put up walls and impose restrictions on Him. I think just as a mother, how I would feel...to have the ability to help my child, yet have my child refuse my help - that would tear me up inside. I would feel helpless, hurt, rejected, and maybe even somewhat devalued as a mother. It's almost too much to think that Jesus might feel like that on my account. I thought about my own life, and wondered about the level of closeness I actually allow. Have I opened up my home to Him? Have I invited Him into every situation? Or have I asked Him to stand in the doorway while we eat, or while we pay the bills? Have I made room for Him in the van when we go on road trips? Or do I just expect Him to keep us safe from a distance? How much closeness and intimacy have I invited into my relationship with Jesus? I hope a lot, but I'm afraid that it might be less than I would like to believe.

As I looked back at the heart-condition of Simon's mother-in-law, I compared that to my own heart. Yes, I trust Him. Yes, I am willing to submit to Him. But maybe I'm a little hesitant on the vulnerability part. I think I'm sometimes afraid to open up and let go of stuff, afraid I might be disappointed. But I see now that, by holding back in this area, I'm actually limiting His ability to work in my life, thus setting myself up for disappointment. I realize that my heart needs to be softened toward Him; it needs to be always turned toward Him; I need to choose to be vulnerable - to let my heart be laid wide open to Him, holding nothing back. I don't want Him to have to stand five feet from me when I'm lying sick in bed. I want Him to lean over me with love and concern and heal me close-up. I want Him - I need Him - to come closer.

Psalm 107

2008-02-02T20:49:00.000-05:00

O GIVE thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever!

Oh, that men would praise the Lord for His goodness and loving-kindness and His wonderful works to the children of men! For He satisfies the longing soul and fills the hungry soul with good.

Oh, that men would praise the Lord for His goodness and loving-kindness and His wonderful works to the children of men! For He has broken the gates of bronze and cut the bars of iron apart.

He sends forth His word and heals them and rescues them from the pit and destruction.

Oh, that men would praise the Lord for His goodness and loving-kindness and His wonderful works to the children of men!

And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving and rehearse His deeds with shouts of joy and singing! (Psalm 107 - various verses)

Oh, that we would truly see God for all that He is! For His unfailing love that endures forever! For the redemption He has made available to us! That we would give back to Him only a fraction of all that He deserves - which is all that we are! That we would live with thankful and grateful hearts and not waste a minute of our time complaining, grumbling, being discontented and wanting what others have. That we would not disrespect Him by being ungrateful. That we would truly live lives filled with worship. What I would give to see that become reality!

I love time in prayer when I get a real glimpse of His majesty. It's overwhelming and so completely humbling. And I can't help but be filled with love - total love - and I'm left so totally in awe of Him. I love those times.

But the sad truth is, when I get up and get back to life-as-usual, what was so obvious to me not moments before, sometimes gets lost so easily. And something so silly can turn me around in circles and leave me with a murmuring, complaining attitude. Oh, if I would just walk through each moment of each day with Him before me, never losing sight of His beauty! Never forgetting how much I have to be thankful for! Not for a moment allowing myself to complain about my children, or my messy house, or my work load, or the piles of laundry; but instead turn each into an opportunity to praise Him for my beautiful family, my comfortable home, my opportunities to serve others, and plenty of clothes to choose from each morning when I get dressed.

And if I would just not lose sight of how much He has done for me and how much credit and glory and honor and praise I owe Him. If my selfishness, my arrogance, and my pride would not be given an opening to sneak back in and take a hold in my heart. If I could walk in true humility before my King, and before others, knowing that not to myself, but to Him is all true glory.

And, Oh! If the passion for worship would be so evident in my life that it becomes infectious in the lives of those around me! That I would truly worship God in every thing I do. In doing the dishes, and bathing my children, and cleaning my house, and going to the grocery. That I would take every opportunity to worship God, to include Him in every detail of every day. That my life would be wholly centered around Him, and that my love for Him would spill over and impact the lives of others!

Oh, that men would praise the Lord!

Whispered Lies

2008-01-23T13:10:00.001-05:00

I keep walking through this lesson of faith, learning to understand how faith really works, why some people are able to operate in such amazing faith while others seem to struggle so much. It seems like every time I open my Bible I learn another valuable lesson that helps me see another piece of the bigger picture. It seems like every time I pray, God is whispering encouragement and love and building me up.

But it also seems that the enemy of my soul doesn't want me to believe what I am learning. Twice in the last 2 weeks I've had very similar experiences - both while driving alone in my van; both actually in very similar locations and at similar times of day. The first time it happened, I was taken back by it. The second time it happened, I just laughed because it reminded me SO much of the first time, that it was clearly a lame second attempt, since the first one failed. Here's what happened...

I was on my way from the bank back to the church when out of the blue, a whispered thought went flooding into my mind, 'JESUS WAS JUST A PROPHET. HE'S NOT REALLY THE SON OF GOD. HE'S A FAKE.' I was so taken back by it. Where had that come from, really? It was so random, and so contrary to what I believe. Why on earth would something like that go through my mind. Then I realized it was a whispered lie that the enemy had put in my mind to steer me off course - to make me doubt what I believe and question what I've learned. As soon as I realized what was happening, I did the only thing I could think of to do - I started talking out loud, declaring the things the Bible says about Jesus. 'Jesus is the only begotten Son of God. He is the Christ, the Anointed One, the Messiah, the Savior. He is the Word of God in flesh. He has defeated the powers of darkness and sits at the right hand of God...' and on and on. By the time I got out of my van, the doubt was gone.

Well, the second time, I was also coming from the bank, and I was turning onto the same road that I had been on the first time - only I was about 5 blocks away from where it happened the first time. I was listening to a song on the radio, and I was thinking about the day when Jesus returns. All of a sudden, along comes another whispered lie: 'IF JESUS IS REALLY COMING BACK, WHY HASN'T HE COME YET? HE'S NOT COMING. HE'S A LIAR. HE'S A FRAUD.' For another second, I was taken by it, but instantly, I was reminded of the first incident. I just laughed out loud, and the only thing I said this time was, 'Nice try.' Satan is such a liar. I am so thankful that what I know in my heart is so much stronger than what may go through my mind. What I know in my heart, I know beyond a doubt, and the whispered lies of a desperate enemy cannot shake me when I listen to what my heart says.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 - For though we walk (live) in the flesh, we are not carrying on our warfare according to the flesh and using mere human weapons. For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds, inasmuch as we refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One)...

O, Unbelieving Generation

2008-01-05T19:39:00.000-05:00

About a week ago, I shared with you that I've been struggling with the faith to pray for others' healing. Today, I was led to Mark 9. This is what I read (this is from the Amplified version):

Jesus and three of His disciples had gone up to a mountain spot together and had a transforming encounter with the presence of God. On the way back down the mountain, they saw a crowd gathered near the other disciples. In the crowd was a man and his son, who was very ill.

Teacher, I brought my son to You, for he has a dumb spirit. And wherever it lays hold of him, it dashes him down and convulses him, and he foams at the mouth and grinds his teeth, and he falls into a motionless stupor and is wasting away. And I asked Your disciples to drive it out, and they were not able to do it.

And He answered them, O unbelieving generation [without any faith]! How long shall I have to do with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him to Me.

So they brought the boy to Him, and when the spirit saw Him, at once it completely convulsed the boy, and he fell to the ground and kept rolling about, foaming at the mouth.

And Jesus asked his father, How long has he had this? And he answered, From the time he was a little boy. And it has often thrown him both into fire and into water, intending to kill him. But if You can do anything, do have pity on us and help us.

And Jesus said, You say to Me, If You can do anything? Why, all things can be (are possible) to him who believes!

At once the father of the boy gave a cry with tears, and he said, Lord, I believe! Constantly help my weakness of faith!

But when Jesus noticed that a crowd of people came running together, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, You dumb and deaf spirit, I charge you to come out of him and never go into him again.

And after giving a shriek of anguish and convulsing him terribly, it came out; and the boy lay [pale and motionless] like a corpse, so that many of them said, He is dead.

But Jesus took a strong grip of his hand and began lifting him up, and he stood.

And when He had gone indoors, His disciples asked Him privately, Why could not we drive it out? And He replied to them, This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer and fasting.

Wow. That passage of scripture shed some light on my issue. For being no longer than it is, there are so many things that can be read from it, but a few things, in particular, stood out to me.

The very first thing - I can totally relate to the disciples. I can so easily see myself being one of those people who tried - gave it their best, really wanted to pray for the boy and see healing, did all they knew to do - but the boy's situation remained unchanged. In my mind as I was reading, I thought, 'That's me.'

But no sooner than I thought that thought, I read the next verse where Jesus lays into them a bit - 'O unbelieving generation without any faith!' In other words, When will you ever learn? If you could just get it through your thick skulls! Bring the boy to Me, I'll do it.' I sort of felt like I was living back at home with my mom, getting scolded because she has told me something 20, or maybe 100 times and I'm just not getting it! I'm being stubborn and bull-headed, and I'm just not listening. Those kind of talkin' to's were always out of love, always because she wanted something better for me, and maybe a bit out of frustration because she couldn't seem to get through to me. And I can tell you from my fair share of experience, they weren't pleasant to endure. Well, today, I felt the sting of getting that kind of 'talkin-to' from Jesus as I read that verse.

The next thing that occurred to me is the description of the boy's condition. If I were given that description today, I would assume it was a medical condition. Sounds like he has something physically wrong with him. But the father, and Jesus, both addressed the boy's problem as a spiritual condition. Then the verse in 2 Corinthians popped into my head, 'from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view' (2 Cor. 5:16). We need to learn to look beyond the physical and regard every person in the spiritual. So, does that mean cancer can be viewed as a spiritual condition? Diabetes? MS? All of our diseases that we're not born with but that come on us at some point during life? We treat them in the physical, but should we really be regarding them in the spiritual? This definitely calls for a different perspective in praying for someones 'physical' healing.

When the father pleads with Jesus to do something if He can, Jesus' reply cuts straight through me. 'You say to Me, If You can do anything? All things are possible to him who believes! ' I have heard this verse from the time I was very young, but I never knew the context of it. I never knew how very serious Jesus was. I guess I always just thought it sounded nice, but I never took it to heart. Today I think it got through to my heart. And I love the father's response: 'Lord, I believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!' What an honest, heartfelt, nothing held back, desperate plea to God. I believe in You! Help me when I struggle with my faith. I think we all struggle with doubt. I know I do. I'd say probably every day the enemy puts shades of doubt into my head, and I have to decide what I choose to believe, and stand firm on that. Sometimes my doubt gets the better of me and I really struggle to bring it under control. But this man's response models the perfect response. God, I believe You. I choose to believe in You. Help me when doubt comes.
Finally, Jesus' response to the disciples. When they finally get alone with Him, they ask, 'Lord, why couldn't we heal the boy?' I know I've had similar conversations with Him myself, when I've prayed for my children to be healed from illness, etc. What's the deal, God, why didn't that work? His answer is very matter-of-fact. 'That kind won't come out without prayer and fasting.' In other words, to really operate in the supernatural, and to see healing come about in the lives of others, it requires more than a standard attempt, which is generally accompanied with some shade of doubt (no matter how great or small the doubt is). It requires a solid, genuine, whole-hearted belief. And it requires a personal commitment - to God - to prayer and fasting - which means it requires personal sacrifice and one-on-one face time with God.

This year.

2008-01-01T21:36:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, I spent some time looking back over the last year, and again today, as the new year begins, I find myself again reflecting on the last 12 months. I am left in awe of all that Jesus has done in my life - in my heart - in so little time. When finally I came to a place where I willingly opened up my heart to Him, holding nothing back, it was like I gave Him the green light to finally do what He has been wanting to do for so many years. He has transformed my life in so many ways, that sometimes even I don't recognize myself, especially areas of my life where I was so totally deficient before. He has filled me with a passion for Him that I could never put into words; sometimes I feel like I could truly burst if I loved Him more. He has weeded out so much of the selfishness and self-centeredness that has nearly always been present in my life, and has begun to develop in me a genuine generosity and compassion for others that I've never had. He has created in me a heart of worship and has lead me to dethrone the former gods of my life, leaving only Him as the center and focus of my heart and my attention.

The thing I realized tonight, though, as I was thinking back, is that, even through all the doubting that I have done about the effectiveness and power of my prayers, I am surrounded every day by the evidence of the effects of my very own prayers. I can see His movement in situations that seemed insurmountable when I first started praying - circumstances I couldn't imagine changing. Yet, I really am left in complete awe of Him - how easy it seems to be for Him to do the seemingly impossible. How loving it is for Him to move the way He does. And I know that my prayers have played a roll in opening the door for Him to work in these situations. Now that my eyes are finally open to it - now that I finally realize it - I am so happy. And humbled. That a God so great take actions on my behalf - on my request. That just totally blows my mind.

It continues to be my prayer and my desire to be closer to Him, to know Him better and love Him more. I want to be so completely in love with Him I can't contain it. I want to be overwhelmed by the touch of His presence. I want to be so familiar with His voice, with the way He moves, that I will know without a doubt that it is Him. I pray as I go day by day through this new year, that I will become a better mother, an invaluable wife, a more balanced woman, and a truly genuine friend. I pray that I will grow more confident in my identity in Christ - all that He has made available to me - the rights He purchased for me with His blood. I pray that I would not merely know it; not merely glimpse it on occasion; but that it would take root in my heart, infiltrating the very core of who I am, so that I would walk consistently in all that my precious Jesus has laid out before me. I know that's a tall order for one year, but I know He is capable of great things.

Happy New Year.

Miracles and doubt don't mix.

2007-12-28T13:59:00.000-05:00

It seems like I've faced a long string of challenges, all dealing with the same topic - God's ability and willingness to heal. Do I believe in miracles? Yes. When I hear stories of others being miraculously healed of crazy deadly diseases, there is not a hint of skepticism in me. I have no trouble believing the story, and believing that it was God who did the healing. When I read of the countless stories in the Bible where Jesus touched and healed people, I fully believe He did those things that are recorded. I believe He did them 2000 years ago, and I believe He can do the same, and more, today.

A few weeks ago, some friends of mine who do not usually go to church, were in church for a children's program that was going on. I was excited that they came - even the grandparents came. That night, there was a missionary couple visiting our church, and they were sharing some of the stories from their time in South America. They told amazing stories of healing and redemption. Their words, in my opinion, were very uplifting and encouraging. However, my friends obviously didn't feel the same, because about 20 minutes into their time of sharing, the entire family, from kids to grandparents, got up and walked out. From across the room, I watched them go, wishing they would want to stay, but knowing that God was in control. Later that evening, I went over to their house to take them some cookies that were left from the children's reception. I was totally caught off guard when one of the kids asked me point blank if I really believe the stuff the missionaries had shared - in particular, a story of a man being cured from HIV. I said that, yes, I did in fact believe them. I had no reason not to. I was met again with heavy doubt and skepticism, and even anger. 'Why can a man who deserves to have AIDS be cured when babies die of cancer?' 'How is that even possible? HIV is a blood disease - how can it just disappear?' My response was this: God created the body, and God can heal the body. No, I don't understand why some are healed and some are not. But I know that God is big enough and fully capable of everything those missionaries described. Maybe 2 years ago I would not have believed their stories, because then I didn't know God the way I know Him now. But I do know Him, and I truly believe that God is capable of everything they described and more.

That being said, I find myself in quite the contradiction. I tried to pray this morning for myself - simply that God would clear out a head cold that has been bugging me for a few weeks now. As I was praying - I mean, literally, even as the words were coming out of my mouth - my head and heart were flooded with doubts. It's just a head-cold, it doesn't require miraculous intervention. God's got more to worry about than my stuffy nose and sinuses. I'll propbably just end up having to call the doctor and get another perscription for a sinus infection. And on and on. WHY!!!! Why can I believe other people's miracle stories, but I can't believe God to be willing to heal me of something that would take no effort at all? Do I think I don't deserve to ask God for healing? Do I think He doesn't want to be bothered with my tiny little troubles? True, there are much more pressing matters in the world, but isn't He capable of dealing with all of it, including my headache? Or will this one little request put Him over the top and He'll drop all the balls He's juggling? What is my deal? Why can I not believe for the tiniest little things in my own life?

And it doesn't stop there. I totally believe that God wants to heal others, but I am hesitant to pray for their healing. If someone else were to do the praying, it would be all good - no faith issues on my part. I'll give you an example. There is a little boy I know who has been diagnosed with cancer. His parents have had people in their home praying with them on various occassions. I've visited twice, taken small things here and there to help out with groceries or whatever, but have never offered to pray with them. The first time I went, I went with the intentions of praying, but when the time came, I didn't feel like I should. The second time, I don't think I really even intended to pray with them. I think all of my prayers for miracles right now are prefaced with a cloud of doubt, and I don't know how to get past it. But what's the point of praying when it would be immediately undone by my own doubt? So I keep quiet.

Am I afraid to believe for healing and then be disappointed? Am I afraid to pray with someone for a miracle in their lives and have it not come to pass? Why? Would it be a reflection on me, or on God if no healing came? Am I trying to protect my reputation? Am I trying to protect what others think of Him? Surely I do not need to protect Him - I'm certain He is capable of looking out for and upholding His own reputation. Isn't this the same God I fully beleive healed a man of HIV? Yes, the very same. Will it really hurt to believe for something and not see it come to pass? It will never be if I do not believe for it. And if I believe for a lot, and get a little, I've still got more than I would ever have had if I stayed in doubt. I NEED to move past this. I cannot accept living life with clouds of doubt hanging over every prayer I pray. I cannot.

I was in the shower this morning, thinking over these things I've just written. And I kept doubting that a head cold was really worth praying about. Then God reminded me of something. He is the very same God who has numbered the hairs on my head, and who knows every step I take, every thought I think, and every dream I dream. He is the God who is the giver of every good and perfect thing. Nothing evil comes from Him. A cold is just as contrary to His design for my body as is cancer or HIV or any other critical disease. It is not His design for me to suffer. It is His intention and desire for me to be well, healed and whole.

I've heard it. I know it. I just have to believe it.

And blessed (happy, to be envied) is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of the things that were spoken to her from the Lord. (Luke 1:45)

But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him. For whoever would come near to God must believe that God exists and that He is the rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him. (Hebrews 11:6)

Looking Back

2007-12-03T22:22:00.000-05:00

As I'm feeling a bit on the tired side tonight, I decided to do a little bit of not very much. One thing led to another, and I soon found myself reading old (OLD) blog posts...like from the first few months that I did this blog.

It was quite a trip down memory lane, and I find that this blog is serving the purpose I was hoping it would serve by giving me a place to look back and see what I had documented - what I was walking through and studying and learning and thinking about. Very cool to see some things that have come full-circle in the past 10 months. Very funny to recall things I had forgotten I had gone through. Awesome to see how God has worked - how He has brought me through some really tough spots and taught me how to get close to Him. It's cool to see where I was at the start of some of the journeys, and where I am now (probably somewhere in the middle).

I think what's the most incredible to me, though, is that it's evidence in my own life of the truth of God's word. His word promises to continually change and transform us more and more into His likeness. He promises that we will learn and grow from glory to glory. That we will advance line upon line...one step at a time, building on what we've already learned. When I really take time to examine some of the areas of my life that He has transformed, I'm floored. I know I still have a long way to go, but I never imagined such change was possible in so little time.

He promises that if we will seek Him, He will reveal Himself to us. If we believe in Him, cling to Him, rely on Him, trust in Him, He will make Himself known to us. If we seek Him first, everything else will fall into place. As I was looking back through my last 10 months of posts, I can remember some of those crazy difficult struggles - times of total confusion and darkness and doubt. And it's so cool to me to know where I am now in comparison to only 9 or 10 months ago. At times then I struggled with some pretty heavy doubts and questions. Because I chose to seek God and do what He asked of me, even though it made no sense to me whatsoever at the time, and I often did it out of sheer determination rather than a real desire, He not only cleared the doubts and answered the questions, but He replaced those doubts with an absolute assurance of all I had once doubted. Too sweet!

Lots of lessons I've learned in the past almost-year. Lots of struggles and trials and moments of failure. Lots of repentance and prayer and LOTS of depending on God to get me through things that were far bigger than me. There have been times that God has totally brought me to my knees so that He could then lift me up higher. But my favorite thing about the last several months is that He has taught me how to BE with Him. How to just sit in His presence and know Him and seek Him and worship and wait on Him. Back in March I determined that it was my purpose to know Him more. I have. And it continues to be my purpose. I hope that next year I will look back and see how much farther I have come. To know Him more will always be my purpose until He calls me away from this life, because I will never know Him fully until I can look full-on into His face.

God is awesome.

Idol or Tool

2007-12-02T21:43:00.000-05:00

A statement was made in church today that keeps coming back to mind every now and again. When a wealthy man was asked how he was raised around such wealth and excess without becoming materialistic, his response was, "Our parents taught us that everything we have is either an idol or a tool."

How cool is that? Everything I have is either an idol or a tool. Makes me reconsider my heart attitude towards what I have. Makes me reconsider how I am using the things I have been given. Food for thought. Definitely an awesome thing to get a revelation of and to begin to teach my children.

Falling Away

2007-11-21T14:22:00.001-05:00

(This is just my thoughts from the last post continued). Let me say before you read on that all I am doing - in my own studying and in sharing with you - is laying out the process I've gone through in studying this - laying out what the Bible says. I will continue to pray on this topic and seek God for clearer understanding and revelation. I encourage you to do the same.

Falling away - I mean, really turning your whole heart away from God - is a dangerous thing. This next set of Scripture I read stunned me. I was a little at a loss because I had never read or heard anything like it before (clearly I've not spent much time in Hebrews, either...LOL). I think I reread it several times trying to find a way that it might not mean what it says. I think once I even said, God, are You sure that's right? But I was quickly reminded that it's His Bible, not mine. It's His truth, not mine. If I believe God, then I must also believe His Word - the way He wrote it, not the way I imagined it should have been written. I was/am still trying to get my head around the severity of the consequence for one who walks a path of turning from God.

Hebrews 6:4-6 - For it is impossible to bring back to repentance those who were once enlightened—those who have experienced the good things of heaven and shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the power of the age to come— and who then turn away from God. It is impossible to bring such people back to repentance; by rejecting the Son of God, they themselves are nailing him to the cross once again and holding him up to public shame.

It is impossible to bring back those who were once enlightened who then turn away from God. That's scary dangerous! If you look at the passage in Hebrews, it's clearly talking about a mature believer, and not someone who has newly come to Christ and is just learning to walk. It refers to someone who has been enlightened, tasted the heavenly gift, been filled with the Holy Spirit, and has felt the goodness of the Word of God and the powers of heaven.

It is not backsliding. It is not mistakes. It is not the regular types of sin that we struggle with every day. It is the continual, habitual, intentional turning away from Christ that makes a mockery and a disgrace of Him and His perfect and beautiful sacrifice. There must be a heart change. Until I read this, I've always thought sin is sin. And I guess this is mostly true. All wrongdoing is sin. Whether we tell a white lie or commit murder, it is sin that needs to be confessed, and 1 John 1:9 tells us that when we confess our sins He is faithful to forgive us. But 1 John 5:16 - 17 draws a distinction between sin that can be forgiven and sin that results in spiritual death.

If anyone sees his brother [believer] committing a sin that does not lead to death, he will pray and God will give him life - yes, He will grant life to all those whose sin is not one leading to death. There is a sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that. All wrongdoing is sin, and there is sin which does not involve death that may be repented of and forgiven.

So what is the sin that cannot be forgiven? That seems to be the next logical question. What is it that is so bad that God tells us not to even pray for one who has committed such a sin because that person cannot be forgiven? I don't have all the answers, but I would say this is part of it: just a few verses after the one above, it says this (in 1 John 5:21):

Little children, keep yourselves from idols (false gods)--from anything and everything that would occupy the place in your heart due to God, from any sort of substitute for Him that would take first place in your life. Amen (so let it be).

Consider this...

The first commandment: You shall have no other gods before or besides Me. (Exodus 20:3)
Further in Exodus 20, God tells Moses to tell His people this: 'You shall not make gods to share with Me My glory and your worship' (verse 23)
When Jesus is asked, 'What is the most important commandment?' His response is this: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. (Matthew 22:37-38)
And Moses said to the people, Fear not; for God has come to prove you, so that the reverential fear of Him may be before you, that you may not sin. (Exodus 20:20)

The Bible clearly shows us the condition of heart we are to have toward God. He is to be first. He is to be the ONLY one who captures our heart. We are to love Him with everything we are. And we are to have a reverential fear of Him...that we may not sin.

I looked again at Romans 1. The people in Romans once knew God, but stopped glorifying Him. They stopped thanking Him. They allowed other things to take priority in their lives. They replaced Him as god of their lives. They no longer loved Him with all of their heart, soul and mind. They had no remaining reverential fear of Him. And the entire process of falling away from God began when they ceased to give Him glory and thank Him.

God's Forgetfulness

2007-11-21T13:34:00.000-05:00

Well, Monday was an interesting day of learning for me. It actually started in church on Sunday. Our Pastor started a new series on worship, and his focus on Sunday centered quite a bit around misdirected worship. We are designed to worship, so we all worship something. Our worship is just not always directed to the proper person. When we replace God with other people, activities, hobbies, possessions, or whatever else, as the central focus of our lives, that's where our real worship is directed, rather than at God where it belongs.

Well, a friend of mine and I have started doing a short Bible study together once a week (and it just happens to usually fall on Monday). We've started an online study done by Beth Moore on the book of Romans. I'll admit, Romans has always been kind of dry reading for me, so I tend not to read it. But so far (and we're only on Chapter 1 still), it's been much better than I could have ever thought Romans could be (LOL).

Monday, the focus of the study was on Romans 1:18-32. That's a lot of verses, so I won't copy them all here, but here's a link for you if you want to check it out (you can change the Bible version at the top if you'd like). In the NIV, this section of the Bible is titled God's Wrath Against Mankind...yikes! We spent about 45 minutes studying it and talking about it. It was eye-opening, and I learned a lot, but I honestly didn't think much more about it after we finished our study.

Until Monday night when I sat down to read the book I've been reading, and the chapter was titled 'The Great Falling Away.' My mind went immediately back to Romans 1, because much of that chapter is discussing the consequences of God's people falling away from Him. So, I gave it another look in conjunction with this chapter of the book. Here's what I learned.

Romans 1:18-32 refers to a people who knew God and recognized Him as God (right away these words stood out to me after my study of the word KNOW a few weeks back). So, they, at some point, had some level of intimate, personal relations with God. But, it says they no longer glorified Him or gave Him thanks. In other words, they no longer had a heart of worship, thankfulness, and adoration for Him that they had once had. The language of the entire passage seems to indicate that they consistently failed to recognize and thank God; that they had had a change in heart attitude toward Him. As a result, they fell away from God; they became foolish; their minds were darkened; and they replaced God with other things. The result: GOD GAVE THEM UP.

It says three times in a row (paraphrased):
v. 23-24: They had exchanged the glory and majesty and excellence of the immortal God for idols. Therefore, God gave them up in the lusts of their own hearts.

v. 25-26: Because they exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshiped creation rather than the Creator, God gave them over and abandoned them.

v. 28: Since they did not see fit to acknowledge God or approve of Him or consider Him worth knowing, God gave them over to a base and condemned mind.

The result of God abandoning them is that their lives became full, permeated, saturated with sin and destruction of every kind. They hated God. They were without understanding. And though they were fully aware of how God viewed their actions, and what He said the consequences of such actions would be, they not only continued to do them, but they also encouraged others to behave that way as well.

Look what Ezekiel says about the righteous who turn from God:
Ezekiel 18:24 - But if a righteous man turns from his righteousness and commits sin and does the same detestable things the wicked man does, will he live? None of the righteous things he has done will be remembered. Because of the unfaithfulness he is guilty of and because of the sins he has committed, he will die.

This verse, like Romans, refers to someone who knows God. Yet, it says that when such a person chooses to turn away from God, all of his former righteousness will be forgotten. When God forgets something, it is as if it never happened. This is a characteristic of God that we celebrate when we think of salvation - He forgets our sins and washes us clean. But we must also be aware that He is equally as forgetful when we turn away from Him. God's forgetfulness is prompted by a change in our heart-attitude toward God. Whether we are turning away from sin and toward God, or turning away from God and toward sin, He is faithful to forget our former ways.

Astronomical Grace

2007-11-16T15:09:00.000-05:00

If you have the time (about a half hour or so), watch this: Astronomical Grace. It would definitely not be a waste of time. I can't even begin to watch this without feeling overwhelmed by worship for our awesome God. Hope you enjoy it! If you don't have 30-ish minutes, then try the mini-version in the YouTube video posted below.

May we never go through a single day without realizing the extravagance of our God. May we never take for granted the detail and the expansive variety in every aspect of His creation. May we never fail to see Him for all that He is, and never sell Him short on power, glory, or majesty. May we encounter moments like this that fill us with awe and worship for our God, our Creator. He is awesome!

Hebrews 1:1-3 In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.

Indescribable

2007-11-16T14:55:00.000-05:00

Love God.

2007-11-09T14:38:00.000-05:00

I've been absent from my blogging for a few weeks, and there's a good reason for it. As usual, when I'm away for a while, God's been working through some things with me, and I was waiting to see where it was leading before I shared any of it. This is still a work in process, but He put it on my heart to share this with you.

About 6 months ago - maybe longer - someone who is very dear to me, and whom I love very much, asked me what you have to do to get into heaven. At the time, my answer was very simple, because I didn't feel like I had the ability to communicate a complete answer, and I didn't want to misspeak.

About a month or so ago, I shared with you that God showed me that we as Christians, collectively speaking, do not give enough weight to some very basic truth's of God's message - first that the Bible is TRUE, and secondly, that heaven and hell do, in fact, exist, and are, in fact, eternal. We may speak of the truth of the Bible, but many of us do not live our lives as though we believe in the Bible. We all like to think about going to heaven, but we never seem to be willing to consider hell as the alternative, and we definitely do not live as though an eternal judgment is approaching.

That was the start of the studying that I'm doing right now. The first book that I was led to was 'Driven by Eternity' by John Bevere. It's not a long book, and I thought I would be through it by now, but digesting this book has been a slow process...and has been the catalyst to some serious reflection on where I really am with God. If nothing else, I have become acutely aware of the fact that my decisions must be more motivated by eternal matters.

Through the course of reading this book, I have been continually challenged to check my own heart. Am I really what I say I am? Do I serve God for the right motives? Do I really love God? Or will I be like those who Jesus talks about will who stand before Him on the day of judgment, shocked to be turned away from heaven because He says He never knew them?

John Bevere very clearly illustrates the heart conditions of many who believe themselves to be Christians, but who are, in fact, deceived. That's scary! Imagine being so sure of your eternal destiny, only to find out, after it's too late to change, that you were wrong! To stand before God and be sentenced to eternity in hell because your heart wasn't right toward Him.

Do I serve God because He's worthy? Or do I serve Him for personal benefit? I mean, we all like to think about the blessings of God, and the promises of God, and what a change He can make in our lives here on earth. And it's not wrong to ask for blessing, or to ask Him to show you favor. But what's wrong is serving God for the purpose of getting those blessings. Am I willing to endure hardship and trials and difficulties and winter seasons, and still not be offended by God if His blessings don't seem to be pouring down? I had to take a long hard look at my heart. If I never see the benefits of serving God in this lifetime, would I still love and serve Him? I took my time, prayed about it, and gave it a lot of thought and consideration, because I wanted to get down to the true condition of my heart. I would rather know now, and work with God to change, rather than finding out the truth when I'm standing before Him and it's too late. This was not something I took lightly. But what an awesome process to go through.

Today I sat down and opened my book to read some more, and I got stuck at the first paragraph I read. And it just seemed to be the next step to this process.

'But if anyone loves God, this one is known by Him' (1 Corinthians 8:3). Just like the last verse I talked about, this one seems pretty simple and straight-forward. But there's that word KNOW again. The amplified Bible expands on this verse, and it's very cool what it says.

But if one loves God truly [with affectionate reverence, prompt obedience, and grateful recognition of His blessing], he is known by God [recognized as worthy of His intimacy and love, and he is owned by Him]. This verse gives us a benchmark for where our hearts are with God. If we love Him, we affectionately revere Him. We promptly obey Him. We recognize His blessings in our life, and we are truly grateful. And the result of loving God this way is that He opens up to us and reveals Himself, and His nature to us. He deems us worthy of His intimacy and love. He calls us His own. So, when we love Him- when our hearts are right, and we really LOVE Him - we are known by Him. And when we stand before Him, He will not say to us 'I never knew you.'

It's that simple..... It's that simple. My answer to the person who, so long ago asked how we get into heaven, is this: 'Love God.'

KNOW: defined

2007-10-21T16:20:00.000-04:00

John 17:3 - (Jesus is praying) Now this is eternal life: that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. (NIV)

Something about this verse completely captivated me when I was reading it, and my reading turned into studying. It seems like such a short verse, and fairly simple to understand, but it seemed to me like there was more beneath the surface of it than what I was getting by simply reading it on my own understanding. What first caught my attention is that in the amplified Bible the word know is expanded on...to perceive, recognize, become acquainted with and understand. As I read these words - PERCEIVE. RECOGNIZE. ACQUAINTED. UNDERSTAND. - they all felt a little empty to me...like I wasn't really getting the full meaning. And I can't imagine Jesus praying an empty prayer - seems contrary to Who He is. So, I decided I should look into it further. I got out the dictionary that has been tucked in a drawer in the basement for years, and I looked up each of these words. What I found blew me away. These words are not empty at all, and in no way do they indicate a casual knowledge of God. In fact, some of the definitions flat floored me. I had no idea the depth of what was meant by this short line of scripture. Here's what I found...

According to Websters dictionary, here are a few of the definitions of KNOW:

to have a clear perception or understanding of
to be aware or cognizant of
to have perceived or learned
to have a firm mental grasp of
to be acquainted with/ familiar with
to experience

PERCEIVE:

to take hold of; to feel; to comprehend
to grasp mentally; to observe
to become aware of through sight, hearing, touch, taste or smell
SYNONYMY - to discern

RECOGNIZE

to be aware of from familiarity or previous encounters
to know by some detail or characteristic
to be aware of the significance of
to acknowledge the existence, validity and/or genuineness of
to accept as fact; to admit or confess as true
to acknowledge as worthy of appreciation or approval

ACQUAINT

to let know; to give/impart knowledge to
to cause to know personally; to make familiar

UNDERSTAND

to know thoroughly
to grasp or perceive clearly and fully the nature, character, etc. of
to be informed; believe

Everything about these definitions implies a personal, experiential knowledge of God. A familiar, intimate relationship. It is His intention that we have a clear mental comprehension of Him, and that we experience Him with our senses and our observations. It is His intention that we are continually aware of Him and can feel His presence in our lives. That we know Him so well, and so personally, that we begin to know His very character, and the details of Who He is...that we know Him thoroughly and perceive Him clearly and fully. He does not intend to remain hidden from us, but it is His desire to acquaint us with Himself and His ways - to let us know Him; to impart to us knowledge of Himself. We have only to seek Him to find Him.

I cannot look at these definitions of these few simple words without getting totally excited about how incredible God is. This is what Jesus was praying - that we would KNOW Him this way. This was the prayer of the heart of our Savior. Why? Because this is eternal life - to know Him. And eternal life is what He died for.

Eternal life does not come through religion, through deeds, through good behavior, or even through belief alone (faith without deeds is useless - James 2:20). To have eternal life, we must know God (and likewise Jesus). To know Him the way He intends requires us to seek Him, to spend time with Him, to talk to Him, to listen to Him, and to learn about Him through His Word and through teachings. It is an active process that we must do on purpose. It is not possible to know God by merely passively acknowledging Him. We cannot accidentally, or casually come into the kind of knowledge and familiarity He intends for us. Eternal life is a relationship with Him, and we must seek it. This is the prayer of Jesus for each one of us.

Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only those who do the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' (Matthew 7:21-23)

Cry Baby!

2007-10-09T22:10:00.000-04:00

If any of you happen to read my other blog (My State of Crazy), you will already know that last night was the first night since the day she was born that Meagan had to sleep (or not so much sleep as scream) without her pacifier. Needless to say, it didn't go so well.

Well, since I didn't have to get up for work this morning, I got all-night duty...really - ALL NIGHT. She was absolutely miserable, poor thing. I found myself torn between feeling sorry for her and feeling frustrated with her.

Somewhere around 1:00, it occurred to me to pray for her - that God would comfort her and give her peace so that she could rest. At 3:00 she was still going strong with the screaming and tossing and turning. It wasn't looking so much like God was listening - He must have a mighty strong pair of ear plugs, because I don't know how He couldn't have heard her! LOL! So, I prayed again that He would calm her down and help her sleep. Still, she kept on. Keep in mind that I was extremely tired and not thinking clearly, but I was starting to get a little irked at God. What's the deal here? You're the God of the universe and you can't put a baby to sleep?! What's up with that?!

Today, though, in my more rested, more clear state of mind, I'm over my irked-ness (not a word, I'm sure, but I'll still use it). I did ask the question, though, 'Why didn't my prayers seem to get a response?' Never ask a question if you don't really want the answer. (Sometimes gut checks can sting a little).

So, here are the three things that stood out to me in response to this question:

For starters, my motivation was ugly. I was praying out of totally selfish motivations...first and foremost my prayers were prompted not by my concern for Meagan, but by my desire for sleep.

Then, secondly, there's this verse - Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting)... For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord. (James 1:6-7) Want the truth? While I was praying for Him to help in the situation, I was already preparing myself for the 'likelihood' that it wouldn't work anyway. So I was really just praying an empty, faithless prayer, which means nothing and does not in any way inspire God to act. Nice.

Last thing He showed me? That it wasn't hurting Meagan to cry, but that it was 'squeezing' me to be exposed to a situation like that one, where my patience and attitude would be tested. I'll explain what I mean by that...

I've shared with you before that I've often struggled with my patience. Well, patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit. And the Bible says that others will truly know a Christian by their fruits. A while back, our pastor did a series on the fruits of the Spirit, and he gave the analogy of an orange at a fruit stand. Ever bought an orange that looked nice and ripe, good color, then get home and cut into it only to find there's no juice? Well, the only way to know what's really in an orange is to squeeze it and see if any juice comes out. In the same way, the only way to know what's in a Christian is to squeeze them. This is part of the process for developing the fruits of the Spirit in us. Last night, my patience was being squeezed to provide a sort of 'progress report' for me. It was of greater benefit to allow her to cry and to test me than to relieve the crying and to ease my irritations.

So, while God is fully capable of calming a crying baby, He can also exercise His right NOT to. Just because He CAN, doesn't mean He WILL. God doesn't always swoop in and rescue us from every situation that we don't like - as I was well reminded last night. Without trials in my life, Godly character can never be properly developed. I realize, a crying baby for one night isn't all that much of a trial, relatively speaking, but it was enough to get His point(s) across to me. It reminded me of His sovereignty. It reminded me of the proper attitude of faith that is required for effective prayer. It also worked to keep any improper pride in check in my heart, reminding me that He alone gives me the grace to endure when the strength of my own patience, apart from Him, is insufficient. In my weakness, His greatness shows.

2 Corinthians 12: 8-9

8 - Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me;
9 - But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!

God, give me words to speak

2007-10-08T21:37:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I was invited to share my testimony as part of our church service. Our pastor did a message called Life is not a game. They decorated the sanctuary like the game of life (they even made a giant-sized spinner - it looked very cool). He incorporated the testimonies of four people who had come to Christ (or come back to Him) at different stages in life - one in high school, one just after college, one after marriage, and one after a marriage ended. It was exciting to be given the chance to share with people, and humbling at the same time. For those of you who know me, you know I'm a talker. Whether I'm talking to one person or to a hundred, talking doesn't bother me. So I wasn't really nervous about being in front of people. I was more nervous about talking too much and too long, and no matter how much or how little time I took, I prayed that what I shared would resonate with someone who could take something from it.

The night before, I was taking a little quiet time with God, trying to keep myself focused on Him so that I didn't leave myself vulnerable to craziness. At 9:00 Saturday night, I still didn't know what I was going to say, and I was starting to wonder a little if I was going to be ready. But during my prayer time, God impressed on my heart Jeremiah 1. No specific verse, just chapter 1. So I flipped there and started reading. When you don't know where to start, I guess the beginning is a good place!

(The first four verses tell about the backdrop of the time and place where Jeremiah was when these things took place.)

(Jeremiah 1: 5 - 9) Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.

Then said I, Ah, Lord God! Behold, I cannot speak, for I am only a youth.

But the Lord said to me, Say not, I am only a youth; for you shall go to all to whom I shall send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Be not afraid of them [their faces], for I am with you to deliver you, says the Lord.

Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth. And the Lord said to me, Behold, I have put My words in your mouth.

How cool was that - what total reassurance to me that God, at the right time, would give me the words to speak, and would give me the grace to speak them. It's stuff like this that just gets me - I never could have picked out of all the Bible a passage of scripture to say exactly this to me, to speak to me about the one thing I was praying about at the time. I'm so completely unfamiliar with the Old Testament, there's just no way I could have made this up on my own. It's stuff like this that reminds me time and time again of how real God really is, and how present He is, and how interested He is in what's happening in my life. How can I help but to stand in total awe of Him?

Anyway, I'm happy to report that all went well. I felt comfortable, and words came to mind and came out fairly effortlessly. (I think once I stumbled over a word maybe?) It was a very cool experience, and I was happy to be a part of it.

First-hand Experience

2007-09-27T21:29:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I talked a little about my personal experiences, and how they have led me to a more grounded belief in God. I was thinking about this this morning... There was a time not so very long ago when I clung more to the idea of a God than to God Himself. I could tell you all there was to tell about how much He loved us, about Jesus, about the promise of eternity in heaven, because I had learned it all in Sunday School. But, I came to a point in my experiences where a concept wasn't enough to base my life on. I wanted to know for sure, once and for all, if this God I had always heard of, this God that I had tried to live for, was really real. If He really was everything I had been told. If He really loved me the way the Bible says. At some point, just knowing what I had been told by others wasn't enough. I needed my own experiences with God to be the real basis of my belief in Him. But in order to experience Him, I had to give Him a chance to show Himself to me.

I remember the night I made that decision. I was alone in my basement in our house in Toledo. I can remember giving it some seriously heavy thought, and in the midst of some significant doubts, coming to the conclusion that I would make a step of faith, try to align my life with what the Bible says, and start to get to know Him. I remember thinking, 'I'm not really sure where this is going to take me' since I really didn't know if it was all real or not. But I can tell you that the last 6 years have been consistently full of experiences that have far exceeded my expectations. Even though I still sometimes struggle with doubt (like I said a minute ago, it's sometimes a challenge to believe when we're faced with something we don't understand), it would be really difficult for me to imagine a scenario that could convince me of anything other than the fact that there is a God. He has made Himself real to me....because I asked Him to.

The events of John 4 are similar to what I've just described in my own life. In the beginning of this chapter, Jesus meets a woman by a well, and begins talking to her. As the conversation continues, He reveals Himself to her as the Messiah, the Anointed One. She then goes into the town and tells everyone 'Come, see a Man Who has told me everything I ever did! Must not this be the Messiah, the Anointed One?' So the people left the town and set out to go to Him. (verses 29-30). Now look what happens in verses 39-42:

39 - Now numerous Samaritans from that town believed in and trusted in Him because of what the woman said when she declared and testified, He told me everything that I ever did.

40 - So when the Samaritans arrived, they asked Him to remain with them, and He did stay there two days.

41 - Then many more believed in and adhered to and relied on Him because of His personal message [what He Himself said].

42 - And they told the woman, Now we no longer believe (trust, have faith) just because of what you said; for we have heard Him ourselves [personally], and we know that He truly is the Savior of the world, the Christ.

In verse 39, these people came to Him and believed in Him initially because of what they had been told by someone else. One woman's testimony sparked a flame of faith in them and caused them to move toward Jesus to see what He was all about. In verse 40, we see that when they got to Him, they asked Him to stay, and He did. Then the next two verses tell us that their belief in Him continued and was strengthened by their own personal encounter with Him. They no longer believed simply because of what they had been told by another, but they now believed because they had experienced Him personally. This is God's design for us. He may work through another person's teaching or testimony to draw us to Him, but ultimately, we must begin our own personal relationship with Him if our faith is ever to be based on something truly solid.

Like these Samaritans, my own personal experience has strengthened my faith, and has allowed me to firmly believe in the God of the Bible - the God of Genesis 1 - the God who has always been and who always will be.

In the beginning God...

2007-09-27T13:59:00.000-04:00

Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

'In the beginning God' - the first 4 words of the Bible. Very cool. It tells us much that we need to know about Him in the first 4 words. God is first. He is before us. He is ahead of us. We can never take Him by surprise or get ahead of Him because He always precedes us. He has always been. He is the source of creation. Only He was in the beginning.

The concept of 'beginning' and God's infinite being really challenges our human understanding, and therefore, our faith. Our faith is, perhaps, most heavily challenged when we are faced with what we do not fully understand. For some it is the concept of a three-part God. For some, untimely death, birth defects, illness, disease, change. For some, it is that we do not earn salvation, but that it is freely given. The Bible is full of truths about God that are difficult for us to comprehend. The concept of a God who has always been, who has no beginning and no end, is a challenge for us to understand and believe because our world is finite. Our reality is full of definite beginnings and endings, and we tend to believe in and understand concepts based on our experiences.

How then, do I make the leap from this finite reality surrounding me to a belief in an infinite God? Also based on experiences. My own personal experiences with God have formed a foundation that leads me to such a belief. Through experience I know that He is the God He says He is. I know that He is truth. He is faithful. He places utmost importance on His Word. His word is truth, and therefore I can, and must, wholly believe His Word if I am to believe in Him.

I think I've got more to share on this, but for now, I'll leave it at that. It's enough for me today to meditate on the expansiveness of God. He's so much more than we are humanly able to comprehend, but it is amazing when we really think about who He is and we finally begin to see Him for even just a bit of all that He really is.

There's truth in His Word

2007-09-23T12:33:00.000-04:00

During church today God put on my heart two topics that are vital to knowing and understanding Him better. The first - and the topic of church today - is the truth and validity of the Bible as His Word. The second is the reality of hell. He challenged me to take the initiative to study these two areas much more fully than I have until now, so I know already that there is much more for me to learn. But I want to start with where I am now and with what I know so far.

In the past two years I've gone through a lot regarding my walk with God. I've come a long way from where I was, but I still have a ways to go. Part of my growing up process has been to go through struggles and even some significant doubts. But I made the choice through those difficult times to give God the benefit of the doubt and see if He would prove Himself to me. Each time, without fail, He ultimately walked me through it, gave me the answers, showed me what I was looking for. And He waited patiently for me to work my way through it, reminding me and encouraging me to lean on Him in the process.

Well, one of those trying times was my struggle to actually accept that the Bible is what it claims to be. I'm sure you've heard the arguments before that go against the claim that the Bible is God's inspired word... it's full of contradictions, it doesn't agree with science, it was written by men, it's stories are far-fetched, and on and on. While I never pointed to one of these arguments as being a barrier for me as far as believing wholly in the Bible, there was always just an underlying hint of a doubt that kept me a little reserved in fully trusting it.

I remember praying about it - I was begging for some reason to REALLY buy into it. I wanted to believe, but just couldn't convince myself by myself. And really, if the Bible is the foundation of Christianity, and I struggle to believe in the Bible, then how can I really commit to live for Christ? Well, this struggle had been going on inside me for some time, but I stuck with my studying and my prayer time, waiting to see if God would show up with something convincing beyond question. And I must say, He did, and He did it in a way I was totally NOT expecting.

I was lying in bed one night thinking over some things that were going on in my life at the time. Now, I can't even remember what those things were specifically, but I remember being distracted by my own life and circumstances. I was rolling things over and over in my head, working and rearranging and trying to come up with solutions. Then, all of a sudden, my thoughts were interrupted mid-stream and God said very plainly to me, "I've said that I've put My word even above My own name. If you believe in Me, then you must believe My Word. Otherwise, You do not believe in Me at all." End of interruption. WOW. I got chills. And I laid there thinking about what He had just said. That was pretty big. The next day I woke up thinking about it, and all through the day, I thought about it. And as it started working its way down into my spirit, like only the Word of God can, I began to realize that I must choose whether or not I believe in the Bible, just as I choose whether or not I believe in God. But any unwillingness to believe would not change the truth of what it is. God is still God, even if I don't believe in Him. And, likewise, the Bible is still the Word of God, whether I choose to believe it or not.

As I continued studying, and reading books related to this fundamental element of Christianity, I began to see that even those arguments that many make against the Bible hold no weight. It does not contradict itself. It is not contrary to solid science, and it's 'stories' are historically documented by sources outside of the religious community. I began to see that the Bible is an amazing and almost unthought-of piece of literature. Think of it - it was written by around 40 different authors, over a course of 1500-ish years, yet the consistency of facts, characteristics, ideas, and teachings are astounding. It is full of prophecies that have been fulfilled hundreds of years after their telling. It is full of facts and circumstanced that have been supported and solidified by scientific research hundreds, or thousands of years later. Even today our pastor told of 2 circumstances where current-day men found undiscovered oil reserves based on facts and details documented in the ancient Old Testament. Want more consistencies with science?Long before the time of Christopher Columbus, when people believed the earth was flat, Isaiah told of the 'circle' of the earth (Isaiah 40:22). Long before we had a scientific understanding of the emptiness of space, Job wrote of a God who 'hangs the earth upon or over nothing' (Job 26:7) Amazing.

As I began to see the bigger picture of the Bible, it became harder and harder for me to doubt its validity and truth. Yes, there are things in it that I do not understand, but that does not make it invalid. That makes me short on understanding and wisdom. This, for me, was the start of a more grounded walk with God. When I finally made the decision to lean my trust completely on the Bible as the true Word of God, it opened up for me a whole new aspect of faith. This decision has been, for me, a catalyst into a stronger, closer relationship with Jesus, and a trust in Him that I've never known before.

For I am the Lord; I will speak, and the word that I shall speak shall be performed (come to pass); it shall be no more delayed or prolonged, for in your days, O rebellious house, I will speak the word and will perform it, says the Lord God. (Ezekiel 12:25)

I the Lord have spoken it; it shall come to pass and I will do it; I will not go back, neither will I spare, neither will I relent... (Ezekiel 24:14)

Sunday's coming!

2007-09-16T22:28:00.000-04:00

'It's Friday but Sunday is coming.' - These are lyrics from one of my favorite songs right now. And I just keep thinking about how awesome they really are.

I think there are two ways to look at it - both important. The first, and probably most obvious - and most powerful - is through the perspective of Jesus' death and resurrection. For Him, and for those closest to Him, Friday was the worst day imaginable. They were suffering great loss, darkness, confusion, despair, and internal struggle and anguish. Even Jesus reached a point on Friday where He felt forsaken by God and cried out to Him. Friday was the worst of the worst. It was every bad thing we could imagine. It was suffering, death, betrayal, loss, doubt, persecution. Friday was not easy to live through. But it's only Friday...

Sunday comes!! On Sunday God shows Himself to be faithful. Jesus is resurrected. Darkness is defeated. Those who followed and loved Jesus rejoiced in His victory and triumph. Faith was reaffirmed. And the world sees that Jesus is who He said He was. What an awesome day Sunday is for them. Full of everything good - victory, happiness, rejoicing, redemption, faithfulness and truth. What a difference from Friday - such a difference in such a short time.

In my relatively brief time of being serious about my walk with God, He has taught me one thing for sure. When He makes a promise, He keeps it. When He says something, He does not later change His mind. Above all things, I can depend without question on the fact that God's word is true, and He is faithful to His word. And while I have not had any serious trials in this area - I've not suffered great loss, I've not faced persecution, I've not endured suffering - He has quite effectively taught me this lesson through every-day circumstances. Now, when I know that God has promised something, I often write it down so that I can come back to it and lean on His promises in times of fear, doubt, struggle, or waiting. This helps me to live today like I KNOW I already have what He has promised me, even though I can't yet see it. So even if today is Friday, I KNOW that Sunday is coming. How incredible is that! What an awesome way to live life!

So that's the first part of it - the PROMISE of Sunday, even when Friday feels impossible to live through. It's really about having a posture of faith...standing on God's word when there is little else to stand on. It's KNOWING in your spirit that God is faithful.

The second part is a posture of preparation. If my mom calls me on Friday and says she's coming to dinner on Sunday, I live like she is coming to dinner on Sunday. I get groceries for our meal...and maybe even clean the bathrooms for her (LOL). I make plans to be here at the time she expects to arrive. I prepare NOW for something that I know will happen in the FUTURE.

So not only do we stand on God's promises, but we prepare ourselves to receive them. That's part of knowing that Sunday is coming. If I don't get groceries, then I can't prepare a meal for my mom's visit. So even when she does come like she said she would, I am not ready, and the opportunity for a nice dinner and visit passes by........okay, so in reality we would just go eat at Applebee's instead, but you get the point. If God makes a promise that requires some action on our part, we should take the necessary actions to get ourselves in position to receive His promises when they do come.

The Bible says the promises of God are for 'whosoever will' do what He asks of them. That means, everyone can, but not everyone does benefit from the promises of God - only those who act accordingly, who are obedient, and who continually work with the Holy Spirit to prepare their hearts, their circumstances, and their lives, for receiving those promises.

In my mind, the ultimate 'Sunday' is the return of Jesus. He has promised it, so I know it will happen. I also know that I must continually work with the Holy Spirit to keep myself prepared for the moment when that Sunday comes. Of all things, that is worth living for.

Jeremiah 17

2007-09-08T15:08:00.000-04:00

What if?

2007-08-31T22:17:00.001-04:00

It's almost time to put August in the books, but let me get just one more post in for this month.

I was getting caught up on TiVo this evening, too warn out to do much else, and so I watched three episodes of Joyce Meyer, one right after the other. A lot of what she said got me thinking (which I guess is the point), but one thing really stood out to me. This one thing is what I wanted to share with you tonight, just food for thought and adoration for an amazing God!

Selfishness is the one thing that stands between us and a successful love walk. We are so worried about what we will lose, or what we won't get, if we help others, reach out to them, put our lives aside and focus on someone else. Imagine, what if Jesus had been screaming 'What about Me?' as He hung on the cross. A life perfectly lived would have ended in a grand display of selfishness.

Instead, He said, Father I give My life into Your hands. Whatever happens to me is up to You.

What an amazing heart! Completely selfless. To say, I will do this for others, regardless of what it costs Me. To say, I will do what God has asked of Me, and I will leave the outcome up to Him. What an awesome Savior we've been given! What an incredible example He's left for us to follow; what a life of passion - a life full of love for others, love and obedience to God, and marked with the most selfless sacrifice imaginable.

What if Jesus had acted the way we would have acted? We would be without a Savior, because there would have been no perfect sacrifice. We would be left with the law as our only guide to any hope of salvation.

BUT...What if we were to act like Jesus acted? What if we were to give of ourselves, expecting nothing in return, holding no grudge for time or energy or resources expended? What if we loved others the way Jesus asks us to? What if we were kind and patient and gentle and good and humble and honest and faithful? What if our lives truly reflected the God we say we serve? How could we impact others if we could only set aside that selfishness that stands between us and the love walk we are meant to have? What if we served God with the same passion Jesus exemplified?

What if.

Passion

2007-08-27T21:47:00.000-04:00

What is the meaning of a life without passion? Is it worth our time to pass our time and yet to care passionately about nothing? Can we know what it is to want something - to truly want something - if we don't long for it with a passion? Do we really know love if we do not love with the strength that is only fueled by passion? Do I really love God if I don't love Him passionately?

My most important relationship is the one I have with Jesus. Without Him, nothing is right. He is my center, my security, my stability. He is my light, my guide, and my example for all that I could ever want to be. If my relationship with Him is not full and complete, then I am not fully experiencing the life He has made available to me. (John 10:10 - I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance, to the full, till it overflows). If I'm not following Him, loving Him, serving Him, worshiping Him, praising Him, obeying Him, trusting Him, leaning on Him, and confiding in Him with EVERYTHING that I have in me, I am selling short the single most important relationship in my entire life - both now and eternally.

Can I even say I LOVE Him if I do not love Him passionately? Does He want our acknowledgment, or does He want our adoration? Matthew 7 says that not everyone who calls Him Lord (not everyone who acknowledges Him) will enter the kingdom of heaven. He says, 'I will say to them openly, I never knew you' (Matthew 7:23). He wants more than lip service. He wants to KNOW us. He wants a RELATIONSHIP.

God is a passionate God. This I know with certainty. He creates with passion; He reigns with passion; and He loves with a passion that we may never fully grasp or comprehend. It is completely insufficient to offer Him a mediocre, lukewarm affection in return for a love like that. I want to love Him like He deserves to be loved. It is my prayer that He would continually change my heart, teaching me to love with a love that is full of passion and intimacy - a love that is pleasing to Him.

God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better ...

- RICK WARREN: (Author of "A Purpose Driven Life")

My Own Plans

2007-08-23T14:38:00.001-04:00

So this is just a little thing really, but I thought I'd share. I had one of those aha moments yesterday, in a very ordinary, every-day-life kind of way. I was thinking about some of the stuff that I've taken on in the past 3 months or so (some of which I subsequently dropped), and trying to figure out why some of it has worked and some of it hasn't.

Back in March, I was invited to be a part of the digital creative team for a designer named Genevieve. At the time, I was not on any creative teams, and had no commitments whatsoever. I had just committed my scrapbook budget as my tithe (since I have no job, and therefore no income), and I really felt like God had given me this opportunity out of His faithfulness. Right from the start, this position has been nothing but good. It's been fun, easy, no-stress, and just a joy all around.

Well, shortly after this, I had been offered a spot on a creative team for a scrapbook web site. It was one of those things where you get a gut check, and know you shouldn't, but you want to, so you do it anyway. Yeah - that's called being disobedient. That's exactly what I did. Then, about a month later, loving all of the free stuff I was getting with my first 2 team positions, I agreed to be a member of yet another team. So let me just say that neither one was enjoyable, both were struggles, and sources of stress. Suddenly, it was like I was not enjoying my hobby, and I was trying to force it to work. No fun.

Well, after trying and struggling for quite some time, and after God dealing with me on more than one occasion about these last 2 commitments, I finally decided to step away from them - put them down and walk away. Aaaaaaaaah. That's better! Instantly, no more stress, no more struggling, no more trying so hard and enjoying so little. And because I laid them down, I was able to agree to a long-term position on Genevieve's team.

Well, I realized yesterday what should have been plain and simple, and really quite obvious. The first one worked because it was from God. The second two did not because they were my own schemes. On the surface they look very much the same - creative team positions, similar requirements, free digital products, etc. But the source of the opportunity makes all the difference in the world. This is a Biblical principal, and, as I've recently been reminded / shown, it applies to big and small aspects of life.

Even Jesus said 'I do nothing of My own will, but the will of He Who sent Me.' Nothing. So if that's true for Jesus, it surely should be true for me. And I'm reminded of Abraham - perhaps my favorite man in the entire Bible (other than Jesus, of course). Abraham and his wife wanted a son so badly. Well, they ended up with 2. The first, Ishmael, was conceived of their own bright ideas, their own workings and schemes. The second, Isaac, was given by God, in God's way and in God's timing. One was a struggle, one was a blessing. While my own situation is far less significant than Abraham's, the same principal applies.

Father, please keep me from pursuing my plans and instead guide me through Your plans.

Let's Walk

2007-08-14T18:03:00.000-04:00

An interesting string of events are documented in John 6, starting somewhere around verse 47. Jesus is speaking in the synagogue at Capernaum, and He is telling the people there that He is the real Bread of heaven, the Bread of Life. He says that whoever eats of His flesh (bread) and drinks of his blood will dwell continually in Him and He in them. Well, this isn't the first time that He has said something that has made the Jewish leaders angry, but this time, His words upset more than the usual crowd. In verse 60 it says this: When His disciples heard this, many of them said, This is a hard and difficult and strange saying (an offensive and unbearable message). Who can stand to hear it? [Who can be expected to listen to such teaching?] Some of His disciples - men who had left behind their old ways of life to follow Him, and dedicate their lives to Him - were offended by what He was saying.

Jesus responds to them: But Jesus, knowing within Himself that His disciples were complaining and protesting and grumbling about it, said to them: Is this a stumbling block and an offense to you? [Does this upset and displease and shock and scandalize you?] He goes on to explain that what He is speaking of is of the spirit, not of the flesh.

The disciples were offended because they did not understand what He was teaching. The Bible, in fact, specifically tells us that those of the world cannot understand the things of the Spirit. Because they didn't understand, they allowed the spirit of offense to enter into them, ultimately driving them away from their walk with Jesus. Verse 66 tells us this: After this, many of His disciples drew back (returned to their old associations) and no longer accompanied Him.

Then Jesus asks His original twelve disciples, 'Do you too desire to leave Me?' Simon Peter answered, Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words (the message) of eternal life. And we have learned to believe and trust, and [more] we have come to know [surely] that You are the Holy One of God, the Christ (the Anointed One), the Son of the living God.

In our walk with Jesus, we may come across things that we don't like, things that offend us, things that we do not understand. At these points, we will have to choose our direction. We can either turn back to our old associations and no longer accompany Him (walk with Him), or we can stay at His side, believe in Him and trust in Him.

We often talk about our 'walk' with God. Well, a walk implies steady forward movement. Forward progress will, at times, require us to press past obstacles or to pick ourselves up when we stumble or fall. Like He did with Peter (when Peter tried to walk on water), if we ask for help, Jesus will grab us and help us back to our feet. He may even slow the pace at times, or pause for a brief rest when we are weary. But ultimately, the walk must continue, we must get up and make continued forward progress. Throughout this process, He will never make us stay. We walk with Him because we choose to, and we can choose to walk away, or sit down and camp, at any time.

When stumbling blocks do come into our path, we will be in a stronger position to press past them when we know Him, as Peter described - 'we have come to know surely that You are...the Son of God.' I doubt that Peter understood, or was even comfortable with what Jesus was teaching in the synagogue that day. Jesus' death and resurrection had not yet taken place, so the disciples did not have a frame of reference to understand what He was speaking about. But Peter (and the others) stayed at His side because he knew Him and knew Who He was.

Jeremiah 17: 7-8 - [Most] blessed is the man who believes in, trusts in, and relies on the Lord, and whose hope and confidence the Lord is. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters that spreads out its roots by the river; and it shall not see and fear when heat comes; but its leaf shall be green. It shall not be anxious and full of care in the year of drought, nor shall it cease yielding fruit.

Thoughts under fire

2007-08-10T21:27:00.001-04:00

Understanding what Peter doubted and why Peter doubted was huge in showing me the answers to some things I was working through at the time that I read this passage of scriptures (see my previous post). But still, a question remained. Why was Peter overcome with this doubt? The timing of it, especially, stood out to me as odd. I mean, only a moment after being so sure, he doubted so significantly that he sank - so significantly that Jesus was saddened and questioned him about it. How could doubt like that come against a man so quickly?

Well, my experience has been that when I ask God a specific question, He gives me a specific answer. And His answer was this: When Peter stepped out of the boat, he immediately stepped into a spiritual battle - an attack on the strength of his faith - a faith that would allow him to perform a miracle equal to what Jesus was performing.

The Bible tells us that we do, in fact, have an enemy - Satan - who is very real and wants very much to destroy us, physically, emotionally and spiritually. The Bible also tells us that we are, in fact, in a war, but it is a spiritual war rather than a physical war. This is what the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:

verses 3-4: For though we walk (live) in the flesh, we are not carrying on our warfare according to the flesh and using mere human weapons. For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds,

Verse 3 tells us we are not fighting a physical battle. Verse 4 tells us that our weapons are not physical, but they are weapons of God and are powerful enough to destroy the strongholds put in place by the enemy.

verse 5: casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ;

Verse 5 tells us that those strongholds come in the form of imaginations, thoughts, and proud and lofty ideas that contradict the true knowledge of God. In order to defeat these thoughts, we must bring them into obedience to Jesus. In other words, our thoughts must be in line with what Jesus teaches and what He says is true. Whenever we find our minds being attacked with anything other than what God says is true, we must refuse to accept it and replace it with His truth from His Word.

Our thoughts are as much a part of our spiritual walk, our spiritual growth and maturity, and our success in following Jesus as our hearts are.The thing that sealed my understanding of this was Matthew 22:37. When Jesus was asked, 'What is the most important commandment for us to keep,' this was His very simple, straight-forward response.

And He replied to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (intellect). (Matthew 22:37)

I wanted to share with you this lesson that I learned because I know how real doubts are and how difficult they can be, at times, to stand against. We are all impacted by incorrect thoughts. They are a very real method of battle employed by a very real enemy. Our mind is where many of our battles are fought and won or lost. If our minds are not in proper relationship to God, then, just as with Peter, our faith will fail to sustain us in trials. Peter was attacked and defeated in his mind, but just think of what he could have done had his thoughts not brought him down!

Peter sinks.

2007-08-10T20:35:00.000-04:00

And in the fourth watch [between 3:00--6:00 a.m.] of the night, Jesus came to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified and said, It is a ghost! And they screamed out with fright. But instantly He spoke to them, saying, Take courage! I AM! Stop being afraid! And Peter answered Him, Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water. He said, Come! So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water, and he came toward Jesus. But when he perceived and felt the strong wind, he was frightened, and as he began to sink, he cried out, Lord, save me [from death]! Instantly Jesus reached out His hand and caught and held him, saying to him, O you of little faith, why did you doubt? (Matthew 14:25-31)

I've heard this story many times, ever since I was a little girl, but recently, God showed it to me in a way I've never seen it before. I've often admired Peter, and wondered at him at the same time. He seems to me to be a little impulsive, maybe reckless. He seems bold and outspoken, sometimes when it's quite clear that he would be best to keep his mouth shut. And still, he had a special place in Jesus' heart. I think maybe because of all the men in the boat, Peter was the only one who dared to get up and get out of the boat. He had moments of brilliant faith - this being one of them.

But, look what happens to him immediately following his amazing exhibition of faith. He sinks. This was the focus of my most recent pass through Matthew 14. Peter sinks. Why does a man so full of faith in one moment sink in the next? Well, the passage tells us he felt the strong wind, the waves crashing around him, and he was afraid. Yeah, that makes sense I guess. I can understand fear in the middle of a storm on the sea. But does it really make sense? Nothing in his outer circumstances changed from the time he stepped out of the boat to the time he began to sink. The wind was blowing, the waves were crashing, the boat was tossing. The scriptures indicate nothing new in his outer circumstances to cause this surge of fear.

So what was at the root of it? Look what Jesus says: 'Why did you doubt?' What was it that Peter doubted? Did he doubt that he, Peter, was capable of walking on water or that he would be able to withstand the opposition coming against him? Probably, but those same doubts would have been present before he stepped out of the boat, and so shouldn't have made a difference in his success or failure. Ultimately, Peter had to have doubted Jesus. He had to have doubted either His ability or His willingness to hold him up - to support him in doing what He had asked of Peter. If Peter's faith in Jesus had been in tact, the other issues would have been irrelevant to him. It wouldn't have mattered if he alone were incapable. Trusting that Jesus was capable would have been sufficient.

Well, knowing WHAT Peter doubted, the next question would be WHY did Peter doubt. I mean, Peter knew Jesus personally. He knew what Jesus was capable of - knew His full strength and ability and power and love. Peter also knew that it was, in fact, Jesus standing before him on the water. He also knew it was Jesus' will for Peter to step out of the boat - he knew because he had asked and Jesus answered. So if he knew that it was Jesus, and he knew who Jesus was, and he knew that he was doing what Jesus was asking of him, why did Peter doubt? Why did he fall?

Because his head overrode his faith. His head told him it was impossible, even though his heart, his faith, only a moment before had been so certain. His head told him his circumstances were too big to trust to Jesus. The instant he doubted, he failed. He was defeated at the task he had set out to do.

I think this is just one Biblical example of what happens to us all the time. Our minds are being constantly bombarded with questions, doubts, half-truths, and outright lies. We have to make our minds up daily (sometimes hundreds of times a day) what we believe. Allowing doubt to override faith is a quick way to be defeated. Like Peter, once our doubts take control of our thoughts, our faith is deactivated, and we sink.

Whoever you are

2007-08-06T21:32:00.000-04:00

"God loves you. He loves you so much that He gave His Son to die on the cross for our sins. And He loves you so much that He will come into your life and change the direction of your life and make you a new person, whoever you are." - Billy Graham

This section of his sermon really caught my attention. I love his directness, and his simplicity in getting to the point. After all, this is really what it boils down to. This is the basic message of Jesus. God loves you. Jesus died for you. It's that personal. If you alone were the only person He would have made salvation available to by dying as He did, He still would have done it. And He still would have done it knowing full well the possibility that you might not acknowledge Him, might reject Him altogether. He loves you that much - that He died for the possibility that you would accept Him and learn to return love to Him. Just the possibility. Because the alternative to Him - not making a way for you - was not an acceptable option for Him.

If we choose to reject Him, we continue on, in bondage to sin, and under the condemnation that the law brings. We live out a life that is seemingly void of purpose, and ultimately we face eternity in the absence of God - that is, in the absence of love, happiness, joy, peace, and all that is good. If you really pause to think about this, it is a fate worse than death.

If we choose to accept what Christ has done, everything about our spiritual situation changes. His sacrifice goes before God on our behalf, cleansing us of every sin, every imperfection. The Bible says we are made new in Christ, our sins are forgiven, our old life passes away and is forgotten, and we get to start fresh with Jesus. We no longer have to feel condemned when we do wrong because we are assured that if we confess our sins, they will be instantly forgiven. We now have free, uninhibited,open access to approach, talk to, make requests of, and form a deep friendship with God. All of this we are able to do through Jesus.

Just as Billy Graham said, whoever you are, God will do this - has already done this - for you. It is a matter of choosing to accept it and receive it.

My friend the atheist

2007-08-01T15:22:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine is an atheist. This is something I've known about him for almost as long as I've known him. Shortly after we met, we got into a discussion about churches, and at that time, it came out in conversation that he doesn't believe in God, and he has nothing to do with the church or any established religion. While I was sad for him, this did not change how I felt about him, and we continued as friends.

Since then, we've had one or two serious discussions about God, the possibility of God, and what / why I believe what I believe. He has raised questions and doubts that stand firmly in his way to accepting that there could be a God, and while I've done what I can to share what I know, I admittedly do not have all the answers. I only know that what I know is enough for me to hold fast to what I believe.

About three months ago, I came across the book A Case for Faith by Lee Strobel (I know I've share that with you a bit before). As I was glancing through the table of contents, reading the titles of the chapters, it was like reading off a list of my friend's questions and concerns. I bought the book, hoping that it may help me be able to better understand the arguments for and against, and hopefully ultimately better equip me to be able to share what I know and believe.

About three weeks ago or so, I gave him a copy of the student version of A Case for Faith. I wasn't entirely sure that he would read it, or even keep it for that matter, but I hoped. Today, I learned that he has read the first chapter and has stopped. He won't go on because he has a list of questions already and wants to get them addressed before he continues.

I have to admit, I was filled with conflicting emotions. First, I was thrilled to learn that he had even considered the book, let alone started reading it. That was quickly followed by questions in my own head - will I be able to adequately answer him or explain well enough what I believe and know? Do I know enough of the Bible? Am I the person to be doing this?

Well, I'm continually learning that when I'm attacked with fear and doubt, the first action is prayer. So immediately, I turned to God and said, 'Look God, this is what I know. I know that You love this person more than I, or anyone else, could ever begin to understand. I know that You would love to see him acknowledge You, accept You, love You. I believe You led me to that book. I believe I was obedient to You in sharing the book with Him. And You have been faithful in opening him up to reading it and considering it. I also know that You will never ask of me something that I cannot do.' That alone was enough to subside my fears. Instead of focusing on what I don't know, I changed my focus to what I do know.

I alone am wholly inadequate to answer my friend's questions or to convince him of the existence of an Almighty God. I alone am short on knowledge and understanding. I am not the most eloquent speaker. I am not the most theologically sound person. But I am his friend, and I love him. And I love God, and I know He exists in a way that cannot be taken from me with shades of doubt. And I know, because the Bible says, that God goes with us into difficult situations. I know that He gives His peace, His wisdom, His understanding. I know that He directs our paths, and I know that He will give me the right words to say if I will only lean on Him. And above all, while I am wholly inadequate, not eloquent, and short on knowledge, God is wholly adequate and capable in every way. I'm not doing this for me, and I'm not doing this alone. He is my strength, and He is sufficient for every situation.

The Waiting Game

2007-07-26T14:16:00.000-04:00

Romans 8:25-26 - But if we hope for what is still unseen by us, we wait for it with patience and composure. So too the Holy Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness...

Well, we've been waiting on some news for about 5 weeks now - news that could significantly impact our lives. For the first 2 weeks, I had sufficient patience. It was okay with me that we hadn't heard anything. I knew that God takes His time and doesn't rush on account of making it easier on me. No problem - I can wait.

Weeks three and four - well, I'm surprised we haven't heard anything, but I don't want a rushed decision. I really just want what's best for us. So if we have to wait a little longer, that's fine.

Well, here it is, week five. What's taking so long? Why haven't we heard anything? I wish they would let us know one way or the other... Hold on - is that impatience surfacing? Yes, I believe it is. And what had God been showing me at the beginning of all of this? To WAIT on Him. To wait and expect Him, and believe that He is working, and believe that He is working all for good. Wait.

Well, yesterday I was reading and came across something that stood out to me. The main tactic of Satan, although it can come in several forms, is to defeat us by wearing us out. If I want any victory in my life, the I must ENDURE - I must outlast him. I must stay patient, and continue to wait on God.

So today, I came across Romans 8:25, which says we are to wait with 1) Patience and 2) Composure. And we have the help of the Holy Spirit. In the Bible, God acknowledges our human weaknesses - and apparently patience is an area where I am weak (which is not wholly a surprise to me, or to my family, I'm sure). But we are promised the help of the Holy Spirit to aid us in our weakness, to bear us up and help us to continue on.

So I guess this is His way of reminding me to wait, to believe in Him - in His power, His goodness, and His wisdom - and be patient while He works. The Bible says His timing is perfect, and He is never even a second late. So even though news has not come as quickly as I would have liked, it will come exactly when He would like. Until then, it is my responsibility to wait with patience and composure, leaning on the Holy Spirit to help me.

Rooted in Love

2007-07-24T15:36:00.001-04:00

Well, I guess the month of July isn't going to have many posts in the archives, since it's been over 20 days since I last posted. Strange, every time I studied this month, I didn't feel like I was able to share anything or pass it along. So, I stayed quiet. Hope you didn't think I had forgotten about you! (wink)

Well, today I did a little studying on my own, and then listened to a little teaching. The teaching was about the love of God. I started thinking about that. It has always been very easy for me to say the blanket statement that God loves the world. God loves you. God loves everyone. But, to say 'God loves ME' - well, it hasn't always really been so easy for me to believe.

Thankfully, I am at a place now where I know God loves me - even when I slack, He loves me. Even when I slip up, He loves me. Even when I mess up, make mistakes, do wrong things, make poor choices, He loves me. I KNOW it because He has shown me. He has shown me in His word. He has shown me in the little things He does for me in my daily life. He has shown me in certain experiences in prayer. He has shown me through the love of others.

Still, I know that my knowledge of His love could still grow deeper. The Bible talks about being like a tree that is deeply rooted, so as not to be tossed around when storms come. It says to be rooted and firmly founded in love.

There's one set of scripture that I want to share with you today from Ephesians 3, but I have reworded it to make it a personal prayer, rather than a scripture written to a group of people that lived thousands of years ago. It comes from Ephesians 3:16-19.

Lord, by Your glory, strengthen me with the mighty power of the Holy Spirit Himself dwelling in me and filling every part of me. Jesus, may you, through my faith, settle down and make your permanent home in my heart. May I be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love. Lord give me the strength and the power to understand and grasp the breadth and length and height and depth of Your love for me, that I may come to know Your love through my own experiences, a knowledge that far surpasses mere knowledge without experience. Lord, that I would be filled through my entire being unto all the fullness of You, that I may have the richest measure of Your divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself! - Amen.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (NIV)

Speak Life

2007-07-03T07:53:00.000-04:00

For the last 2 days now, I've been writing out long-hand the scriptures that I've collected regarding healing. I wanted to have them all in one place to look at collectively instead of having to flip back and forth to read them. I'm only about half way through writing them out, but I'm already seeing a few patterns emerge. The one that stands out to me the most is our words.

I know I've written before about the impact our words can have on our lives...but I'm going to write it again. There are a few verses that I wanted to share today.

He sends forth His word and heals them and rescues them from the pit and destruction. (Psalm 107:20)
My son, attend to my words; consent and submit to my sayings.
Let them not depart from your sight; keep them in the center of your heart.
For they are life to those who find them, healing and health to all their flesh. (Proverbs 4:20-22)
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life]. (Proverbs 18:21)

He sends forth His word and heals them. I can see a few ways to take that, and I think both ways are truth. First, God speaks healing. When God speaks, things happen. God spoke creation. He speaks us into being, and He speaks forth our healing.

Secondly, God's word brings healing. But what does that mean? Well, the Bible is God's word. Jesus is also called the Word of God - the living word, the word come to life. Both are God's word. Both have been sent by God. Both have the power to heal. If we want to truly see healing, I'd say we need both. We need a relationship with Jesus, abiding in Him and trusting Him. And we need God's word - the Bible. We need to know what it says about us, and about Him - who He is, how He is, what He is.

If the power of life and death is in the tongue, and if God's words are life and healing, then it seems to follow that we ought to speak (not just think or believe, but SPEAK) God's word over our lives and the lives of those we love. If God has given us the power of life and death in the little muscle in our mouth, we may as well use it! Just like my friend I told you about yesterday, I believe if we speak in agreement with what God has to say about healing and restoration in our lives, we ourselves, body, mind, and spirit, also come into agreement with that word. Just to say something as simple as 'God, I thank You that You forgive all my sins, and You heal all my diseases.' (see Psalm 103:2-5) I don't think it has to be complex or bizarre. I think it can be very effective if it's simple and sincere.

Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s (strong, overcoming and soaring)! (Psalm 103:2-5)

Get Well

2007-07-02T10:10:00.000-04:00

Someone in my life has recently come across a serious medical issue and is struggling to keep perspective. While I know that God is completely capable of handling the situation, I also know that He cannot work in our lives until our attitudes, our faith, our actions, and our words line up in agreement with what God wants to do for us. It worries me when people I know are hoping for God to intervene, but are not really believing that He will because doubt is the first step to being defeated. It prevents God from moving in our lives and on our behalf.

This particular person, and their situation, has been on my heart quite regularly since I first heard the news. And God has put it on my heart to start studying and really understanding the way He works in our lives, in our bodies, for healing.

It starts with belief. Nothing short of fully believing God is capable and wants to heal us - WILL heal us - will prompt Him to move. Then we have to be willing to turn it over to Him, letting go of our own ideas of HOW He will heal us. Not all healing comes in the most 'miraculous' of ways. In the Bible, healing is done in many different manners, from a simple touch to washing in the river seven times, and on and on. There is not one cookie cutter way that God goes about His business, and we should not expect our illness to just vanish before we believe it is God doing the healing. In fact, often, and in more situations than just our physical well-being, God will not do what we are able to do on our own. We have to do what we can, and let Him do what we can't. So if we can eat better, take certain medicines, get adequate sleep, drink enough water, etc, then we need to do all of that. If there are treatments available, we should pursue them. We must do our part, fully expecting God to do His in His perfect timing. But often when we are waiting on Him, He is really waiting on us.

If we are truly believing God is working on our behalf, our thoughts, our actions, our attitudes, and our WORDS must align with that belief. If we are to walk together with God, we must agree on where we are going. (Can two walk together, except they be agreed? - Amos 3:3) We MUST KNOW what God says about us, about His willingness and ability to heal us, and we must STAY in agreement with that, in every way.

So, I started looking up verses that deal, either directly or indirectly, with healing. There are quite a few that I've come across in only a matter of two or three days of searching. Many of them also deal with the faith attitude we are to maintain, as faith is the key for healing to take place. For now, I want to share just one with you. This particular passage of scripture was the first one that came to my mind when I heard of my friend's illness. It had been shared with me about two months ago when a man at our church shared his story, and I want to share it with you:

This man had been living a dedicated life for Jesus for nearly thirty-five years when he was diagnosed with cancer. His cancer was rather serious, and doctors did not give him a positive prognosis. He was up in years at the time, and they worried that certain procedures would take too much of a toll on him. They promised to do what they could, but they encouraged him to get his affairs in order in case their efforts didn't help him. He admitted that his reaction was full-fledged fear, followed by anger and depression.

This man, who had loved God's word, and had read it daily for years, could not bring himself to open his Bible. He struggled even to pray. One day, on a visit to his doctor's for a check up, one of his nurses was just getting off duty, and she stopped in his room to see how he was doing. Nurses were not allowed to share their faith with patients, but since she was off duty, she approached him as a visiting friend. Still, not wanting to push the limits, she simply gave him two or three scriptures on slips of paper to keep with him. That way, he didn't have to open his Bible, he could just get them out and look at them when he wanted. He says he hooked the papers to his key chain and kept them with him at all times. Although he was still angry, frightened, and depressed, he began reading these few verses out loud to himself regularly. Over time, he began to feel a change in his attitude. He began to notice that his fears were subsiding and were being replaced with a glimmer of hope, which eventually grew into belief.

Now, several years later, he is cancer-free. Ultimately, it was not the doctor's medicine that healed him. He had gone as far as he could with medical treatments, with some, but not complete, success. He did what he could, and God did the rest. He now goes for check-ups on a regular basis, but they have not been able to find anything more than a mild case of arthritis in his knee. He just celebrated his 88th birthday. And he will be the first to say that, had he not chosen to stand on God's word, and to confess God's word out loud, even when he did not feel like it, he would probably not be here today. This is the verse he stood on most heavily:

I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done. The LORD has chastened me severely, but he has not given me over to death. (Psalm 118:17-18)

His creation

2007-06-25T23:24:00.000-04:00

I wanted to share an observation that Sebastian made today in the van on the way home from Target. 'Mom, God's creation is good.' End of observation. How simple. How purely heartfelt it was. I couldn't help but wonder - how long was he thinking about this before he decided to say something?

Our God is a God of abundance. He is a God that goes above and beyond. We see it over and over in scripture. When He makes lunch for thousands of people out of a few loaves and a few fish, He doesn't make just enough. He makes so much that there are baskets left over. And we see the same principle in His creation. How many climates - how many species of birds, fish, dogs, cats, flowers, trees, grass. The variation in topography. The spectrum of color. The number of stars. I believe with all my heart that variety and abundance bring Him joy.

Yes, Buddy, His creation is good. His creation is amazing.

Wait

2007-06-23T20:25:00.000-04:00

I seem to be finding myself right in the middle of another life lesson to be learned. Waiting on God. I used to think this simply meant waiting. You know, letting time pass, being patient, WAITING. Yes, God does have His own sense of timing, and usually we have to wait a lot longer for things than we would like. We have to be diligent to be patient, to stay in the present, to not get ahead of Him, to not try to force things to happen in our own time.

But I'm quickly learning that this idea of waiting is just a fraction of what it really means to wait on Him. Truly waiting on God is not quite so passive as my previous ideas of it would suggest. It's really an action - to wait on Him. It is activating faith, believing He is working, and expecting Him to show up in a big way at any moment. It is faith in full force.

As He has been working me through the true concept of living in faith and by faith (which I've shared with you a little in previous posts), all that He has shown me and taught me, all that His word says, leads me to believe this: The kind of faith it takes to wait, believe, and expect God in my life is exactly the kind of faith that gets Him excited. It pleases Him. It honors and glorifies Him. It is this kind of faith - full of expectation and confidence - that moves Him into action, working in my life on my behalf, working all for good.

There are plenty of scriptures in the Bible that say that doubt cancels out our faith, and leaves us with nothing. One verse in particular comes to mind:

Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind. For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord. (James 1:6-7)

In the same manner, the Bible clearly states that faith yields results in our lives:

And whatever you ask for in prayer, having faith and [really] believing, you will receive. (Matthew 21:22)

There are many things I have turned over to God to work out for me. Some things, I know are long-term requests, and I must continually believe that He is constantly working in those areas of my life. Other things, maybe I'll see the answers much sooner than I know, or maybe He'll require me to patiently wait. But either way, I will do my best to wait on Him, believing all the while, even when I cannot see, that He is in control, and that He will prove Himself as God again and again. What a weight off my shoulders!

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. (Psalm 27:14)

Deeper in Faith

2007-06-11T13:39:00.000-04:00

Faith is the leaning of your entire human personality on Him in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness. (Colossians 1:4)

God continues to challenge me in my faith - how real is my commitment to Him? Do I really mean it when I tell Him I will go where He sends me? I will do what He asks of me? Do I truly believe that He is good, that He knows what is best for me, and that He has the power to provide for me and my family? Do I trust Him? Where is my faith - really?

Here I am at yet another defining moment in my walk with God. I look back now to January to His request for me to give up my scrapbook spending. That was a big step of faith for me then. The Bible says God works in our lives line upon line, precept upon precept. He builds in our lives from smaller to bigger, as we continue to grow and progress. I can see that where I am now. He has placed something so much larger (at least in the natural) than scrapbook spending in front of me. And I must choose. Am I willing to go deeper? To get in over my head? Will I relinquish 'control' and allow Him to work, just sitting back and letting Him be God like only He can?

Human nature is to DO - to take care of things, figure things out, reason and analyze until all the pieces fit. Human nature wants to know how something will work out even before it begins...Human nature likes to be in control.

But God doesn't work that way. Faith requires that we don't have the answers. If we already knew the end, if we could already see the results, we wouldn't need faith. We wouldn't need to trust in God, depend on Him, rely on Him, lean on Him, cling to Him. God has designed this aspect of our relationship with Him to intentionally cause us to CHOOSE (again, seeing His respect for free will) to believe Him. He has also given faith a role of significant importance in our relationship with Him. Hebrews 11:6 tells us that faith is what pleases God and brings us close to Him.

But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him. For whoever would come near to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He is the rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him [out].

So if faith - belief - is what pleases God, then unbelief is displeasing to Him. And I can only do one or the other. Either I believe Him or I don't. There is no in between. My actions either please Him or sadden Him. I want to please Him. So I must choose to believe Him, and align my words, thoughts and actions up with that belief.

Several months ago I mentioned in one of my posts that I could sense that God was wanting to pull me into a deeper relationship with Him. While I could sense it, I didn't fully understand what that would mean. As I've begun to walk it out, I am beginning to see. And here in front of me stands a door of opportunity. If I go through it, I will certainly be in over my head...in so deep I can no longer touch bottom. I will be totally dependent on God. I must decide. I can choose to stay where I am comfortable, or I can choose to step through that door in faith, believing that He will be my life raft in the deep waters.

Just like Hebrews says, those who will come close to God must believe in Him. The real benefits of a relationship with God - the closeness and the friendship and all that comes with it - come only when we are willing to go deeper.

...He said to Simon (Peter), Put out into the deep [water], and lower your nets for a haul. (Luke 5:4)

In faith

2007-06-05T15:51:00.000-04:00

I started my time with God today praying for my children - their development, their well-being, the direction of their lives. I want to see God's purpose for them be fulfilled in them. As their mother, at the relative beginning of this journey to raise them, shape them, teach them and direct them, I see before me a long path full of unknowns and uncertainties, full of possibilities - both good and bad. And I stand here feeling inadequate. How could I ever protect them from all of the bad choices they could possibly make, from all of the hurtful things people will inevitably say and do? So I lift them up to God, because while I am wholly inadequate, He is not. So I laid it all out before Him and I choose to trust Him and stand on what I know to be true.

I finished my prayer time and opened my Bible. It happened to open to Luke 1, where the story of Zacharias caught my attention. God promised him a son, though he and his wife were older, and his wife, Elizabeth, was barren. Shortly after, their son, John, was born, and was set apart to be a great man of God.

Luke 1:37 - For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment.

A few verses after that, this same Elizabeth says this about Mary, the mother of Jesus:

Blessed (happy, to be envied) is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of the things that were spoken to her from the Lord.

And at this time in my life, at the beginning of a long journey - a journey in which I, in reality, have relatively little control, I need this. This shows me a truth about the character of God - one that I can specifically point to in the scripture and stand on in times of doubt. Whatever God says is possible of fulfillment. His ultimate reward is bestowed upon those who truly believe that what He says is true and that what He says will come to pass. There is nothing but truth and power in His word. But this level of faith is required for what He says to fully come to be in my life. Only with this level of faith am I laying my own methods aside and opening my life up fully for Him to work. If I do this, I am assured that what He has spoken will BE.

Hebrews 11:1 - NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses].

Faith is Assurance, Confirmation. It is my title deed to God's promises. It gives me an ownership of them, just as a title to my van declares that my van belongs to me. It is the certainty that His promises are reality in my life, even though I cannot yet see them. Faith sees the truth before it is revealed to the senses. What do I have without faith? No assurance. No confirmation. No ownership. No certainty. I have nothing. Faith is vital.

In the past 3 years alone, I've seen evidence (revealed to the senses) of the truth of several things I've believed for in faith. Things that God has promised, either through His word or spoken directly to my heart, have come about in my life. I've seen it work. I must trust that it will work again in the lives of my children, and in all other promises that God sends my way.

Worth it

2007-06-03T11:10:00.001-04:00

A simple song sung in church this morning has been ringing in my heart over and over.

'Around every corner, and up every mountain,
I'm not looking for crowns or the water from fountains.
I'm desperately seeking. Frantic believing,
That the site of your face is all that I'm needing.

And I say to You...
It's gonna be worth it.
It's gonna be worth it.
You're gonna be worth it all.'

This rings so true in me. Everything else pales in comparison to those moments when I can just sit in His presence and see Him the way only the Spirit sees Him. Those moments more than remind me that anything and everything I may go through here, all of my struggles, will be so worth it the moment I stand in His presence for the rest of forever.

Urgent Expectation

2007-05-31T14:26:00.000-04:00

Let me say before I write this, that I'm not sharing this to preach to you and scare you into anything. My motives for writing this is simply to share with you what's been on my heart and in my mind for the last few weeks. Remember, this is just my 'journal' of sorts, and I just want to get it down. That being said...

God has laid such a sense of urgency on my heart in the past few weeks. And I think I asked for it, unknowingly. You know the phrase, 'Be careful what you ask for, or you just might get it.' Yup, this holds true with God. I've been asking God to teach me certain things, and to show me certain things. And He has. In no uncertain terms, I now know the desperation and urgency that God feels for each of us. If I ever doubted God's love for any one of us, I no longer doubt it. I couldn't if I wanted to. And because of this, I have such a sense of urgency - one that, quite honestly, I was happy without. But now that I've felt it, I cannot shake it - it can't be ignored.

So I've started thinking - How have I come to be so passive? I remember being younger in church, hearing someone teach about the end of times. As a child, I felt certain that Jesus could return at any moment. And I wanted Him to find me being good, listening to my mom, being nice to others. I had an awareness of His pending return. I was looking forward to it. Somehow, in my adult years, that awareness has fallen by the way-side. For no better way to say it, I've become passive. I've lost that sense of urgency and expectation. How does that happen?

I guess it's the false sense of security that comes with the passing of time. The past 29 years of my life have not brought the return of Christ. And I've been taught that the best indicator of future events is the past. Well, this is one instance that CANNOT be held under that 'rule.' There is no precedent for the return of the King, only the promise.

In Biblical times, much of their teaching was on preparation for the return of Christ. They were certain that He was coming 'soon,' as they said over and over again throughout the New Testament. Today we find ourselves 2000 years later, still plugging along with life as usual. But what's 2000 years to a God Who surpasses time? The Bible says that 1000 years is like a day to Him. So, I guess we could say that about 2 days have passed since Jesus ascended to heaven. In that light, I guess it wasn't so long ago after all. So what's my 29 years? Hardly a breath.

The Bible is full of prophesies - prophesies made with surprising accuracy hundreds of years before they were fulfilled. It has proven itself time and time again to be reliable in predicting future events. The one prophesy left unfulfilled today is the return of Jesus, which was promised by Jesus Himself. It is just a matter of time. And as I've sought Him, God has rekindled my sense of expectancy - urgency. God is teaching me to expect Him to show up in my life every day. This may be in small ways, like a kind gesture from a stranger, or a sense of peace when I would otherwise feel stormy. But I also have the expectation that He can show up BIGGER if He chooses to. He can reveal Himself in so many ways. And ultimately, He will reveal Himself to us all, in His return to call us home. While I go on with life as usual, I must not lay aside my expectation for His coming, and I must not lose my sense of urgency.

What an awesome day that will be.

Father Abraham

2007-05-30T13:08:00.001-04:00

This same story keeps coming into my thoughts over and over again today. So as I was eating lunch, I sat down and looked it up in the book of Genesis. Abraham. Even before I began my own study of the Bible, I knew about Abraham from a song we sang in church when I was little..."Father Abraham had many sons; Many sons had Father Abraham. I am one of them, and so are you. So let's all praise the Lord." (Now you'll be singing that song all day like I am!) Here's what I know from that song. Abraham was a man of God, and God blessed him greatly with a long line of descendants. But why?

Genesis 12:1-2 - Now [in Haran] the Lord said to Abram, go for yourself away from your country, from your relatives and your father's house, to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you [with abundant increase of favors] and make your name famous and distinguished, and you will be a blessing [dispensing good to others].

Leave everything you know and go to the land that I will show you. Abraham didn't even know where he was going when he went. He loved God that much that he was obedient, completely relying on God for guidance and direction for each next step in his life. '[Urged on] by faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed and went forth to a place which he was destined to receive as an inheritance; and he went, although he did not know or trouble his mind about where he was to go' (Hebrews 11:8). He didn't even worry about where he was going, the Bible says. Abraham had completely abandoned himself to God. And as a result, God rewarded him beyond measure.

While I know that Abraham was a special man in God's eyes, I also believe that Abraham is an illustration of a Biblical truth: ' ... that He is the rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him' (Hebrews 11:6). I believe that God wants to bless each one of us in ways we cannot imagine, just as He blessed Abraham. He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. So, again, I see the relevance of my choices. My own relationship with God, and the level of blessing and favor in my life, depends on my willingness to choose Him over all else.

Being urged by faith, I will follow Him to wherever He leads, not having all (or any) of the answers before I go, and I will not trouble my mind about it. I know that God loves me. I know that He wants only good for me. I know that He is God, and He is above all things. So, I know that I can trust Him and follow where He leads. To Him I abandon my life.

Nothing I ever dreamed

2007-05-24T22:32:00.000-04:00

I was reading back through the last few posts I've made, and I got stopped on the one about giving up my own dreams, ideas, interests, etc in exchange for what God wants for my life. I realize it sounds strange. Maybe it's one of those things that's nice to talk about, but it's not really realistic to live that way. Even as I'm reading my own words, I stopped to think whether I'm really living that way or not. Here's what I came up with.

I think back through my childhood, my school years, into college, and even my career. I cannot think of a time, prior to 2004, that I was not completely self-motivated and driven. For as long as I can remember, I've gone above and beyond to succeed at school. I applied myself and did quite well. I've had lots of opportunities because of it. I've been honored and nominated for this that and something else all through grade school and college. And because of it, I was given a wide open door into one of the most sought-after internships in my field, which lead to a permanent position upon graduation. The sky was the limit. The field I was in was the kind that offers as much advancement, opportunity, and proving ground as you're willing to take on. By the time I started my first year at work, I was in full force to proving myself (to myself and to others) that all of my hard work and study was about to pay off. That I could earn my way up the ladder, and I would have success the way the world sees it.

And I would have continued on that path, were in not for the still small voice in the pit of my soul crying out for something else. I was successful, I was getting great work reviews, great raises, great recognition, and great relationships with clients. I could see no reason to want change. But I did. I was completely dissatisfied. More than that, I was UNHAPPY. From the time I was very young, I had dreamed big dreams for myself. I was in the process of getting everything I had ever imagined. And I was UNHAPPY. I felt trapped and unfulfilled. I could make justifications for what I was doing, but I could never convince myself that I was serving my life's purpose.

I ignored the cry for change, and continued on. I told myself everyone in my profession feels like this, and it's just part of the job. But so many times I sat at my desk, having this same conversation in my head. And I couldn't get past the simple fact that I only have one life to live, and I was wasting it doing something I knew I wasn't supposed to be doing, no matter how badly I wanted it to be 'my thing.' It was my dream for me, and it could have been good if I would have stayed around, but it would never have been great.

In 2004, as I grew closer in my walk with God, I began to sense Him calling me to make a significant change. He was asking me to let go of everything I had worked for, and everything I deemed to be success, to quit my job and stay home. That was a HUGE request. Never in all of my dreaming and planning and working had I envisioned doing 'nothing.' Just staying home. How could that be? For a while I really struggled with it. I was certain I would feel unfulfilled.

Well, two and a half years later, here I am. 'Just staying home.' I don't have a title. I don't have deadlines. I don't have promotions, or job performance reviews, or raises. I don't even have a paycheck! And I've never felt so fulfilled in all of my life. I know with certainty that I am right now where I am supposed to be. I also know that, while I do not know all that God has in store for me, He has a plan and a purpose for my life. And I know that I can only be truly and completely satisfied when I am living in the middle of that plan and purpose.

I am truly and completely satisfied...doing nothing I ever dreamed and imagined for myself.

Open Door

2007-05-22T14:55:00.000-04:00

Strive to enter by the narrow door [force yourselves through it], for many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able. (Luke 13:24)

Well, when I read this verse, my mind immediately thought something like this: Q: Well that's a strange way to put it. Why would someone not be able to fit through a door? A: Because they're too big. Q: Well, what makes you too big for a spiritual door? A: Sin. Selfishness. Pride.

I thought about this one little verse for at least 20 minutes, I'd say. How could I be so spiritually fat that I couldn't fit through a door that I was meant to be able to fit through. How could it be so hard for so many to enter - even those who will try. That seems to me to imply that these people have given some effort to fitting through this door. They've probably tried to live a decent life, be kind to others, give to charities, help old ladies cross the street, etc. So what are they missing? Are their motives right? Are their hearts pure? Jesus promises us that we can come to the Father through Him. This is how we fit through that door.

What holds so many back is spiritual baggage - SIN and SELF. Apparently we have to pack lite for heaven! If we have unconfessed sin, we carry it with us. And if we have not laid down our lives for Christ, then we carry our SELF with us as well. We have to lay that stuff down, leave it behind, or we'll never fit through the door God wants us to go through, no matter how hard we try.

'Force yourselves through it.' Those were His words. I should expect it to be difficult, maybe a struggle. It also sounds like I will have to do it with intention. I think this goes back to the idea of abandonment. I will have to choose to lay down my own stuff in exchange for only Jesus. Matthew 5:8 tells us that blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God! What does it mean, 'pure in heart?' To have a heart only for Jesus - uncontaminated by the desire for anything else. Only for Him. Then I will see God. Then I will fit through the door.

Next question - Does this necessarily only apply to that moment when I die and am faced with heaven or hell? I don't see why it would have to. I'm sure that's the main intention of the verse, but I also think that God's word is universally true, and applies to all aspects of life, both now and then. Truth does not become truth only after we've died, right? It's either true now and forever, or it's not true. So, what if there's an opportunity that comes up, and God needs someone to work on His behalf - to do something important for His kingdom? Don't we often refer to opportunities as 'Open doors'? Will I be available if He asks something of me? Will I be able to fit through that door of opportunity? Or will I have too much spiritual baggage - to much unconfessed sin, to much selfishness and self-serving motivations?

My joy in life is the One Who offers the promise of that door - whether it's the door to opportunity and growth, or the doorway into heaven. Either way, it is the door that leads to God. When I imagine standing at that door, being so close, but being unable to go through... how absolutely heartbreaking. And only because of choices I've made in my life...choices to push aside sin instead of confess it, or serve myself instead of God. When this is my perspective, when I see myself standing at the doorway, so close to stepping into where God wants me to be, I begin to see those choices for what they really are. And I see that any amount of difficulty, struggling and suffering I may do temporarily in this life is completely worth it to be able to pass through that door.

Abandon

2007-05-22T14:32:00.000-04:00

A recurring theme keeps coming up in my study time - Abandonment. Until recently, I had never really stopped to think of how vital this concept is to having a relationship with God. Now, it seems to pop up everywhere I turn. About three weeks ago, in our class at church, our teacher opened the class discussion with something he said had been on his heart to share - abandonment. The class discussion that day was about giving from the heart, and at first I didn't see the relationship. But I began to quickly see that almost any topic within the realm of Christianity can be tied back to this one single concept. It is the key to living life for God.

Mark 8:34 (NIV) - Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

In the Amplified Bible, the explanation given for 'deny himself' is this: forget, ignore, disown, lose sight of himself and his own interests.

And what does He mean when He says we are to take up our cross? I believe my cross is to lay down my life, abandoning it for God. Not physically laying down my life, but putting aside my own ideas and desires, leaving them behind in exchange for what God wants for me. Why? Why would I do this? Aren't we taught from very early childhood to follow our dreams - be whatever we want to be? Why then would I want to abandon my dreams and ideas for the direction of my life in exchange for the unknown?

For myself, I have several answers to that question.

1 - Because I know that God is good, and that He is infinite wisdom. I know that He has dreamed bigger dreams for me than I could ever dream for myself. And I know that if I limit myself to only what I can come up with, I will surely miss out on something great. I do not want to be guilty of settling for good when I could have great.

2 - If I am to claim that God is God of my life, but I do not give Him my life, then He is not my God. If I am unwilling to let go of my life and trust it to Him, then I do not trust Him.

3 - It is the only thing I have to offer Him. What else do I have to bring to Him that He cannot take from me? He can take my money, my family, my health, my belongings, my job (if I had one LOL). There is nothing I can offer Him but me. My heart, my life to live for Him. Because He gives me free will, this is the one thing He will not take unless it is offered, yet it is what He wants from me the most. And He is worthy of everything I have to offer.

Ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name. Bring an offering and come before Him; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness and in holy array. (1 Chronicles 16:29, italics added)

A choice that leads to somewhere

2007-05-17T14:56:00.000-04:00

Every moment of my life presents to me the opportunity to make a choice. Every moment. I am surprised, really, when I think about how many decisions I make in a day. When the alarm clock goes off, I choose whether to heed its call and get out of bed, or to turn it off and sleep on. When I'm thirsty, I choose whether to drink water or soda. When my kids act out of line, I choose whether to get angry or stay calm - and even whether to let it slide or enforce discipline. I choose what radio station to listen to, what TV shows to watch. The list goes on and on.

There are certain choices that each of us has to make in our lives, though, that are not so clear cut. We choose whether to approach life with a good attitude or a bad one. We choose whether to operate in self-pity or to forgive. We choose to act on our own behalf or for the good of others. We choose to think on positive things or negative. We choose whether to do what we do with intentions of pleasing and honoring God or with more selfish motivations. We choose whether we will be happy or unhappy.

Yes, these things - our attitudes, our thoughts, and our very happiness - are choices. Entirely up to us. I must choose to forgive. I must choose to put others first. I must choose my attitude. I must choose to be happy. These are not feelings. They are choices.

This afternoon God gave me a very simple revelation. My life circumstances RIGHT NOW are the result of life choices - both significant and trivial - that I've made leading up to this moment. My choice to buy Wendy's for dinner 2 days ago leaves me with $15 less in my bank account right now. My choice to overlook something that Lucas does that aggravates me - my choice to forgive instead of to hold it against him - brings me to this moment right now that I can say I love my husband with my whole heart and hold nothing against him. My choice to live for Jesus brings me to this place in my life full of contentment and blessings, and I cannot even imagine where I would be had I chosen differently.

My decisions regarding my actions and heart attitude determine the depth of my relationship with God, and the degree to which I will experience the fullness of all that He has for me. Deuteronomy 28 states this very clearly.

verse 1-2: If you will listen diligently to the voice of the Lord your God, being watchful to do all His commandments which I command you this day, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you if you heed the voice of the Lord your God.
verse 15: But if you will not obey the voice of the Lord your God, being watchful to do all His commandments and His statutes which I command you this day, then all these curses shall com upon you and overtake you.

We must face the consequences of the decisions we make - whether they are good or bad. But we can also learn from our decisions and choose to make a change if needed, or choose to continue with steady determination if we are doing what we know we should. Not every decision is easy. In fact, I've found in my own life that most of the ones that really matter are completely the opposite. And often, I find that when I've decided to make a change, that change is not quick to come. It involves a lot of determination, a lot of mistakes, and a lot of humility to admit my mistakes along the way. But change does come. And it is worth working at.

After giving this some thought, I've decided (see, yet another decision *LOL*) that my choices I make today MUST be in line with where I want my life to be in the future. If I want financial stability, or marital success, or sound relationships with my children, then the actions I choose must point in that direction. Likewise, if I want peace, happiness, joy, and blessings, I need to choose accordingly, recognizing that every moment truly is a choice that leads to somewhere.